why is prayer so difficult?

[Guest Thallasa]

On ‎15‎/‎02‎/‎2016 at 6:38 PM, existential mabel said:

 

RustyAngeL Yes what you say in your post makes sense however how to apply it Is the issue. When all around me family, church, the media, society, etc are negative. Truth be told I just don’t know how to be anything other than this. And that is why I am looking to this forum to find a new way of being and I am told that God can work miracles and I reckon I am in much need of a miracle regarding the anxiety and depression.

unless and until I have healing with the anxiety and depression which I have had all my life.I have tried many different things. I am a ship without a rudder. 0bviously from your post I am not winning this battle and i ask that people have some patience with me and dare I ask for lots of prayer into this. I can only express what I am experiencing and some guidance is needed as this is s0 not working and takes some courage on my part to ask for.

Reinitin- 0k thanks for the prayer. Yes I make the deliberate use of the word the rather than the word my.

Marilyn C – yes the emotions can’t live with and cant live without them. I constantly keep myself busy in a bid to STOP thinking. Yes structure is good as it gets me through.

Not sure what you mean by working with Him. I have tried my utmost not to be depressed by keeping busy to STOP thinking. That is what I have been doing lately however it does not help with other things. 0 dear just clueless really.

Faithof04-for me I need peace and someone once told me that that was prayer. I hope so because I need peace. words just fill my head with clutter.

I just don’t get, “seek Him.” What does this mean? I have limited understanding in so many areas. I tired of pretending that I know things when I don’t and this means that I keep staying stuck.

Refined – How do I know that I am a righteous person?

What you say is so right regarding prayer

 

a collective big thanks to you all that have taken the time to read and respond to my posts.

 

NB Worthy Christian Forum I feel I need to say to people who read my posts that I have not been able to ask questions like this before. I ask questions because it helps me. I feel like I am starting at the beginning.  

For me I have to get a feeling first before I understand something. Which is somewhat frustrating. (dyslexia regarding comprehension) It is strange because when I talk much later on regarding something I  realise that have learnt something. I think gosh where did that come from!

 

 

It sounds to me as though you have never been truly loved , truly listened to, which is neccessary  to create in yourself an identity which is really you . By at last being able to say what you feel without being 'shutdown' you begin a journey an exchange with others on a 'real basis ' . It is a bad habit of many 'christians' not to hear the 'pleas of those who need help, and to refer them immediately to the bible .

Jesus hears you, although you cannot 'see' Him at first ,but He knows you more than you know yourself , (the samefor all of us ) and He said "how can you love God whom you cannot see, when you cannot love you sister or brother  whom you can see " .John Ch 1 ,4:20 .

It will be helpful to you if people around actually love you by listening to you first , and giving bible quotes afterwards  . Too many avoid  Jesus advice to love their brothers and sisters ,  even before they love God .  Later you will find that when both loves are combined , they give grace ,and incredible peace in the mind and heart  .

So keep talking to your God as you friend, and keep coming here and opening up ,and in time your Relationship with God will become 'real'. 

[existential mabel]

Steven thank you so much for your prayers

 

Marilyn C  thanks for your post, “Just words to me at the time.” That is interesting that you say this. How did this change for you? Yes this mantra of 0 do be positive dear. The best I can do at the mo is to fake it.

 

I am looking to build a stronger inner core and that is why I decided to look at the bible from start to finish. Because the worlds “wisdom is folly.” Hopefully by the time I have got to the end I would be different somehow (naive or what? Well this is the third time that I am doing this. And I have to say I haven’t had any major changes.

 

I keep on keeping on even when I feel that actually maybe it is not good for me to keep on keeping on and not getting any fruit.

 

0k so the LORD is with me everyday. S0 this leads me on to thinking… That my life is 0bviously not right because I have constant anxiety and depression. And if I take on board what you have just said then He is nudging me a lot then?!

