My Christian wife left me after 31 years of marriage

[Gman24]

I really need help. Two months ago my wife left me after 31 years of marriage, because I was married before.

We have two grownup sons, great family. We love each other, I love her and she told me that she loves me, even after she left. She recently discovered in the Bible that she cannot live with me, because it’s a sin that I brought,  because I was married before.
 

My first wife cheated on me with my friend, that’s why we divorced. I could not stay with her any longer. We were young. I even tried to get back with her with no success. She had since married to that man, and they live happily now, as I understand.

However, my situation is so different.  I’m still in unbelief about what happened. I’ve been begging her to come back. I asked many our Christian friends to help. They all think that was not a right decision for her to leave me. My wife was not a believer when we got married. She became Christian 24 years ago, and all those years she didn’t know about what Bible says about divorce and remarriage, so it feels so unfair to me and our kids. And my heart is totally broken… 

[LuftWaffle]

That's such a bizarre reason to end a 31 year marriage. So bizarre in fact that one has to wonder if she has some ulterior motive. Prior to her wanting the divorce, how was things in the marriage? Any different behavior etc.?

Edited October 11, 2024 by LuftWaffle

[Sparks]

1 hour ago, Gman24 said:

We have two grownup sons, great family. We love each other, I love her and she told me that she loves me, even after she left. She recently discovered in the Bible that she cannot live with me, because it’s a sin that I brought,  because I was married before.

Why does she feel your prior marriage is an unforgivable sin, and why does she feel she is the one who has to enforce anything about it? People often take one little line of scripture and think they have the whole story, but there are Biblical reasons for a divorce and seemingly, even for a divorce and remarriage.  

Overall, we cannot 'undo' a single sin which is why we need a savior, but our savior Jesus forgives our sins and took on our sins by His blood sacrifice, on the cross.  For those saved, our sins are forgiven.  Our records are not just balanced, but cancelled.  Fortunately we are not saved by keeping the laws, but by the grace of God.  The only sin that is unforgivable today is to fail to accept the Gift of Salvation offered by our Lord.     

[enoob57]

according to the Bible your first marriage and divorce says this
Matthew 5:32 (KJV)

[32] But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

[33] Again, ye have heard that it hath been said by them of old time, Thou shalt not forswear thyself, but shalt perform unto the Lord thine oaths:

So, you have your answer both you and your wife... I would seriously pray for your wife...

[Gman24]

2 hours ago, LuftWaffle said:

That's such a bizarre reason to end a 31 year marriage. So bizarre in fact that one has to wonder if she has some ulterior motive. Prior to her wanting the divorce, how was things in the marriage? Any different behavior etc.?

We have had our moments, nothing particularly significant. I must be honest with you; I’m not a believer. The only topic we ever disagreed on was religion. I realize I wasn’t fair to her because I didn’t understand how important it was to her.  To me, I was trying to protect her; it’s in my nature. However, I’ve changed since she left. I no longer view believers the way I did before. For the past two months, I’ve been reading extensively from the Bible, visiting Christian websites and forums. I've been talking to my friends trying to understand the whole situation in regard to divorce and marriage.

My wife and I still communicate normally. We haven’t gotten a divorce yet. She resides in her own rented apartment. During these two months, we’ve gone out a few times and had a great time together, at least for a short while. She occasionally visits our house and even cooked dinner for us. However, she doesn’t allow me to touch her because she believes our marriage is invalid according to the Bible. She wants to remain friends. She even acknowledged that she comprehends how much it hurts me. I’ve asked her several times if she wants to get a divorce, but she’s never given me a clear answer. 

[Alive]

3 minutes ago, Gman24 said:

We have had our moments, nothing particularly significant. I must be honest with you; I’m not a believer. The only topic we ever disagreed on was religion. I realize I wasn’t fair to her because I didn’t understand how important it was to her.  To me, I was trying to protect her; it’s in my nature. However, I’ve changed since she left. I no longer view believers the way I did before. For the past two months, I’ve been reading extensively from the Bible, visiting Christian websites and forums. I've been talking to my friends trying to understand the whole situation in regard to divorce and marriage.

