Where has my faith gone?

[Thewhitedove]

Thank you everyone. You are all so faithful. I really needed to step away from this forum and come back to reread all of these messages. I feel so weary at times, like there is a blockage inside of me, and am longing for the rest. Thanks for the refreshment. You are all so good and never let me down when I need support.

[enoob57]

On 1/21/2023 at 4:44 AM, Thewhitedove said:

I've gradually stopped reading scripture. I live abroad and the only English speaking church with sound doctrine dissolved after Covid. I feel spiritually empty. 

I have in the past searched for God from the bottom of my heart and not got much back. This has happened so many times. My husband is a non believer, none of my family is saved, most of my friends are non believers...its lonely, so, so lonely.

I'm a terrible evangelist and every time I do manage to share the Gospel, it goes right over the other person's head. 

I am the minority in a world of woke, left wing, tolerant people and everything seems like psychological warfare as I try to navigate my way. 

In the past I have experienced extreme spiritual burnout several times and am now at a point where I feel very little. The only positive thing is that I can still pray.

I am struggling with scripture, can't face listening to sermons or worship music. I am still able to talk to God but can't hear Him. I want Him in my life but am just so, so tired of the sense of emptiness I get in response to all of my trying.

I feel my faith and spirit slowly dying. None of it makes any sense anymore. Its just a hard, tough slog. Our pastor once said if you can't feel close to God it's because you haven't tried hard enough, it's 'on you'. What if you have searched and searched in the past and felt like you have got nowhere? I feel like my entire faith walk has all been a figment of my imagination.

My atheist husband never had any spiritual conflict, happily accepts all kinds of issues, and generally has an easier internal life than me. I'm supposed to be a light in the world and honestly feel that since I became a Christian, the only difference is that I feel like I am in constant bondage.

I have asked God to reveal Himself to me l, the true God who sets the captives free, and I get nothing. Just anxiety, fear, worry, abandonment, and sometimes a sense of rejection. Sometimes it feels like a sick joke, like a riddle that you spend so long working out and by the time you think you have an answer, the riddle has changed. Sometimes it feels like mental abuse. If someone in real life led me on in the way I feel God has done, I wouldn't have anything to do with them.

I feel like I'm constantly digging so deep while also putting on a front of the perfect Christian. I tell people how Christ has changed my life and how I've so much joy and peace now, but it's a lie!!!

I don't drink since I became a Christian and this has solved most of my problems, but not drinking isn't exclusive to Christians. I hardly read the Bible to my kids anymore and don't have the strength to argue with husband when he puts Harry Potter on for them. 

I'm so tired. 

Quote

I've gradually stopped reading scripture. I live abroad and the only English speaking church with sound doctrine dissolved after Covid. I feel spiritually empty. 

I am struggling with scripture, can't face listening to sermons or worship music. I am still able to talk to God but can't hear Him. I want Him in my life but am just so, so tired of the sense of emptiness I get in response to all of my trying.

It is The Scripture that exposes lies within us and the same that establishes faith in our wonderful Lord...
Romans 10:17 (KJV)
[17] So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.

Quote

Its just a hard, tough slog. Our pastor once said if you can't feel close to God it's because you haven't tried hard enough, it's 'on you'. What if you have searched and searched in the past and felt like you have got nowhere? I feel like my entire faith walk has all been a figment of my imagination.

Here is how Scripture works:
Titus 1:2 (KJV)
[2] In hope of eternal life, which God, that cannot lie, promised before the world began;

Hebrews 13:5 (KJV)
[5] Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

So I ask you what your thinking and feeling, 'if you ask Jesus to save you', is it lie or truth?

Quote

I have asked God to reveal Himself to me l, the true God who sets the captives free, and I get nothing. Just anxiety, fear, worry, abandonment, and sometimes a sense of rejection. Sometimes it feels like a sick joke, like a riddle that you spend so long working out and by the time you think you have an answer, the riddle has changed. Sometimes it feels like mental abuse. If someone in real life led me on in the way I feel God has done, I wouldn't have anything to do with them.