 

I have so much fear of life. I am stuck and have been all my adult life and this has over the years become a trap to me. “And I have settled for this” (is the only vaguest of ways I can describe it) And if i change then my life and the  “security” that I have grown familiar with will be all stripped away. As it is my life feels like it is on the edge of a precarious precipice and if I change I don’t believe that I can make that leap I really am in a no win no hope situation it feels. These are the components behind my fake positive persona  that society insists I must have.

 

S0 then how do I hear/listen to the LORD with anxiety and depression? I did manage to just be earlier and to enjoy the sunshine whilst on the settee. Did manage not to be busy busy busy so that is good. Somehow I need to break the cycle of being c0nstantly busy it is like an addiction. Seeing my mother having to sit still just a few days ago because of having sprained her ankle very badly and for my mother to not be busy that is like pulling teeth without anaesthetic!

 

Everything is very congealed in my head thinking wise. S0 somehow I have to make room for space. In my constant busyness I forget that I am supposed to be doing things that would help me to relax.

 

I did have a kind of chat with Him today and if nothing else it illustrated how exasperated I am that I have to talk to Him in the first place! And yes as one post mentioned it is a way of sorting out the thoughts. I guess this is going to take some time to clear a pathway in  the jungle.  

 

interesting thing happened earlier my dad phoned me about an hour a go and asked me directly if i was 0k because he was concerned and worried about me. that sounds like a normal conversation but i never have conversations like this with my parents. he was only on the phone for literally 2 minutes. i thanked him for caring. that took a lot for my dad to do that and i am really touched. he so would like to be able to help me but he cant and that is why i dont ever talk about it.

my dad has so much on his plate that the last thing i wanted was to be a source of much concern to him. (he has prostrate cancer and he will be 85 years old this year). 

i think maybe the prayers are doing something.

[Eha]

depression, feeling lost, "

how to apply it Is the issue

"

none knows answers...

dont be surprised.

it was how it started - my life with real relationship with Father.

i was there.

i know that feeling - depression (18 years) and it did end.

depression - it have purpose. depression will end, on earth, if you dont give up.

Father will change you.

all that happened to me.

you will know what really means - look new is born!

how?

when i just believed and got some lessons from another believer, i did lost contact with her ( she moved and i had no phone at that time).

didnt had no radio, no tv at home yet.

just silence and 3 month old kid.

almost 3 months all my words every day were - how much? - in store.

you can imagine how its like - no music, no communications with other people (how much? dont count). just cry of baby and silence...

at that time, when none of pastors couldnt answer to my questions, when i was alone, one day i did cry - Father, if none dont talk with me, at least You do! 

 

and He do, after 24+ years we talk, talk, talk every day.

and most beautiful - He will teach you all, He will lead you to that day, when you get ride of depression and sickness for good.

sorry there is No Teacher, but only Him.

there is no way out, but listen Him

 

believe me, i did seek for another way out 18 years and... failed  He did fix everything with ONE NIGHT.

[1to3]

 

Hi existential mabel;

 

How are you doing today?

 

 I wish to encourage you.

We all need encouragement.

 

 I understand what its like, feeling like we are broken beyond repair.

Just know that ‘s not the case, and those thoughts that we are, are lies coming from satan.

 

God loves you, God loves me.

He wants us to come to Him with our problems.

I will keep you in my prayers and say goodbye for now to you.

 In Christ Jesus;

 1to3

 

 

 

[Marilyn C]

Hi mabel,

You have written a very good post with worthwhile comments. Good work. And I will certainly tell you how I was able to change the words, `look to Jesus` to reality.

Firstly let me encourage you that I do not see you as `faking` it. You are showing to us here that you desire to be real & you are sharing some very `real` issues. It is also good that you do not burden your aging parents with burdens that may worry them, & also it is not for any of us to share our emotional difficulties with everyone. Thus that `thought` that you are `faking` it, I would question. Read again what I wrote & see if that is more the truth.

