chloe_fantastic Posted June 12, 2015 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 22 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 868 Content Per Day: 0.18 Reputation: 221 Days Won: 2 Joined: 06/09/2011 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/17/1981 Share Posted June 12, 2015 Like I said, my son would pay for his own phone or he wouldn't have one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shy Christian Posted June 12, 2015 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 23 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 198 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 57 Days Won: 1 Joined: 08/03/2006 Status: Offline Author Share Posted June 12, 2015 He needs a phone for safety/emergency purposes....it's not meant for trash talking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chloe_fantastic Posted June 12, 2015 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 22 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 868 Content Per Day: 0.18 Reputation: 221 Days Won: 2 Joined: 06/09/2011 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/17/1981 Share Posted June 12, 2015 A phone isn't a need. It's a want, a convenience. The reason I know that is because for thousands of years before the invention of the telephone, people made it. They survived, without being in constant communication with everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shy Christian Posted June 12, 2015 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 23 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 198 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 57 Days Won: 1 Joined: 08/03/2006 Status: Offline Author Share Posted June 12, 2015 You don't know the circumstances of his job/commute, etc....it's important he has a phone....but I don't want it used for trash talk. That's the point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chloe_fantastic Posted June 12, 2015 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 22 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 868 Content Per Day: 0.18 Reputation: 221 Days Won: 2 Joined: 06/09/2011 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/17/1981 Share Posted June 12, 2015 The simple truth is that you can't control him. He's an adult. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwikphilly Posted June 12, 2015 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 96 Topic Count: 307 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 18,136 Content Per Day: 4.63 Reputation: 27,817 Days Won: 327 Joined: 08/03/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted June 12, 2015 Blessings Shy,,,, No,none of us really know all the circumstances so we can only go by what you ARE telling us,,,,,,I am right there in agreement with Chloe,,,,,what I have concluded is that he is not in school,that really means he should be getting it together to take care of himself ,,,,,,you seem like a very caring ,loving mom that is doing the very best you know how to do to help your son ,,,,,,Sis,sometimes the less you do the more you are helping them,,,,, You did not come here seeking parental advice,I understand this but we love you & everyone here cares,,,,,,,,,I don't know if you need his contributing or not but if you don't then it would be best to let him pay his own phone bill & perhaps teach him how to save for his own place,,,,,,,it seems he does not have to go out there & really beat the pavement to find a job with adequate pay to support himself because he has mama to lean on,,,,,,,,,,charge him rent & if you don't need it then put it away for him but all this sharing stuff is not helping him,imo Shy,others may disagree & I don't care but for me,I won't even permit promiscuity,profanity or any other trash in my household ,not even in the airwaves from the TV,,,,,,,,this is the Lords house & thats it,the atmosphere must be a place where Gods Presence is ,,,,,,,,,explain to your son as Butero suggested,integrity,Godliness,,,,,,,with love,kindness & gentleness,,,,,,,set the rules in place,,,,,,if they are unacceptable to him give him a good amount of time to get packing,,,,,,,thats just me,I love my son but God is first,,,,,,,,,,,,,nude photos,profanity,not in my house With love-in Christ,Kwik Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmuffet Posted June 12, 2015 Group: Royal Member Followers: 34 Topic Count: 1,991 Topics Per Day: 0.48 Content Count: 48,689 Content Per Day: 11.80 Reputation: 30,343 Days Won: 226 Joined: 01/11/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted June 12, 2015 If he was my son, he'd be paying for his own phone with his own money. He's an adult. His money would be separate from mine. If I needed help from him for things like rent, food, utilities, we'd agree on a certain amount of money for him to contribute. The way I was raised is you grow up, you move out, you take care of yourself. That was the definition of a man. I agree.If he is able to work and has employment then he pays his way.And that includes the cell phone.My son is disabled and not able to work and he still gives me half of his income. