How do you forgive?

[Guest LivingWater]

How do you forgive someone who was very cruel to you? I have prayed, I have acted my way through it, but this person still brings back feelings of grief and betrayal, no matter what. I know it is necessary (in many ways) to forgive them but I just don't know how to get over the way this person hurt me.

[larryt]

How do you forgive someone who was very cruel to you? I have prayed, I have acted my way through it, but this person still brings back feelings of grief and betrayal, no matter what. I know it is necessary (in many ways) to forgive them but I just don't know how to get over the way this person hurt me.

Hi LW,

Many people really do not have a good grasp on what forgiveness is. I like to try to define things in precise language and expand from there.

I think Charles Stanley came up with this definition.

Forgiveness is the conscious determined decision to live with the consequences of the sins of others.

There are several threads on forgiveness here. You might read through some of them and glean some insight.

Might I add, forgiveness is not necessarily forgetting. God may help you to forget but He may not also.

LT

[traveller]

That can be a really hard thing to do.

How I did it was to tell God the truth of it. I told Him that I wasn't able to carry the hate in my heart, or the anger. I didn't want to live that way. I also told Him that I couldn't forgive on my own, and that I need Him to help me. So, basically, I ended up saying something like this;

"Father, I can't live this way anymore. I know it's wrong to carry this hate in my heart, so I have to let it go. In obediance to You I forgive this person.It is my prayer that you change my heart so that it's real to me and the forgivness is sincere. 'Create in me a clean heart, oh God, and renew a right spirit within me.' Help me FAther, to turn from this hate and walk away."

When I got off my knees, I was different. My life was different. My outlook was changed.

I think wanting to forgive is the key. Make the choice to do it, and then continue to remind yourself that you've turned it over to God. I hope this helps.

[billie]

It always helps me to forgive someone to remember Jesus paid for their sin on the cross just like mine. It was like He said,"Don't blame them. I'll pay for that. Put that on my account." Also, I try not to think about it or talk about it after. When I let my thoughts or speech dwell on a wrong that's been done me, I always get mad again.

[Guest pat--]

dearly beloved to forgive can be hard sometimes and fellings of grief and betrayl can re-emerge, however know this; you know have have passed from death unto life because you love the brethern... so against your pain and grief love that person through kind deeds towards them and be good unto them and the love of God you are acting upon shall bless your heart and purge the bad fellings from within you. We are made perfect in love beloved therfore love indeed not in word but in deed and in truth that you may be made perfect in HIS love. God bless you and the love of Christ abide you always.amen

[nebula]

LW -

I have learned that there is a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. While forgiveness is on your shoulders, reconciliation is on the shoulders of the other person.

Often times the hurt is a reaction to the violation of the relationship the person caused.

Sometimes, to forgive you need to search your heart as to what it is that is hurting you. What I mean is this: it's one thing to say, "I forgive this person for this action." It is another to say, "I forgive this person for violating me," or "I forgive this person for the leaving me with these specific consequences I have to deal with," or "I forgive this person for forcing me to have to forgive him!"

The pits, isn't it?

[Marnie]

For nearly 4 years I struggled with the issue of forgiving. It's hard even to this day because I see them every night in my nightmares. For me, it took much prayer, fasting but most of all I found that saturating my life with the Word of G-d is what changed my bitterness into forgivness. Unless the Lord wipes my memory clean, I will never forget what those men did to me, but I no longer hold hatred in my heart toward them.

[traveller]

For nearly 4 years I struggled with the issue of forgiving. It's hard even to this day because I see them every night in my nightmares. For me, it took much prayer, fasting but most of all I found that saturating my life with the Word of G-d is what changed my bitterness into forgivness. Unless the Lord wipes my memory clean, I will never forget what those men did to me, but I no longer hold hatred in my heart toward them.

Marnie - I'm glad the hate is gone. It eats us alive if we allow it to stay. Ok - one more hug

[Scarletprayers]

For nearly 4 years I struggled with the issue of forgiving. It's hard even to this day because I see them every night in my nightmares. For me, it took much prayer, fasting but most of all I found that saturating my life with the Word of G-d is what changed my bitterness into forgivness. Unless the Lord wipes my memory clean, I will never forget what those men did to me, but I no longer hold hatred in my heart toward them.

Marnie - I'm glad the hate is gone. It eats us alive if we allow it to stay. Ok - one more hug

What traveller said!

[Openly Curious]

How do you forgive someone who was very cruel to you? I have prayed, I have acted my way through it, but this person still brings back feelings of grief and betrayal, no matter what. I know it is necessary (in many ways) to forgive them but I just don't know how to get over the way this person hurt me.

Hello LivingWater

I like your name. You have asked a very good question here. As I also have had my struggles for a very long time with unforgiveness and it is just like Marnie said that the memories do not ever go away. I wish many times over I could wash my brain clean from all the things it holds within it using a brillo pad or something but i can't do that.

I have chosen to forgive those who have been cruel to me. But it was not a one time thing for me to do this. I think it was the hardest process I had to go through.

I found out that the memories did not go away and everytime the memories would come back I would find myself being full of hate and anger all over again even though I knew I let it go. And I had to learn and start to recognize this and when the memories come and offend or tresspass against me again in my mind I have to keep letting it go on a continual basis so I won't be filled with hate and bitterness in my spirit. I learned I had to walk in forgivensess as Jesus taught us even 70x70 in a single day no matter how many times one would offend us.

I think this is the way you too should forgive over and over you have to choose to let it go. And when you do this you untie God's hand to move in your own life as you will be free of all the hate and bitterness of spirit and will feel better for it believe me I know. Also God can give you peace no matter what others say to or about you. And God is able to further work His healing in your heart for the wounds you have received. And last you can also find forgiveness for any tresspasses you may have done to God as Jesus taught us in the Lord's prayer as we forgive others their tresspasses then God would forgive us our tresspasses we will be free. I hope this has helped. blessings

OC

all of you have given good comments that have spoken to my heart and I too am glad Marnie has chosen to forgive it is a hard thing to work through but it is easier when you choose to let it go and walk in and have true forgiveness in your personal walk with the Lord.

blessings to all