Not sure how to fix this problem

[Figure of eighty]

So I've come to realize I have a problem.  Not talking about the menta stuff but I truly feel I don't have a heart for God and I don't care. 

I've been baptized twice and I just idk I don't care. I get angry and mad at God. I know I shouldn't but I feel like God doesn't care much about me, doesn't want to see me happy and just keeps me in isolation purposefully. 

I just know I'm not like other Christians who strive to please God. I'm just mad at him, I also feel afraid of being a mindless bot bc that's happened to my brother and I don't want to give up control. I know I'm in a bad place bc I had a dream last night ( which is prompting this thread)  I dreamt I was at church and it was during a sermon-- I was sitting in the pews my aunt that's a pastor said let anyone or thing that doesn't love God flee this place. I got nervous but stayed. After service my aunt confronted me and asked if I had anything I wanted to repent from? 

 

So I felt like God was talking to me. So I did repent but I get angry often and quick bc of my mental issues bc I'm struggling with them and I'm alone and I feel like I wish God would help with that.. 

 

But yeah, I know this isn't a popular stance to have but I need help changing my heart but I feel a bit lackadaisical  about it and I don't want to let go of control. I'm just being honest again sorry if this offends anyone. I just don't know what to do. Also prob my mental issue flaring up but I feel God is mad at me now...

Edited April 16 by Figure of eighty

[ladypeartree]

Sad not mad  is what I have no doubt God feels at the moment You say you dont want to give up control so lets be honest here ................. God says no sex before marriage so you took control and had a child with someone you didnt even stay with  Did God get mad ? NO He made sure you had a roof over your head and food to eat and some help with your child  BUT it was not the perfect paradise you wanted control of SOOOOO You did it again and had another child with another person you didnt marry or stay with so YOU are in control NOT God  Am I judging you ? NO I have a granddaughter that has done the same thing and she too likes to be IN CONTROL of her life ...it is HER choice and between her and God just as it is your choice in in YOUR control YET you both feel that God should be doing more for you , should be making your lives easier because by making YOUR OWN CHOICES and being IN CONTROL OF YOUR POWN LIVES you have made your lives more difficult and harder  so who do you blame for this ??? Yourself and your control issues ??? NOOOO you both think it is God being mean to you 

Instead of being on your knees and weeping for joy that GOD has given you two healthy children  you blame HIM because YOUR choices have not brought you the control and happiness you think you are entitled to

Perhaps you do have a problem but it is NOT because God  doesnt care about you it is because YOU dont care about anyone BUT you . I understand you are depressed and it is an illness and I understand you feel overwhelmed at time and tired ( I had 4 very young children and escaped from a violent husband  and was left to work and care for them and try to maker a better life for us all so YES I DO KNOW HOW HARD IT IS ) Yet never did I contemplate killing myself as the easy way out and leaving them to face what I couldn't .YOU HAVE THE CHOICES AND CONTROL NOT THEM   they didnt ask to be born nor do they have ANY control 

Does you post offend me ?? NO I just feel sorry for you and will continue to pray for you but it is time to grow up and learn to live with the results of YOUR choices' and control of situations and maybe learn to make better choices or hand over that control to God who cant make things worse than YOU have done  but will not just wave a magic wand and make your consequences disappear  We ALL make bad choices at times and we all have to live with the consequences of those choices but with Gods grace if we humble ourselves before Him and ask for His help and guidance ( and I dont mean just make public  gestures and think thats all we need ) He gives us the strength and the grace to get through the valleys in life and back to the hill tops were we can give praise and thanks to HIM 

[D. Adrien]

12 hours ago, Figure of eighty said:

So I've come to realize I have a problem.  Not talking about the menta stuff but I truly feel I don't have a heart for God and I don't care. 

I've been baptized twice and I just idk I don't care. I get angry and mad at God. I know I shouldn't but I feel like God doesn't care much about me, doesn't want to see me happy and just keeps me in isolation purposefully. 

I just know I'm not like other Christians who strive to please God. I'm just mad at him, I also feel afraid of being a mindless bot bc that's happened to my brother and I don't want to give up control. I know I'm in a bad place bc I had a dream last night ( which is prompting this thread)  I dreamt I was at church and it was during a sermon-- I was sitting in the pews my aunt that's a pastor said let anyone or thing that doesn't love God flee this place. I got nervous but stayed. After service my aunt confronted me and asked if I had anything I wanted to repent from? 

