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GreyDestiny

How do you come to love people whom you simply don't?

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My new job would be fine. I don't mind the work... But there are a few coworkers I take issue with.

As if the work itself isn't hard enough, stupid pettiness (on all of our ends, myself included) gets in the way. As much as I realize one must love their enemies as well, I can't seem to break away from the irritation and anger I feel. They do something to bother me, and I return it in turn. Bad part is, i'm outnumbered; I really don't want these guys to take it up with the boss and see me off simply because we don't click. They like to dilly-dally about because "we get paid by the hour," and all they want to do is sit around and talk about drugs and sex. We worked just fine until they found out I was a "straight edge" who's never been arrested and could easily pass any drug test. I'm the odd man out and it's lead me down a very dark path, one that I don't want to go on but one I find myself on more often than not.

So, I ask you, how do you overcome not hating those who hate you? How do you work with people who you don't click with? Bad part is, i've tried being helpful or offering kindness, but they just don't like me. It can't really be salvaged, near as I can tell, but I just don't want to sink to their level.

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You have already sank to their level.  You've said you feel hate, anger, irritation, and you return evil for evil.  Think about what you've said.

Now. How to fix it.

[1.]  You've said you've tried kindness and that you also return the irritation.  That's a very mixed message indeed.  So stop with the "getting them back" for their irritations.

[2.]  Don't engage in this game that they are playing with you.  They enjoy seeing your be the odd man out.  Ignore what can be ignored.  Smile and take the conversation to something else.  They should soon get the idea that you are not easily goaded anymore.  It may stop.  It may not.

[3.]  Have some compassion in your heart for these people who sound like that they are not saved.  Pray for them regularly.  

[4.] Since this is a new job, you are the odd man out - the newbie.  They should be treating you better.  Perhaps they are just cliquish.  Perhaps they are just mean-spirited.  It wouldn't hurt to ask if you all could try and get along better.

[5.]  Keep every conversation and interaction professional.  You don't have to pretend to be kind.  They know you don't like them.  What you do have to be is civil, professional, the adult in the room, the imitator of Christ in the room.

[6.]  If it gets too bad, don't feel like a "tattletale" if you have to go to the boss or the person who had enough faith to hire you and ask for advice on what to do.  Tell them that you are not ratting anyone out and that you know these people won't change, but ask for a transfer or a different office or just help.

[7.] This is going to take time.  And work on your part.

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Any time you become offended you set a snare for yourself.  at least thats my experience.

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Romans 5:8 NKJV
[8] But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

 

Romans 5:10a NKJV
[10] For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, 

 

You know the forgiving blood that trickled down from Calvary's cross forgiving you?

Let it continue the trickle down to your enemies.

 

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All who try to live godly lives in Christ Jesus will be persecuted.

2Ti 3:10  But you have closely followed my doctrine, the conduct, the purpose, the faith, the long-suffering, the love, the patient endurance,

2Ti 3:11  the persecutions, the sufferings, such as happened to me in Antioch, in Iconium, in Lystra, what persecutions I bore. And the Lord delivered me out of all.

2Ti 3:12  And, indeed, all desiring to live godly in Christ Jesus will be persecuted.

Your co workers are not your enemy.  The battle is spiritual.

Eph 6:10  Finally, be strong in the Lord, and in the strength of his might. Eph 6:11  Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

Eph 6:12  For our wrestling is not against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world’s rulers of the darkness of this age, and against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.  Eph 6:13  Therefore put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and, having done all, to stand.

Eph 6:14  Stand therefore, having the utility belt of truth buckled around your waist, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, Eph 6:15  and having fitted your feet with the preparation of the Good News of peace; Eph 6:16  above all, taking up the shield of faith, with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the evil one. Eph 6:17  And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God;

1Co 10:13  No temptation has taken you except what is common to man. God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted above what you are able, but will with the temptation also make the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

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On 5/25/2018 at 4:28 PM, GreyDestiny said:

My new job would be fine. I don't mind the work... But there are a few coworkers I take issue with.

As if the work itself isn't hard enough, stupid pettiness (on all of our ends, myself included) gets in the way. As much as I realize one must love their enemies as well, I can't seem to break away from the irritation and anger I feel. They do something to bother me, and I return it in turn. Bad part is, i'm outnumbered; I really don't want these guys to take it up with the boss and see me off simply because we don't click. They like to dilly-dally about because "we get paid by the hour," and all they want to do is sit around and talk about drugs and sex. We worked just fine until they found out I was a "straight edge" who's never been arrested and could easily pass any drug test. I'm the odd man out and it's lead me down a very dark path, one that I don't want to go on but one I find myself on more often than not.

So, I ask you, how do you overcome not hating those who hate you? How do you work with people who you don't click with? Bad part is, i've tried being helpful or offering kindness, but they just don't like me. It can't really be salvaged, near as I can tell, but I just don't want to sink to their level.

Hi, from an old geezer now past most workforce day's terrors and opportunities.

"Their level"? "Mind the work"? Therein might be found a couple of useful keys to relief from  personal distress.

Hey for years, once I was called to my own repentance by the Holy Spirit, and did hear and heed that call, I was  often referenced as "Dudley Do Right" in workplace conversations. -Until the day came that they all called me "Boss!".

 I  having become the bigger fish in the small pond was then up and led by God  to a much larger body of water to have to learn to swim in among the larger fish yet. There is always, always, the challenge that leads to greater challenge so that each of us might continue to grow and not be stiffled kept small by our environment of littler water bodies. Best to keep humble, happy in all circumstance else it seems humility comes the hard way. Praise God for the work each day. Do the work well and  be thankful. Let others see whatever they see. Serve God's good purposes in all that is done and try to do all that you do to His Glory.

May God continue to give strength for all tasks. Congratulations on His having given you the  opportunity of your new job! Praise God.

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You have to love them the way that God loves us. We sin everyday and do things against his will all the time; but he still loves us. That's why He sent His only Son to die on the cross for our sins. You have to put away all pride and pray and ask God if there is maybe something you have in your heart against that person. Maybe that's why you're having a hard time loving them.

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On 5/25/2018 at 4:28 PM, GreyDestiny said:

My new job would be fine. I don't mind the work... But there are a few coworkers I take issue with.

As if the work itself isn't hard enough, stupid pettiness (on all of our ends, myself included) gets in the way. As much as I realize one must love their enemies as well, I can't seem to break away from the irritation and anger I feel. They do something to bother me, and I return it in turn. Bad part is, i'm outnumbered; I really don't want these guys to take it up with the boss and see me off simply because we don't click. They like to dilly-dally about because "we get paid by the hour," and all they want to do is sit around and talk about drugs and sex. We worked just fine until they found out I was a "straight edge" who's never been arrested and could easily pass any drug test. I'm the odd man out and it's lead me down a very dark path, one that I don't want to go on but one I find myself on more often than not.

So, I ask you, how do you overcome not hating those who hate you? How do you work with people who you don't click with? Bad part is, i've tried being helpful or offering kindness, but they just don't like me. It can't really be salvaged, near as I can tell, but I just don't want to sink to their level.

Good Morning GreyDestiny,

Good for you that you have judged yourself honestly in this, admitting you are as much at fault as you co-workers.

That is the first step. The next is to dwell on what God has to say to resolve such issues and follow His lead.

FYI: https://www.openbible.info/topics/resolving_conflict

Cheers! :)

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On 5/25/2018 at 3:28 PM, GreyDestiny said:

So, I ask you, how do you overcome not hating those who hate you?

Pray for them.
 

Mat 5:44  But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;  That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.  For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?  And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?
  Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

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