Honor thy mother?

[Samaritana]

I will try to make this long story short. First of all, I am a believer and want to honor and respect God's law. Now to my question: To what degree should I honor my birth mother if she hasn't been present in my life for the last 15 years and haven't even spoken to me?

 I married at the age of 17 my loving and caring christian husband and that was one of the main reasons, or the main reason why my mother decided to forget I was ever her child. I wrote to her letters, invited her to important events, but nothing. A couple of months ago she lost her job at 71 years of age. I knew that she would need help (money) to get by, so I prayed and talked with my husband and we decided to buy her groceries monthly, instead of giving her money, because of her gambling and cigarette addiction. Two weeks ago she was diagnosed with cancer and suddenly she starts calling me. At first I went to the hospital almost every day to stay with her, thinking that was my duty to comply with God's law. I keep taking days off from work at the risk of losing my job. And also, I knew I was behind my home duties and abandoning my wifely duties due to the lack of time I had left in the day.

 It was called to my attention by an outside party that I could not neglect my life for a mother who was clearly interested in what she could get out of me. I am not naive, I know my mother, and I know she does not care for me. God has healed my heart years ago and I no longer feel pain for what she did to me, I only feel pity. I forgave her, but now that we are here, with these circumstances I see that slowly everything I worked so hard to achieve,  and with the blessings of God acquired (husband, happiness, job) I am putting it aside to be with someone that will hurt me as soon as she can. Should I do it? Should I risk my job? Should I risk my marriage? Should I risk my happiness? To what extent?

Any words or views will be appreciated. Pray for me.

[wingnut-]

To me, the proper order is God first, then your marriage.  The marriage is after all not just a covenant between you and your spouse, but also with God.  So to answer your question, no, I do not think you should risk your marriage over this.  It's not easy to be in such a situation, but in anything you have to find a proper balance, and it sounds like you are taking on an awful lot.

You are right to try and help your mother, despite her not being a very good mother to you.  You are most likely right to not expect any appreciation for your efforts either, and it's good you recognize that so as to avoid future disappointment.  It shows your heart is in the right place as far as being truly charitable with no expectation of something in return for it.  I don't think you should risk everything though, putting yourself in a position where you are unable to take care of yourself.  Do the best you can, will be praying for you and your family.

God bless

[kwikphilly]

Blessings Samaritina

    Welcome to Worthy...we will have to move this Thread to the Appropriate Forum so that you can get advice,encouragement & support...'...I sent you posting info,Seekers Lounge is for Seekers,Unbe5lievers& guests......this needs to be in the Inner Court

      You do as God leads you to do & I believe that is what you have been doing,it's not about Gods "Law" it is all about His Grace....by His Grace we are Saved,by His Grace we have been forgiven,by His Grace He Sacrificed His Life that we may LIVE......Sounds like your Mom is on borrowed time & I would be most concerned about her soul..not about how she feels about me(if it were me).....I think you have gone over & above and I would continue to do so unless God leads you to stop.......pray with your husband to seek Gods Will & Direction

    Sister,I certainly would not listen to anyones opinion about what they think your mothers motives are.....thats between you & her,no one else,when we "
give" its our own heart that matters,not the recipient   You & your husband just need to set up some boundaries,imo...I would not neglect my own family or job ...by doing that you wind up not being able to do for anyone & yourself,perhaps you can help her to get public assistance,food stamps etc... You are an Ambassador for Christ & I think you are a wonderftul representation of Jesus!                   With love-in Christ<Kwik

[Neighbor]

May God guide you and your husband in this hard matter. I can relate, been there for many decades.  I believe it took many years of joy  from my wife and shortened her life too.

Many of us are indeed perpetually in the sandwich generation, with needs of kids and of parents always pulling hard at our resources and time. You do what you and your husband come to believe you must after prayer and thought and reading your own Bible. Then be free to rest assured you have been faithful to your creator's guidance for you.

I do have advice from experience, long experience.  That is; also make part of your guidance include awareness of this adage: The person that worries about family while at work and worries about work when with family has no peace and soon loses both job and family.

Edited July 9, 2017 by Neighbor

[JohnD]

On 7/7/2017 at 2:26 PM, Samaritana said:

I will try to make this long story short. First of all, I am a believer and want to honor and respect God's law. Now to my question: To what degree should I honor my birth mother if she hasn't been present in my life for the last 15 years and haven't even spoken to me?

 I married at the age of 17 my loving and caring christian husband and that was one of the main reasons, or the main reason why my mother decided to forget I was ever her child. I wrote to her letters, invited her to important events, but nothing. A couple of months ago she lost her job at 71 years of age. I knew that she would need help (money) to get by, so I prayed and talked with my husband and we decided to buy her groceries monthly, instead of giving her money, because of her gambling and cigarette addiction. Two weeks ago she was diagnosed with cancer and suddenly she starts calling me. At first I went to the hospital almost every day to stay with her, thinking that was my duty to comply with God's law. I keep taking days off from work at the risk of losing my job. And also, I knew I was behind my home duties and abandoning my wifely duties due to the lack of time I had left in the day.

 It was called to my attention by an outside party that I could not neglect my life for a mother who was clearly interested in what she could get out of me. I am not naive, I know my mother, and I know she does not care for me. God has healed my heart years ago and I no longer feel pain for what she did to me, I only feel pity. I forgave her, but now that we are here, with these circumstances I see that slowly everything I worked so hard to achieve,  and with the blessings of God acquired (husband, happiness, job) I am putting it aside to be with someone that will hurt me as soon as she can. Should I do it? Should I risk my job? Should I risk my marriage? Should I risk my happiness? To what extent?

Any words or views will be appreciated. Pray for me.

I pray for you, but only you can make that decision.

Several things to consider.

• Limiting your involvement. If it is an all or nothing situation do what you can and let her cut the ties if that's the case.
• Get God, your husband, and your employer involved / up-to-date of what you are up against get their help, extenuated vacation / sick call to work back.
• Realize we honor God when we sacrifice to please him. And I don't get the impression your husband will not understand.

1  Corinthians  7:5 is not burdensome never have a head ache clause in Christian sexuality. What of menstrual cycles? Pregnancy? Postpartum cycles?  Illness? E.D.?

And again, there are limits to what you can do. So abide by them and if dear mummy kicks you to the curb (again) it is her doing.