Husband refuses to talk with me

[Zach]

SP, I'm a guy, I like simple and to the point lists, so please don't construe my lack of emotional words as not caring, I care, therefore - my list : )

1) Your Husband is depressed

2) You cannot fix your Husband

3) Currently your Husband doesn't want to deal with conflict

4) Your Husband is avoiding stress

5) Your Husband is in the midst of a fierce internal battle

6) Your Husband is currently losing this battle

7) Many great and awesome Christian leaders have dealt with personal depression

---What you can do----

1) Do not focus on your husband's shortcomings

2) Focus on maintaining a healthy relationship with God

3) Pray, Pray, Pray, even fast if you feel inclined

4) Do not give your Husband anything to push back against, no conflict, no stress

5) Be happy, joyful and positive yourself

6) Love your husband, encourage him with kind positive words, compliments and actions, hugs and kisses, ALWAYS, CONSTANTLY and CONSISTENTLY 

7) If you need to vent do so, get rid of it rather than carrying it around, but vent to God and if need be to only ONE strong Christian woman mature enough to pray and support you while not gossiping.

 

There is a saying among horse whisperers; "It's never the horses fault, its always your fault" the meaning being; the best way to fix a horse is to fix yourself. This doesn't necessarily mean you're the problem, what it means is you become introspective, taking personal responsibility for your actions/reactions and effect change in yourself creating the proper environment for the desired outcome. 

[7thseal]

On 1/15/2017 at 6:01 PM, SOLOMONS PORCH said:

i dont understand the constant sleeping and going to another room for days. 

He has an addiction and he's going to do everything to protect it. Praying for deliverance from this source.

[SOLOMONS PORCH]

On 1/16/2017 at 2:40 PM, kwikphilly said:

Blessings SOLOMONS PORCH

   Welcome to Worthy,so you say you are a Christian & your husband"claims to be?" So I take it that you are not sure? I'm fa little confounded as to how you wouldn't know but in any event it seems there is a huge divide between the 2 of you.....I'm sorry for you & all I can do is point to Jesus,it is up to each of you to put God in the Center ,upfront & the Number ONE priority in each of your lives as well as TOGETHER,as one flesh.......

   THere is little you can do when a person has no desire to have a Relationship with God in Christ except pray for them & speak the Word of God to them but you have to have your own House in Order first

I don't know anything about you except what you tell us,you said you are seeking God OVER THIS,so what you are seeking is His Hand to fix your husband &/or your circumstance,,,,,,seek HIM for yourself & then you can provoke your husband to jealousy & envy when in spite of the situation you have Peace,Joy & Comfort...you see?We lead by example,I imagine your husbands actions are bringing you down,it certainly sounds that way,you sound very frustrated & I'm sorry you have tolerated this for 11 years......counseling,meds & all that are all temporary fixes anyhow,,,,,Healing & Deliverance is true FREEDOM in Christ Jesus,your husband is in bondage and it won't release him by any means of this world.....ask Willa the DAy her hubby became a New Creature in Christ Jesus,she certainly knows much more than she has said,lol......

   My Sister Willa is a Faithful woman mof God & never gave up on her marriage,God has always been FIRST in her life.......With love-in Christ,Kwik

(praying for you Sister)

Thank you!

[kwikphilly]

Sister....Praise Jesus,it is my pleasure to pray with you,for you and to support & encourage you to keep your eyes FIXED on Jesus....

I must say,as a horse trainer/equestrian for over half a century-I liked Zachs analogy,lol    I can think of but 2 occasions in all my years when it was not the riders actions that caused the animal to respond as they did,nothing wrong with the horse    In other words(not saying you have anything to do with your husbands issues)BUT that you can only WORK on YOU.....it will undoubtedly have an effect on the horses response(hubby,lol)    You see,when a rider mounts a horse there is a right way & a wrong way to communicate but only if he(horse/hubby) has been broken& schooled the proper way................again,its not the horses fault how he has been programmed to react under saddle .......your husband has become a product of his environment & YOU have nothing to do with that,they are his issues.....you9 "put off" the old & became a New Creature in Christ Jesus,he has not(I'm not talking about Salvation) as a matter of fact a person could be Saved & yet they are not yet living SAVED(another Topic)    Anyway,the strongest message we can send is the message we send by the way we live,lead by example.....I say it again for good measure,put God Above ALL......He is FIRST & FOREMOST and  deeper your roots go into the Word,the closer you get in Relationship with Him the less everything & everyone around you will cause YOU to stumble  and because YOU transform & change,so does everything else...it really does

Quote

Matthew 6:33King James Version (KJV)

³³ But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

Trust God,He does work all things for the GOOD of those that love Him,according to the Purpose of His Calling                    With love-in Christ,Kwik

[FresnoJoe]

Praying~!

