How am I stuck at the beginning stage?

[purplepunk724]

I am trying to get to know God and develop a deeper relationship with him but I have no idea where to begin. I read a verse from the bible everyday but I still don't understand many of them. Also, I struggle with pornography and feel extreme guilt whenever talking to God about it because I feel like he's mad at me. I just want to stop and be a good person and have a relationship with God that I see others have. I just don't understand why it's so hard.

[wingnut-]

I would suggest you start with the four gospels, and one very important thing to do before reading your bible is pray and ask God for understanding.  Don't overdo it, I would recommend a chapter at most so you get the context of the passage.  In regards to the issue of pornography, what you are experiencing there is personal conviction, regarding a sin you are committing.  What you need to do is remove this from your life, by any means necessary.  There are software options available that will block these type of sites, and if you find that doesn't work, then perhaps staying off the internet altogether is necessary.  If it is through television, there are ways to block these types of programs there as well, and if that doesn't work, get rid of cable altogether.  The bottom line is, you are ashamed of your actions, and this is why you feel God is mad at you.  He isn't mad at you by the way, you are precious to Him, but He does hate sin, and your body is the temple in which He resides, so treat it appropriately.

 

Ephesians 4:30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

 

God bless

[Jostler]

On 1/26/2019 at 9:15 PM, purplepunk724 said:

I am trying to get to know God and develop a deeper relationship with him but I have no idea where to begin. I read a verse from the bible everyday but I still don't understand many of them. Also, I struggle with pornography and feel extreme guilt whenever talking to God about it because I feel like he's mad at me. I just want to stop and be a good person and have a relationship with God that I see others have. I just don't understand why it's so hard.

I'd think  maybe you're more "on  track" than it feels like to you right  now   When I read your post I was so struck by  remembering a time when I was exactly where you  are right now.  I'd given  myself to sinning for so long I  too had some very persistent sins  I just couldn't seem to get free from no matter how badly I wanted to.

First let me show you something I hope you'll find encouraging.  You have boldly done something you may not even fully understand.  Your courage and vulnerability  in being so open with things that you are struggling with is a kind of risk taking and transparency ...HONESTY... that He  can work with.  He  loves us TOO much to leave us the way we are

But what you've done is, at  risk of being judged, is open up and ask brothers and sisters in the Lord  for help.   And He made provision for those willing to do that in His Word.

Quote

Jas 5:16

Confess your trespasses[fn] to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.

If you'll notice, it is the one struggling who must initiate this encounter, and whether you consciously understood what you were doing or not, by confessing your struggles you set this in motion.  Whether you knew or not the Spirit did :).   Do you think it's possible He's already leading you into doing the things that will bring change and you're just not quite aware of it yet?  I certainly do :).

Dear Friend I promise  you He has captivated me, drawn me to  your situation and I WILL pray  for you.  I perceive  it as a commission from Him.  Maybe that's because I can so closely identify  with your  situation.  I REMEMBER how horrible it felt and I now know we don't have to feel that way in Him.  I can pray fervently because I'm praying from both an experiential connection to what you're feeling and it inspires a compassion accompanied by a sure  knowledge He'll move you beyond this    Bet me

I want to share two  things to  open our conversation. One is a part of my  story of how He delivered me out of that  place you're now standing  in.  The second is a basic, simple bit of the Word that He might  use to help you  get your  feelings (they're lying  to you right now....real enough....tough to deal with....but lying) more in line with  His truth...reality.

First, my  testimony.  Pull up a chair this will take a minute

I was fortunate enough to be raised in a family that introduced me to the things  of God early.  My mother and father were born again and placed importance on raising their kids with  knowledge  of Him.  My dad made the effort to get me to memorize two passages of Scripture at two  years  of age.  They were Psalm 37:4 and Proverbs 3:5-6.  They've stuck with me all my  life and it was during this massive and frustrating struggle against sin I  experienced He trotted one of those passages out and changed my whole perspective on the fight.

