Pro1728 Posted June 11, 2015 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 73 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 49 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/14/2015 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/01/1974 Share Posted June 11, 2015 No one ever stalked me Shiloh, they were just completely obnoxious. Example: I was on a mission trip and he kept coming over and sitting by me--ALL the time--and even asked me to put suntan lotion on him. (Bleh!!) His friends were in cahoots with him too, (disappointing because I really respected one of them, he was sort of a leader.) So when we were going somewhere, they orchestrated it so I had no choice but to get in their car. And just basic examples, when a guy asks for a girl's phone number and she hems and haws and says something about her parents not wanting to give out numbers or when he asks her on a date she says she's busy...and they don't give up. I was thinking, "Hey, work with me, buddy. I'm trying to help you save face here." I know it's not easy for them to stick their necks out. (One reason I am glad not to be a guy.) Finally it got to the point where I was thinking, "Ok, forget your self-esteem. If I drop kick you off the nearest pier will you finally get the message??" Thankfully, about that time they seemed to finally catch a clue, so I never had to confront them. (I hate confrontation of any sort.) But I never wanted to be their friend at that point. Actually, Augustus, your dad being a taxidermist makes my analogy even more relevant. It's no fun being a lifeless trophy on the wall of someone's perfect house. (I'm not implying I'm a trophy wife--I'm not that attractive.) I don't think you're that type, really. I don't think he knew that he was doing that. I was just in a very vulnerable place...normally that tactic wouldn't have worked on me. I just think he was so focused on his goal and his vision for his life (and other men get that way too) that he couldn't accept anything that messed up that plan. Men are very goal oriented and they might think they are just reassuring her ("It's just nerves/cold feet.") I say, let her take those doubts seriously. If she really belongs to you, she'll come back. But those Hollywood movies where she leaves and he chases her down and plays a stupid song or begs her to stay...that's a bunch of crap. Like I said, I'm just putting it out there (to you and other guys that might happen to be reading this.) But I'll stop blathering. If anybody wanted to read more, they'd look it up themselves. I won't keep inflicting my voice on this thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest shiloh357 Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Actually, pro... ( and I do appreciate your comments) but you're not doing a guy any favors by helping him save face. if a guy asks a girl out, she just needs to be honest and say she isn't interested. Just say no, and get it over with. Make it clear that he has no hope of you being willing to go out with him. You have NO idea how refreshing that kind of honesty can be. Yeah, it hurts, but at the same time, everyone moves on. Some guys get the hints but many do not, so it is best to just make your point clearly and decisively so there is no question in his mind. Most guys will respect that and move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sister Posted June 11, 2015 Group: Royal Member Followers: 17 Topic Count: 50 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 3,727 Content Per Day: 1.04 Reputation: 2,305 Days Won: 5 Joined: 06/29/2014 Status: Offline Share Posted June 11, 2015 Augustus I hope my daughter meets someone like you when she starts dating. If she is interested in you she will show you when the time is right. Don't force it. Keep God no. 1 in your heart, and he may answer your prayer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
other one Posted June 11, 2015 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 29 Topic Count: 598 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 56,132 Content Per Day: 7.56 Reputation: 27,858 Days Won: 271 Joined: 12/29/2003 Status: Offline Share Posted June 11, 2015 Once again, thank you for all the replies. I can feel that y'all truly wish to help. Also, I remembered a little tidbit from the other night. It was also decided that if dating within the group occurred, the two who were dating would owe the other two double the decided wager. (This is only remotely relevant because it's the first time the topic of dating within the group was ever spoken of as a possibility). I have found this thread to be very interesting...... Might I just say that if I were in your position, I would be open and honest with her and tell her that the more time around each other has shown me that she is something special. Then I'd get the four of them all together and hold up a hundred dollar bill and tell them they could take the spoils of the bet out of that if she would date me and we could use the rest to celebrate the courtship... I think I agree with Shiloh when he states that your window of opportunity is not going to be open long Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwikphilly Posted June 13, 2015 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 96 Topic Count: 307 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 18,136 Content Per Day: 4.63 Reputation: 27,817 Days Won: 327 Joined: 08/03/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted June 13, 2015 Blessings Augustus.... Firstly,I'd like to welcome you to Worthy,,,,,it is a pleasure having you here with us ,you sound like a very nice young man,,,,quite refreshing,,,,,, H mmm,one thing stood out to me in your OP... Should she rebuff me as well, I am perceptive enough to know to quit there, but you can never go back to exactly the same after making that attempt. Perceptive enough to know when to quit?Well why not perceptive enough to get any kind of feelings about whether or not she may be interested as well?Can you see she may treat you any differently than the other friends,a look,a nudge,something,anything?Usually there are some kind of signs or bells going off that would signal-"go" or the other way around,,,,,,everyone is treated equally To be totally without any idea whether or not she may be receptive to the idea of anything other than friendship gives me the idea that you are