Our minds are like computers, as they record what we, our inner selves put there. You have thought you were faking it because you didn`t know how to deal with inner turmoil, but as I  have said, we see that you are sharing & being real.  That `questioning our thoughts` is actually the start of `building a stronger inner core, self,` (what you desire).

So let`s take the computer picture & use it to help us work through life`s difficulties. Now we know that our computer can get viruses, & get clogged with too much stuff etc & often need a clean, changing stuff & deleting stuff. Are you with me? OK.....Now these are just some steps that help me & I still use them today through life`s difficulties.

 

Step 1. First there has to be a recognition of the need to change. (You have already done this step. Very good. Often we live in denial, but you are stepping up & wanting to change.)

 

Step 2.  Deleting Viruses.

Often in life we get wrong influences in affecting our minds from what we watch, read, be involved in, (tarot cards, astrology, etc) So you may need to pray something like this –

`Lord Jesus I am sorry that I have been involved with........& I repent, I want to turn away from those things, please take their influence off my mind & my life. Thank you.`

 

Step 3. Recognising the areas that are the problem. You clearly said - `constant anxiety & depression.` Here you need to list the areas that are affecting you....

`I am anxious, fearful, troubled about .........my parents as they are getting older, myself, my health, my work, my family, .......terrorism, world events,....etc etc`

Be specific & write what the area is & why it is troubling you. What you are doing is actually writing what your mind (like a computer)has on it. Then you can question that. If you need help with questioning, then I am here (or PM me)& others are here also.

 

As regards reading God`s word, may I suggest you don`t start at Genesis, but at Mark in the New Testament area. That short book reads very quickly about Jesus` life. Have a pen & paper & write down (or on the computer) what you read of Jesus` character. Be specific, writing how He treats others & how He responds to situations. If we are to trust Him we need to know what He is like & what He does. Write to us of what you read, if you like, I would love to hear from your perspective.

BTW being on the `edge of a precarious precipice,` is well put & is the best place to be as we are then motivated to want to change. Now God is holding you & as you work on that `questioning` of your thoughts then you will find that inner self becoming stronger & realising that God is helping to `transform` your mind – replacing untruths with His truth. (Romans chapter 12: verse 2)

 

All the best, Marilyn.

 

 

 

 

 

[enoob57]

17 hours ago, existential mabel said:

 

Steven thank you so much for your prayers

 

Marilyn C  thanks for your post, “Just words to me at the time.” That is interesting that you say this. How did this change for you? Yes this mantra of 0 do be positive dear. The best I can do at the mo is to fake it.

 

I am looking to build a stronger inner core and that is why I decided to look at the bible from start to finish. Because the worlds “wisdom is folly.” Hopefully by the time I have got to the end I would be different somehow (naive or what? Well this is the third time that I am doing this. And I have to say I haven’t had any major changes.

 

I keep on keeping on even when I feel that actually maybe it is not good for me to keep on keeping on and not getting any fruit.

 

0k so the LORD is with me everyday. S0 this leads me on to thinking… That my life is 0bviously not right because I have constant anxiety and depression. And if I take on board what you have just said then He is nudging me a lot then?!

 

I have so much fear of life. I am stuck and have been all my adult life and this has over the years become a trap to me. “And I have settled for this” (is the only vaguest of ways I can describe it) And if i change then my life and the  “security” that I have grown familiar with will be all stripped away. As it is my life feels like it is on the edge of a precarious precipice and if I change I don’t believe that I can make that leap I really am in a no win no hope situation it feels. These are the components behind my fake positive persona  that society insists I must have.

 

S0 then how do I hear/listen to the LORD with anxiety and depression? I did manage to just be earlier and to enjoy the sunshine whilst on the settee. Did manage not to be busy busy busy so that is good. Somehow I need to break the cycle of being c0nstantly busy it is like an addiction. Seeing my mother having to sit still just a few days ago because of having sprained her ankle very badly and for my mother to not be busy that is like pulling teeth without anaesthetic!