Quote

Psa 37:4

Delight yourself also in the LORD,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

During this season I was truly grieved over my continual return to the sin I hated and ashamed to even try to pray.  Somehow He gave me the strength to approach Him in prayer one more time and this time something happened.  He brought this passage my  father had made me memorize at the age of two to mind.  I  promise you that  if you  will simply not quit, He is just as eager and willing to manifest Himself in you just as powerfully as He did for my sake, as I am about  to describe.

I responded to His prompting by  opening  my  Bible to Psalm 37:4 to read it again.  I read it very slowly and when I hit the word "also" He ARRESTED me on that word.  By now He had made His  presence with  me felt.  I could literally feel the atmosphere had changed and He  was there WITH me.  And it was comforting and relaxing, in no way  condemning.  I have experienced Him this way several times in my life now and I honestly believe you can expect Him to  do the same for you.

Moving on, without words I knew He was asking me to really stop and think about what I was reading when He pulled me to an abrupt stop on the word "also".  So I did.

Delight yourself ALSO...."What is significant  about  that  word?" I thought.   Delight yourself ALSO, in the Lord.....ALSO.  That means "in addition  to".  As soon as I thought "in addition to" for  the second  time in my life He spoke to my mind in words.  It was not literal  sound but words formed in my head that were just as real as if He was sitting across the table from me. 

I thought "In addition  to what, Lord?"  and He said "In addition to that sin you're delighting in."

??!!  What??!

As He continued to explain, number one He  was NOT excusing the  sin.  He will never do that.  But His meaning was pointing to the fact that my  focus  on that  sin, had brought  me to a place of feeling such  shame that I couldn't read my Bible, couldn't pray and couldn't face Him.  He  made it clear that  I needed  to focus on and delight  in Him in SPITE of  those feelings.  The feelings were lying.

Now, He also  opened up a "layer" of meaning from that verse I had never seen before.  As a child and up to  this  point I had understood that passage:

Quote

Psa 37:4

Delight yourself also in the LORD,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

...to mean that if I would delight myself in Him, He  would fulfill my heart's desires.   And it's true! He DELIGHTS in fulfilling every holy  heart's desire any  of  His kids can come up  with   But there is a deeper layer of meaning contained there and it was this  one He  now opened for me for the first  time.

I was given to understand that if I would FOCUS on delighting  in Him to the  fullest extent I was able, He promised me He  would work  in that to GIVE ME  the desires of the  heart that were pleasing to  Him.

In other  words, He wasn't ignoring the sin, He was saying that my focusing  ON the  sin more than on Him was actually empowering  its hold on me and if I would focus on Him  more instead He  would take away the unholy DESIRE to sin and replace it with His desires for me so that I'd WANT the same things He  wanted for me.  He promised to transform my heart and not just fulfill the desires of my own but actually begin taking  away the unholy desires that were plaguing me and replace them with desires He longed to fulfill for my sake

He's no respecter of persons.  There is not one single thing He'll do for me that He  won't do for any one  of His other  children.  This encounter with Him has been applied by  me over and over when I'm confronted with unholy  desires and He has been faithful to His promise.

That's my testimony on that part....I hope He speaks to  you through it.  He is faithful.  This dynamic is powerful and I came to understand this is why  satan will inspire feelings of deep shame and desire to hide when he's managed to get us to give ourselves to sinning.  If he  can keep us from delighting in Him because of the shame and deep desire to "hide" from Him then we'll keep ourselves locked up in a prison  of our  own making.  Notice that's one of the first things that hit Adam after he fell.  He hid.  Satan got him to hide from the ANSWER to his problem.

The other thing I wanted to  bring to bear is really  simple, but difficult to apply.  It takes some work, and in fact it is the ONLY work He assigned to US.  EVERYTHING else is HIS work which  we are to  engage with, and when He  says to, to such a degree that it's not us "working" at all but Him working through us.  And the "work" He  assigned us isn't even a physical act   We are to  enter  into REST....ceasing from physical "doing" of ANYTHING that comes from our own inspiration.  Another topic   Maybe we can get  into  that  later ....dunno...we'll see where  He goes with this.  But this is the "work" He assigned to us:

Quote

Jhn 6:29

¶

Jesus answered and said to them, “This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom He sent.”