I feel like I'm constantly digging so deep while also putting on a front of the perfect Christian. I tell people how Christ has changed my life and how I've so much joy and peace now, but it's a lie!!!

One of the things children of God should be taught right from the get go is the warfare of flesh with Spirit... we are in a fallen world cursed by God and we are to walk not in this world but in Spirit with God, yet still in unredeemed flesh... what you have done is placed trust (in your thoughts and feeling) that have come from flesh... when in fact it is His Word that reshapes our mind and living here.

Ephesians 5:26 (KJV)
[26] That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

2 Timothy 2:15 (KJV)
[15] Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.

2 Timothy 3:15 (KJV)
[15] And that from a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. 16] All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:
[17] That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works.

Notice the theme of your confession:
1. I've gradually stopped reading scripture.
2. I have in the past searched for God from the bottom of my heart and not
    got much back.
3. I am struggling with scripture, can't face listening to sermons or worship
    music.
4. I feel my faith and spirit slowly dying.
5. I have asked God to reveal Himself to me
6.  I hardly read the Bible to my kids anymore

God's Word is the food of the s/Spirit within ... it appears to me that you are looking to other resources to find God and how to walk with Him in this fallen place... Not going to happen... 

Like I pointed out above God says He will never leave nor forsake us and God cannot lie... your testimony to us is He has... Loved one we know God will never leave us nor forsake us and if were having Spiritual difficulty it is some lie we have taken in as truth within and must find it and rebuke it and forsake it... this is growth and sanctification in God...

Look at the temptation of Jesus in Scripture:
Matthew 4:2 (KJV)

[2] And when he had fasted forty days and forty nights, he was afterward an hungred.

[3] And when the tempter came to him, he said, If thou be the Son of God, command that these stones be made bread.

[4] But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.

[5] Then the devil taketh him up into the holy city, and setteth him on a pinnacle of the temple,

[6] And saith unto him, If thou be the Son of God, cast thyself down: for it is written, He shall give his angels charge concerning thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone.

[7] Jesus said unto him, It is written again, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God.

[8] Again, the devil taketh him up into an exceeding high mountain, and sheweth him all the kingdoms of the world, and the glory of them;

[9] And saith unto him, All these things will I give thee, if thou wilt fall down and worship me.

[10] Then saith Jesus unto him, Get thee hence, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve.

[11] Then the devil leaveth him, and, behold, angels came and ministered unto him.

Jesus met every temptation with Scripture ... get it?

 

 

 

 

 

[farouk]

On 1/22/2023 at 11:40 AM, ladypeartree said:

Do you remember when you first found out you were going to be a mum ? How excited you were how you were going to be the best mum ever and your child would be amazing and have a fresh home cooked meal every day and never eat too many sweets and etc etc etc ? Then the baby is born and you do your very best BUT it is hard work and sometimes you dont get it right ... then another child arrives and it gets harder to do all the things you promised yourself you would do You no longer feel like the best mum on the world and sometimes you even feel like the worst .? Do you stop loving those children ? Or do you carry on doing the best you can and learn to live with the knowledge that you are NOT perfect and can never be so ?

God is NOT expecting you to be His perfect person ... in fact that is why His Son came  to die on that cross because God KNEW we would all fail to live up to our and his perfect plans .  You DO NOT haVE TO BE A BRILLIANT EVANGALIST  You DO NOT have to worry about everyone in the world that has some new dotty idea ,,you just have to love the person and hate the sin  JUST BE STILL AND KNOW THAT GOD IS WITH YOU  . 

I am physically unable to get to what was my home church but I CAN fellowship on line and I CAN ask God to refresh me and show me what HE wants me to do I can join the bible club here at Worthy and work through day by day .