[SOLOMONS PORCH]

On 1/17/2017 at 2:42 AM, Zach said:

SP, I'm a guy, I like simple and to the point lists, so please don't construe my lack of emotional words as not caring, I care, therefore - my list : )

1) Your Husband is depressed

2) You cannot fix your Husband

3) Currently your Husband doesn't want to deal with conflict

4) Your Husband is avoiding stress

5) Your Husband is in the midst of a fierce internal battle

6) Your Husband is currently losing this battle

7) Many great and awesome Christian leaders have dealt with personal depression

---What you can do----

1) Do not focus on your husband's shortcomings

2) Focus on maintaining a healthy relationship with God

3) Pray, Pray, Pray, even fast if you feel inclined

4) Do not give your Husband anything to push back against, no conflict, no stress

5) Be happy, joyful and positive yourself

6) Love your husband, encourage him with kind positive words, compliments and actions, hugs and kisses, ALWAYS, CONSTANTLY and CONSISTENTLY 

7) If you need to vent do so, get rid of it rather than carrying it around, but vent to God and if need be to only ONE strong Christian woman mature enough to pray and support you while not gossiping.

 

There is a saying among horse whisperers; "It's never the horses fault, its always your fault" the meaning being; the best way to fix a horse is to fix yourself. This doesn't necessarily mean you're the problem, what it means is you become introspective, taking personal responsibility for your actions/reactions and effect change in yourself creating the proper environment for the desired outcome. 

THANK YOU

 

On 1/20/2017 at 2:33 PM, 7thseal said:

He has an addiction and he's going to do everything to protect it. Praying for deliverance from this source.

THANK YOU

[SOLOMONS PORCH]

On 1/17/2017 at 2:42 AM, Zach said:

SP, I'm a guy, I like simple and to the point lists, so please don't construe my lack of emotional words as not caring, I care, therefore - my list : )

1) Your Husband is depressed

2) You cannot fix your Husband

3) Currently your Husband doesn't want to deal with conflict

4) Your Husband is avoiding stress

5) Your Husband is in the midst of a fierce internal battle

6) Your Husband is currently losing this battle

7) Many great and awesome Christian leaders have dealt with personal depression

---What you can do----

1) Do not focus on your husband's shortcomings

2) Focus on maintaining a healthy relationship with God

3) Pray, Pray, Pray, even fast if you feel inclined

4) Do not give your Husband anything to push back against, no conflict, no stress

5) Be happy, joyful and positive yourself

6) Love your husband, encourage him with kind positive words, compliments and actions, hugs and kisses, ALWAYS, CONSTANTLY and CONSISTENTLY 

7) If you need to vent do so, get rid of it rather than carrying it around, but vent to God and if need be to only ONE strong Christian woman mature enough to pray and support you while not gossiping.

 

There is a saying among horse whisperers; "It's never the horses fault, its always your fault" the meaning being; the best way to fix a horse is to fix yourself. This doesn't necessarily mean you're the problem, what it means is you become introspective, taking personal responsibility for your actions/reactions and effect change in yourself creating the proper environment for the desired outcome. 

THANK YOU

 

On 1/20/2017 at 2:33 PM, 7thseal said:

He has an addiction and he's going to do everything to protect it. Praying for deliverance from this source.

THANK YOU

[enoob57]

One of satan's subtle ways is to promote this life as 'the life' ... I have found in all of us a lacking, all but One... It is in Jesus that we find a relevance to living in faith formed from His Word enabling life in the promises now! The greatest venue a person can steadfastly focus upon is to serve God with all our mind, will and emotion... find solace in the keeping of your vow to your husband unto God for God and He will be glorified in this -> the eternal keeping<-all else passes away into the nothingness!  Love, Steven

[heyvavhey]

47 minutes ago, SOLOMONS PORCH said:

THANK YOU

 

THANK YOU

 I agree with both of those comments, and as long as everyone is guessing (and that is what we're doing since we've only heard one side) let me add that it sounds like he may have issues with female abandonment as the underlying cause. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy of expectation to someone bitten by that curse. 

How is his relationship with his mother? Do you submit to his authority as head of the house in every way (apart from idolatry)? Do you respect his opinion when he disagrees with you? It may be that he chose you because that is the relationship he grew up with as "normal" and he still hasn't learned how to deal with the conflict. 

Then again....it could be almost anything else. We can't fix him from a discussion board, which is why working on your response is the only constructive avenue. 

Edited January 26, 2017 by heyvavhey

[SOLOMONS PORCH]

 Thank you Hey.... I agree with you and to answer you in short. He's never really had a good relationship with his mom, it's very simple and casual, doesn't feel loving etc. His dad was no dad at all, never there, ran around on his mother, abusive, he was never there. 

 He really doesn't lead the home as I wish he would. I am the spiritual leader and that's not of choice, he just takes no initiative. 

 This is mine and his 2nd marriage. Both my children are grown, married etc. He has 2 boys that are 20 and 17. 

I do respect his opinion "if" he gives one and try to discuss any issues where they may be disagreement. And there's really no authority to surrender to, he has never modeled after a normal husband or father and I know his past childhood has a lot to do with his behavior.

 He was just saved this past April and things changed so much for the better, if not great, but it was short lived, only lasted a few months. Slowly he became the "old man" again. I know he wants better, but he doesn't fight for it, or press into improvement. I've taken the advice of others here and am giving him his space. My issue with this is......it gives satan time to destroy, because nothing is never taken care of, so I pray fervently for him and have just totally given it to God.

I just really don't want my feelings to change or die for him. I'm trying to stay positive. Thank you everybody for advice and your prayers.