The 'work' He assigned us is simply believing.  Lets back up a verse and get the  context for proof.

Quote

Jhn 6:28-29

¶

Then they said to Him, “What shall we do, that we may work the works of God?”

 

 

¶

Jesus answered and said to them, “This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom He sent.”

Someone in the  crowd had asked a genuine  question and I believe Jesus genuinely answered with exactly  the  right answer.  I'm assuming the question came from a real desire to serve and please God and Jesus genuinely responded.

It's your BELIEF that your  current emotions  of guilt and shame are designed to attack.  And there lies your "work".

Quote

Eph 1:6

to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved.

1.  It is HIS grace, which HE extended, apart from any  "works" we can do

2. That has MADE us (past tense!....done deal!)

3.  ACCEPTED.  PERIOD.

As we are,  RIGHT  NOW.....in all our faults and remaining  sins.

Any feeling that says otherwise is lying and deserves resistance

I'll stop here.  I love you and I am praying  for you   And I KNOW He'll hear me not because of who  I am but because He SAID He would and He  is  faithful.

Hang on soldier the ride gets wild and a lot more enjoyable from here

Edited March 16, 2020 by Jostler

[purplepunk724]

I can't begin to tell you the relief that I washed over me once I saw this response. A wave of comfort and peace was placed upon me by the Lord through the actions of your response and for that I thank you! I know that this journey will be long and hard, but I am definitely trying to become the person that God has planned for me to be and sinning is not within that. When you mentioned your testimony that was very similar to my issue I was delighted to know that I was not alone!But instead taken in and understood and listened to. I've been ashamed for so long but I now feel the strength to move on another day and fight the demons that are pulling me away from my primary focus...God. I believe that God called me to open my laptop this evening just as temptation usually arises for me to see this message and become convicted to not participating in my usual sinful ways.

 

Thank you for praying for me:) I feel your love and support in my spirit and will keep it with me always through this tough journey.

 

Have a blessed day! 

From your fellow soldier:)

[Jostler]

3 minutes ago, purplepunk724 said:

I can't begin to tell you the relief that I washed over me once I saw this response. A wave of comfort and peace was placed upon me by the Lord through the actions of your response and for that I thank you! I know that this journey will be long and hard, but I am definitely trying to become the person that God has planned for me to be and sinning is not within that. When you mentioned your testimony that was very similar to my issue I was delighted to know that I was not alone!But instead taken in and understood and listened to. I've been ashamed for so long but I now feel the strength to move on another day and fight the demons that are pulling me away from my primary focus...God. I believe that God called me to open my laptop this evening just as temptation usually arises for me to see this message and become convicted to not participating in my usual sinful ways.

 

Thank you for praying for me:) I feel your love and support in my spirit and will keep it with me always through this tough journey.

 

Have a blessed day! 

From your fellow soldier:)

*BIG HUGS* 

[Willa]

We are told to keep on being filled with the Holy Spirit.  He gives the power and boldness that Jesus promised us to enable us to do His will.  So surrender to Jesus and give up your will and rights in exchange for the power and  love of the Holy Spirit guiding your life and you will never regret it.  He also explains Scriptures to us.   

[Who me]

On 1/27/2019 at 5:15 AM, purplepunk724 said:

I am trying to get to know God

Two suggestions:-

use daily bible reading notes, they giove a passage and an explanation of it.

or

Attend church regularly and ask questions of the preacher afterwards or check out the christianityexplored site for a church running this course and join it.

It will let you ask questions, discuss Christianity without the embarisment of doing it in front of people you know.

On 1/27/2019 at 5:15 AM, purplepunk724 said:

I struggle with pornography

Get anti virus that will let you block porn and set it up to do that.

[Neighbor]

On 1/27/2019 at 12:15 AM, purplepunk724 said:

I am trying to get to know God and develop a deeper relationship with him but I have no idea where to begin. I read a verse from the bible everyday but I still don't understand many of them. Also, I struggle with pornography and feel extreme guilt whenever talking to God about it because I feel like he's mad at me. I just want to stop and be a good person and have a relationship with God that I see others have. I just don't understand why it's so hard.

