Question about a guy I am romantically involved with...

[DaughterofKing]

I have become sort of romantically involved with a guy that I love talking to and being with. There is real potential there....however, today he casually mentioned that he and his ex are "best friends" and he is closer to her than anyone else. This really upset me. He went on to say that they occasionally talk and meet up--This just really bothers me...He says they are just friends but---Should I just run now?

[InternalFlame]

Now, this depends on the situation, but I have to say that two of my best friends are ex boyfriends. Yet I would never, ever want to date either of them again. In the end, they are my EX'S for a reason...we broke up for a reason and we work a lot better as friends than anything. In the end it comes down to trust. Do you trust him to be smart and not pursue another relationship with his ex? Because if you go into the relationship with no trust of him at all that isn't healthy. Out of curiosity, do you have any male friends?

[kamusat]

Personally, I have always had more male friends than female. (I am female) I just have more in common with men. Several of my best friends are male. However, none of them are former boyfriends. I would think that possibly, this "friendship" with a former girlfriend may have the potential to cause temptation.

Blessings, kamusat

[wordsower]

Girl,'

Forget that. What he is saying is that they are still sleeping together. RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[MrsSealedEternal]

Dear Daughter of the King,

The purpose of dating and romantic involvement should always be for the purpose of marriage, which is a lifetime commitment. God should be your first priority and if you are going to get married, your husband or wife should be next. If he is serious about being your husband, then he should put his relationship with you above those with others. Marriage is about friendship, too and in a healthy marital relationship, your mate should be your best friend. Discuss this with him and find out what his views are on this. If he is more emotionally involved with other women than you, then his priorities are misplaced. Not that we can not be friendly towards members of the opposite sex in an appropriate manner, but we need to be freed up from entanglements to focus our affections upon our husband or wife. If their relationship is a cause for stumbling, then we need to be prepared in our hearts to honor our husband or wife first and demonstrate that goodwill towards eachother. God does not approve of us putting others before Him and He lays down His life for His bride. This is the model for a God honoring marriage...

1Co 7:4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

Eph 5:15 Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise,

Eph 5:16 making the most of your time, because the days are evil.

Eph 5:17 So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.

Eph 5:18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit,

Eph 5:19 speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord;

Eph 5:20 always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father;

Eph 5:21 and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.

Eph 5:22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

Eph 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.

Eph 5:24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,

Eph 5:26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,

Eph 5:27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.

Eph 5:28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;

Eph 5:29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,

Eph 5:30 because we are members of His body.

Eph 5:31 FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.

Eph 5:32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.

Eph 5:33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

I will be praying that Lord God Almighty reveal to you His wisdom on whether or not to run concerning this matter. There are many out there with less then good intentions. Based on my limited insight on this, I will say that it sounds like it is potentially dangerous. I think you need to be careful that he is not trying to decieve you or himself. Hopefully both of you are seeking His will in this relationship. If not, this is probably destined to heartache, strife and may result in failure.

May God Bless you with His Wisdom,

Edited February 14, 2006 by MrsSealedEternal

[DaughterofKing]

Mention the Lord or get on a discussion about the Bible somehow, and find out just how serious he is about the Lord. That is the most important quality you need to evaluate in him.

This is actually how the trouble started. I mentioned reading the bible and then he told me how he and his ex do that together, they assign books to read together and then speak about it or meet up and talk about it together. He said he really enjoyed doing that with her. When I offered him the idea of us doing that together he politely declined as he said something about it not really being neccessary.

He and he ex were intimate though not completely intimate if you get my drift...

[Giaour]

I'm with wordsower.

RUN!

Run fast and run now.

Until he cuts the ties with his ex, he can never give himself to you fully.

You do not have to share him with other women.

[Iryssa]

I agree...run. The last guy I was with (you know...the really bad relationship I always mention) said the same thing...guess who he cheated on me with...