I can REST in the Lord and KNOW I am loved even with all my imperfections . Better to teach your children that sometimes we stumble and fall but as long as we dont stay down but get up and  try again then we are doing our best   and that applies to our faith as well as anything else . We can all pray with and for you dear sister so dont lose heart YOU ARE LOVED 

Hi @ladypeartree Every true believer in the Lord Jesus can indeed 'grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ'........(2 Peter 3.18)......

[Tristen]

On 1/21/2023 at 8:44 PM, Thewhitedove said:

I've gradually stopped reading scripture. I live abroad and the only English speaking church with sound doctrine dissolved after Covid. I feel spiritually empty. 

I have in the past searched for God from the bottom of my heart and not got much back. This has happened so many times. My husband is a non believer, none of my family is saved, most of my friends are non believers...its lonely, so, so lonely.

I'm a terrible evangelist and every time I do manage to share the Gospel, it goes right over the other person's head. 

I am the minority in a world of woke, left wing, tolerant people and everything seems like psychological warfare as I try to navigate my way. 

In the past I have experienced extreme spiritual burnout several times and am now at a point where I feel very little. The only positive thing is that I can still pray.

I am struggling with scripture, can't face listening to sermons or worship music. I am still able to talk to God but can't hear Him. I want Him in my life but am just so, so tired of the sense of emptiness I get in response to all of my trying.

I feel my faith and spirit slowly dying. None of it makes any sense anymore. Its just a hard, tough slog. Our pastor once said if you can't feel close to God it's because you haven't tried hard enough, it's 'on you'. What if you have searched and searched in the past and felt like you have got nowhere? I feel like my entire faith walk has all been a figment of my imagination.

My atheist husband never had any spiritual conflict, happily accepts all kinds of issues, and generally has an easier internal life than me. I'm supposed to be a light in the world and honestly feel that since I became a Christian, the only difference is that I feel like I am in constant bondage.

I have asked God to reveal Himself to me l, the true God who sets the captives free, and I get nothing. Just anxiety, fear, worry, abandonment, and sometimes a sense of rejection. Sometimes it feels like a sick joke, like a riddle that you spend so long working out and by the time you think you have an answer, the riddle has changed. Sometimes it feels like mental abuse. If someone in real life led me on in the way I feel God has done, I wouldn't have anything to do with them.

I feel like I'm constantly digging so deep while also putting on a front of the perfect Christian. I tell people how Christ has changed my life and how I've so much joy and peace now, but it's a lie!!!

I don't drink since I became a Christian and this has solved most of my problems, but not drinking isn't exclusive to Christians. I hardly read the Bible to my kids anymore and don't have the strength to argue with husband when he puts Harry Potter on for them. 

I'm so tired. 

I think if you are "tired", you should rest in Jesus arms.

It seems to me that you are too focused on trying to be this perfect Christian; trying to be someone who reads the Bible and prays, trying to be an evangelist, trying to convince your husband, trying to be light, etc.

This kind of legalistic mentality burns out many Christians. Jesus already made you perfect - without your help. You don't need to work any more - just learn to enjoy walking with God. Relax - you don't have to be anyone but yourself. Fellowship with Jesus should not be considered a chore, but a privilege; a purchased freedom. Just talk to God, and be mindful of God, throughout your day.

Remember Martha, who busied herself while her sister Mary just sat with Jesus.

Luke 10:38-42
Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word. But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me.” And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”

Matthew 11:28
Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

 

Light does not try to be "light". It just shines - and overcomes darkness without effort.

John 15:5
“I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.

 

And you don't have to argue with your husband.

1 Peter 3:1-2
Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.

 

And you don't have to be "lonely" - because Jesus said, "I am with you always" (Matthew 28:20) and "I will never leave you nor forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5)

 

[Vine Abider]

10 hours ago, Tristen said:

I think if you are "tired", you should rest in Jesus arms.

It seems to me that you are too focused on trying to be this perfect Christian; trying to be someone who reads the Bible and prays, trying to be an evangelist, trying to convince your husband, trying to be light, etc.

