What would you do?

[F8thNJesus]

I have a question for you men living in victory in Christ (concerning sexual fornication)

I am married to a man that has grown leaps and bounds in our marriage, and he has given up a lot of his fleshly desires to make this marriage work. He is not yet a believer, but I believe he is coming around. He doesn't look at porn anymore, and it used to be a big problem.He had an affair 5 years ago, but has been faithful since. He doesn't have a lot of friends, because he is an introvert, and believes people are just gonna stab you in the back anyway so why bother. But it is very hard for him to stand up to guys when he is around them concerning trashy talk.

My husband calls me constantly from work, and updates me regularly what he is doing and where he is going voluntarly.

He will question me why I haven't called him when I get caught up with the kids etc.

But there are times when I have called him, and he has been around his co-workers at lunch or something, and they make comments about "HIS MOTHER" calling. It wouldn't irritate me if he would rebuke them, but he doesn't and then he gets this short snippy attitude, and asks me "What do you want?" When I reply nothing in most cases, he gets off the phone as quickly as possible.

Then his boss which is more like a big frat brother to him, will ask to speak with me when I call my husband. THis guy thinks he is the funniest thing in the world. One time he was picking up my husband at 4am for an early job, and I invited him in for coffee. He is jewish, and has a lot of wisdom concerning religion, although he doesn't practice it. He saw all of the Christian things in my home, and started grilling me in a theological debate. He is quite knowledgeable in scripture as well, and he was asking questions, and I felt intimidated. Yet after he left my husband called me and apologized and said he didn't know his boss was going to do that. He said he was impressed on how I answered his questions, and said I was smart. WOW

Well then one day my husband came home saying he wanted to be in the Masons, and I asked him not to. I told him we did not need anymore controversy or confusion in our marriage, and I told him my personal beliefs on the Masons.

Well I get a call from his boss and he starts in on me that I am a witch hunter, and my husband should be allowed to be a Mason.

I did not argue, and tried to make for a graceful exit without blowing up.

Then he gets the phone from my husband one day and says my husband was talking about girls to the new guy. My husband quickly got the phone but said nothing to him but "you gonna get me in trouble" with a chuckle.

I told him I did not want to talk to the guy anymore because he was trouble and an instigator, and my husband obliged, but then did not follow through the next time his boss asked to talk to me.

Then this past week My husband was out of town in myrtle beach. We were on the phone, and I was giving him directions to a place he need to be, and when we hit a point where his directions said take left, and my map said take right, he said he was calling the owner, and would call me back.

A few hours later I hadn't recieved a call, so I called him. Well in the background I get "that's your mama", and my husband says he is eating at a cafe, and says he got to the right place and acted as if he had to go immediately, and then asks me if I want to talk to his boss. I said "No". He then says "He wants to talk to you" I said fine. SO then his boss tells me he is currently getting a stack of one dollar bills for my husband so they can go to the Crazy HOrse strip club down the road.Now I hear my husband in the background say with a chuckle "your gonna get me in trouble" and

I told him if that were true, he could get a stack of money for my husband to find a new place to live, because I don't accept unfaithfullness like that. He said "you think I am joking but we are going and we are gonna drink gin too."

I told him he could hand the phone back to my husband because he was making me angry. He laughed and handed the phone back to my husband . IN the background were men roaring with laughter, and my husband with achuckle got on the phone and said you know that isn't true. I told him that I had no way of knowing and I needed to let him go. He said he would call me back, but it wasn't for a couple of hours. Then he did not bring up the convesation until I told him that his boss was to not talk to me ever again, and I told him that I thought it was distasteful for him not to stop him from saying stuff like that to me. He was angry and acted as if I was wrong for being upset.I told him if he could not stand up to him and tell him he was being disrespectful to our marriage, the next time his boss started in on me I would put him in his place, and embarrass him for not being the man he needed to be. And if he did not apologize, I would call his wife and let her know how trashy he is talking.