Hi, There is a short book titled  "not even a hint", by Joshua Harris that may be of help as you also read pray and think over the word of God your Bible. Extrabiblical resources like his short book can be  of great benefit in helping to motivate any person into reading the Bible with better understanding.

The short book deals directly with lust especially  as it pertains to the younger but physically mature male or female- for both males and females deal with lust expressed in sexual activities. 

May I give a personal thought here; you can't be a good person, not good enough, you can't be the perfect person which is what God requires. Just can't do it. You can be seen as perfect though in the eyes of God, perfect for your flaws are covered in the shed blood of Jesus if you accept and wear that covering.

The price of your personal sin,  even the sin of lust, has already been taken care of, covered, paid for,- by Jesus at the cross at Calvary by His shed blood. Start there, do not let satan, nor satan's demons, nor his minions the naysayers and rules makers, cause you grief nor scare you into thinking you are not a good  enough person therefore you  are not seen as perfect in the sight of God the Father. Don't buy satan's lie.

Always remember and count on the willing sacrifice made by Jesus who is Lord God and the personal savior of all that  are saved. He has already has fully covered my sin, your sin, and the sin of all that have been called to hear of the sacrifce made by Jesus. All sin, past, present, and future, - it is covered. Start there, then learn through your Bible with prayer and thinking upon its words of the ways you may do all things that you do to glorify God. Not to meet His standard, for you can't  no one can, but to glorify Him, which every  Christian can do.

Do not let satan nor demons nor any man nor woman steal your joy an dyour certain hope which is th eperfection that God sees when he sees you washed white as snow by the shed blood of Jesus.

 

There is a simple song with a profound truth.  written  by Lewis E Jones;

Would you be free from the burden of sin?
There’s pow’r in the blood, pow’r in the blood;
Would you o’er evil a victory win?
There’s wonderful pow’r in the blood.

Refrain:
There is pow’r, pow’r, wonder-working pow’r
In the blood of the Lamb;
There is pow’r, pow’r, wonder-working pow’r
In the precious blood of the Lamb.

Would you be free from your passion and pride?
There’s pow’r in the blood, pow’r in the blood;
Come for a cleansing to Calvary’s tide;
There’s wonderful pow’r in the blood.

(refrain repeated)

Would you be whiter, much whiter than snow?
There’s pow’r in the blood, pow’r in the blood;
Sin-stains are lost in its life-giving flow;
There’s wonderful pow’r in the blood.

( refrain repeated)

Would you do service for Jesus your King?
There’s pow’r in the blood, pow’r in the blood;
Would you live daily His praises to sing?
There’s wonderful pow’r in the blood.

 

May the words and the well known tune help provide to you additional energy with  strong impetuous to read the word of God learn of the power in the blood of the precious lamb of God our Lord Jesus. Victory is yours by Jesus  God who came in the flesh lived - died -  descended - rose and ascended to heaven-, and there makes a place for you.

  

[missmuffet]

On 1/26/2019 at 9:15 PM, purplepunk724 said:

I am trying to get to know God and develop a deeper relationship with him but I have no idea where to begin. I read a verse from the bible everyday but I still don't understand many of them. Also, I struggle with pornography and feel extreme guilt whenever talking to God about it because I feel like he's mad at me. I just want to stop and be a good person and have a relationship with God that I see others have. I just don't understand why it's so hard.

You might want to begin by asking Jesus Christ into your life to be your Lord and Savior and asking for forgiveness of your sins. You can talk to God about anything. He knows it all anyway. He wants you to talk to Him about anything you struggle with. You are making it hard. God has always loved you and has been by your side. You just have to commit your life to Him. 

[purplepunk724]

7 hours ago, Willa said:

We are told to keep on being filled with the Holy Spirit.  He gives the power and boldness that Jesus promised us to enable us to do His will.  So surrender to Jesus and give up your will and rights in exchange for the power and  love of the Holy Spirit guiding your life and you will never regret it.  He also explains Scriptures to us.   

Thank you for you reply! I am currently in the process, but just out of curiosity how do you personally surrender to Jesus? Is that something that is to be done in prayer? or just through my everyday action?