 

So I felt like God was talking to me. So I did repent but I get angry often and quick bc of my mental issues bc I'm struggling with them and I'm alone and I feel like I wish God would help with that.. 

 

But yeah, I know this isn't a popular stance to have but I need help changing my heart but I feel a bit lackadaisical  about it and I don't want to let go of control. I'm just being honest again sorry if this offends anyone. I just don't know what to do. Also prob my mental issue flaring up but I feel God is mad at me now...

Figure of eighty, sometimes the individual needs to just do as they please and believe that control is held in their own hands to live the life that seems fitting for the moment. Of course, this is just an illusion provided by the god of this world so as to have achieved control of the individual through all the shiny alluring trinkets and emotional attachments.

 I spent approximately ten years believing I had control of my own destiny, reveling in hedonism and nihilism. After ten years or there abouts, I was spent, tired and knew that my rebellious nature was of no value to myself or anyone else near me. Mercifully, Jesus with perfect timing sought me out and provided me a means of a deeper repentance. I gladly accepted His offer and have lived my best life imaginable in humble submission and agreement to His will. I will never be perfect as long as I drag this body around, but I know that someday His promise of perfection will be achieved on the other side of this earthly existence. I hope that you have the time to find truth while living in this world before your spirit is called to return to God Almighty. Not every rebel survives their rebellion.

[RdJ]

14 hours ago, Figure of eighty said:

So I've come to realize I have a problem.  Not talking about the menta stuff but I truly feel I don't have a heart for God and I don't care. 

I've been baptized twice and I just idk I don't care. I get angry and mad at God. I know I shouldn't but I feel like God doesn't care much about me, doesn't want to see me happy and just keeps me in isolation purposefully. 

I just know I'm not like other Christians who strive to please God. I'm just mad at him, I also feel afraid of being a mindless bot bc that's happened to my brother and I don't want to give up control. I know I'm in a bad place bc I had a dream last night ( which is prompting this thread)  I dreamt I was at church and it was during a sermon-- I was sitting in the pews my aunt that's a pastor said let anyone or thing that doesn't love God flee this place. I got nervous but stayed. After service my aunt confronted me and asked if I had anything I wanted to repent from? 

 

So I felt like God was talking to me. So I did repent but I get angry often and quick bc of my mental issues bc I'm struggling with them and I'm alone and I feel like I wish God would help with that.. 

 

But yeah, I know this isn't a popular stance to have but I need help changing my heart but I feel a bit lackadaisical  about it and I don't want to let go of control. I'm just being honest again sorry if this offends anyone. I just don't know what to do. Also prob my mental issue flaring up but I feel God is mad at me now...

Interesting dream.

God could only help me when I repented.

Edited April 17 by RdJ

[WilliamL]

On 4/16/2024 at 2:29 PM, Figure of eighty said:

...I don't want to let go of control.

The summation of your difficulty.

If one refuses to accept the Lord as Lord, but continues to demand to be their own lord, then that is what the Lord will allow one to do. But the results thereof will always bring sorrow in the end.

Because only God is good, and therefore only God can bring good into our lives. But that comes at the cost of our submission to Him.

Choose whom you will serve. Right now, it is you. And it ain't working.

[Debp]

On 4/16/2024 at 1:29 PM, Figure of eighty said:

I just know I'm not like other Christians who strive to please God.

Do you realize that walking with the Lord is a life of peace and even joy throughout hard times?   Sometimes we might not have overwhelming joy, but inside we still have peace.

Jesus said His yoke is easy and His burden is light.   You talk about striving... although we do want to live godly in Christ, to me it isn't about striving.   It's about resting in Jesus and walking with Him....a life of peace.    A good life, away from the troubles that sin brings.

[Tristen]

God is not "mad" at you.

Or do you really think you surprised God into an emotional reaction?

God knew exactly what He was getting with you - and He loved you anyway - with a love beyond comprehension. If your feelings tell you otherwise, then your feelings are lying to you. It is your responsibility to make a decision to trust what God's Word tells us, and to reject the lies of your feelings.

Forget about what other Christians appear to be doing. They either will go through, or already have gone through, an experience similar to yours. Your walk with God is your own.

And forget about striving to be anyone other than yourself. Stop comparing yourself to others. Just get to know God. Talk to Him about what is on your mind - honestly. Let Him speak to you through His Word, through sermons, through circumstances etc.. No pressure. 

Constant striving puts out the flame in many Christians. Fellowship with God is not a chore, but relationship. You talk when you have something to say, and God talks when He has something to say. Otherwise, you can simply enjoy each other's company. 

