I just want to move on

[mlssufan01]

I've done everything I can.  I had a 5-year friendship with a pastor's family, and I loved them so much.  Looking back, I foolishly had an online friendship with one of the pastor's daughters (I stress friendship, we never crossed any serious lines), and after 5 years, I was just cut off, she and her sister ignored me and blew me off at church, and their brother approached me to tell me I was "barely tolerable."  This triggered symptoms of schizo bipolar, including paranoia, hallucinations, depression.  I only spoked with her father twice since then...and it just leaves me more confused.  He says there's no animosity, but then says I'd only be allowed to certain services...and then his family woul partially block me on some platforms, but then some would still like my facebook posts---it was infuriating.  Reluctantly, at the advice of many,  I finally blocked them...but I think about them all the time.  It's torture.  I tried the worst thing for 7 months as a result of everything I lost as a result of this church; I only take solace in the fact I haven't tried suicide in quite some time and I've drastically improved my life since then...but not a day goes by I don't think about them.  I don't live near them anymore, so I don't even know why I want to reconcile, but I can't help my natural tendencies.  I just want to forget everything...and I just don't know how.

[missmuffet]

4 minutes ago, mlssufan01 said:

I've done everything I can.  I had a 5-year friendship with a pastor's family, and I loved them so much.  Looking back, I foolishly had an online friendship with one of the pastor's daughters (I stress friendship, we never crossed any serious lines), and after 5 years, I was just cut off, she and her sister ignored me and blew me off at church, and their brother approached me to tell me I was "barely tolerable."  This triggered symptoms of schizo bipolar, including paranoia, hallucinations, depression.  I only spoked with her father twice since then...and it just leaves me more confused.  He says there's no animosity, but then says I'd only be allowed to certain services...and then his family woul partially block me on some platforms, but then some would still like my facebook posts---it was infuriating.  Reluctantly, at the advice of many,  I finally blocked them...but I think about them all the time.  It's torture.  I tried the worst thing for 7 months as a result of everything I lost as a result of this church; I only take solace in the fact I haven't tried suicide in quite some time and I've drastically improved my life since then...but not a day goes by I don't think about them.  I don't live near them anymore, so I don't even know why I want to reconcile, but I can't help my natural tendencies.  I just want to forget everything...and I just don't know how.

Give this all to God and pick yourself up and brush yourself off and move on.

[BeauJangles]

29 minutes ago, missmuffet said:

Give this all to God and pick yourself up and brush yourself off and move on.

This is some good advice, bro. You're obsessing about this needlessly. I'll certainly pray for you, because I do understand your feelings about it. It must be very difficult. God bless you. 

[Kristin]

This is where Salvation enters your life. It’s good you are here.  As everyone who has been alive awhile, this is common. Life hurts. 

Jesus Christ saves us and makes us part of Himself. 

[appy]

This is now going on year 3 of this problem with you wanting to be back into this family's life and wanting people here to feel sorry for you. What your saying today, is a drastic change from your story in the past.  Your an much older man than wants to stay in contact with someone's children that does NOT want to be in contact with you, because if they did, you would not be posting yet again about it. Folks talked at length with you about this 3 years ago, and again here on the forums back in December. You have a very unhealthy interest in this family. They set up the boundary, and I strongly suggest that you respect it. Not only in person, but online as well. Because it appears that your trying to coerce that family to associate with you, by getting other people to chastise them online; who do not have the details you previously shared in the past. Its a form of bullying and stalking. I remember your past conversations well because you brought it up a lot for a long, long time and it was discussed at length each time with multiple of people for months.

You told us in chat yourself, that the the pastor of this family at the one church told you specifically and directly that you were not to phone text or chat online with this pastor's or father of said children who were then minors. You, yourself told folks in chat, that the pastor told you to drop the matter multiple times and to leave them alone. As a parent of said children, it is his right. You were very upset with the parents for cutting off your ability to chat with their kids without the parents being present.

That family is NOT obligated to associate with you in any way shape or form. You had numerous people telling you in chat, that you should abide by their wishes, and not have contact with that family, simply because the family asked you to leave them alone.  It was also recommended that you change church's since you were so bothered by it. And because you claimed that you did not want the mother was clicking on the “like” button of whatever you were posting on facebook, back in December of 2019 you were told by other folks to block any responses from her or any one else from that family.

A parent's first and foremost responsibility as a parent is to uphold their children's safety and well being. That is their job. From past conversations with you, I think it is safe to assume there is a lot more to the story than you have shared overall, and the severance had more to do with the parents feeling that the relationship between you and their kids was going in the direction of being unhealthy, with no improvement in sight than them simply being wronged. And they set up a boundary that is in theirs and your best interest which you objected to back then and are still objecting to today.

 

 

[mlssufan01]

4 hours ago, appy said:

This is now going on year 3 of this problem with you wanting to be back into this family's life and wanting people here to feel sorry for you. What your saying today, is a drastic change from your story in the past.  Your an much older man than wants to stay in contact with someone's children that does NOT want to be in contact with you, because if they did, you would not be posting yet again about it. Folks talked at length with you about this 3 years ago, and again here on the forums back in December. You have a very unhealthy interest in this family. They set up the boundary, and I strongly suggest that you respect it. Not only in person, but online as well. Because it appears that your trying to coerce that family to associate with you, by getting other people to chastise them online; who do not have the details you previously shared in the past. Its a form of bullying and stalking. I remember your past conversations well because you brought it up a lot for a long, long time and it was discussed at length each time with multiple of people for months.

