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Abigailwc

By Abigailwc
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Abigailwc

Abigailwc

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Posted

For a while now I feel like that and I wonder if it's because I'm in my forties and - as the world label it - because I am in my forties, I am right smack in my mid-life crisis, or if it's my spirit yearning for Him.

For a while now I feel like I don't want any parts of this world. To put it frankly, I hate this world and there is nothing that attracts me in the people I meet every day. I just wish the Lord would come and end it all.

I am asking myself: "Am I being selfish?", "Am I depressed?", "Are these thoughts ungodly?".

Some of my friends answer "yes" to all my questions, some others answer "no". So, which is it? Yes or No?

I long to be with the Lord. Some of my friends get scared and think that I am suicidal. I nod and tell them that it is not what I meant by wanting to be with Him. I only long for His return, so that I can be with Him where everything is pure, good, loving, joyful, true, wise, soft, beautiful, simple.

I am tired of the rat race, tired of the hypocrisy, tired of the endless arguments, tired of the pettiness, tired of the greediness, tired of seeing the my-child-is-an-honor-roll-student-at... stickers, tired of the the-one-who-dies-with-the-most-toys-wins stickers, tired of the lies, tired of human pride, tired of the shallowness of this world, tired of so many things.

By the Grace of God, I am healthy and so are my kids and I am thankful. By the Grace of God, I have a good job that is enough for paying my bills and allowing me to have a place to sleep and a car to drive to work, to buy needed things for my kids and sometimes leaves me with extra to take my kids out to eat. I am thinking that something must be wrong with me because, having the Lord living in me, I should well up with joy, but I don't. I am not satisfied with having Him in me. I want to be with Him, see Him face to face and stop seing the insanity of this world, the worthiness of this world, the futility of this world. I hate this world.

Of course, I am conscient that I need to let God live through me and that it is not about me, but it is all about Him. Whenever possible, I share Him with people and friends. This is the only thing that makes it worthy to live in this world. I know He has a purpose for me being in this world and that is to be His witness. I do rejoice in Him, but only in Him. The only time I enjoy myself when I'm with people, is when we talk about Him.

Sometimes when I drive to work, while in the traffic, I lift my eyes to the sky and cry and tell my Father in Heaven how much I wish I was with Him right now instead of in this world.

Is there anything wrong with me? Does anybody else feel like that? :emot-hug:

kittyjo

kittyjo

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Posted

No I don't think that there is anything 'wrong' with feeling like that, I think we all to from time to time.

I can remember a summer day when I was 32... I was waiting for a city bus. The traffic was loud and busy, on the horizon hung brown air... Behind the bus stop in front of a Burger King, on a strip of lawn were some men passed out drunk. There was an old lady with a pained expression on her face... There were three gals who couldn't have been older than 13 or 14, talking rudely about having sex with their boyfriends... There were planes flying overhead and the sirens of emergency veichles passing by... A stray cat was feeding by a near by dumpster.. Approaching the bus stop were 5 kids dressed in gang garb and cars of men passing by shouting rude things at us women waiting there....

Then I had a moment when all things seemed to stop... I was in mid prayer [i tend to pray for the folks on airplanes flying overhead and for those in emergency situations when veichles pass by] and then began thinking... Lord take all of this away, I'm ready, there is nothing here for me. This was not a statement of dispair but of a shedding away from the world and worldly desires and a wanting for God, His Will, His Plan, His Way, just HIM. So, yes I understand.

:emot-hug:

BroChuck

BroChuck

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Posted

Hi Abi! :emot-hug:

Sister , Like Kittyjo says ,, I think we all go through those seasons at times , I too have felt that way ,, and yes this world does get disguisting to look at sometimes , but we gotta remember its but a vapor sis , we have to run a good race ,,, we all long to hear "we done good and faithful servant", and the only way to hear that is to do our best here , to try and bring those we see and hear of the world into the Kingdom.nI know sometimes when we look at the world around us it looks hopeless , but there are good days ahead! Keep yur eyes on Jesus! :huh:

Love in Christ .. yur Bro ...... Chuck

Abigailwc

Abigailwc

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Posted

Yes, that is my motto: "Keep your eyes on Jesus", because when I don't, I feel homesick! ;)

Tribulation

Tribulation

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Posted
Is there anything wrong with me? Does anybody else feel like that? ;)

Oh Abi, I feel your pain!

Currently, I'm going through a troubling time in my life. I do get sick of it sometimes and although I would never kill myself - I just think to myself sometimes: 'y'know, it would be so much easier if I died of a heart attack or something right now - then I could be with the Lord and not have anymore problems'. It's very easy to think like that when life gets us down.

But, that's not how God says we should live. Our time on earth is to be spent glorifying God and witnessing to others. From time to time, God does send us troubling times and to be honest - they can be good for keeping us fresh with God.

Psalm 119:71 - "It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes."

Stick with God and draw closer to him. He can give you rest. Whenever I get troubled or feel down - I go pray and read my Bible. It helps so much! - God can encourage you through prayer and through his Word.

May the Lord strengthen you and Bless you Abi, you're in my prayers!

God Bless.

Northern lass

Northern lass

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Posted

It reminds me of that passage in Romans 8:

"The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God. We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childdbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwaardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption ofour bodies. for in this hope we are saved!"

So it's quite scriptural! ;)

tah

tah

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Posted

;):wub:

sounds like hormones to me... ;)

We really can choose our state of mind ..

If I want to be at peace and content in the place the Lord has me then I can be..

It may be an uphill battle for a while but it will still be my choice..

One that I have had to make many times...and still have to make...

Paul tells us to "be content"...

You do not sound content.. :P

God gave us a beautiful wonderful life that He wants us to love and live to the fullest...

I cannot do that if I am in a "down mood"...

My loving and "understanding completely with your feelings" advice is...

rejoice in the Lord and find Joy in the life He has allowed you the privilege to have ...

"In everything give Thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning YOU"

1Th 5:16 Rejoice evermore.

1Th 5:17 Pray without ceasing.

1Th 5:18 In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

Praise His wonderful name...when I begin to Praise Him I begin to leave the "down mood" in the dust where it belongs...

:blink::wub:

We have sorrows that come at us out of the blue that cause us much grief and sorrow at times...

God will be a tower for us in those times but we have a job to do to stay focused on the Joy of our life in Him....

We will need that strength we have exercised in the "now" for the times of grief......

Just my opinion and experience with such moods..... :b:

traveller

traveller

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Posted

Reminds me of the song by MercyMe

Homesick by MercyMe

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times

And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you

But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry

Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face

If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways

The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know

But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same

Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face

If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye

And in Christ, there is no end

So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have

To see you again

To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face

If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

LightofJesus

LightofJesus

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Posted

yOU ARE DEFINETLY NOT ALONE THERE SISTER. ;)

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