Dysfunctional family

[Guest]

I come from a terrible family.

 

What can i do? I am so stressed and so disappointed in my own lack of self control. Please pray for me and i value any advice of course. I want to be better than this, i want to be right with Jesus. I feel i am a failure and it is devastating. It's killing my peace and i have so little strength. My family is a source of hatred never of comfort or support. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited January 29, 2022 by Melinda12

[Guest clancy]

I sympathise with you, I too came from a dysfunctional family, my parents played us off against the other, I haven’t spoken to my brothers in years, one lives in the same town as me, when our paths cross, we ignore each other, like we are strangers,

I also suffered with lack of control, God knows your heart Sis, hand it over to him, he knows what you have/ are going through.

The Holy Spirit has helped me forgive my parents, it has taken years to let the pain go, he will get you to that place, trust in him,?

[Guest]

33 minutes ago, clancy said:

I sympathise with you, I too came from a dysfunctional family, my parents played us off against the other, I haven’t spoken to my brothers in years, one lives in the same town as me, when our paths cross, we ignore each other, like we are strangers,

I also suffered with lack of control, God knows your heart Sis, hand it over to him, he knows what you have/ are going through.

The Holy Spirit has helped me forgive my parents, it has taken years to let the pain go, he will get you to that place, trust in him,?

Thankyou. I forgave my father before he died. That was the best thing ever. 

[Riverwalker]

Step 1. (which you may have already accomplished.) see what part of this is on you and own it

Step 2. Take it God and give it to him, ask forgiveness, repent from the negativity  and ask for help overcoming it

Step 3. Stop looking back.  Instead look forward, as they say, this is the first day of the rest of your life.

Step 4. Pray going forward for help and strength to over come. Live Life, Live, Laugh Love

 

wash rinse and repeat as necessary 

[Waggles]

2 hours ago, Melinda12 said:

What can i do? I am so stressed and so disappointed in my own lack of self control. Please pray for me and i value any advice of course. I want to be better than this, i want to be right with Jesus. I feel i am a failure and it is devastating. It's killing my peace and i have so little strength. My family is a source of hatred never of comfort or support.

They are responsible for themselves, but as a Christian and a disciple of Christ Jesus you still have moral commandments to fulfill regardless of your circumstances. 

Romans 12:14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly; never be conceited. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but take thought for what is noble in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends upon you, live peaceably with all. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God; for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 No, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals upon his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

verse 18 is important and of practical wisdom; our Lord knows that worldly people will not always be agreeable to get along with.

Do what you have to do concerning your mother's estate. Suffer wrong and loss if need be. Then part and separate yourself from their aggravation. 

"Drive out a scoffer, and strife will go out, and quarrelling and abuse will cease." - Proverbs 22:10

[Arrabon]

@Melinda12 my sister.

I too grew up in a dysfunctional family with one sister.

I never could figure out why my parents got married and had kids. Still can't to this day.

They didn't seem to like each other much, and they really disliked being parents.

Both parents came from abusive homes, and were full of anger and meanness towards me especially, and were both very abusive towards me. My sister became pretty selfish and mean as she got older and divorced her husband because he got fat and she got really selfish. I haven't seen her in nearly 30 years but have no anger towards her or my parents.

For me, forgiveness in my heart from Jesus Christ towards them, really helped me not be angry at them.

My parents have both passed, but if I ever saw my sister I would be kind to her, but I just wouldn't know what to say it's been so long.

It's a shame these kind of things can happen that we have no control over, but we can still use the love and kindness God has given us to be gentle and caring with people who have hurt us, because forgiveness is alive and living in out hearts from Christ our Lord.

God bless all of you, and may God comfort those of you in emotional pain.

There is so much pain in our world.

My name is Arrabon

Edited June 18, 2021 by Arrabon

[appy]

Remember my reply to you when you asked about your hubby? You mentioned in this thread about there being tension between your family and you over your faith. My reply back in May, applies to unbelieving family members. You can't make them believe, accept them for who they are and not for they are not. Agree on the things you can, and apply Christian behavior when needed. After a while they may want what you have in Christ...

A recap of my other reply, which would be my thoughts and suggestions for unbelieving family members

 

On 5/19/2021 at 4:39 AM, appy said:

 

My reply is based on only what you have said here.

When you met him and at the beginning of your marriage, you didn't focus on how he didn't measure up and continually point this out to him on a regular basis. Reminding him that he don't measure up in the way you expect spiritual wise, or in other areas of your marriage, leaves him with the impression and feeling, that you would rather be somewhere else instead of with him.

Instead of focusing on his shortcomings, and how he doesn't measure up to your expectations, focus on what he is doing right. Remind him of all the little things you do like about him instead of pointing out faults. Thank him for when he does things for you. Tell him what you do like about him.

Do not fret that he does not have the same commitment to Christ as you do. God is still shaping and molding him, maybe not as quickly or in the way you would like.  Accept him for who he is, not for who he is not. Just pray for him and let God change him.    If you will start doing this,  eventually he will warm back up.

 

 

[appy]

1 hour ago, Melinda12 said:

Thankyou. I forgave my father before he died. That was the best thing ever. 

Do this with all family members and other relatives.  This is more for your benefit, than theirs.  Anger and resentment is a heavy burden to carry around. Give those burdens to the Lord.

[R. Hartono]

1 hour ago, Melinda12 said:

Thankyou. I forgave my father before he died. That was the best thing ever. 

Amen, praise God.

We all shall die, don't let hatred separate you from God, don't let anybody take ur crown. Carry the cross means to Forgive ur siblings n every body. 

 

[Guest]

4 hours ago, Riverwalker said:

Step 1. (which you may have already accomplished.) see what part of this is on you and own it

Step 2. Take it God and give it to him, ask forgiveness, repent from the negativity  and ask for help overcoming it

Step 3. Stop looking back.  Instead look forward, as they say, this is the first day of the rest of your life.

Step 4. Pray going forward for help and strength to over come. Live Life, Live, Laugh Love

 

wash rinse and repeat as necessary 

Very good advice which i will follow. I am deeply troubled and praying for forgiveness for my loss of self control. For my anger. I am letting myself down. 

It is clear that bad feeling spreads. As i am upset i feel inclined to take it out on my husband and anyone else nearby - this is bad news. Instead i am taking it into prayer. My brother and i had a quarrel because he wanted to provoke me, he succeeded. I ought to learn to keep my cool. I know God commands us not to hate our brothers. It is akin to murder.