Biblical Reasons for Divorce?

[Doowopjock]

I haven't read the entire thread, so apologies in advance for anything posted here that's already been hashed out.

I can find nothing in God's Word to justify a woman leaving a husband--only a husband leaving his wife. But I stand guilty before God and fall on the mercy of His grace for what I believe--that a good divorce is ALWAYS better than a bad marriage. I'm divorced myself and have never remarried and I encouraged my daughter to divorce my ex-son-in-law, mainly because it's going to be hard enough for her to raise three children, let alone a "husband" who only wants to "be 16-years old forever". God knows my heart and why I'm persuaded as I am--marriage just DOESN'T WORK sometimes. I trust His mercy in Jesus being my judge more than even my own ability to be able to literally (from the Word) support an instinct. And I know of others I would encourage to do the same if I could so support this stance.

For those of you who are happily married, I do sincerely applaud you--and I don't know how to mean anything any more than as much as I do that. But there are some folx I know of who are married who would be much better off if they weren't. At least, this is what I am fully persuaded of in my own mind.

[Smalcald]

I would disagree that a good divorce is better than a bad marriage.

We have scripture for a reason, we can't just blow it off. Is good adultery better than bad or hard chastity?

Now all of these divorces are individual situations that we do not know what happened and thus cannot judge individuals which we should never do anyway. However people need guidance in this area, divorce is far to easy.

It depends on what a bad marriage means? Does it mean continual adultery by one or both of the people? Yes I would say that is pretty bad and certainly in that case we would from scriptural standpoint look at divorce as a last resort. But does bad mean being unhappy with someone who is hard to live with or you are simply not in love with anymore? The second case is never enough for a Christian who has faith to divorce, marriage is about much more than being in romantic love with the person you are married to.

Next to death, divorce is the largest even in a child's life, to do that just because we are unhappy or have met someone new is not something a Christian can do.

But like I said these are all individual cases, women who are being abused need to separate from their abusers for safety and sanity reasons. But these are the minority of cases in divorce, most divorce simply happens because people can't get along or want someone new or are in love with someone who they are not married to.

I just think Christians need to take the lead in combating the cultural disease of divorce, it is FAR FAR bigger problem for example than gay marriage. I don't really see how we can worry about gay marriage when we are so loving of divorce?

[Axxman]

I would disagree that a good divorce is better than a bad marriage.

We have scripture for a reason, we can't just blow it off. Is good adultery better than bad or hard chastity?

Now all of these divorces are individual situations that we do not know what happened and thus cannot judge individuals which we should never do anyway. However people need guidance in this area, divorce is far to easy.

It depends on what a bad marriage means? Does it mean continual adultery by one or both of the people? Yes I would say that is pretty bad and certainly in that case we would from scriptural standpoint look at divorce as a last resort. But does bad mean being unhappy with someone who is hard to live with or you are simply not in love with anymore? The second case is never enough for a Christian who has faith to divorce, marriage is about much more than being in romantic love with the person you are married to.

Next to death, divorce is the largest even in a child's life, to do that just because we are unhappy or have met someone new is not something a Christian can do.

But like I said these are all individual cases, women who are being abused need to separate from their abusers for safety and sanity reasons. But these are the minority of cases in divorce, most divorce simply happens because people can't get along or want someone new or are in love with someone who they are not married to.

I just think Christians need to take the lead in combating the cultural disease of divorce, it is FAR FAR bigger problem for example than gay marriage. I don't really see how we can worry about gay marriage when we are so loving of divorce?

If you are allowed to add to scripture by saying "women who are being abused need to separate from their abusers for safety and sanity reasons" then why can't i say "being unhappy with someone who is hard to live with" is justifiable? Neither case is spelled out in scripture...but you claim one is okay and the other is not based simply on your opinion.

Also...I've never met a divorced Christian who said that divorcing a spouse was easy. It is so painfully difficult. During that time I prayed for death. I asked God to free me from the humiliation and judgement that was being heaped upon me. Again, I think the perception of "hollywood marriages" is being unfairly applied to Christians who view divorce as a huge spiritual failure.

