Judah, Tamar and Shelah

[HisFirst]

For those of you who know the story of Judah and Tamar (who was his daughter in-law twice) 

Genesis 38

She was married to two of Judah's sons but remained childless after thwir deaths and Judah instructed Tamar to wait until his third son, Shelah,  was grown and old enough to marry her and produce children. But this didn't eventuate. 

The story progresses to later, Tamar dresses as a prostitute, to which Judah (not knowing) goes to her which in due course, Tamar conceives. (twins).

So the whole point of this is ,

do you think the age gap between Tamar and Shelah would have been significant and what do you personally  think of age gaps between women and men (Christian) where the woman is at least 10 yes older?

We are accustomed to older men/younger women unions but what of the reverse?

 

[Guest shiloh357]

22 minutes ago, HisFirst said:

For those of you who know the story of Judah and Tamar (who was his daughter in-law twice) 

Genesis 38

She was married to two of Judah's sons but remained childless after thwir deaths and Judah instructed Tamar to wait until his third son, Shelah,  was grown and old enough to marry her and produce children. But this didn't eventuate. 

The story progresses to later, Tamar dresses as a prostitute, to which Judah (not knowing) goes to her which in due course, Tamar conceives. (twins).

So the whole point of this is ,

do you think the age gap between Tamar and Shelah would have been significant and what do you personally  think of age gaps between women and men (Christian) where the woman is at least 10 yes older?

We are accustomed to older men/younger women unions but what of the reverse?

 

I think it would depend on the actual biological ages.   I don't' think it matters which one is older.

18-28, would be different that say, 28-38  or 38-48 due to maturity levels.  An 18 - 21 year old is going to look at the world in a radically different way than a 30 year old.  Maturity, life experience is pretty important in the success of a relationship that has large age gaps. Two people who look at financial considerations from two different levels of maturity will have problems.  And money is just about the #1 reason for divorce.  It runs neck and neck with marital infidelity.

Health issues are something to think about too.   Would a younger person be okay spending their prime years being a caregiver when the older spouse starts to break down and get those health issues that come with age?  

[HisFirst]

2 hours ago, shiloh357 said:

I think it would depend on the actual biological ages.   I don't' think it matters which one is older.

18-28, would be different that say, 28-38  or 38-48 due to maturity levels.  An 18 - 21 year old is going to look at the world in a radically different way than a 30 year old.  Maturity, life experience is pretty important in the success of a relationship that has large age gaps. Two people who look at financial considerations from two different levels of maturity will have problems.  And money is just about the #1 reason for divorce.  It runs neck and neck with marital infidelity.

Health issues are something to think about too.   Would a younger person be okay spending their prime years being a caregiver when the older spouse starts to break down and get those health issues that come with age?  

OK thanks for your well thought out answer Shiloh.

With Shelah, what age gap do you think it would've been approximately?

....and also, this was an arranged marriage (which never eventuated), purely for children and the first son's family line - not love.

Thoughts?

[JTC]

A 10 yr age gap should be the limit regardless of who's older. I think the biggest worry is health  but truthfully anyone can get seriously ill at any age. I know this bc I've seen it. I knew a couple in their early 50's, not old at all. But at 51 the husband became too sick for modern medicine and he died at 53. His wife had a minor nervous breakdown. For her truth had just become lies. The Sun no longer shinned and she lost her direction in life. Even so, if 2 people marry with a huge age difference the odds are greater that this might happen. But IMO it's better to have a short marriage than no marriage at all.

[HisFirst]

Just now, JTC said:

But IMO it's better to have a short marriage than no marriage at all.

Hi JTC,

Some people want to get married but can't, you know,  situations like man drought

 

[JTC]

44 minutes ago, HisFirst said:

Hi JTC,

Some people want to get married but can't, you know,  situations like man drought

 

Hi HF, I wanted to get married since I was 10. I'd love to say there was a woman shortage when I was young but that would be a lie. At this late date the only thing that makes sense is it wasn't God's will for me to get married. I doubt there's a man shortage, even where you live. I've been observing couples most of my life and let me assure you all kinds of people get married. For example, I was out in a restaurant - night spot 15 yrs ago and a young woman who was born with a short, deformed arm caught my attention. She was there with her girl friends and suddenly I noticed she had a wedding ring on. I thought that was great but bc of her arm I wouldn't be surprised if she once thought no man would want her. In my life I was often told I'm not married bc I'm an overweight person. Usually I was between 15 to 40 lbs overweight. I went to a new church once and the pastor was a man in his 30's. He was probably 100 to 200 lbs overweight. He also had a wedding ring on. I don't know your age so maybe you just have to wait a while longer. Btw, I've even heard of 2 people in their 70's getting married, so even age doesn't prevent marriage if that's God's will. Don't give up, I believe we all want a mate.

