The belt

[Boy15Boy]

I'm 15 and my mom keeps a leather belt in her bedroom ready to give me corporal punishment when she thinks its necessary. She will also ground me and give me chores as alternative punishments. My question is is it right for my mom to spank me as a punishment? She does it very hard also. I know that a child must obey its parents and disobedience to the parent should be punished and so when i disobey or behave badly i deserve to get punished . But i personally don't feel like getting the belt is a useful punishment, i mean it hurts so in that way it does what its meant to do, punish. But i don't think it really teaches me anything. At least when i'm grounded i have time to think and consider how to do better, so being grounded seems like its more helpful. And when i have chores i am doing something useful and getting exercise. But the belt is just pain with no real purpose other than the pain itself and because i think she enjoys doing it. I always get the feeling she is quite excited when she brings the belt out to beat me.

[Henry_iain]

Hi. I hope I can help. I'll give you my perspective as a social worker. I'm quite conservative where this is concerned and I believe there is a time and place for corporal punishment. This is also in agreement with Scripture as I understand it  (e.g Proverbs 13:24). Pain helps us to grow. Discipline is never pleasant but is ultimately for our good and is actually evidence of love (Read through Hebrews 10).

You said she does it when she thinks it's necessary. But you also say you think she enjoys doing it. What makes you think this is the case? Parenting is hard. I'm sure your mother loves you and is doing what she thinks is best. And from what I pick up from your writtings, she is doing a good job. 

All this being said, between you and me, I believe it should be last resort when other options have been tried (and you yourself admit your mother does use alternatives). I also think it tends to be less effective for older kids and can backfire. 

Of course, no discipline would be necessary if you behave yourself .  But I do understand that this hard sometimes and you will make mistakes.  Choose to learn from it. Even if you don't think it teaches you much, let it motivate you to learn how to act better. 

Let me just state quite clearly that I do not advocate any sort of abuse. It becomes abusive when it is done out of anger and not out of love. I get the sense that this is not the case here. 

Finally, and most importantly, pray about it, see what Scripture says and also tell your mother how you feel. Many parents value such feedback.  She might not necessarily be aware if his you feel about it.

This is just my thoughts. I could be wrong. 

[Boy15Boy]

Thank you for the reply. Well sometimes she seems to have a smirk on her face when she tells me i'm getting the strap, like as if she is very excited about it. I don't know. But my reaction when she tells me i'm getting the strap is usually to say that i will go and get ready which means i will go and lie face down on my bed, pants lowered and then she will get the belt and come in. I never argue or try to stop it, i always respect her decision on punishment.

I have never felt that is was abuse, it is punishment not abuse and yes you're right it is in scripture. I think i deserve punishment when i don't behave, i can't disagree on that.

[ladypeartree]

The answer may be to actually behave ??? 

I have to say  I am not a fan of using a belt or other such things as it is too easy to go too far and cause physical injury ....  it would need to be reserved if used at all for the most serious of infraction. Here in the UK it is now illegal to even smack a child with your hand and I can see the result in a few years time with out of control young people but is it possible to talk to your mum when you are both in good moods and come to an agreement as to what punishments are more suitable and at least why that particular one is being used ? 

[enoob57]

Proverbs 13:24 (KJV)

[24] He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.

Hell is the eternal ... and God 'IS' love!

[Ani Tefillah]

2 hours ago, Boy15Boy said:

Thank you for the reply. Well sometimes she seems to have a smirk on her face when she tells me i'm getting the strap, like as if she is very excited about it. I don't know. But my reaction when she tells me i'm getting the strap is usually to say that i will go and get ready which means i will go and lie face down on my bed, pants lowered and then she will get the belt and come in. I never argue or try to stop it, i always respect her decision on punishment.

I have never felt that is was abuse, it is punishment not abuse and yes you're right it is in scripture. I think i deserve punishment when i don't behave, i can't disagree on that.

That's wise words from a teenager! 

In Norway 🇳🇴, I think it's not allowed to punish a child like that, which I think is not a good thing for the children, as they need to be punished in one way or another if they've done something wrong, to be able to learn how to behave themselves etc, or they will end up being spoiled and with no character or compassion towards others etc. 

May the Lord bless you and keep you in Himself to the end! 

[teddyv]

@Boy15Boy In your case, what kind of behaviour warrants such a punishment? 

Fifteen seems definitely too old for this type of punishment. I have a 15 year old and I could not even comprehend giving her the strap, even if she did willfully misbehave. Same for my younger ones as well.

[BK1110]

Yes, 15 seems too old. I feel like corporal punishment works on children because there is real fear of the pain then. By the time you're a teenager you're not going to have any fear/respect for that level of pain (if the level of pain is enough to cause fear of it then it's probably the parent going too far physically). Corporal punishment seems good when teaching young children to respect authority and expect consequences for misbehavior/sin/law-breaking etc.

This raises red flags in my mind regarding the mother in this case, even without the suspicion from you that she may enjoy it. Of course, obedience is very important, as long as she's not telling you to do sinful things.

[Ani Tefillah]

4 hours ago, Josheb said:

NO, IT IS NOT RIGHT OR OKAY!

 

If this op is not a bad joke then please tell someone in a position of authority immediately. If you were coming to see me professionally I, as a mandated reporter, would be calling the local Child Protective Services (CPS) to minute you left my office. Not only are you way too old for corporal punishment but the ever-present threat of assault with a belt is psychological abuse. I might ask you some questions such as has a "spanking" (it's not a spanking if a belt is being used) ever resulted in welts? bruises? lacerations? Has any corporal punishment ever resulted in the need for medical care (physician or hospital)? These are all undeniable evidence of abuse. If a school counselor or church clergy does nothing, then call your local CPS yourself. Tell your mother to stop, and tell her it is time for her to find alternative age appropriate means of parenting. 

 

I am not a left-wing snowflake opposed to spanking. 

 

Neither am I kidding. Tell someone. 

 🇳🇴

Edited April 7, 2022 by MonicaWife

[kwikphilly]

On 4/6/2022 at 8:57 AM, Boy15Boy said:

Thank you for the reply. Well sometimes she seems to have a smirk on her face when she tells me i'm getting the strap, like as if she is very excited about it. I don't know. But my reaction when she tells me i'm getting the strap is usually to say that i will go and get ready which means i will go and lie face down on my bed, pants lowered and then she will get the belt and come in. I never argue or try to stop it, i always respect her decision on punishment.

I have never felt that is was abuse, it is punishment not abuse and yes you're right it is in scripture. I think i deserve punishment when i don't behave, i can't disagree on that.

 I dont know but something about this rubs me the wrong way.... A 15yr old boy with pants lowered to get the" spanking"....??? Why are you asking if it doesnt bother you & you see nothing wrong with it because you think you deserve it?

 Firstly, getting hit hard with a belt is not spanking a child & secondly , spankings are inappropriate & ineffective long before age 15......

 Mention this to one of your school teachers or high school guidance counselors and thats a good start....