 

Everything is very congealed in my head thinking wise. S0 somehow I have to make room for space. In my constant busyness I forget that I am supposed to be doing things that would help me to relax.

 

I did have a kind of chat with Him today and if nothing else it illustrated how exasperated I am that I have to talk to Him in the first place! And yes as one post mentioned it is a way of sorting out the thoughts. I guess this is going to take some time to clear a pathway in  the jungle.  

 

interesting thing happened earlier my dad phoned me about an hour a go and asked me directly if i was 0k because he was concerned and worried about me. that sounds like a normal conversation but i never have conversations like this with my parents. he was only on the phone for literally 2 minutes. i thanked him for caring. that took a lot for my dad to do that and i am really touched. he so would like to be able to help me but he cant and that is why i dont ever talk about it.

my dad has so much on his plate that the last thing i wanted was to be a source of much concern to him. (he has prostrate cancer and he will be 85 years old this year). 

i think maybe the prayers are doing something.

I cannot tell by your writing where exactly you are in what I am about to say but hope it helps:
All that we have been 1^st born into has been soaked in sin 6000 plus years and even Godly People
find it hard to see path for the feet here.... but turning to God's Word knowing it is light and eternal
substance we begin to understand why we must have God to create a place within where He can
dwell in us leading out of this darkness. If God is in you He will bear witness that He 'IS' there

Ro 8:16

16 The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:
KJV
as this is a promise of God it is well with our souls to search with all diligence this witness from
within and it will look like this till spiritual maturity begins to take hold

Php 2:12-13

12 Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.

13 For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.
KJV
this working out will be alien to the body and the world we are in- but we that have grown in Him
know this to be His Voice and we hear Him...    Love, Steven

[Guest Thallasa]

14 hours ago, Eha said:

depression, feeling lost, "

how to apply it Is the issue

"

none knows answers...

dont be surprised.

it was how it started - my life with real relationship with Father.

i was there.

i know that feeling - depression (18 years) and it did end.

depression - it have purpose. depression will end, on earth, if you dont give up.

Father will change you.

all that happened to me.

you will know what really means - look new is born!

how?

when i just believed and got some lessons from another believer, i did lost contact with her ( she moved and i had no phone at that time).

didnt had no radio, no tv at home yet.

just silence and 3 month old kid.

almost 3 months all my words every day were - how much? - in store.

you can imagine how its like - no music, no communications with other people (how much? dont count). just cry of baby and silence...

at that time, when none of pastors couldnt answer to my questions, when i was alone, one day i did cry - Father, if none dont talk with me, at least You do! 

 

and He do, after 24+ years we talk, talk, talk every day.

and most beautiful - He will teach you all, He will lead you to that day, when you get ride of depression and sickness for good.

sorry there is No Teacher, but only Him.

there is no way out, but listen Him

 

believe me, i did seek for another way out 18 years and... failed  He did fix everything with ONE NIGHT.

Thankyou  ; lovely , very poetic .

[existential mabel]

 hello Marilyn

thank you so much for taking the time to respond. Yes regarding my parents the last thing I want is to be a burden to them. It’s funny that because they have let me down so much on the emotional support level. It took me a long time to come to the place where I reasoned that they are only doing the best that they can with what they received from their parents and so on and so forth. Two of my siblings (have 5 in total!) are very negative regarding my mother and really what they say I can’t say that I don’t fully agree with them. So that is tough to keep my mouth shut.

 

 But I have decided not to join that discontentment. I am surprised and disappointed with my sister though, as she goes to church and takes readings and leads prayer. And I have to be constantly vigilant regarding this negative topic regarding my mother. For me I want to do the right thing and be there for my parents. I think my dad might be worried that I might not continue to visit them. But with God’s help I can continue to do this and yes I do so struggle with resentment and bitterness regarding my parents. And at times it comes crashing down.

 

Yes the inner core I see how my parents are and it pushes me into not wanting to be like that..

