I am a teenager in need of Christian advice

[enoob57]

Christian commitment is suppose to be about loving God and doing all one can in showing that love claim is really God's by dying to self and living for God & others... What we do in the smallest of things is what we truly are and correction in those would be the essential to continuing in growth with The Lord! Lying and disobedience to parents for self interest is out and out sin and we see what sin has done in these last of days to the world we are in!!! If you are serious about being God's child do God's things... Love, Steven

[GoodFruit]

10 hours ago, missmuffet said:

Wait a minute...I did not defend the mother

You are correct, I apologize for my error.

[RustyAngeL]

11 hours ago, missmuffet said:

In today's world kids date at 15. It is not like when we were growing up. I have heard of kids dating at 12 and 13. The mother is too strict. She is going to drive her daughter away. As a parent in today's world you need to pick your battles. Yes, set limits and have appropriate rules but being too controlling and too strict is not a good thing. Also a teenager should be able to go to the parents and tell them everything that is going on in their life and what is bothering them. They need to keep the line of communication open not closed. A daughter should not be "afraid" of her mother.

Rusty,have you ever had children?

No I was married for 25 years but didn't have children.  I never wanted them and the fact that I couldn't have them was a good thing. You said twice "In today's  world"  We are in the world not of it, but yes I do believe you sometimes have to pick your battles.  I just hope she picks the right ones.  And we are also hearing  just one side of the story?????

I do know how I was raised and my parents and I had a wonderful relationship. I could go to them about anything.  My first date was at 16 before that it wasn't allowed and then I believe for the first few times it was a double date.  Also the kids that I was around were believers, very strong believers and most of our times out were at church functions, football games, Bible Studies, things like that.

You are a parent so you are far more quilifed then I am in answering such things. It sounds as if you have a good relationship with your child/children.  I think the reason I could always go to my parents was because I never gave them any worry.  I was always respectful and honored them.  I loved them and they knew it.  My mom and dad were very proud of me.  I believe I am the woman I am today because of the way they raised me and taught me.  My daddy gave me a glimpse of what my Heavenly Father was like. 

Things have changed and not for the good.  But I still stand by the scripture if you train a child up in the way they are old they will not depart from it.  My parents whether they realized or not raised me just like that.  So when I came to Christ it was almost natural.  

Blessings, RustyAngeL  

[missmuffet]

1 hour ago, RustyAngeL said:

No I was married for 25 years but didn't have children.  I never wanted them and the fact that I couldn't have them was a good thing. You said twice "In today's  world"  We are in the world not of it, but yes I do believe you sometimes have to pick your battles.  I just hope she picks the right ones.  And we are also hearing  just one side of the story?????

I do know how I was raised and my parents and I had a wonderful relationship. I could go to them about anything.  My first date was at 16 before that it wasn't allowed and then I believe for the first few times it was a double date.  Also the kids that I was around were believers, very strong believers and most of our times out were at church functions, football games, Bible Studies, things like that.

You are a parent so you are far more quilifed then I am in answering such things. It sounds as if you have a good relationship with your child/children.  I think the reason I could always go to my parents was because I never gave them any worry.  I was always respectful and honored them.  I loved them and they knew it.  My mom and dad were very proud of me.  I believe I am the woman I am today because of the way they raised me and taught me.  My daddy gave me a glimpse of what my Heavenly Father was like. 

Things have changed and not for the good.  But I still stand by the scripture if you train a child up in the way they are old they will not depart from it.  My parents whether they realized or not raised me just like that.  So when I came to Christ it was almost natural.  

Blessings, RustyAngeL  

Your perspective is different when you have children than when you do not have children. Yes, that is correct we are only hearing one side of the story. That is all we ever hear on the computer. So that is something to consider. If a mother and father bring their children up with the Lord from the time they are very little it makes for a much healthier family. That mother and father should reflex the love of God to their children.

[Ezra]

On 9/17/2016 at 7:03 PM, AliJ said:

We are also both 15, so you can get a feel for our ages. I an a sophomore and he is a freshman.

There's your answer.  At this point, you should obey your parents (even if it appears unreasonable).  Just tell you boyfriend that he must wait to resume the relationship until you are an adult.  

And even then, you will need to assess this young man with some degree of objectivity at that time, or pay for it in the future.

In the meantime, pray that you mother will be reasonable. But forget about all the sneaking around and deception, as well as the cross country team.  You should terminate the relationship for now.