stuck in "friend zone".......? Augustus,I don't know how close you all are ,I don't know anything really because I am not there to have a peek,only you do and if you are really that interested in dating this friend then the only way to find out is to simply ask,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,"would you like to go out on a date,just you & I ,,,,perhaps for dinner or a movie?",,,,, It's simple,straightforward,honest & to the point,,,,,all she could say is "yes" or "no",,,,,if you are really as good of friends as you say you are then it will not make any difference if she says"no":,,,,,it may seem a bit uncomfortable for a moment or two & then (trust me) it will go back to business as usual...... I have had this type of thing happen many times throughout my lifetime & I have never lost a friend because I've declined ,,,,,never,awkward moments afterwards,sure ,,,,but nothing that didn't quickly vanish & our friendship resumed..... I have even went on a couple of "dates" with friends & it was just weird,uncomfortable & not going to go anywhere so we went back to the way it was before we tried the dating,,,,,,no harm,no foul Go for it,Augustus,,,,,,,& besides,men who speak up are very attractive to a woman,,, It could be the start of a wonderful relationship because friendship is very important,a girlfriend or wife should be your BEST friend,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,God Bless you With love-in Christ,Kwik Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest shiloh357 Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 I'm with kwik on this. Just ask her out. Have the courage to just step up. That's really the only way you will get a definitive answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Augustus McCrae Posted June 14, 2015 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 8 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 24 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 13 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/24/2014 Status: Offline Author Share Posted June 14, 2015 (edited) Well, there seems to be a general consensus that I should put all my cards on the colloquial table and just go for it. Now the only question is when, where and how. I've had a couple of you say to offer it in a comedic way along the lines of, "hey, you want to help me lose those $10?" It does put me less out there, but it is also less straightforward with all the cards on the table. The other prevailing way is simply bare bones asking her on a date. That is definitely the most direct way. Any advice for how would be appreciated. Something more in depth than you just got to ask her out. I want good in depth ideas so I make the right impression. Where and what is a different question. We have been friends for a long time, so that makes a first date very different. We already know so much about each other and don't have the normal first date getting to know each other discussion topics available. Furthermore, I never dated in high school because I didn't want meaningless dating and broken hearts, so this would be my first date ever in addition to our first date together (should she accept). I have grown up learning how to treat a young woman (i.e. opening up doors, walking on the street side of sidewalk, getting her chair etc.), so I don't really need advice in that area. However, I also don't want to go overboard and scare her off by being too ultra-chivalrous (I mean, you can't be too gentlemanly, but I think you know what I'm getting at). The last thing is when. I see her usually at least once a week, but it's always in our group of four or so and I don't think that's really the right time. I could call or text her, but I think asking her in person is more appropriate and talking face to face can convey so much more just in body language and tone than a disembodied voice can. Any further thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Edited June 14, 2015 by Augustus McCrae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wingnut- Posted June 14, 2015 Group: Royal Member Followers: 39 Topic Count: 101 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 7,673 Content Per Day: 1.31 Reputation: 7,358 Days Won: 67 Joined: 04/22/2008 Status: Offline Share Posted June 14, 2015 Just ask her out, confidence makes a difference. If she says no then you move on, fairly simple. And yeah, ask her face to face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
other one Posted June 14, 2015 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 29 Topic Count: 598 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 56,132 Content Per Day: 7.56 Reputation: 27,858 Days Won: 271 Joined: 12/29/2003 Status: Offline Share Posted June 14, 2015 Any further thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Well, the very first thing that has to be done is to let her know she is becoming special to you..... her response to that will make the rest just follow in place. If you know her well, that should be easy to get across and it will grow from there. I would not ask her for a date at that time, but let that settle into her head. She's a very good friend, but that friendship needs to grow you together sort of thing. And don't be surprised if she stands off from it for a while, just don't push anything or she might run away from it. It might also help if you are sure that she's Gods choice for you, for if she's not it will not work out if you are a dedicated Christian.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwikphilly Posted June 14, 2015 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 96 Topic Count: 307 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 18,136 Content Per Day: 4.63 Reputation: 27,817 Days Won: 327 Joined: 08/03/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted June 14, 2015 Blessings Augustus..... I already gave the answer........ ,,,"would you like to go out on a date,just you & I ,,,,perhaps for dinner or a movie?" In person,man up & it is not an impersonal question that you would send a text,,,,,that would be an instant"No" if I was asked out by text! The sooner the better,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, don't forget to ask the Lord be with you (always) With love-in Christ,Kwik Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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