[note] this man caused another co-worker to have to spend time in a hotel because of his antics acting like a girl when the guys wife called(they were already having trouble). The bosses wife even got into the middle of that one because she was a friend of the mans wife.

So to the Christian men.......

AM I wrong?

How would you handle someone talking like that?

Do you feel somewhat pressured to join the crowd when it is just men, or do you stand up for the integrity concerning the marriage bed, and God's commands concerning sexual fornication?

[elkieDannsa' Air An Drochaid]

Blessings F8thNJesus,

Sorry you are going through all that. how upsetting for you.

I am not a man ,so this is not really whom you are looking for to answer or for advice from... But, as wife I can really relate to you, I would hate it if I had to go through that also. I am sure you have committed it to prayer. It may be really hard to pray for that boss and the situation. But, it may help. Keep praying for your hubby and don't give up.

I will pray also.

Blessings,

elkie

[KeilanS]

Well, I am only 16 so take anything I say with that in mind.

I think that you are not wrong at all. A married man has absolutely no business in strip clubs or even making jokes about going to strip clubs. However, there is a lot of pressure on guys to participate in that kind of talk. I try to avoid making dirty jokes or even laughing at them, but it is not always easy. I think it is the duty of a husband to respect his wife and to stand up to his friends if they are not respecting his wife. In terms of what you should actually do about it, I really don't know. I think you should tell your husband how his actions make you feel and ask him to stop. Tell him that you do not find jokes about strippers or fornication funny and instead find them hurtful. Hopefully he will realize that he is hurting you and make an effort to improve in the future.

God Bless,

Keilan

[oakleaf]

i have been faced with the situations as your husband is going thru. im sorry to say but it sounds like your husband needs some back bone....he is nervous and is trying to hard to please everyone he is insecure...he needs to just tell them no. dont get me wrong he should tell them no that if he wanted to see that stuff all he had to do was go home and it he wouldnt have to pay to see it.... i value my wife and i love her very much and ive told people other guys that i get all i need at home why do i need to go out and waste money to see something ya cant have anyway......and you need to put your foot down and tell your husband how you feel....and the best advise i can give you is....stop talking to his boss......tell your husband if he wants a peep show just wait till your kids are in bed and asleep......your husband needs stability and he is looking for it from you........oak

[patricia1]

Well, I am only 16 so take anything I say with that in mind.

I think that you are not wrong at all. A married man has absolutely no business in strip clubs or even making jokes about going to strip clubs. However, there is a lot of pressure on guys to participate in that kind of talk. I try to avoid making dirty jokes or even laughing at them, but it is not always easy. I think it is the duty of a husband to respect his wife and to stand up to his friends if they are not respecting his wife. In terms of what you should actually do about it, I really don't know. I think you should tell your husband how his actions make you feel and ask him to stop. Tell him that you do not find jokes about strippers or fornication funny and instead find them hurtful. Hopefully he will realize that he is hurting you and make an effort to improve in the future.

God Bless,

Keilan

okay Leonard and oakleaf ...I see you there... Got a answer I hope... I will come back to see what you guys write before I add my half a penny...patricia

[Matthitjah]

Grace to you,

Sounds like your husband needs a new job. Being around these types of charecters is not conducive to his walk nor his Marriage.

Sounds like the whole situation needs covered in prayer too.

I will be praying for you.

Peace,

Dave

[F8thNJesus]

thank-you for your responces, and yes the entire situation is covered in prayer. the first time his boss started in, when he called me in redards to the mason thing, when I got off the phone, I decided to write him an e-mail. It was well worded, and to the point, then the Lord told me not to send it. This guy is incourageable. I would have only fed fuel to the fire.