On the flip-side of that...I have met numerous divorced Christians who live Godly lives. Many, many Christians have found the God's mercy and grace extends even through divorce. Going through that dark tunnel of dispair is sooooo lonely...when you come out the other side it is almost rapturous to find that Jesus still loves you and still desires a relationship with you. Because trust me...there are plenty of people around to tell you that you are spiritually done.

I find it ironic that you claimed divorce is a bigger problem than the gay marriage issue, because being a divorced christian is alot like being gay. You hide that dirty little secret in a closet and never let it out...because once a 'christian' finds out...you're done.

[Blien]

I hear a lot about unrepentant adultry being the only Biblical reason for divorce. What about a woman who's life is in danger from an abusive husband, or a man who is endangering the lives of their children by his angry abusive behaviour?

Would God want a woman to stay with a man who is beating her [for whatever reason] or their children?

Shalom,

Thank you, but that's not really the question.

The question I'm asking is that is this wife's claim that the drugs are the adulteress, BIBLICALLY sound? I don't see it in the Scriptures and I have never heard this claim before.

But, OC brought it up in another way. Is "Spiritual adultery", the same Biblical grounds for divorce as physical adultery?

Sorry I didn't read all the posts because there are too many but I wanted to respond to this one. If my memory serves me correctly, didn't God say that idolatry was adultery with one of the prophets from the Old Testament? I'm thinking Jeremiah, wasn't he the one who married the prostitute? That whole conversation between God and Jeremiah came to mind when you asked the question which I bolded above. Don't know if it applies, I need to re-read that conversation.

Anyway, my response to the original question is NO. It hurts, but I think she is just making excuses. If God wanted to tell us that the only way to get separated is through adultery and/or spiritual adultery he would have made it clear. So, in my eyes it's not grounds for divorce. She just needs to hang in there AND PRAY.

[Smalcald]

I would disagree that a good divorce is better than a bad marriage.

We have scripture for a reason, we can't just blow it off. Is good adultery better than bad or hard chastity?

Now all of these divorces are individual situations that we do not know what happened and thus cannot judge individuals which we should never do anyway. However people need guidance in this area, divorce is far to easy.

It depends on what a bad marriage means? Does it mean continual adultery by one or both of the people? Yes I would say that is pretty bad and certainly in that case we would from scriptural standpoint look at divorce as a last resort. But does bad mean being unhappy with someone who is hard to live with or you are simply not in love with anymore? The second case is never enough for a Christian who has faith to divorce, marriage is about much more than being in romantic love with the person you are married to.

Next to death, divorce is the largest even in a child's life, to do that just because we are unhappy or have met someone new is not something a Christian can do.

But like I said these are all individual cases, women who are being abused need to separate from their abusers for safety and sanity reasons. But these are the minority of cases in divorce, most divorce simply happens because people can't get along or want someone new or are in love with someone who they are not married to.

I just think Christians need to take the lead in combating the cultural disease of divorce, it is FAR FAR bigger problem for example than gay marriage. I don't really see how we can worry about gay marriage when we are so loving of divorce?

If you are allowed to add to scripture by saying "women who are being abused need to separate from their abusers for safety and sanity reasons" then why can't i say "being unhappy with someone who is hard to live with" is justifiable? Neither case is spelled out in scripture...but you claim one is okay and the other is not based simply on your opinion.

Also...I've never met a divorced Christian who said that divorcing a spouse was easy. It is so painfully difficult. During that time I prayed for death. I asked God to free me from the humiliation and judgement that was being heaped upon me. Again, I think the perception of "hollywood marriages" is being unfairly applied to Christians who view divorce as a huge spiritual failure.

On the flip-side of that...I have met numerous divorced Christians who live Godly lives. Many, many Christians have found the God's mercy and grace extends even through divorce. Going through that dark tunnel of dispair is sooooo lonely...when you come out the other side it is almost rapturous to find that Jesus still loves you and still desires a relationship with you. Because trust me...there are plenty of people around to tell you that you are spiritually done.