[Honesty-SJ]

On 9/17/2016 at 9:03 PM, AliJ said:

I was raised in a Christian home and up until this point have considered myself to have strict Christian values. 

As of late, I have begun dating my first boyfriend. Before, I had no contact whatsoever with boys outside of innocent friendships. He is a pretty good guy. He too was raised in church, and often urges me to attend church more often on days when I think I'm too tired. I will admit, he is not perfect. His language slips every now and then, but I do know he has a brain in his head and Jesus in his heart.

Before I had the chance, he looked me in the eye and told me he would not have sexual relations with me until marriage. I, of course, agreed in relief immediately. We have lived up to this promise up to this point and plan to continue to do so in the future.

This is all peaches and cream until you bring my parents into this. His parents are cool with him dating me, and so is my dad, although he is nervous about his little girl having a boyfriend. They are all good with it. My mom, however, absolutely refuses to even think about the matter. She won't even meet him because she does not want him around me. When I told her he asked me out, she yelled at me about being too young to think for myself, and definitely being too young for the kind of committed relationship he was asking for. I told my boyfriend about this and he assured me he would wait until my mother allows me to date him.

When I told him that I will probably have to be a legal adult or older, he was not fazed. However, we see each other every day (we both run track and cross country) and have begun to grow closer again. He has kissed me a few times, but neither of my parents know this.

Last week, one of my girlfriends asked me to to to homecoming. She assured me that if my boyfriend asks me to go with him, we can have my mom believe that I am still going with her. Now, he asked me to go to homecoming with him. He brought me flowers, which I did not bring home (and now I am afraid to throw them away when they wilt because he will see) because I do not want my mom knowing.

Next week is homecoming. I went shopping all day with my mother for a homecoming dress. All day the guilt has been eating away at me.

I know what I am doing is wrong. I know it is wrong to disobey my parents. He reminded me today that we cannot keep sneaking around because it is wrong. But I cannot tell my mom; I am so scared of her. I know she will be angry and yell at me. (This is not an assumption because although I have never given her a reason to be that angry, my dad delivered me home at 8:30 instead of 8 [which is as late as I am allowed to stay out at high school football games and such; I was never allowed to even go to them before I played in the band] and she was very angry with me. It was snowing but she walked out on the porch and cussed me out for being home late. I tried to tell her that one of our girls at youth group was crying so as a youth leader, I was asked to pray over her with the group, but she refused to take my answer. If she was that angry when I came home late due to an overlong prayer, I am positively scared of what she will say to this.)

 The entire cross country team knows we are dating (even the other mothers!) but all of them are working together to keep our relationship a secret. If something slips and my mom finds out, she will be angry. She will be angry both ways and I know this. 

I know I cannot keep this up. I have never disobeyed and lied to my parents this way. I really need some Christian advice. I need help and I don't know what to do. My boyfriend is the only Christian friend I have but I want to hear fresh opinions on this matter. Please help me, I am desperate and the guilt of not telling the whole truth is killing me.

I am also confused on what to do about the fact that my dad is okay with me dating this boy but my mother is not. (They are together, not divorced. Just a clarification.)

We are also both 15, so you can get a feel for our ages. I an a sophomore and he is a freshman.

Thank you so much in advance. God Bless

Hi, Ali. 

Let me start of by saying this, 

I was raised in a home where there was only mom and 5 children, other than myself, so 6 in total. It was hectic. Although I am the second oldest, I was often treated as if I were the first born, being relied on to watch children, change diapers, cook, clean, etc. I grew up knowing how to take care of children and even a home but having an environment in which one of the most important things was lacking, a father. As I got older, it lead me to begin thinking of what it would have been like if there was a father in the home. Would I have been expected to do so much? Would there have been more structure? More discipline? More respect? More than likely. It is something that is written in our hearts, to want a husband. It is a vow I made when I was around your age that I would find a husband ASAP and that I would never allow myself to be a single mother, because of witnessing the frustrations of the household from which I come. 

I must say that dating wasn't something that was deemed unacceptable by my mother, although she set many rules. Double dating, no sleepovers, no sitting too close, absolutely no alone time. The typical things that should be expected but what I found to be so undesirable about these couple guys I had dated for less than 2 months in my youth, was their lack of concern for marriage. Coming out of those years, 15, 16, 17 had all passed and here I was at 18, lonely, depressed, living away from home. I was sitting in a friends basement and I was asked to text a friend of theirs. I didn't have their number logged in my phone under a name so I had sent the message, assuming I entered the correct one. Upon receiving a message back, I had realized I text the wrong number. Instead of ignoring the retort, which I normally would, I responded. I can say I thank the Lord for that day. That random response was the man I am married to today. I am 21 now and that was 3 years ago. We married only 9 months after meeting. 