My wife and I still communicate normally. We haven’t gotten a divorce yet. She resides in her own rented apartment. During these two months, we’ve gone out a few times and had a great time together, at least for a short while. She occasionally visits our house and even cooked dinner for us. However, she doesn’t allow me to touch her because she believes our marriage is invalid according to the Bible. She wants to remain friends. She even acknowledged that she comprehends how much it hurts me. I’ve asked her several times if she wants to get a divorce, but she’s never given me a clear answer. 

Give her some time. Don't push, but show here those bible verses. It may be that all of this is God drawing you to Himself. There may be much healing for both of you, soon.

Talk  to God. He does listen.

[Gman24]

2 hours ago, Sparks said:

Why does she feel your prior marriage is an unforgivable sin, and why does she feel she is the one who has to enforce anything about it? People often take one little line of scripture and think they have the whole story, but there are Biblical reasons for a divorce and seemingly, even for a divorce and remarriage.  

Overall, we cannot 'undo' a single sin which is why we need a savior, but our savior Jesus forgives our sins and took on our sins by His blood sacrifice, on the cross.  For those saved, our sins are forgiven.  Our records are not just balanced, but cancelled.  Fortunately we are not saved by keeping the laws, but by the grace of God.  The only sin that is unforgivable today is to fail to accept the Gift of Salvation offered by our Lord.     

When I asked her to share the specific verses from the Bible, she kindly sent me these:

Mark 10:11-12 ASV

And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her: [12] and if she herself shall put away her husband, and marry another, she committeth adultery.

Luke 16:18 ASV

Every one that putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and he that marrieth one that is put away from a husband committeth adultery.

1 Corinthians 7:39 ASV

A wife is bound for so long time as her husband liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is free to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.

Romans 7:1-3 ASV

Or are ye ignorant, brethren (for I speak to men who know the law), that the law hath dominion over a man for so long time as he liveth? [2] For the woman that hath a husband is bound by law to the husband while he liveth; but if the husband die, she is discharged from the law of the husband. [3] So then if, while the husband liveth, she be joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if the husband die, she is free from the law, so that she is no adulteress, though she be joined to another man.

 

[Alive]

Yes, but there is more show her what enoob posted.

Jesus Himsel said this...

Matt. 5:31 (NAS20S)   “Now it was said, ‘ WHOEVER SENDS HIS WIFE AWAY IS TO GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE’; ³² but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

[Gman24]

3 minutes ago, Alive said:

Yes, but there is more show her what enoob posted.

Jesus Himsel said this...

Matt. 5:31 (NAS20S)   “Now it was said, ‘ WHOEVER SENDS HIS WIFE AWAY IS TO GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE’; ³² but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

 

34 minutes ago, enoob57 said:

according to the Bible your first marriage and divorce says this
Matthew 5:32 (KJV)

[32] But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

[33] Again, ye have heard that it hath been said by them of old time, Thou shalt not forswear thyself, but shalt perform unto the Lord thine oaths:

So, you have your answer both you and your wife... I would seriously pray for your wife...

 

I’m aware of this. She believes the exception was added in the 15th century and is not part of the original scripture. It’s challenging for me to refute this claim since I don't have sufficient knowledge in the subject matter.

[Alive]

6 minutes ago, Gman24 said:

 

I’m aware of this. She believes the exception was added in the 15th century and is not part of the original scripture. It’s challenging for me to refute this claim since I don't have sufficient knowledge in the subject matter.

That's a tough one. You might suggest that God has been faithful to preserve the scriptures for us exactly as He desired. He loves His own enough to suffer and die to save us---He did not leave us with a damaged 'operations manual'.

It seems she has been listening to someone that gave her instruction.