Now there is a testimoney to all of this. My husband worked under this guy, 5 years ago, and he hired my husband knowing that my husband quit his last job upon my request because he was buying prescription medicine from his co-worker. My husband said he was clean, and I thought so too. Well the boss gave him a good raise, and a supervisor title. Then the first drug test came up positive for drugs. My husband used the excuse he forgot to tell the drug screener he had taken a legal prescription for his back pain. So they gave him a second chance, then the second test screened against the prescription he was taking and found methamphetamines.After he was suprised tested that second time, he knew he was going to be caught, and he used a petty argument we had as an excuse to not come home that day at work. I had no idea he had been fired. So when my husband didn't come home that night, I called the next morning to his work, and his boss told me he had been fired the previous day. I told him I had no idea and that he hadn't come home. He adviced me to give up on my husband because

"no man should do that to a wife pregnant and with one more child" well I told him I had to have faith that GOd would heal mymarriage. He told me "let me know how that works out for you honey, because the looks of it, your husband is addicted to a very bad drug, and is hanging out with a dealer of that drug. He is bad news." He also told me in the unlikely event that my husband got clean, that he could have his job back. that night I prayed and asked the Lord what to do, and he told me that my marriage would be saved, and that one day HE would use the testimoney of my marriage, to win the boss to the Lord.He told me that my husband would work for this guy again.

SO when my husband did come home, I pushed him to go back to his boss and prove that he was clean. Well he was proud, and swore that he was framed. we went through months of lack because my husband could not get a job. Then he applied at a convenience store making much less than he ever made, and in prayer the Lord gave me a word for my husband. It was if you work there, there is temptation there that will overtake you if you are not grounded in the Lord, and when that happens your marriage will reap the consequences and it will take a long time of healing. Well he didn't head to that and got caught up in drugs, and had an affair. He got abusive and we were seperated for a long time. When the Lord prompted me to be reconciled with my husband, he quit his job with a guy that was basically paying him in drugs, and proceeded to look for another one. I asked him to look into going back to his job where he had gotten fired.He told me that man was no longer there, and I thought "WoW i really missed the Lord on that one." then the Lord blessed my hubby with a job he had for almost four years. I felt the Lord prompting me to pray for my husband to find another job, but the thing was his proffession allowed him to work for only one company. So shortly after praying, the old boss called my husband and said he was looking for someone in his proffession to work for his company in our area, because the bosses company which was 90 miles away was moving to our city. IN much prayer I knew that it was the Lord telling us that the job was from HIM.

So I know that this is a frontal attack from the enemy trying to discourage me. I totally believe that when my husband turns to the Lord, that he will have an integral part in ministering to his boss which will ultimately lead to his salvation. I already found out that this man is married to a spirit filled christian woman, and wants very much to keep us apart. LOL

I guess this post was basically me licking my wounds. But even after writing it, i knew that christian men would stand up for their integrity, (kudos to you Kelians being only 16) and I wanted that reingorcement that Yeah I'm right, but the thing is my husband needs Jesus, and seeing where he has come from and where GOd has led us to , all I should have is praises!

You see the enemy wants to come in and attack my faith. My husband was unfaithful at one time, but I know (though prayer) that he is faithful now. The Lord has given me that promise, and because I just have the Lord's promise to stand on, the enemy would like to come in and attack it.

So just keep me in prayer and i am sorry for my soapbox. No sympathy needed, If God is for me. then who can be against me?

[damo1]

from damo1

high i had to read what you stated before i can put an answer to your question and for me as a man i am more stronger know to walk away from situations like that then to alow my self to be mainpulated or to be part of a group just to please every one

wear i came from i worked as a bouncer in the strip clubs in kings cross in sydney and it took me a long time to get over what i had been threw it was a constant battle even in my marraige to wear i alowed certain things to come into our home i married a non christian and went against every ones concerns i even ignored my pastor when he had warned me that this marraige would not work yet a lot also was my own undoing these wear my personal battles as being around that industry and being exposed to that life style i found no matter what i tried to do i could not get away even in church i did not tel many what was going on in my own home i would take communion than i would find my self doing what i was so use to i had two big boxes of peoples magazines and i had other stuf that i had to get rid off and the day i did this is when i began to see what i was doing was wrong i dug a hole in my back yard put everything in that hole and set it a light