This kind of legalistic mentality burns out many Christians. Jesus already made you perfect - without your help. You don't need to work any more - just learn to enjoy walking with God. Relax - you don't have to be anyone but yourself. Fellowship with Jesus should not be considered a chore, but a privilege; a purchased freedom. Just talk to God, and be mindful of God, throughout your day.

Remember Martha, who busied herself while her sister Mary just sat with Jesus.

Luke 10:38-42
Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word. But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me.” And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”

Matthew 11:28
Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

 

Light does not try to be "light". It just shines - and overcomes darkness without effort.

John 15:5
“I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.

 

And you don't have to argue with your husband.

1 Peter 3:1-2
Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.

 

And you don't have to be "lonely" - because Jesus said, "I am with you always" (Matthew 28:20) and "I will never leave you nor forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5)

 

Excellent!  And I would just add to that - just be "faithful in a few things" as per Matthew 25:23.  The master told the faithful servant this and then said, "Enter into the joy of your lord."  He doesn't expect us to be faithful in a lot of big things . . . just a few things.

For me being faithful in a few things includes recognizing I'm weak and just turning to Him and taking everything to Him.  EVERYTHING!  He covered all our shortcomings in His shed blood and there is ZERO CONDEMNATION to us in Christ Jesus.  None! 

Second for me is then just letting Him operate through His life in me.  We can do nothing apart from Him and His Spirit in us, and cannot transform ourselves one iota. 

So coming to Him and letting Him operate in you - that pretty much sums up being "faithful in a few things!"

[farouk]

On 5/13/2023 at 12:34 AM, Tristen said:

I think if you are "tired", you should rest in Jesus arms.

It seems to me that you are too focused on trying to be this perfect Christian; trying to be someone who reads the Bible and prays, trying to be an evangelist, trying to convince your husband, trying to be light, etc.

This kind of legalistic mentality burns out many Christians. Jesus already made you perfect - without your help. You don't need to work any more - just learn to enjoy walking with God. Relax - you don't have to be anyone but yourself. Fellowship with Jesus should not be considered a chore, but a privilege; a purchased freedom. Just talk to God, and be mindful of God, throughout your day.

Remember Martha, who busied herself while her sister Mary just sat with Jesus.

Luke 10:38-42
Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word. But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore tell her to help me.” And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”

Matthew 11:28
Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

 

Light does not try to be "light". It just shines - and overcomes darkness without effort.

John 15:5
“I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.

 

And you don't have to argue with your husband.

1 Peter 3:1-2
Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.

 

And you don't have to be "lonely" - because Jesus said, "I am with you always" (Matthew 28:20) and "I will never leave you nor forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5)

 

Hi @Tristen I am also reminded of Mark 6.31: "And he said unto them, Come ye yourselves apart into a desert place, and rest a while: for there were many coming and going, and they had no leisure so much as to eat."

The Lord knows the frailty of His followers, and how they need to rest in order to renew their energy in service.

[farouk]

On 2/26/2023 at 4:40 AM, Thewhitedove said:

Thank you everyone. You are all so faithful. I really needed to step away from this forum and come back to reread all of these messages. I feel so weary at times, like there is a blockage inside of me, and am longing for the rest. Thanks for the refreshment. You are all so good and never let me down when I need support.

@Thewhitedove So do keep up with prayer and the Scriptures; these are so important.........

[farouk]

@Tristen Re. your  comment about vain "trying", I think for the believer, learning to rest in the Lord is the path of faith. I'm sure you would agree.

[Solus Christus]

Your experience is not uncommon. There seems to be a strong spirit on the earth causing people to burn out in the faith. That said, I use to be until recently the guy with all the answers, Bible Answer Man The Second, it really burned me out. Now I find myself looking at the same passages where I was so certain my interpretation was accurate, and now I have questions about those same passages, and am comfortable with not grasping it all. 
On essentials like salvation, who Jesus is, and et  we are dogmatic, but on stuff that is less clear we can be open to different views and we do not have to have all the answers.