I find it ironic that you claimed divorce is a bigger problem than the gay marriage issue, because being a divorced christian is alot like being gay. You hide that dirty little secret in a closet and never let it out...because once a 'christian' finds out...you're done.

Do you know the difference between separation and divorce? Who knows after five or ten years people may be able to change? Marriage as Christ said is for life, that is the assumption. This is the reason His disciples said wow if that is the case it might be better NOT to marry, and He said yes but not all people can handle that. Many Christians should indeed commit themselves to the Lord instead of moving from relationship to relationship. Part of the problem with our divorces being so numerous is that we have too many marriages.

Now I totally AGREE that God's grace extends through divorce of course it does. I also totally agree that divorced Christians are and can be more holy than non-divorced, I mean it is something that happens and is in the past and often it is not a sin. I see very few Evengelical Christians who view divorce as a huge spiritual failure.

Now given the fact that close to half of evangelical Christians are divorced, a higher rate by the way than non-believers, far far higher than Catholics for example; I don't think anyone should worry about the shame of divorce, there is no need, the pastor is probably divorced. Divorce is totally accepted as a normal part of Christian life in our congregations. We should not be heaping shame on anyone; a good portion of my friends are divorced I don't judge them or heap shame on them, I am sorry that you went through that.

The fact is divorce is the number one thing destroying our families, until we come to grips with that we have very little to say about family values, we have NOTHING to say to gay people about marriage. We are the ones who have made marriage a joke.

We have to stop dragging our own issues into this discussion, we must find a way to move forward, I am simply trying to find a way to do that. We cannot accept divorce as normal it is not, it should be a rare event among Christians, and that is not what we see today.

As far as the politics of gay marriage goes, when part of the defense of marriage acts outlawing gay marriages; includes making divorce illegal, I will support it, that would be a true defense of marriage act. But of course Evangelicals won't come near something like that.

[sheya joie]

I hear a lot about unrepentant adultry being the only Biblical reason for divorce. What about a woman who's life is in danger from an abusive husband, or a man who is endangering the lives of their children by his angry abusive behaviour?

Would God want a woman to stay with a man who is beating her [for whatever reason] or their children?

Shalom,

Thank you, but that's not really the question.

The question I'm asking is that is this wife's claim that the drugs are the adulteress, BIBLICALLY sound? I don't see it in the Scriptures and I have never heard this claim before.

But, OC brought it up in another way. Is "Spiritual adultery", the same Biblical grounds for divorce as physical adultery?

Sorry I didn't read all the posts because there are too many but I wanted to respond to this one. If my memory serves me correctly, didn't God say that idolatry was adultery with one of the prophets from the Old Testament? I'm thinking Jeremiah, wasn't he the one who married the prostitute? That whole conversation between God and Jeremiah came to mind when you asked the question which I bolded above. Don't know if it applies, I need to re-read that conversation.

Anyway, my response to the original question is NO. It hurts, but I think she is just making excuses. If God wanted to tell us that the only way to get separated is through adultery and/or spiritual adultery he would have made it clear. So, in my eyes it's not grounds for divorce. She just needs to hang in there AND PRAY.

That was Hosea.

[Doowopjock]

I don't understand the reasons why everything that has happened in my life has happend the way it has. My parents divorced when I was two years old and as I got older and noticed how different they were it amazed me they ever got married in the first place. I divorced when my only child was eleven and was a single-parent until she graduated high-school and got married herself about a year after that. She recently got divorced and is now living with me with my three grandchildren. I do not see anything in "marriage" to believe in. I see it as something that worx for some people (though the numbers there seem to be dwindling), but not for everyone. So no--I don't believe in marriage, at least not for me.