then i made the choice to get rid of my friends this was hard but i got to the point wear i was tired of bailing my mates out of sticky sittuations to the point wear i was covering up for one mate who was cheeting behind his wifes back i told him enough is enough as he used me as an escape goat so he can continue having these afairs when i stood up these guys got mad yet i said straight out that its not on

see for me i found it hard to get too know people in the church especialy making new friends with males as these men wear diffrent to me and not one was like the friends i had as i thought guys in the church would not understand these guys new me and i knew them yet i prayed and i asked god to put some good males around me and he did he put sevral good brothers around me brothers who wear wear i was at one stage in ther walk and i was able to depend on these guys no matter what was going on around me

i can understand wear your husband is and you are doing all the right things have you asked your pastor to invite your husband to a mens night or a mens group does your church hold mens events ?

are there guys ther that he can relate to by me saying this this helped me as the men i met wear in a christian bike group and sevral wear in jail for dealing in drugs and alcohol and one guy worked for the same men i use to in kings cross these brothers just took me under ther wing and i thanked god for these godly men

all i can say is keep doing what you are doing keep speaking up and let your husband know this

blessings from damo1

your husband wil have to come to the point wear i came and see his friends the way i saw my friends in the world

[Guest]

[irishcowboy]

part of me says, check his cell phone....

part of me says to let the owner/boss know he is committing sexual harrassment... and if it does not stop then it will be reported to higher authorities...

part of me says he (your husband) should run, not walk to the nearest exit when this sort of thing is going on...

part says he needs to stand up and let them know that Christ would not like the way they are talking, and that they will have to answer for it....

as said above, it may be time to tighten the belt straps abit and start looking for another job, even if it does not pay as well.... work on getting the house hold budget down....

part of me says to say no to business trips.....

just about all of me says

RED FLAGS

get a sitter for the kids, find a place (private) and go talk.... spend the entire evening talking let him know that this behavior has got to stop..... it does not do you any good, it does not honor you, him, or God.....

that it is begining to put a strain on the family....

at a very minimum, i would speak to his boss, and let him know that his behavior, is not just boardering sexual harrassement, it has already crossed the line..... that he needs to stop, or it will be reported..... if ther eare other co-workers doing it as well, they need to be placed on notice also....

IT IS ILLEGAL...... if his job suffers..... THAT IS ALSO TOTALLY ILLEGAL......

you might even call legal aid in your area for some advice on how to proceed in your local area, to keep people from getting in trouble, but to get it stopped.....

there may also be annonymous ways of doing it too...... such as a type written letter to the company office, stating that you know that there has been a number of people that have been involved in sexual harrassement (or harrassement of any kind) and nothing is being done about it... and that it needs to stop or it will be reported to higher authorities....

Inappropriate jokes, jokes about some one else, jokes with a sexual nature, jokes about being henpecked, comments about a persons looks ( during a sexual harrassement seminar, a question was asked, if a person noticed another person was working to loose weight and to become more fit, and made a comment about it, would that be concidered sexual harrassement, the answer..... YES....... even though it was done as a pure innocent comment, complimenting them on their efforts, encouraging them... )

definition.... ANY UNWELCOMED, UNWANTED, PROVOKING SPEACH OR JESTURE, COMMENT, JOKE, TOUCH, OR NOISE, THAT CAN BE CONSTRUED AS SEXUAL IN NATURE IS SEXUAL HARRASSEMENT....

even a comment that a woman is to be .......................... it is not just sexist, but can be sexual harrassement.....

if you are hearing these unwanted (by you) even though you are not the one employed by the company, it is very unprofessional and is still unwanted and unwelcomed, and IS SEXUAL HARRASSEMENT....

talk to your husband first, then to his boss, and if it continues, even one time after you talk to his boss, REPORT IT TO HIGHER AUTHORITY......

mike