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwikphilly Posted June 12, 2015 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 96 Topic Count: 307 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 18,136 Content Per Day: 4.63 Reputation: 27,817 Days Won: 327 Joined: 08/03/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted June 12, 2015 Hey Shy..... Butero just made me think of something,,,,,I do not know your financial status but there is a gov't program where anyone who receives any gov't assistance or is below a certain amount of income can get a free phone with 200 free minutes per month,it is called the "lifeline program" here in Florida they use a company called "SafeLink",,lifeline will tell you the company to use in your State or City,,,,,,look it up on the computer,you may qualify for this & your son can use it for emergencies,,,,also,call your local police dept & they can tell you where to get a phone for free for 911 calls only,,,,,,,,,,,,that is for true emergencies,other than that it is a luxury,,,,,,,,all phones whether they are in service or not have the capability to dial 911,,,,,,,,,people don't need or use "text" for emergencies,,,,,,,,,hope that helps With love-in Christ,Kwik Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willa Posted June 13, 2015 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 68 Topic Count: 186 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 14,244 Content Per Day: 3.33 Reputation: 16,658 Days Won: 30 Joined: 08/14/2012 Status: Offline Share Posted June 13, 2015 When our sons were in their early 20s they lived at home but worked their way through college and payed for their transportation. They never had a joint bank account with us. I didn't pretend to know everything they did but I do know I would not approve of a few thing they may have done. They worked in grocery stores stocking shelves, in Chinese restaurants washing dishes, for the city in manual labor, for the park department mowing lawns, etc. till they could find steady employment in the fields they majored in. But there came a time when they were 20-21 that I told the Lord that I was committing them to Him. I had raised them in they way they should go. So I told them that I want a phone call or note letting us know when they might be home or if they were going out of town, which is common courtesy since they still ate at home. They had to attend the church of their choice but not cults, and we had a teaching moment about cults. And I requested that they pay half of our property taxes after they got steady jobs and were out of school. No drinking or drugs, and they had to be respectful toward us. By the time they were 21-24 they had rented a house together with another friend and shared expenses. Might your son qualify for vocational training programs? Our grandson is hoping to go into the national guard to get some training. Your son needs his own bank account and to pay for his own phone. You should request a nominal amount toward expenses like rent, utilities and food. Forgive me for being blunt, but If he should be rebelling against being tied to your apron strings he is over due. I realize that jobs are hard to come by and it is hard for young adults to find steady work. It is a great temptation to hold on to them. Letting go is hard, and harder when you are alone. But the single women who have hung on to them that I know have seriously damaged them by not teaching them responsibility and to be independent. It is doubly hard since they did not have a godly man in the home to help. Had our sons done things like your describe, I would only ask them if it glorifies God. They must answer to Him, not me.. But that would be when they were 17 to 22. By the time they were in their late 20s, they would be on their own with their own children, trying to be a godly example for them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pro1728 Posted June 13, 2015 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 73 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 49 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/14/2015 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/01/1974 Share Posted June 13, 2015 I have to say I agree with Tanusha and what Butero said earlier. I can't give advice, but what I can do is tell you what I saw over and over again with kids in my youth group and more specifically, my own brother. It seemed that the tighter Christian parents held the reins, the more those kids rebelled. My brother just got better at lying, but tightening up and confrontations just made it worse. It is reasonable to outline what your expectations are, you could even draw up a "rental contract" and he could either abide by them or leave. But going through his phone or anything personal or delving into his private life...mm...I don't think that ever ends well. I'm not a parent, but I watched a lot of people I care about go down the wrong paths, and some of them still haven't come back. My brother did, eventually, but it took a lot of prayer, a lot of bad choices, and some time in jail. I love my dad and he loved us, but I sometimes wonder if he would have handled things differently... But I don't know. That's one reason why I decided not to have kids. Growing up in this world today and escaping major destruction is more than challenging given all the pitfalls that lay out there. Hats off to you parents. My mom and dad decided to have kids because, as they put it, "We knew we could learn more about God and His love as a Father. Things that only parenting could teach." They certainly did. But it was rough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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