Teens

[Annette443pink]

As I read some of these posts by parents of young children telling how to raise a child I find a certain naivete. This post is for those with teens or those who haved raised teens. Have they changed any of your original ideas about childrearing? I know mine has.

[Guest CheerfulHeart]

Well, um... YEP!!! But, I might be at a slight disadvantage here. My teenager is 15, almost 16, but she's not biologically mine or my husband's. And she's only lived with us for a little over a year. So, I guess I can't really answer this question in full, but I can tell you that she has changed some of my thoughts on raising a child.

God has such a neat sense of humor however, and in raising Haley.. again, not my biological child... I am basically seeing ME in her! No joke! She is my spiting image (not in looks) but in personality! She has the same attitude on things that I did! Oh wow was it scarey in the first few months! So, in many ways this sense of humor that God has shared with us has been a huge blessing! Cause I remember what worked for me as a child and what didn't. So, when dealing with her, I adjust accordingly. So far, with God's help, it's working!

I think she's one of the best teenagers I know. I am of course partial... but hey, who's counting? I know that I'm her biggest fan, yet at the same time, I'm the one that pushes her to accomplish more because I can see all her potential! What a blessing from God!

May God Bless you and your teenager (s)!!!!

PS-- speaking of naivety, something that I have found with my daughter is that she's quite capable of understanding alot more of life than people would ever give a kid credit for. She appreciates it when I talk to her one on one just as I would a best friend. She trives on it and responds to it well. I had always wanted my parents to talk to me a little more like that... and now I know that it has a huge advantage. Because I talk to her about things in my life, she in return tells me everything about hers. And again, she has an understanding for things that most teenagers would just rebel against. I thank God for His hand in this matter. She never ceases to amaze me by how much she's really taking in and actually appling to her life! And then by how much she shares with others!

Edited April 26, 2005 by CheerfulHeart

[Abigailwc]

My teen will be 14 this June. I have already asked my friends and family in Christ for prayers in these difficult times. I am having a hard time, my authority being challenged relentlessly, my patience being tried at all times, my sanity being shaken.

I am so glad, oh yes, so glad that I am a christian, so glad that God has filled me with faith, so glad that He is supporting me and loving me in these times of, what seems pure madness and stupidity.

Without God I could not be as calm as I am now. Without God I could not have the hope I have for my son as I have now. Without God I could not rest. Without God I could not sleep. Without God I could not focus on Him. Without God I could not make wise decisions. Without Him, my life at home with my teenager would be chaos. Thanks to My wonderful Father in heaven, there is no chaos at home, but patience, self-control, love, edification, hope, faith, wisdom, peace, and yes ...... even joy!

If I had faith in what I see and hear, all would be considered helpless and hopeless to me.

I owe all to God. He is awsome.

[other one]

My teens are perfect........ one is now 27 the other 29. and that is the perfect age for raising teenagers. My advice is to have kids later than all your friends and watch for all the things you do not want to do.

se

[tsth]

My teens are perfect........  one is now 27 the other 29. and that is the perfect age for raising teenagers.  My advice is to have kids later than all your friends and watch for all the things you do not want to do.

se

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I'm with you other one!

In His Love,

Suzanne

[tsth]

To be honest, I've experienced 2 rounds of childrearing. The first one, I failed miserably...........I was lost, and my child of 27 years is of the world now and cannot understand the change in me and my husband. He is the prodigal who was always of the world, and still is, and cannot understand why his life is not as blessed as ours? He does not understand why he keeps reaping heartache, even though he will not yield to the Lord's instruction.

The second set of children are 11 and 13. This time around is much easier. We started out with a very firm and strong foundation and order in our home. We set the guidelines based on the Word of God, and our children are very happy and well adjusted. We are constantly explaining life to them in a biblical fashion. In other words, we speak always in terms of the spiritual. Why we do WHAT we do. They understand the order of the Lord, and we are still in a peaceful state in our home. Hopefully it will remain that way? We do not enter the teen years expecting a preconceived notion of the "typical" teen years. And so far, we do not see any signs of having to go thru the terrible teens. We just approach these years as raising "adults" rather than raising "children". We explain, and explain, and explain. We worship together, and are very close as a family. Dad has a very vested involvement in raising our kids and so far it's paying off.

If we remember the order implemented by the Lord, we will do well. Our children GET that order. It's dad and mom.........period, then they are expected to be under our authority, just as we are under God's authority. With dad at the forefront of the family and taking full responsibility for the spiritual condition of it. That is vital. It is also vital, that we don't get caught up in the material and monetary focus of the world. Keep your eyes on your Lord, your spouse and your kids, before ALL ELSE! If your kids know that you care, then they will understand your restrictions better. If they do not know WHY you do what you do, then there will be strain. And, you cannot be hypocrites, kids HATE that! You'd better practice what you preach! If you tell them DON"T DRINK, then you'd better not drink. If you tell them DON'T SMOKE, then you'd better not smoke, and so on, and so on, and so on.

