How much can a Pastor say to his wife

[Sirsilius]

Good advice from all of the above.

[gypc]

A Pastor should never ever, ever talk to women or teenage girls alone without his wife. If his wife can't be trusted just as much him, then it might be time to find another Pastor.

If your gonna tell your Pastor something that you don't want his wife knowing then tell someone else.

Now, if a teen is on drugs, or has been sexually abused, or wants to kill themselves, a good Pastor will get to the bottem of it and sometimes getting to the bottem of it......to save a life, might require him to break that trust as he discerns. But if a Pastor just talks about someones problems to anyone, he can;t be trusted. There are no set rules in these situations.

.....except...

A good Pastor will never put himself in a situation of being alone in the office with females.

[Leonard]

For my part, as a Priest, what is spoken 'under the stole' cannot even be shared with my wife.

I take it you must be a priest in the Anglican Church?

kittylover0991;

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

We're called the Charismatic Episcopal Church. We are not a part of the Anglican Communion.

[Leonard]

Kittylover: I for one, am apalled that he would have done so without even reading it himself, and ESPECIALLY for doing so without your specific permission.

Further, he should not offer counseling to you without a very trusted, tried, and mature Christian woman present.

Perhaps he is just a young fellow, and didn't really understand how such things should be handled, but before he was put into a position of trust and authority in your church, he ought to have been trained in some basic Pastoral care......

[kittylover0991]

Hey.. um... i took some people's advice and i talked to him a bit today(very calmly but still in a nervous state ) and the conclusion of it is that any letters.. his wife reads.. now I know what to expect from him..

[Guest stevej]

Kitty.

Very glad you talked with him. I am very disappointed in the response. I will continue to keep you in my prayers

steve

[Iryssa]

I would agree that he should have read it first...I also agree that the character of a Youth Pastor's wife is EXTREMELY important. I, for one, go to my youth pastor's wife first, even before him For one thing, she's a woman, like me, and has had a lot of the same experiences, especially when it comes to personal female issues, if you know what I mean *grin* For another thing, my youth pastor always pretty much deferred to her when it comes to the girls in the youth group, and he was very open about that. He still did his best to handle the things he could, and kept secrets if we asked him to...there are some things, though, that girls just need to share with girls (if something like that came up, he would often saysomething like "how would you feel about talking to my wife about that? I'm sure she'd be able to help you a lot better than me.").

When they (my youth pastor and his wife) moved on from the position, my church sought hard to find someone whose wife was as willing to be as involved in the youth group as the husband, because we found her to be an invaluable part of the ministry. To this day, I'm still friends with my youth pastor's wife. He is now our senior pastor (but he'll always be my youth pastor to me *grin* my years in that youth group have given me so many wonderful memories), and all our lives are very different (they have a baby!!), but the relationship we built in those years is still SO important.

My point is this: if your youth pastor's wife IS someone you can trust, don't underestimate her value

I must say, though, that your Youth Pastor should have told you about that policy he has first...I can understand a woman wanting to be able to read a letter her husband got from another woman, but he should have told you. He didn't do it wiht malicious intent, though, so I wouldn't worry about it overmuch. Easier said than done, I know, especially when it's a personal matter...but do try.

[Giaour]

What about a pastor who takes a private conversation and turns it into a sermon in front of the whole congregation? Of course he never said my name but he used direct quotes from our talk and made me feel betrayed.

[kittylover0991]

aw Giaour.. I am so sorry that that happened and i understand.. I dont' think he intended to do that.. i think he just preached on whatever the Lord laid on his heart.

Remember how I was talking about talking to my youth pastor about an issue? I used to talk to my old youth pastor about this.. so i guess i expected certain things. The thing with that.. the Wednesday after he finally told me he knew it was me(I used the "I have a friend who has this prob" sit.) he preached on staying pure and virginity.. and he preached on staying right for the person we are to marry some day.. and not being caught up in those sexual sins..

He had me scared half to death that he preached on that.. I went and talked to him afterwards, but before i coudl say anything, he told me that he didnt' intend to preach on that he didn't direct that at me. He just preached what God laid on his heart.

Try talking to your pastor and tell him it bothered you. When you are having a problem with someone, especially like that, go and talk to him about it. It may have been a misunderstanding, and since he was preaching, God probably laid that on his heart to say it

I am sorry that you were offended, but i will pray for you. I also dont' think that he thought exactly about your situation like that.. i bet he was thinking in general TRust him, talk to him if you can.

[Iryssa]

I think he should have asked you first, in that situation...I don't have a problem with pastors using real-life situations, but permission should definitely be asked! Maybe talk to him about it...very calmly, and lovingly...but he should know; very likely he didn't even realize it would affect you that way, and he might unintentionally hurt other people the same way if you don't bring his attention to it.