An open letter to pastors about Mothersday

[Qnts2]

 

HI Angels,

 

A pastor cannot rearrange how a church does things for one person or even one group of people, especially if it not going against Scripture.   As a pastor, he cannot please everyone all of the time and so it is impossible for a pastor to meet every need, serve every whim  and respond to every issue a person has.

 

Having a day to honor Mother's at Church is not being insensitive to anyone who is not a mother.   The OP has some emotional baggage that she has not worked through and needs some pastoral counseling.  

 

The problem is not with the pastor.  The problem is with her and her unresolved issues.   Being sensitive doesn't mean that everyone has to rearrange their lives or their church services to please one person.

I agree shiloh.There are some unresolved issues.

 

 

I have a cousin, who lost a child. She mourned that child for many years. It is hardest on the parent who outlives a child. So, do we accuse that person for unresolved issues, and caste the blame for not getting over the death of their child on the one who is mourning what we think of as too long? That to me is a serious issue. Blaming the hurt for being hurt. 

 

What I hear is a group of people saying, we have a right to celebrate and get flowers and having a special day, and if you are hurt by that, just don't come. And that is exactly what is happening. A lot of men and women are not going to church on mothers or fathers day. It is a secular holiday and churches are casting out believers on that secular holiday. Are churches only for the celebrating and well?

[Guest shiloh357]

Sorry Qnts but you're you are wrong.   A church isn't being rearranged to celebrate Mothers because as a local church it has always done so.  Celebrating Mothers (and fathers on Father's day)  is  honoring, corporately our mothers and fathers, which is a biblical commandment.

 

Those who think they are being slighted because they don't have kids are particularly selfish.   Even if they don't have kids, they still have mothers and can still take part in honoring their own mothers in those services.  So no one is being left out.

 

Christmas and Easter are not "Christian" days, are not prescribed in Scripture, but the same ones who decry Mother's Day not decrying Christmas and Easter so it is rather disingenuous to argue that it is wrong to do so on the grounds that it is not found in Scripture.   Honoring Mothers on Mother's Day does not contradict the Scriptures, so there is nothing wrong theologically or doctrinally with doing so.

 

I am not blaming anyone for being hurt.   But when someone who has issues that they have not resolved relative to the fact they were unable to have children and they want to hold the church hostage and  say, "stop honoring mothers on Mother's Day, or I am not coming to Church, that shows a lot of selfishness and some definite emotional/psychological baggage that needs to be faced, addressed. 

 

Mother's Day is not hurting anyone.   It is not even the proximal cause of the pain.   If giving a faithful Mother a rose in church to honor her for her faithfulness is all it takes to cause you unbearable pain  and grief, then you had problems before you came to church that day.

[Guest shiloh357]

Qnts,

 

We are addressing the OP who has never had a child and is complaining about honoring mothers on that basis.  But I have mothers in my church who have lost children, they are not at all hurt by what we do.  In fact, one of  them is on the committee that plans our Mother's Day program.  Some women handle grief in different ways, but the whole church can't just turn on a dime to accommodate everything and everyone.

 

No one is saying that if you are hurt by our celebrating mothers, just don't come to church.  That's not what any one is saying.   Rather, we are encouraging people to come to church and honor their own Mother, even if they not mothers.   Part of being in the body of Christ is knowing that you are part of something that is bigger than yourself and that none of us get every need met by everything that a church does.   Churches have to serve a wide variety needs and not everything we do speaks to, or ministers to everyone.

 

You can't please everyone and every member should be aware of that not approach church as if it  the church's responsibility to please them 100% of the time.   Sometimes the cost of ministry outweighs the benefits.

[The_Patriot21]

 

 

 

Honoring mothers by having them stand or giving them roses isn't tearing anyone down, that's a load of crock. What tears them apart is already present in those women, regardless of what the church has done, and the church should be trying to minister to them for that issue, not cowtow to their demands.

 

Yes, it is tearing others down. It is pointing out the lack of the other group.

 

Is honoring the rich, tearing down the poor? It is as it points out their lack.

 

It is. Because it is saying that one group has something worth honor, while the others have nothing worth honoring. Most families desire children. Not all have them, and society treats the have nots as less. The church, by honoring mothers and giving them flowers in honor, are saying women without children are not worthy of honor.  That is not the place or the attitude of any Godly church.  A church is to build up believers. All believers. Not just a select group with no care about the others.

