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If You Wish You Didn’t Exist


Fidei Defensor

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Wishing to not exist is somethng I believe every person has felt or thought. This world tests our limits, but thanks be to Christ that He is there for us in our darkest hours. 

Edited by Fidei Defensor
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On 7/30/2020 at 4:45 PM, ChickenCoop said:

When I was 9 years old I started praying to God every day to kill me.

Few years ago I attempted suicide by hanging.  

I felt myself leaving my body. 

Then I heard a voice yell no.

Then like an explosion. 

There I was on the floor trying to figure out what happened. 

The rope broke. 

I still want to go as soon as possible. 

However, God's will not mine. 

So, what I do now is not commit suicide one day at a time. 

Every night at midnight I promise God I will not commit suicide for this new day. 

And I pray to Him to help me not break that promise. 

I posted this in case my system can help others. 

Life can be so overwhelming one day at a time helps. 

Let us endure one day at a time and focus on the Kingdom of God. 

Wow. Thats very powerful. Can I ask what made you feel such despair?

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41 minutes ago, Figure of eighty said:

Wow. Thats very powerful. Can I ask what made you feel such despair?

My life has been an unbearable nightmare since my earliest memory.  That being when I was almost murdered by my mother. 

I grew up in a family where drug and alcohol abuse were the norm. 

I endured physical abuse from parents and sexual abuse from an older brother. 

I suffer from several horrible chronic pain conditions and have 24/7 pain since in my teens and am in my 60s now. 

I have other problems I can't mention that are even worse than my chronic pain conditions. 

And now, if you have read my recent prayer request, you will see what else I am dealing with. 

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Wow. My brother. You must know that my prayers will always be with you.

I am a peaceful and gentle person, normally  But I must admit, all forms of child abuse make me glad that there is a day of wrath. A day when all those who hurt innocent people will really pay for what they have done. 

But I know God is still good. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord. Thank God He is the judge and not us.

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What Jesus thought of abusing children: 

If anyone causes one of these little ones (young children)--those who believe in me--to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.” (Matthew 18:6) 

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We should thank God for everyday He gives us.  

I thank Him for keeping His Hand on me and ... yes my dogs every night.  I thank Him everyday for His hand on us during the day.  I think Him that I can get up in the mornings, move,, breathe,,   I thank Him that I can buy food, pay my bills and have a God who will never leave me for forsake me.  But most of all I thank  Jesus for His death on the cross, that He took all my sins on Himself, and that He rose again  and that someday I will be with Him forever. I'm not saying it's easy.  Life is anything but easy. Someone once said, "if the mountain was smooth you couldn't climb it."  It takes so little time to say "thank you" but is so worth it. You would be surprised how it changes your outlook on life.

Life is a gift and it is all from Him.  Rest in Him and know that He's got you.  Be thankful.

Because He Lives! 

RustyAngeL.

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When someone says nothing is better than something they should not be trusted with your tuna sandwich....

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Psalm 18: 46-50 (ESV) 

 

46 The Lord lives, and blessed be my rock,
    and exalted be the God of my salvation—
47 the God who gave me vengeance
    and subdued peoples under me,
48 who rescued me from my enemies;
    yes, you exalted me above those who rose against me;
    you delivered me from the man of violence.

49 For this I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations,
    and sing to your name.
50 Great salvation he brings to his king,
    and shows steadfast love to his anointed,
    to David and his offspring forever.

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Lord God, mighty and true, bless us, be with us, pour out your spirit upon us. Show yourself strong in this time. Lift up the downtrodden. Let your justice be executed swiftly and let your kingdom come and your will be done in earth as it is in heaven!  Come quickly :group-hug:

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