Domestic Abuse

[kari21]

I was wondering...just what ARE a persons Christian options when it comes to being married to a person that physically abuses them? Is divorce out of the question from a Biblical point of view?

[one of peace]

I was wondering...just what ARE a persons Christian options when it comes to being married to a person that physically abuses them? Is divorce out of the question from a Biblical point of view?

If someone is physically abusing you should get out of that relationship as fast as you can.

[kari21]

I was wondering...just what ARE a persons Christian options when it comes to being married to a person that physically abuses them? Is divorce out of the question from a Biblical point of view?

If someone is physically abusing you should get out of that relationship as fast as you can.

Well, I'm looking for a Biblical perspective.

Oh, and I'm not in a relationship atm....I was just wondering...

[Smalcald]

I think from a biblical perspective, first you can and must protect yourself and your children, which means leaving the home.

Beyond that to proceed from a biblical divorce I would look to the passages concerning marriage to an unbeliever, where some options I think are granted for a divorce. No person who is an abuser can also be a believer, regardless of what they claim.

[Openly Curious]

I was wondering...just what ARE a persons Christian options when it comes to being married to a person that physically abuses them? Is divorce out of the question from a Biblical point of view?

I think that a Christian person should pick and know their spouses to be very well before marrying them today in other words choose your spouses well and very carefully. When a Christian person is being abused within a marriage it is no different than a non-believer who is being abused within their marriage as the thing to do that is biblical is to seperate for a time and if they can work out the problems after going through counseling and then restoration can be made then the marriage can be saved. But if there is no chase of the marriage being restored and you have looked to the safety of the children in the marriage then permanent seperation would be in order for the sake of you and the kids safety. I think that the decision for a divorce would lie within the abusers lap if they want to be loosed from the marriage not the one who has seperated for the sake of their life and the safety of their kids as their is defiantly no getting back together so it can happen all over again and put the kids in harms way ever again. I think this is biblical advice as well based on scripture in Corinthians. But if coming back together again in no longer an option then let the abusing spouse give the other a bill of divorcement and not the believer.

OC

[kari21]

I think from a biblical perspective, first you can and must protect yourself and your children, which means leaving the home.

Beyond that to proceed from a biblical divorce I would look to the passages concerning marriage to an unbeliever, where some options I think are granted for a divorce. No person who is an abuser can also be a believer, regardless of what they claim.

Are you sure that a believer cannot be an abuser? Not too sure about that one, as we all are still capable of sin....

[chimoku]

If someone is physically abusing you should get out of that relationship as fast as you can.

Right on.

For ABUSE, ADULTERY, or ADDICTION, the first step to healing is to separate oneself from the perpetrator.

Sometimes, Separation leads to Divorce.

Sometimes the offender is genuinely desiring to change.

Then s/he needs counselling.

For the duration of the time the individual is receiving counselling the couple should stay separated for man yreasons- one being to ensure that old patterns don't get triggered..

In fact at least one year of separation is necessary for any of the above cases.

The victim also needs to receive counselling - for her /his own healing . . .

Of course pastoral counselling, Christian Counselling, prayer counselling , Christian support groups all are most recommended

Many churches have their own counselling teams, and offer group support facilitated by qualified Christian Counsellors.

The process of healing for the inidividuals involved i n these situations is a lengthy one.

There is no quick fix.

Sometimes the offender does not change and so divorce or a permanent separation sadly become the options.

Edited August 27, 2007 by chimoku

[chimoku]

Are you sure that a believer cannot be an abuser? Not too sure about that one, as we all are still capable of sin....

You're quite right Kari.

Sadly physical abuse is pervasive in Christian relationships, as is adultery , and chemical addiction. They are carnal responses ( to the extreme) to life's pressures . . .

People who struggle with these issues are in pain and need healing -

The problem is that too often our Christian culture - not our Christian FAITH - but our Christian CULTURE promotes the idea that as Christians we shouldn't have any problems, or at least not THOSE kind of problems.

Nothing is further from the truth.

Thinking that Christian don't struggle with ABUSE ADULTERY or ADDICTION feeds into that false notion that Christian couples should be like those in the sanitized ads in Good Housekeeping.

We all face demons that we have to battle. We need a safe place to get help to overcome these demons.

The Church ought be THAT place.

[damo1]

from damo1

comming to your question you raised is the person a christian or a non christian ? for a christian to be acting in such a manner wear he is violent he should now that god wil hold him acountable to what he does while he is on this earth if he is a christian and has not delt with it then the partner should talk to the pastor and ask the pastor to talk to the husband or partner

paul tels us in 1 corinthians 7 on how to act and behave in a marraige yet he points out in 1 corinthians 7 verse 12 - 16 if any brother has a wife who is a non beliver and she is willing to live with him he must not divorce her and if a women has a husband who is a non beliver and is willing to live with her she must not divorce him for the unbeliving husband has been sanctified through his wife and the unbeliving wife has been sanctified through her beliving husband otherwise your children would be unclean but as it is they are holy

but if the unbeliver leaves let him do so a beliving man or women is not bound in such circumstances god has called us to live in peace

god does not wish for any one to divorce and he goes out of his way to draw us to him it is when man comes in between what god wants to do in a persons life wear we make it almost hard for one to move forward or deal with what they are going threw

on abuse i can only direct the person towards councling as i have seen wear god does come threw for those that trust him if the person continues too be violent move out let them know you love them but you wil not put up with this trust me it is also happening with in the body as it happens out side in the real world i have dealt my self with this as i was abusive but i brought what i did on my own head yet it takes two also

the person has to be willing to deal with there anger there are anger managment groups that work threw this the church also has proffesional counslers those that act out violent would have seen this with in there own homes wear the father is violent and think its normal to behave like this when they find them selves in a relationship so its been appart of there life yet god can brake down these strong holds yet as i said the person has to be willing to deal with there problem

i hope this helps i do a fair bit of councling and i talk in mens groups on this divorce is a last thing when all else has been tried first

from damo1

[Marnie]

I was wondering...just what ARE a persons Christian options when it comes to being married to a person that physically abuses them? Is divorce out of the question from a Biblical point of view?

Are you really asking is remarriage out of the question in the case of a divorce instigated by abuse?

A "Christian" marriage is supposed to bring glory to G-d. If one spouse is being beaten up by the other spouse, how can that be glorifying to G-d in any way? I don't think it's rocket science...the offended spouse needs to leave and take the kids and see a lawyer ASAP.