Back track a bit. When I was young, I was told time and time again by my mother that she saw me as a fiery, capable, intelligent, beautiful, talented woman. Someone who needed a challenge. She said she saw me with someone tall, strong, smart, capable and loving. She believed that was the kind of man I deserved. Looking at the selection around me, I couldn't help but laugh. I realized after a few years that what she spoke of was a Godly man. Those qualities/traits are the things my husband possesses and more. He is beyond anything I could have imagined. My mother doesn't feel the same way. She doesn't accept him at all. Trust me, it is confusing to me and anyone else that knows the kind of man he is. After just over 2 years of marriage, she still refuses for whatever reason to accept the one I have chosen to spend the rest of my life with. He loves God, takes care of me, isn't violent, he is self controlled. He is equipped with the knowledge and love for Christ that I have seen in very few people. He studies apologetics/philosophy regarding Christianity.  He even runs home bible studies for family and friends. Not to mention he is extremely good looking and takes care of himself. I mean, he is a cookie cutter example of flawless.  What I learned after a bit of a closer examination is that my mother was simply speaking without conviction. She herself did not believe that such a man were possible, even for her own daughter. It is something you'd think every woman would want for their children.

I will not speak ill of her but regardless of the best choice I could have made in my life, to become the wife of this man, there is no approval that I can see coming from my mother, even in the near future. My mom is still not a Christian herself, despite my many attempts to send her teachings, invite her to events, sharing scripture with her, etc, so it definitely makes things harder for me. 

What you should know, is that God will bless this relationship. If he is the man that you want to be with and he is 100% serious about his commitment to you then I say go for it. there is nothing that I gather from this can be seen as dishonorable. We see in Genesis that when it comes to asking for permission to take ones daughter, it was a fathers choice, 

 Genesis 34:11-12 Then Shechem said to Dinah’s father and brothers, “Let me find favor in your eyes, and I will give you whatever you ask. 12 Make the price for the bride and the gift I am to bring as great as you like, and I’ll pay whatever you ask me. Only give me the young woman as my wife.”

I am not trying to say that you should disregard your mother

Exodus 20:12 “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.

but it is definitely good to remember the hierarchy of power in the household. 

1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

 

With everything, pray for one another, pray together even.

Matthew 18:20 For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

My husband and I always make sure we share our studies and we pray together, as well as for each other on our own time. There is nothing that is good that God will not bless. 

Edited September 19, 2016 by Honesty-SJ

[other one]

14 hours ago, missmuffet said:

In today's world kids date at 15. It is not like when we were growing up. I have heard of kids dating at 12 and 13. The mother is too strict. She is going to drive her daughter away. As a parent in today's world you need to pick your battles. Yes, set limits and have appropriate rules but being too controlling and too strict is not a good thing. Also a teenager should be able to go to the parents and tell them everything that is going on in their life and what is bothering them. They need to keep the line of communication open not closed. A daughter should not be "afraid" of her mother.

Rusty,have you ever had children?

I agree.

[missmuffet]

1 minute ago, other one said:

I agree.

Miracles do happen

[other one]

On 9/17/2016 at 8:03 PM, AliJ said:

We are also both 15, so you can get a feel for our ages. I an a sophomore and he is a freshman.

Thank you so much in advance. God Bless

You need to talk to your dad and be very open with him.    I agree with the muffet that your mother is being way over strict......

Might I add though one needs to define what it is to be dating someone...   being alone together is not a good idea, but being together with friends is not only normal but good social practice......     This will only get worse and when you turn 18 you will be thrust out into a world that you will not be prepared to deal with....   dating with parental oversight is an extremely important part of growing up.  If you don't learn to deal with the pressures, when you graduate and go to college, the crazy hormones and lack of experience in dealing with the opposite sex can be and often is overwhelming.

Talk to your dad....   if he's afraid of your mother, you have a worse problem than a boy friend.

[kwikphilly]

Take Omega's advice as well as most who say to trust your parents & the Lord,,,,,,you are FAR too young for a serious committed relationship,be a kid,enjoy cross country & track,enjoy y our friendship with the boy  who seems to have a good head on his shoulders                     With love-in Christ,Kwik