Marrying a Non-Christian

[Reish Vedaur]

[deleted]

Edited April 28, 2016 by Reish Vedaur
I used to be a terrible person.

[ayin jade]

Welcome to worthy.

2Co 6:14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers; for what fellowship does righteousness have with lawlessness? And what partnership does light have with darkness?

2Co 6:15 And what agreement does Christ have with Belial? Or what part does a believer have with an unbeliever?

Basically, Christians shouldnt marry unbelievers. Some extend that to dating. Since dating can lead to marriage then I wouldnt date an unbeliever either. If you were to date this woman, chances are pretty good that she will weaken your walk with the Lord since she doesnt find some things sinful that Christians know are.

[Leonard]

After 4 YEARS of being her friend, you still know NOTHING about her spiritual life? Sounds like you've been interested in something besides her soul....

You've got some major attitude work to do on yourself.

PS: Marrying a woman somewhat older than you makes sense if you've the maturity for it; statistically she's going to outlive you by 6 or 7 years anyway!

[Marnie]

Hey. I've been thinking about this for a long time, and I really have no idea and very few people to turn to for advice, so I've sought it out here.

If you are a Christian, your first source of advice must be the Word, all other advice is secondary.

But there's this woman I know very well. She's six years older than I am (making her 27). She's divorced (her ex-husband cheated on her, in fact practically right in front of her after having told her that's what he was leaving to do). She's had sex outside of wedlock (not cheating, just not married at the time) and sees nothing wrong with it (in her defense, the amount of sex outside of wedlock that she's had is miniscuel).

How much constitutes a sin?

She's absolutely beautiful in any sense of the word, and... I don't know, maybe that's clouding my judgment a bit, but she's also very kind, very smart, very creative, but most of all she's humble because despite being absolutely gorgeous (to put it in perspective, her sister is a professional cheerleader for a professional sports team and still pales in comparison in my opinion) she's actually a serious nerd and always has been.

Yeah, I would say your judgment is clouded for sure. Does her beauty make a difference? If she was butt ugly, would you have a problem? You see where I am going with this, don't you? Of course you are smitten with her looks and it is most definitely affecting your judgment. Her degree of nerdiness is a side issue, why bring it up? It doesn't advance your argument.

But enough talking about how great this woman is. The fact of the matter is, she's not Christian,

That ends the discussion right there. The Bible is very clear about being "unequally yoked." If you are a Christian, you have NO business even thinking about a relationship with this woman. Period.

and although we have been very close friends for 4 years and talk about a lot of things, I still don't know her religious affiliation or ANY of her feelings on religion.

I guess that tells us how important your faith is to you, huh?

The two of us have never talked about dating except in idle chatter or playful flirtation. And despite all of our similarities we have many other differences.

Duh, yeah!

Now, maybe all that description wasn't even necessary, but I felt it was only fair to someone who may be looking into the situation to have this kind of information. I have so much respect and admiration for this person, and I guess I should know better (that the fact that I'm being forced to ask this question should be enough doubt to put the idea to bed),

As my father would say, if there is a doubt, it is likely wrong.

but I want to know... What does the Bible say about marrying outside of the faith?

Already answered. Look, all kidding aside; you seem like a good guy with common sense. The reason believers and unbelievers shouldn't get married is not that a believer is any better. It is because, in almost every case, the believer is brought down by the unbelieving spouse. That is, if it is your intention to do the whole "missionary dating" thing--date her with the intention of converting her--forget it. The odds are against that happening; the odds favor the opposite,that you will compromise your faith for her. She sounds like a delightful person. You need to find out where she stands spiritually and proceed based on that.

Don't put your faith in danger for a woman. She isn't worth it.

Edited February 9, 2006 by Marnie

[InternalFlame]

I can understand where you are coming from. In my earlier more naive days I dated a nonbeleiver because I really liked him - he was intelligent and compassionate, had a good sense of honor and seemed to be a good person in general...but in the end it ended badly and part of the reason we had to break it off was because he couldn't handle our differences in beleifs.

From what I can see, your judgement seems clouded by your admiration of her. Don't let that bring you to a rash decision...because like me, you could end up getting really hurt. Think about the future...you will want to teach your children about Jesus. What if she objects?

My advice to you would be to talk to her about it, and most importantly talk to her about your faith...because if she is an intelligent woman perhaps you can lead her to Christ, and that would definetly take care of the problem! I know you probably have not talked to her about it because you are afraid what she will think...or maybe you just don't want to push it on her. Just bring it up in a gentle way, and talk to her about it with respect. She came to her conclusions about faith for a reason...respect that some of her idea's came from logical assumptions then explain to her why you think that assumption is wrong. Haveing an equal, intelligent conversation about God with her would seem to be the way to go. Don't preach - discuss. Preaching to nonbeleivers can sometimes put them on the defensive, discussing it with them is more relaxed and they are more apt to listen. Remeber to be confident when you speak of it - you know it is fact, that is what you need to explain logically to her.

In any case, I would avoid dateing her as long as she is not a Christian - not just because it is what the Bible prescribes but also for your own well being and hers. Religion is a touchy issue and has broken many apart...as couples. But as friends there is much more leeway.

Good luck in your endevor, and if you need any more advice feel free to PM me

[chicagoburbite]

When I had fallen from the Lord (during a period I call my "6 months of insanity").. I dated nonchristian guys. I was even in a serious relationship with one of them. He was kind, smart, attractive, etc, but he did not know the Lord. He didn't fit in with my friends or family that were Christians, and he couldn't have ever been the spiritual head of our household.

I clung to his statement that he was "on the fence" about God. That was so stupid of me. Even if this woman were to become a Christian while you dated, what if she just went through the motions to keep you, and you saw later that she truly hadn't made a commitment. Suddenly the order that Christ commands for a household is out of whack. Thankfully God provided me with a forced "out" (caught the guy cheating).

Thankfully I came to my senses! I ran back to God like a prodigal child. I am now married to a Christian man who was a Christian for 10 years before we even met. He already had an established relationship with the Lord, and ready to lead.

God bless you bro,

Please use your wisdom

Jenni

[Prodigalson123]

welcome!

I am married to an unbeliever, and although the Lord has used this mightly in my life, it has been a huge heartache. She's pagan, and it has us the opposite sides of the world on many topics. My advice to you is to heed the Lord's advice, since He knows what he wants for you, and what is good for you, and not marry outside of the faith. The amount of angst that will be in your marriage can easily divide you from your wife, and that is a pain that can be avoided. If you think she is the one for you, pray upon it, give it to the Lord, and wait on Him to see what he has in store for you. I'll pray for you.

[Reish Vedaur]

[deleted]

Edited April 28, 2016 by Reish Vedaur
I used to be a terrible person.

[Marnie]

I honestly wish you the best. I apologize for seeming harsh; there is a man at church going through this. It is ripping him apart (his wife is an unbeliever) and I wouldn't want it to do that to you.

Marn

[Lasere]

If you truely love this woman you must make sure that you test your heart and love the Lord most. It may be necessary for you to go into a time of prayer and fasting to have this woman come to salvation. She needs to know Jesus. Have faith in your prayers as I would not rush into marriage but spend time close with the Lord for time to console your heart at this time and give you the strength to do His will.

May you be truely Blessed.