 

Yes I do get the computer thingie. So I guess I am trying to delete the program script of my parents or at least make some modifications

 

Yes regarding step 2 I have done the freedom in Christ – NT Anderson

 

The bible when I was going to this particular church. Everybody was so busy that they didn’t really fellowship and the bible study group had to be experienced to be believed.

Don’t get me wrong the material I couldn’t fault but it was delivered in a fast and unrelenting style. And I did tell the pastor this. But he didn’t take it on board. That did me I didn’t go back. However  I continued to go to  the church service. And it all started to feel so one dimensional (feeling of bloated sheep syndrome). Again I challenged the pastor as to why he needed to do a 50 minute plus sermon and he said, it is because people don’t think about the bible in the week. Well for me after struggling on for so long that was the final straw. This was never going to change and with my information overload I really needed to leave the church.

 

Also I got tired of some Christians using the bible to blame things on in their life. These were what I call “mature Christians” and that spurred me onto going through the bible to learn for myself rather than continue to be spoon fed by well meaning Christians.

 

I have kept on feeling that I need to look at the OT in order to understand the NT. The drive behind this is that I am not sure about Paul in the bible and I wanted to see for myself that he is the real deal. After all he was not a disciple at the time of Jesus and yes you can argue that he knew his stuff but then isn’t that why Jesus came to challenge the religious leaders of that time. i also want to  try to figure out if women are permitted to do things in the church other than make tea and coffee and dusting.

 

The church is the body of Christ right? So why do we need bricks and mortar. These so get in the way there is always a collection that is needed to fund the roof etc never mind the people that are suffering in the community

.

This is where the evangelical church is good. it gets beyond that and does some very much needed help and support in the community as an everyday thing. Although the church I used to go to has just had a brand spanking new church. I do hope that the focus is not going to swing back onto the building. Time will tell I guess

 

Ok Marylin I will have a look at Mark. And see what I can find regarding Jesus’ character. That will be an interesting thing to do. I am finding in the OT that the bottom line is that the people kept sinning and that is why God got angry and not just because He is an angry God. But man is so full of sin how can we not sin really?

many thanks

[existential mabel]

Hello 1to3

Many thanks for the prayers. And thanks for the encouragement It is gratefully  received. Today I was going to go and do some gardening as I so need to be outside to keep my connection with nature. But alas it is raining. So I am indoors. I will shortly be listening to some relaxing music and having yet another cup of tea!

[existential mabel]

Hello Thallasa

I just don’t know who I am. From the age of 5 I have been asking who am I? yes it is good to be able to say what I feel. Not something that I do. Both of  my parents were too busy or too tired!

 

People irregardless of whether they are Christian or not don’t seem to be able to bear listening to my struggles. I gave that up years and years ago.

 

Yes indeed “how can I love my sister or brother whom I cannot see” I go through periods when I just cant bear to be around people and I am going through this right now. I can never be sure whether it’s the anxiety/depression that is talking or if indeed my friend is being mischievous and stirring things up. Either way I need to clear my head.

 

Gosh do these people actually exist? “Later you will find that when both loves are combined , they give grace ,and incredible peace in the mind and heart”

Yes the keep talking bit sounds like good advice. Talking does not come easily to me at times. in the past people have been uneasy with my quietness.  I had to learn to accept my quietness even though other people were uncomfortable by it. If I don’t feel like I can be myself (who ever she is) around people regarding this then I walk away.

 

I certainly cant cope with people that talk at me. The friend I mentioned earlier has a habit of talking at length and I end up with a headache. I stuck with it for the longest time and now I find that I cant do it at the mo. Been 2 weeks or more now since I have been in contact.

many thanks Mabel

 

She has been constantly trying to contact me even though I have expressed the wish to be left alone. Thank goodness for being able to block the number on my mobile. That is a conversation I need to have with her regarding a few issues that have raised their head. But right now I cant deal with more brow beating.