Mothers is not a select group and its something we all have. Giving them one day is not tearing anyone down and its selfish to deny them one day just because someone else isn't a mother. Its selfishness like that that tears a church down. If they're so focused on their misery to be happy for those that do have kids, then the church is either failing to properly minister to them or their to focused on themselves to care, and not honoring mother's won't fix either problem. Its akin to spitting in mothers faces, hey mom I know you work hard but I'm not going to admit it because I might offend someone. Please, put a helmet on.

 

 

I never said to deny your mother a special day. It doesn't belong in the church.

 

 

and why doesnt it? Im sorry, but thats 100% incorrect, and flat out wrong. One of the churches many responsibilities is to strengthen the family. If a church wont publicly honor mothers, then its not a church worth going to. If a church, is willing to bow to one or two people, then its not a church worth going to. Your working under the mistaken assumption that a church HAS to stop honoring mothers, in order to minister to those who don't, and that is a false assumption, and in fact if they do that, they are failing as a church, because now, theyre taking away from one of their primary tasks-strengthening the family, and their cowtowing the a minority, and its not even fixing the problem of the minority. That woman-will still have those issues. It won't solve the problem, it will just make it worse. How about honoring the mother-and therefore encouraging her and strengthening the family unit, and finding that woman some counseling, or showing her as a church that its ok to not have kids, without taking away from mothers, that way, that person actually has their needs met, and the church is actually doing its job. 

 

Mothers work extremely hard 365 days of the year. And while that woman without kids, while she maybe hurting, like it or not, shes not working that hard. And a little public pat on the back boosts self esteem and does encourage mothers, and many moms desperatly need that. Sure, as has been pointed out in this thread, its not for everyone, but it is an encouragement to many. And each church does it differently, like I said my church does Roses, and what I didnt mention earlier is it also does a breakfast before church, where men come in and do all the cooking and cleaning. No ones left out of that, kids or not everyones welcome, but we do it in honor of mothers day. I think every church should find a way to honor mothers on mothers day-to build them up, strengthen them. Sure, they should all year round-but that day is set aside for public acknowledgement. I would not go to a church that did not do that. Now, the church should also be working 365 days to do their best to minister to everyone-its not that mothers are better, but thats their day. and its incredibly selfish to take that away from them, because a minority has unresolved issues. especially since it wont solve said issues.

[Qnts2]

Qnts,

 

We are addressing the OP who has never had a child and is complaining about honoring mothers on that basis.  But I have mothers in my church who have lost children, they are not at all hurt by what we do.  In fact, one of  them is on the committee that plans our Mother's Day program.  Some women handle grief in different ways, but the whole church can't just turn on a dime to accommodate everything and everyone.

 

No one is saying that if you are hurt by our celebrating mothers, just don't come to church.  That's not what any one is saying.   Rather, we are encouraging people to come to church and honor their own Mother, even if they not mothers.   Part of being in the body of Christ is knowing that you are part of something that is bigger than yourself and that none of us get every need met by everything that a church does.   Churches have to serve a wide variety needs and not everything we do speaks to, or ministers to everyone.

 

You can't please everyone and every member should be aware of that not approach church as if it  the church's responsibility to please them 100% of the time.   Sometimes the cost of ministry outweighs the benefits.

 

I am well aware that not everything will satisfy everyone. And that churches serve a wide variety of needs. But, in this case, churches are hurting further a group of people, and for what? The right to celebrate and spend money on a secular holiday?

 

Included in the group which struggles on Mothers day are those who have lost their mother in the past year. Everyone who has lost a parent knows the first year is the toughest. The first year of holidays with a missing parent. Christmas is a rough time for people who have lost a parent, but at least Christmas is about Jesus. Mothers day is not about Jesus. It is a secular holiday which hurts maybe 10% of any congregation. Some churches try to help those without families at Christmas time, and work to  include those in some way. But not the secular holiday called Mothers day. Heaven forbid someone points out that this is a problem for people.

 

I did not write the op. But I agree with the op. And I knew a lot of people who do. I know a lot of people who do not attend Mothers day services. Let's face it. What the churches do on that secular holiday drives people who are normally there, out for that day.