In His Love,

Suzanne

[Guest GarySaved]

I have two sons. One is 15, and the other is 13.

I wanted to be a perfect father to them, but I can see I am far from that.

As our kids start making decisions, we all want to be there to help them make the right choices. There is a fine line between helping them make a choice, and trying to make a choice for them. We want to shield them, but not over-protect them.

Our parents say we are not allowing them to see the things they need to start making choices now. I do not. An early-teen may think he is able to make all the decisions properly, but in truth is still prone to trying to 'Fit In'. The world throws images, and advertisers use psychology to induce people to think life really is the way the TV shows them.

There is a battle going on out there. I would rather be able to say I tried to protect my kids as long as I could, than to be afraid I set him on his own too soon. The world is playing for keeps, We only have this one chance to raise them.

Gary

[Guest CheerfulHeart]

This time around is much easier.  We started out with a very firm and strong foundation and order in our home.  We set the guidelines based on the Word of God, and our children are very happy and well adjusted.  We are constantly explaining life to them in a biblical fashion.  In other words, we speak always in terms of the spiritual.  Why we do WHAT we do.  They understand the order of the Lord, and we are still in a peaceful state in our home.  Hopefully it will remain that way?  We do not enter the teen years expecting a preconceived notion of the "typical" teen years.  And so far, we do not see any signs of having to go thru the terrible teens.  We just approach these years as raising "adults" rather than raising "children".  We explain, and explain, and explain.  We worship together, and are very close as a family.  Dad has a very vested involvement in raising our kids and so far it's paying off. 

If we remember the order implemented by the Lord, we will do well.  Our children GET that order.  It's dad and mom.........period, then they are expected to be under our authority, just as we are under God's authority.  With dad at the forefront of the family and taking full responsibility for the spiritual condition of it.  That is vital.  It is also vital, that we don't get caught up in the material and monetary focus of the world.  Keep your eyes on your Lord, your spouse and your kids, before ALL ELSE!  If your kids know that you care, then they will understand your restrictions better.  If they do not know WHY you do what you do, then there will be strain.  And, you cannot be hypocrites, kids HATE that!  You'd better practice what you preach!  If you tell them DON"T DRINK, then you'd better not drink.  If you tell them DON'T SMOKE, then you'd better not smoke, and so on, and so on, and so on.

In His Love,

Suzanne

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

So much of what you said is just exactly the way we've been raising our daughter. Well, actually my husband isn't the spiritual leader in our house... not yet anyway. (But we keep praying for him and one day things will change!) So, I'm the main parent teaching Haley about God. I explain everything to her and show her in the Bible why I am doing what I'm doing. But I think the number one thing that helps her is that I try so hard to NOT be a hypocrite in any way or fashion. I tell her not to smoke, drink, do drugs, or use bad language... and she can follow this easier because she knows that I don't do any of that. But, if a bad word does slip out, or I do something I would consider unChristianly, I am quick to talk to her about it. And funny thing is, she's quick to tell me that God will forgive me! LOL! Because I talk so openly with her, she seems to be more willing to come to me when she's cussed at school, or wanted to say something mean to a friend, etc.

I look at her as a young adult, and I treat her as such for the most part.

I do my best to relate each situation to something in the Bible.. and am finding she is doing the same now.

God has blessed us with this little angel! I hope when we raise more that they are as easy as she is now a days!

Gob Bless!

[other one]

I have two sons.  One is 15, and the other is 13.

I wanted to be a perfect father to them, but I can see I am far from that.

As our kids start making decisions, we all want to be there to help them make the right choices.  There is a fine line between helping them make a choice, and trying to make a choice for them.  We want to shield them, but not over-protect them.

Our parents say we are not allowing them to see the things they need to start making choices now.  I do not.  An early-teen may think he is able to make all the decisions properly, but in truth is still prone to trying to 'Fit In'. The world throws images, and advertisers use psychology  to induce people to think life really is the way the TV shows them.

There is a battle going on out there.  I would rather be able to say I tried to protect my kids as long as I could, than to be afraid I set him on his own too soon.  The world is playing for keeps, We only have this one chance to raise them.

Gary

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

My dad says to let them make those decisions that won't affect their entire lives to start with, and gradually let them make more and more of those serious ones. He overshot me in my senior year of highschool and let me run with a cousin that I had no business being with. He thought I'd be a good influence on him. Lord what I'd give to have those three years back.......

[truesunn]

My mother was EXTREMELY over protective of me which caused me to rebel in an extreme way against anything she had to say. I think my dad had the right idea- "If I were you I would _____ because _____". He used examples from his own younger life, as well as other people's mistakes.

My daughter is only 6, but she understands a lot, and also is already hard headed and stubborn (apple didn't fall far from the tree LOL) I tend to be more like my father in that I explain to her why ______ is a bad idea based upon personal experiences. Seems to work a little better than just a flat out NO.