You told us in chat yourself, that the the pastor of this family at the one church told you specifically and directly that you were not to phone text or chat online with this pastor's or father of said children who were then minors. You, yourself told folks in chat, that the pastor told you to drop the matter multiple times and to leave them alone. As a parent of said children, it is his right. You were very upset with the parents for cutting off your ability to chat with their kids without the parents being present.

That family is NOT obligated to associate with you in any way shape or form. You had numerous people telling you in chat, that you should abide by their wishes, and not have contact with that family, simply because the family asked you to leave them alone.  It was also recommended that you change church's since you were so bothered by it. And because you claimed that you did not want the mother was clicking on the “like” button of whatever you were posting on facebook, back in December of 2019 you were told by other folks to block any responses from her or any one else from that family.

A parent's first and foremost responsibility as a parent is to uphold their children's safety and well being. That is their job. From past conversations with you, I think it is safe to assume there is a lot more to the story than you have shared overall, and the severance had more to do with the parents feeling that the relationship between you and their kids was going in the direction of being unhealthy, with no improvement in sight than them simply being wronged. And they set up a boundary that is in theirs and your best interest which you objected to back then and are still objecting to today.

 

 

if you read my post...all the advice you have said here I have done.  I haven't contacted them (other than the 2 meetings with the pastor), and I have blocked them as you have said, and I never went back to that church.  This post isn't about us reconciling, it's about me not being able to to remove them from my memories.  Also, the pastor never said to "drop the matter."  The last time I expressed my concern, which was a long time ago, and even blatantly gave him the out when I said, "if your family would like no contact, I would respect it;"  he did not acknowledge that statement--when I gave him that statement he said he would like to "give me the space I need to move forward" but then offered to have coffee.....in other words---it's a lot of mixed signals over and over.

Edited March 9, 2020 by mlssufan01

[mlssufan01]

1 minute ago, DustyRoad said:

I highlighted an element of your story that I wasn't acquainted with before. You suffer from bipolar schizoaffective disorder? That changes things considerably.

The shifting narrative along with the agony suddenly makes sense, @mlssufan01. I think I understand why you've been coming here: you really do want help but this is the only way you know how to articulate it. It might help your brothers and sisters to know that paranoia and delusions are an integral feature of schizoaffective disorder... I know that, but that's because I have bipolar disorder type 2 (as well as Asperger's syndrome) so I'm familiar with the territory. I suffer from delusions as well only mine are of a different nature than yours are.   

This needs to be put out there so @appy and others can understand why you generate a new story each time you come around on the forum. You can't help it... it's something you do involuntarily. This doesn't excuse the damage to this family my friend, but it does help for us to know the truth behind this matter. 

Dang...I didn't even put those 2 together...
but that being said, I still don't think I said anything completely false.  But it could explain why I perceive their boundary as an attack on me.  But I do think there is so much to this story, so I don't think I'm creating a new story, more as saying it from a different perspective.  I am fully aware some of the incident that played out could have made the girl and family uncomfortable...but even so, my issue here is just wanting to forget them and move on....which, all things considered, does seem to be an improvement from past posts.  All I'm saying is I followed everyone's advice...and it doesn't seem to work to be able to move on.

[Justin Adams]

5 minutes ago, mlssufan01 said:

but even so, my issue here is just wanting to forget them and move on

This may be difficult since you have internal conflict. The mind is not well understood and the perversions to our cognition can be influenced from outside of ourselves. Wanting to 'move on' is probably an escape mechanism and though that idea seems good, because of what I just said it can be elusive. We catch ourselves returning even though we think we are leaving.

There are some folk that might help this fragmentation. Perhaps check our the Dr. Heiser Naked Bible 089 recording on YouTube. It might give you a perspective and a hope that this can be resolved. Foundational issues are probably to be faced and that can be hard in a vacuum of you, yourself and who you think your are. Blessings.

Watch that video and see what you think.

[BeauJangles]

11 minutes ago, mlssufan01 said:

Dang...

Yeah, Hank Hill would have said this. 

[mlssufan01]

19 minutes ago, Justin Adams said:

This may be difficult since you have internal conflict. The mind is not well understood and the perversions to our cognition can be influenced from outside of ourselves. Wanting to 'move on' is probably an escape mechanism and though that idea seems good, because of what I just said it can be elusive. We catch ourselves returning even though we think we are leaving.

There are some folk that might help this fragmentation. Perhaps check our the Dr. Heiser Naked Bible 089 recording on YouTube. It might give you a perspective and a hope that this can be resolved. Foundational issues are probably to be faced and that can be hard in a vacuum of you, yourself and who you think your are. Blessings.

Watch that video and see what you think.

I'm not sure I understand, correct me if I'm wrong...it just seems a largely drawn out way of saying God is omniscient/all-knowing; but I'm not sure how that directly relates to this situation in an applicable way.  There also seems to be a lot about predestination here, which is more on the doctrine of grace and salvation, which I think is quite different than the topic at hand involving severed relationships between a pastor and parishioner or two Christian brothers/sisters, whether justified or not.  I would offer though, that broken relationships are the best way I've been able to explain reconciliation between God and man, God and man being separated...however it is different in that it is always the man who sins and not God...but that's getting tangential.