 

If a person is sad and hurting, normally I would say, go to church, be with people, hear an encouraging sermon which is going to get your thoughts on God. But I would never say any such thing to a person who is sad and hurting on Mothers day. Then, people who are sad and hurting need to stay as far away from church as they can get. If they go to church, the might be told, you need to get over it. Don't stand up. Don't be prayed for. Don't receive a gift or flower.

 

People, just celebrate and honor your Mothers at home. Give her breakfast in bed. Take her out for a nice lunch or dinner. Buy her flowers, candy, cards and presents. Give her a day off at home, and do the housework for her. Kids, make something special for her. And then clean up after. Mothers day is a family holiday. Not a church holiday.       

[Qnts2]

 

 

 

Mothers is not a select group and its something we all have. Giving them one day is not tearing anyone down and its selfish to deny them one day just because someone else isn't a mother. Its selfishness like that that tears a church down. If they're so focused on their misery to be happy for those that do have kids, then the church is either failing to properly minister to them or their to focused on themselves to care, and not honoring mother's won't fix either problem. Its akin to spitting in mothers faces, hey mom I know you work hard but I'm not going to admit it because I might offend someone. Please, put a helmet on.

 

 

I never said to deny your mother a special day. It doesn't belong in the church.

 

 

and why doesnt it? Im sorry, but thats 100% incorrect, and flat out wrong. One of the churches many responsibilities is to strengthen the family. If a church wont publicly honor mothers, then its not a church worth going to. If a church, is willing to bow to one or two people, then its not a church worth going to. Your working under the mistaken assumption that a church HAS to stop honoring mothers, in order to minister to those who don't, and that is a false assumption, and in fact if they do that, they are failing as a church, because now, theyre taking away from one of their primary tasks-strengthening the family, and their cowtowing the a minority, and its not even fixing the problem of the minority. That woman-will still have those issues. It won't solve the problem, it will just make it worse. How about honoring the mother-and therefore encouraging her and strengthening the family unit, and finding that woman some counseling, or showing her as a church that its ok to not have kids, without taking away from mothers, that way, that person actually has their needs met, and the church is actually doing its job. 

 

Mothers work extremely hard 365 days of the year. And while that woman without kids, while she maybe hurting, like it or not, shes not working that hard. And a little public pat on the back boosts self esteem and does encourage mothers, and many moms desperatly need that. Sure, as has been pointed out in this thread, its not for everyone, but it is an encouragement to many. And each church does it differently, like I said my church does Roses, and what I didnt mention earlier is it also does a breakfast before church, where men come in and do all the cooking and cleaning. No ones left out of that, kids or not everyones welcome, but we do it in honor of mothers day. I think every church should find a way to honor mothers on mothers day-to build them up, strengthen them. Sure, they should all year round-but that day is set aside for public acknowledgement. I would not go to a church that did not do that. Now, the church should also be working 365 days to do their best to minister to everyone-its not that mothers are better, but thats their day. and its incredibly selfish to take that away from them, because a minority has unresolved issues. especially since it wont solve said issues.

 

 

I love your post, but not for good reason.

 

The church shouldn't stop having fun for a few hurting people. Send those hurting people off to counseling while we honor others is a good idea. After all, the hurting people have psychological problems they should get over.

 

People who don't have kids don't work hard. Because parents work hard and people who are not parents don't work hard, those who don't have children, don't need to be honored, or built up, or encouraged for a day. People who are not parents don't need a special day. They don't work hard or do anything special. They just have issues and need counseling.

 

Good job. You just illustrated why churches should not celebrate the secular holiday, and why the churches hurt people. Clearly, they have a low opinion of those who are not mothers and don't work very hard.

[Guest shiloh357]

People like the OP need pastoral counseling, then.   You keep trying paint it as a secular holiday, but for Christians it a day to honor mothers in obedience to a commandment of God and if your mother means so little to you and you are so self-centered that you can't get past what ever emotional/psychological issues you have to honor her in church, then I guess you will have to stay home. 

 

I know lots of mothers who had tragedy in their lives.  They have lost a child and they have lost their own mothers and guess what???   They give it all to the Lord and they are able to get past it and they don't ask the church to stop having mother's day on their account.   They grow spiritually through the loss.   They still enjoy mother's day.   Yes, it will, for a while be bittersweet, but they still are able to enjoy the day and enjoy the honor they get from their kids at home and at church.

