Inter-racial marriage

[tinajacobs]

We were brought up by my father with the idea that black and white people don’t get married. So when he cheated on my mom with an African lady it was like my world came crashing down-this was the end. My father and I have never had a close relationship and my life was anyway such a mess with all the drugs I was on I did want my parent close to me. Anyway after falling pregnant wanting an abortion because everything was so hectic at that time God decided to give me a big push. He started work with me he showed me what forgiveness was for myself and for others.

I patched things up with him this lady eventually left him because he lost his job and with no money she was gone.

My father then married another African girl the same age as me I have come to understand the love that they share and I am happy for him and his wife she makes him happy and I am all for that she also has a very bright son he calls me his sister, my mom (amazing lady) and my boyfriend are also on board with their relationship.  

But not everyone feels the way we do, I don’t know how things are in other parts of the world but most Africans and whites don’t approve OR UNDERSTAND we have a lot of family event like weddings ect and there are people there that have no tolerance or understanding of interracial relationships, my father is a stubborn man and doesn’t care he wants to bring his wife she on the other hand is not too keen to come to such a majority white function she has never said so but I think she is also afraid of the potential arguments or fights that could break out.

 

I have spoken to my father and told him that just because we see things one way doesn’t mean everyone else does so when we have family events that involve meeting new family OR THEIR FRIENDS and we don’t know them that he will have to come alone. We have a wedding coming up and the bride my cousin is so scared that something will go wrong as am I.

But I feel so terrible I am sure I hurt his feelings as well as his wife’s. How do we handle this do we just not care what other think or feel, it’s so easy to say stuff them but the issues that we face is real and it can get uncomfortable

The names people call my father is upsetting I try and shrug them off. And it’s not just from white people the shift I run at work are predominantly older African males they laugh when my dad brings his wife’s son to work to come say hallo to me. Mocking me.. I want to treat my father with respect and accept everything about him I want to love him regardless of his past decisions or his preference in colour.  We live in a terrible south Africa there is no tolerance for different in our rainbow nation.

I need advice from people who understand what love, tolerance and acceptance is. Other gives me advice out of a worldly perspective and I don’t know if it’s right

 

Should I support him in taking his wife anywhere he wants to, what do I do when someone says something un appropriate. It always ends up in a fist match

 

[Littlelambseativy]

Personally I Would try to avoid confrontation. It took a long time for mixed race couples to be accepted in the US, in Canada perhaps with blinders on I don't think it took as long...yet still there is conflict everywhere. Pray about it and let God direct your heart....not you. Trust the wisdom God gives you and help your dad understand that fists do not solve the problem...it is easier to walk away with respect even though there may be taunts hurled at him if he and his wife do go to the wedding or anywhere in public. People will accept them sooner if he does not retaliate......this is what those who oppose his marriage want....a negative reaction.. Your dad chose this knowing the results.....he should walk away with head held high.

[tinajacobs]

thank you littlelamb i will go talk to my dad and apologise. i will definately pray about it

[Blue Moon]

I agree. A wedding is not the place you (nor your cousin) wants a confrontation. He doesn't need to "make a stand" there. It would only spoil the bride and groom's day. Based on what you said (and didn't say), "...it always ends up in a fist match," and you didn't mention that he repented from leaving your Mom in the first place, I assume your father is not a Christian? I agree with Littlelamb - the others want a negative reaction. If he keeps reacting to people when they goad him, they will continue to do so. I know you love your Dad and don't want to see him hurt, but it sounds like he's bringing much of this on himself by reacting to these people. If they don't get a reaction, they would eventually stop, and maybe get used to your Dad and his wife. God may use this to bring your Dad and his wife to Himself.

[Guest]

Should I support him in taking his wife anywhere he wants to, what do I do when someone says something un appropriate. It always ends up in a fist match

 

 

Support Her Decision

And Back Her Up With Your Presence And Love

[Fez]

I am South African, my wife is from the Philippines, my "daughter" (she recorded the relationship on face book, not me), is a wonderful Zulu woman whose marriage I was so proud to attend in December. I have watched her grow from a schoolgirl to a wonderful christian woman.  Her name is Sma Xulu. 

 

Now imagine when we go to a mall together. My tiny Filapina wife on one side, and my large Zulu "daughter" on the other. I have heard some amazingly adverse stuff said.

 

But here is the thing. In our church all we have ever received is love. Race plays no part whatsoever.

 

I just wish it could be so in our society, and I see us getting there when I see our kids growing up and attending the same schools. It is not they who see the color difference, it is their parents. It will take a generation or two, and people like your father and his wife to make the difference, and our politicians to stop pushing the racial thing for their own agenda's.

[Willa]

You will need to learn to smile and reply "God bless you" when people say ugly things to you. And definitely start praying when this is said to your dad and his wife. It is sad how peoples bitterness overflows to hurt others.

[tinajacobs]

Thank you very much you know when you are at peace with something that's how I feel about this whole issue now. I will support him