If you think you are too angry or lax, talk to God about it. God's kingdom is "righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit". If you don't have that, ask God how to get hold of it. It's not supposed to be rocket surgery 😊 .

[Figure of eighty]

On 4/17/2024 at 2:40 AM, ladypeartree said:

Sad not mad  is what I have no doubt God feels at the moment You say you dont want to give up control so lets be honest here ................. God says no sex before marriage so you took control and had a child with someone you didnt even stay with  Did God get mad ? NO He made sure you had a roof over your head and food to eat and some help with your child  BUT it was not the perfect paradise you wanted control of SOOOOO You did it again and had another child with another person you didnt marry or stay with so YOU are in control NOT God  Am I judging you ? NO I have a granddaughter that has done the same thing and she too likes to be IN CONTROL of her life ...it is HER choice and between her and God just as it is your choice in in YOUR control YET you both feel that God should be doing more for you , should be making your lives easier because by making YOUR OWN CHOICES and being IN CONTROL OF YOUR POWN LIVES you have made your lives more difficult and harder  so who do you blame for this ??? Yourself and your control issues ??? NOOOO you both think it is God being mean to you 

Instead of being on your knees and weeping for joy that GOD has given you two healthy children  you blame HIM because YOUR choices have not brought you the control and happiness you think you are entitled to

Perhaps you do have a problem but it is NOT because God  doesnt care about you it is because YOU dont care about anyone BUT you . I understand you are depressed and it is an illness and I understand you feel overwhelmed at time and tired ( I had 4 very young children and escaped from a violent husband  and was left to work and care for them and try to maker a better life for us all so YES I DO KNOW HOW HARD IT IS ) Yet never did I contemplate killing myself as the easy way out and leaving them to face what I couldn't .YOU HAVE THE CHOICES AND CONTROL NOT THEM   they didnt ask to be born nor do they have ANY control 

Does you post offend me ?? NO I just feel sorry for you and will continue to pray for you but it is time to grow up and learn to live with the results of YOUR choices' and control of situations and maybe learn to make better choices or hand over that control to God who cant make things worse than YOU have done  but will not just wave a magic wand and make your consequences disappear  We ALL make bad choices at times and we all have to live with the consequences of those choices but with Gods grace if we humble ourselves before Him and ask for His help and guidance ( and I dont mean just make public  gestures and think thats all we need ) He gives us the strength and the grace to get through the valleys in life and back to the hill tops were we can give praise and thanks to HIM 

I agree with a lot of what you're saying but when I have those *S* thoughts I'm not willing it. I want to be here and be with my kids. Mental health is a discussion for another topic but I am working hard to provide a better life for my kids. When I have road blocks that's where my anger comes from bc I am trying really hard. 

I am thankful to God I have healthy kids. Everything else you said was spot on.

[Figure of eighty]

15 hours ago, Tristen said:

God is not "mad" at you.

Or do you really think you surprised God into an emotional reaction?

God knew exactly what He was getting with you - and He loved you anyway - with a love beyond comprehension. If your feelings tell you otherwise, then your feelings are lying to you. It is your responsibility to make a decision to trust what God's Word tells us, and to reject the lies of your feelings.

Forget about what other Christians appear to be doing. They either will go through, or already have gone through, an experience similar to yours. Your walk with God is your own.

And forget about striving to be anyone other than yourself. Stop comparing yourself to others. Just get to know God. Talk to Him about what is on your mind - honestly. Let Him speak to you through His Word, through sermons, through circumstances etc.. No pressure. 

Constant striving puts out the flame in many Christians. Fellowship with God is not a chore, but relationship. You talk when you have something to say, and God talks when He has something to say. Otherwise, you can simply enjoy each other's company. 

If you think you are too angry or lax, talk to God about it. God's kingdom is "righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit". If you don't have that, ask God how to get hold of it. It's not supposed to be rocket surgery 😊 .

Thank you. This makes me feel better knowing God knew what he was getting with me. 

[Figure of eighty]

On 4/18/2024 at 8:29 PM, Debp said:

Do you realize that walking with the Lord is a life of peace and even joy throughout hard times?   Sometimes we might not have overwhelming joy, but inside we still have peace.

Jesus said His yoke is easy and His burden is light.   You talk about striving... although we do want to live godly in Christ, to me it isn't about striving.   It's about resting in Jesus and walking with Him....a life of peace.    A good life, away from the troubles that sin brings.

How do you rest when you have worries like rent and school ect?