 

The Church cannot change for everyone that has some issue in life.   We can't stop everything we are doing because this or that person has an issue with it.   Some people just need to mature a bit more in certain areas instead of acting like everyone should stop what they are doing and do church to accommodate someone's emotional baggage

[angels4u]

 

Qnts,

 

We are addressing the OP who has never had a child and is complaining about honoring mothers on that basis.  But I have mothers in my church who have lost children, they are not at all hurt by what we do.  In fact, one of  them is on the committee that plans our Mother's Day program.  Some women handle grief in different ways, but the whole church can't just turn on a dime to accommodate everything and everyone.

 

No one is saying that if you are hurt by our celebrating mothers, just don't come to church.  That's not what any one is saying.   Rather, we are encouraging people to come to church and honor their own Mother, even if they not mothers.   Part of being in the body of Christ is knowing that you are part of something that is bigger than yourself and that none of us get every need met by everything that a church does.   Churches have to serve a wide variety needs and not everything we do speaks to, or ministers to everyone.

 

You can't please everyone and every member should be aware of that not approach church as if it  the church's responsibility to please them 100% of the time.   Sometimes the cost of ministry outweighs the benefits.

 

I am well aware that not everything will satisfy everyone. And that churches serve a wide variety of needs. But, in this case, churches are hurting further a group of people, and for what? The right to celebrate and spend money on a secular holiday?

 

Included in the group which struggles on Mothers day are those who have lost their mother in the past year. Everyone who has lost a parent knows the first year is the toughest. The first year of holidays with a missing parent. Christmas is a rough time for people who have lost a parent, but at least Christmas is about Jesus. Mothers day is not about Jesus. It is a secular holiday which hurts maybe 10% of any congregation. Some churches try to help those without families at Christmas time, and work to  include those in some way. But not the secular holiday called Mothers day. Heaven forbid someone points out that this is a problem for people.

 

I did not write the op. But I agree with the op. And I knew a lot of people who do. I know a lot of people who do not attend Mothers day services. Let's face it. What the churches do on that secular holiday drives people who are normally there, out for that day.

 

If a person is sad and hurting, normally I would say, go to church, be with people, hear an encouraging sermon which is going to get your thoughts on God. But I would never say any such thing to a person who is sad and hurting on Mothers day. Then, people who are sad and hurting need to stay as far away from church as they can get. If they go to church, the might be told, you need to get over it. Don't stand up. Don't be prayed for. Don't receive a gift or flower.

 

People, just celebrate and honor your Mothers at home. Give her breakfast in bed. Take her out for a nice lunch or dinner. Buy her flowers, candy, cards and presents. Give her a day off at home, and do the housework for her. Kids, make something special for her. And then clean up after. Mothers day is a family holiday. Not a church holiday.       

 

 

If a person is sad and hurting, normally I would say, go to church, be with people, hear an encouraging sermon which is going to get your thoughts on God. But I would never say any such thing to a person who is sad and hurting on Mothers day. Then, people who are sad and hurting need to stay as far away from church as they can get. If they go to church, the might be told, you need to get over it. Don't stand up. Don't be prayed for. Don't receive a gift or flower.

 

People, just celebrate and honor your Mothers at home. Give her breakfast in bed. Take her out for a nice lunch or dinner. Buy her flowers, candy, cards and presents. Give her a day off at home, and do the housework for her. Kids, make something special for her. And then clean up after. Mothers day is a family holiday. Not a church holiday.       

 

 

Amen to that !

[angels4u]

HI Angels,

 

A pastor cannot rearrange how a church does things for one person or even one group of people, especially if it not going against Scripture.   As a pastor, he cannot please everyone all of the time and so it is impossible for a pastor to meet every need, serve every whim  and respond to every issue a person has.

 

Having a day to honor Mother's at Church is not being insensitive to anyone who is not a mother.   The OP has some emotional baggage that she has not worked through and needs some pastoral counseling.  

 

The problem is not with the pastor.  The problem is with her and her unresolved issues.   Being sensitive doesn't mean that everyone has to rearrange their lives or their church services to please one person.

Sorry but your choice of words is not very understanding to the all the hurting women ..