[HisFirst]

9 hours ago, JTC said:

Hi HF, I wanted to get married since I was 10. I'd love to say there was a woman shortage when I was young but that would be a lie. At this late date the only thing that makes sense is it wasn't God's will for me to get married. I doubt there's a man shortage, even where you live. I've been observing couples most of my life and let me assure you all kinds of people get married. For example, I was out in a restaurant - night spot 15 yrs ago and a young woman who was born with a short, deformed arm caught my attention. She was there with her girl friends and suddenly I noticed she had a wedding ring on. I thought that was great but bc of her arm I wouldn't be surprised if she once thought no man would want her. In my life I was often told I'm not married bc I'm an overweight person. Usually I was between 15 to 40 lbs overweight. I went to a new church once and the pastor was a man in his 30's. He was probably 100 to 200 lbs overweight. He also had a wedding ring on. I don't know your age so maybe you just have to wait a while longer. Btw, I've even heard of 2 people in their 70's getting married, so even age doesn't prevent marriage if that's God's will. Don't give up, I believe we all want a mate.

Wow, you've wanted to be married since 10?? I've never heard such a thing with a boy! 

As for me, I choose to be single right now.

Not to be too negative, but things I read and hear about regarding  Christian men (these days), does not seem to be  different to secular guys. 

[Neighbor]

Comments after reading the  posts on this thread:

Ha this is a bit of a riot. I have had some chuckles reading so far, and thoughts for possible replies, but so many might be just a tad unacceptable in this forum.

Yet, to sample I'll give the old punchline from the tale of  the old man that married the 19 year old. After hearing his friend tell him it could be fatal. The punchline?  He said,"If she dies she dies".

As to the more serious side of things, God has what He has for His flock. I know of such extremes, happy extremes that they speak of the awesome power of  God and His blessing upon us. And the blessing is not to the "deformed" more than it is to the athletic jock that  is given  a physically dependent mate and they adopt  children, and teach yet other children of God together.

I have married as both a very young man and a rather old one. My first child bride was called to be with our creator after 48 years of our marriage. I was satisfied to  think well- that is that; but God had another plan.  After some five years I am now married, my bride being some 12 years younger than I.                                                                             We do not plan on adopting, but  she may not be able to conceive so....

That last italic was just my own brand of humor making escape yet again.

 

We do not make the plans and then act them out, we only think we do. God keeps adding new "wrinkles" in our  lives so that we might  know Him, and that it is He that is sovereign.

Sure  a very very young person can make  determined  serious life plans. I have  a family member working on his plan very seriously. It causes a young child way too much stress. Sometimes ( It seems to me ) it is best( for us all)  to just live today, not worry excessively about tomorrow's woes a com'n and give thanks to God- in all matters.

 

[JTC]

1 hour ago, HisFirst said:

Wow, you've wanted to be married since 10?? I've never heard such a thing with a boy! 

As for me, I choose to be single right now.

Not to be too negative, but things I read and hear about regarding  Christian men (these days), does not seem to be  different to secular guys. 

I'm not a typical man. I never was. But after I was born again at 30 I couldn't do what most guys do. If I tried the guilt was beyond belief. And as I've gotten older I want to sin less and less. At this point all I want is companionship, and I've always preferred female friends. I don't have family so I'm lonely. It's hard to have friends bc I always want to talk about things that pertain to God. He's always on my mind.

[Guest shiloh357]

15 hours ago, HisFirst said:

OK thanks for your well thought out answer Shiloh.

With Shelah, what age gap do you think it would've been approximately?

....and also, this was an arranged marriage (which never eventuated), purely for children and the first son's family line - not love.

Thoughts?

I don't know what the age gap would have been as I am not sure we are given enough information to make that determination.   Yes, marriages were generally not made for romantic reasons, but for practical reasons.  Having offspring was more important than romantic love.  They had a totally different mindset than we do today.