I do believe that Jesus loves me in spite of the fact that I've failed at marriage, that He loves my parents, ex-wife, and daughter who all also failed at it, that He understands why we have all failed at it despite what we know to be the best efforts we know how to put forth to make it work. And it really hasn't got much to do with adultery at all--sexual matters are such a small part of the whole picture, and there ARE even some small minds that never seem to get beyond the idea that everything revolves around the bedroom. Not true at all, though you sure do see them carrying signs and such on the local news a lot of times.

Be that as it may, there is a day coming when I will know even as I myself am known. My friends who would give me counsel, as well-intentioned as Job's friends were, will also know with me. If I am due rebuke or shame or chastisement of any sort, I stand as ready to receive it as I know how to be. I welcome it, in fact, if it will help me to understand all the "WHYS" that adorn my life like so many unwanted blemishes.

Until then, however, I'm not the least bit interested in trying "marriage" again--once was enough. At least for me it was. Any other person who sees it differently, that's between them and God, and I think it's great if they succeed at a second chance--I'm certainly not the one who could point any fingers at them. I'm just waiting for the day when I can finally know why it was that it didn't work for me--not in despair, not at all. There are some things about being single that are just not available to those who are married, and I've come to genuinely appreciate those things. But there's still a LOT of things I wonder about and don't understand. I'm "waiting this life out" for the day to come when I do.

[Smalcald]

Good testimony thank you.

You make some very good points.

[Wrench]

Outlined in the Bible there are reasons for divorce.

Divorce itself is not sinful. But, with every act divorce can be sinful.

Biblical reasons for divorce are simple.

Adultery,,, The only reason given where divorce will be allowed between 2 believers.

Unbelivers aren't under any kind of covenant, and are not bound by marriage. Either to eachother or an unbeliever to a believer.

The concessions given,,,,

If the unbeliever can't live with the believer and wants to leave then let them, and the believer is free to remarry.

The believer is not permitted to leave the unbeliever, because they don't know if they would save their spouse or not.

If 2 believers are married and divorce, it's okay, as long as neither of them marry another. The only person they are allowed to remarry is the spouse they divorced.

If a believer divorces their spouse and their spouse remarries, then the one who divorced caused the other to commit adultery.

It's pretty simple, and it's not legalistic. It's the word of God and it's his perfect plan!

Now, you can get legalistic, such as,, "Well, adultery is the only reason for divorce. So I divorced my wife, (even though she didn't commit adultery) and she married someone else, so she commited adultery and now I'm free from my marriage bondage."

That is so disgustingly wrong on so many levels. But, if you look at it, you cause their sin, and their sin is also on your head.

Of course the Lord will forgive you. Will your second marriage be recognised if everything was done outside of these guidelines? I don't know, there's evidence that it wont be.

Now, I know there's a bunch of issues, such as abuse. But, just because your spouse is abusive doesn't merrit divorce. But, in the same sense,, a believer wouldn't be abusive.

So, you may be within the guidelines of divorce, but as I've stated, divorce should come after years of seperation and prayer and perhaps counciling.

Too many people divorce just because they're not having fun anymore. Their spouse is no longer entertaining. The newness wore off so they think they're not in love.

Divorce is more often out of selfishness rather than goodness and holiness.

I don't care if your wife gained 600lbs! I don't care if your husband is distant and cold! None of that matters! You made a vow to that person, to honor and LOVE before God and the Angels. You are bound to your word. You can talk all you want and try to justify all you want, but if you are outside the guidelines set in the Bible which is the Holy Word of God, then you are wrong, and against the Lords perfect plan for marriage.

The following are Bible references (there are others but, I feel these 2 outline clearly for new covenant believers)

Mathew 19, 1 Corinthians 7,

[Arthur Durnan]

I get it now, I get it now. "Till one messes up" (yes, it's ALWAYS the OTHER one, right?) VS. "Till death do us part." I personally will choose for myself the Savior's declaration, "Let not man put asunder." It's integral to what Jesus said about His Own lasting relationship with His Own Bride, His Holy Church on earth. He said: "I'll never leave thee nor forsake thee!" AMEN!