 

You said:

As a pastor, he cannot please everyone all of the time and so it is impossible for a pastor to meet every need, serve every whim  and respond to every issue a person has.

 

 

 

 

This is what you call "every whim"?

 

This shows that you do not understand women at all, men are always looking for ways to fix things and very factual,women have to deal more with emotions in those area"s,so try to be more understanding?

[The_Patriot21]

 

 

 

 

Mothers is not a select group and its something we all have. Giving them one day is not tearing anyone down and its selfish to deny them one day just because someone else isn't a mother. Its selfishness like that that tears a church down. If they're so focused on their misery to be happy for those that do have kids, then the church is either failing to properly minister to them or their to focused on themselves to care, and not honoring mother's won't fix either problem. Its akin to spitting in mothers faces, hey mom I know you work hard but I'm not going to admit it because I might offend someone. Please, put a helmet on.

 

 

I never said to deny your mother a special day. It doesn't belong in the church.

 

 

and why doesnt it? Im sorry, but thats 100% incorrect, and flat out wrong. One of the churches many responsibilities is to strengthen the family. If a church wont publicly honor mothers, then its not a church worth going to. If a church, is willing to bow to one or two people, then its not a church worth going to. Your working under the mistaken assumption that a church HAS to stop honoring mothers, in order to minister to those who don't, and that is a false assumption, and in fact if they do that, they are failing as a church, because now, theyre taking away from one of their primary tasks-strengthening the family, and their cowtowing the a minority, and its not even fixing the problem of the minority. That woman-will still have those issues. It won't solve the problem, it will just make it worse. How about honoring the mother-and therefore encouraging her and strengthening the family unit, and finding that woman some counseling, or showing her as a church that its ok to not have kids, without taking away from mothers, that way, that person actually has their needs met, and the church is actually doing its job. 

 

Mothers work extremely hard 365 days of the year. And while that woman without kids, while she maybe hurting, like it or not, shes not working that hard. And a little public pat on the back boosts self esteem and does encourage mothers, and many moms desperatly need that. Sure, as has been pointed out in this thread, its not for everyone, but it is an encouragement to many. And each church does it differently, like I said my church does Roses, and what I didnt mention earlier is it also does a breakfast before church, where men come in and do all the cooking and cleaning. No ones left out of that, kids or not everyones welcome, but we do it in honor of mothers day. I think every church should find a way to honor mothers on mothers day-to build them up, strengthen them. Sure, they should all year round-but that day is set aside for public acknowledgement. I would not go to a church that did not do that. Now, the church should also be working 365 days to do their best to minister to everyone-its not that mothers are better, but thats their day. and its incredibly selfish to take that away from them, because a minority has unresolved issues. especially since it wont solve said issues.

 

 

I love your post, but not for good reason.

 

The church shouldn't stop having fun for a few hurting people. Send those hurting people off to counseling while we honor others is a good idea. After all, the hurting people have psychological problems they should get over.

 

People who don't have kids don't work hard. Because parents work hard and people who are not parents don't work hard, those who don't have children, don't need to be honored, or built up, or encouraged for a day. People who are not parents don't need a special day. They don't work hard or do anything special. They just have issues and need counseling.

 

Good job. You just illustrated why churches should not celebrate the secular holiday, and why the churches hurt people. Clearly, they have a low opinion of those who are not mothers and don't work very hard.

 

 

your missing the point. my point is, instead of putting a bandaid on it, get these people the help they actually need. Theyre hurting? Im sorry. Lets help them. Lets not punish the mothers. By not honoring mothers publicly, your actually doing 2 things, your taking away one of the churches ways of encouraging family units, and 2 your alienating a whole other differnet people. You act like all mothers have it good. Guess what, some moms dont have a loving husband, or kids that will honor them, either by choice or to young, there are single moms out there struggling to hold down a job and raise kids, with no encouragement, no thanks, no one saying "your loved" going into a church and being honored for that goes a long ways.

 

Now, if you can show me where not honoring them in church will actually solve these peoples problems, then fine. But to date, you, no anyone else, has been able to show that. All your wanting to do is slap a bandaid on it, and the bandaid doesnt solve the problem, it only makes it worse, because those people STILL arnt getting the help they need, your alienating a whole different group of people, and your not strengthening the family. Good job.