Having a strong Christian Marriage

[Guest Disciple1962]

The one thing that has really worked for my wife and myself is that we try to keep God in the center of all our activities. We have worked together since we first met and started a Christ centered business that has us side by side 24/7. We do have moments when we do seperate things (she'll watch TV in one room and I'll be working on a project in another), but for the most part we're always together. Maybe it's not good for everybody to be side by side with their spouse, but we always try to keep Christ right there with us. I hope I've offered some insight.

[Guest LadyC]

Hello, those of you that know me, I Just got married on 7/7/07, I was wondering if anyone had advice on how to have a strong Christian marriage, And a successful marriage.

Thanks and God bless.

here's my advice. never quit praying together, number one.

secondly, i would suggest you each study the Bible individually regarding how to be a godly mate, and don't just study it once... you'll need a refresher course at least annually, and it wouldn't hurt to study the subject more often than that. in fact, the longer you're married, the more often you should study it.

never, never focus on how your mate could be more godly. ALWAYS focus on doing YOUR part in keeping God's command. how your mate behaves is totally irrelevant to your own behaviour. or should be, anyway. if (for instance) your wife turns into the biggest shrew in the world, it does not give you license to act just as cruddy. you're responsible for your own behaviour and attitude.

and the best part about that is that when you're being a godly husband, even if your wife is not being a godly wife, YOU still have peace. and besides, when both of you are putting 100% of your effort into being the kind of mate God calls you to be, she'll never turn into a shrew and you'll never turn into a pig. it will be totally impossible, IF you are both following God's commands.

[terter]

You're smart to ask for advice early on -

You've gotten some very good advice so far - all the keys to a successful marriage are in the Bible - putting Yahweh first - which has already been mentioned, wife respect you and you love her - find out what that really means to each of you and communicate it to the other; also tried to find the verse that says don't go to sleep before resolving conflicts (one couple decided that they would both apologize to each other when they have disagreements before retiring); and a borrower is a servant to the lender (with today's financial resources, we should be the most financially savvy generation ever). Sometimes I wonder if the word servant should have read "slave." hehehe

blessings -

[tsth]

These were my favorite bits of advice!

Marriage is work. Don't get overly stretched financially, that probably breaks more marriages than just about anything else. You always have to remember that things do not make you happy. Don't put a TV in your bedroom. Remember that fighting is a habit. Make it a cooperative relationship rather than one where one or the other of you dictate the rules or make the big decisions. Be nice to each other. Never sleep apart after a fight. Do not consider divorce to be an option (never, ever, threaten it in the heat of anger). Always remember that men and women think and arrive at decisions a lot differently. Women tend to talk things out, men tend to go off, think about something, then come back with a decision. Pick your battles (don't try to get your way with everything). Find things you enjoy doing together, but always keep some hobbies that you like doing yourself too. Make sure you are both together on what you consider to be life goals (For example, if you want 2 kids and she wants 5, you need to compromise some how.) Be patient, plan things out, don't just throw caution to the wind.

Thats what I can think just off the top of my head.

Hi Josh,

Love her no matter what. I know that sounds contrite and stupid, but just do your part and remember that God is part of this and you. You and your wife are now one. The venting is true; I wish someone had told me about that 20 years ago. My wife vents and I always think she wants me to solve these things, when all she wants is someone to listen to her vent.

I read your testimony I don't think God would have brought you to where you are now to lead you to a bad marriage, so have faith in your marriage as well as in God.

I just thought of one other piece of advice. If you ever do fight, and you will..everyone does, keep it between yourselves. Don't go out and tell your friends and family about it. The reason being is that after a little while you are going to get over it, and your going to make up, and you will put it behind you. However, your friends and family over time might start holding those things against you or your spouse, and thats a bad thing. Just always remember, if you are mad at your wife, or she is mad at you, that is between the two of you, and you should never bring anyone else into it.

terter: Was this the verse you were looking for?

Ephesians 4:26 "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold.

And this is the TOP one I can think of.......Don't forget how God established marriage and the family, and the order He gave for it to work. And as a husband, don't forget to love your wife in this manner, and remain in God's Word and be cleansing with water (through the Word) to be able to do for your family as Christ did for the church:

Ephesians 5:21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-- 30 for we are members of his body. 31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 32 This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

And when children come along:

Ephesians 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 "Honor your father and mother"--which is the first commandment with a promise-- 3 "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." 4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

God bless you.

In His Love,

Suzanne

[terter]

Yes, that's the verse - Thanks!

When I read about this couple's decision for both to apologize, I saw wise decision making.

[Joshua-777]

hi Josh i first wanted to thank you for the prayers. now i have been married 32 years now and raised two kids. and i will tell you straight up that it isnt easy ..... takes alot of hard work and i do believe that we must put God first, now that is the first rigth step but doesnt insure that all will be ok as i said you must work on a marrage .. for me it is comunacation with each other .. growing together .. there will be many goood times but many bad times but we must work through the bad and hold each other up in those times.. you will find at times you feel stuck in a rut and to me you must get your self out of that... there is so much that could be said but each marrage is different ... but again i will just say keep God in the marrage, spend time together but allow each to have there own space. comunnicate most everything. try and find the way that works for the two of u and use what you learn. dont let divorce become an opption. to me if it isnt you work harder to keep what you have. Happy for you Josh may God bless you and your wife and marrage and keep you. there is so much to a marrage and it is a daily walk just like with God .. you will learn and grow together. take care and love ya sister vicki

THanks, I fully agree

[Joshua-777]

Marriage is work. Don't get overly stretched financially, that probably breaks more marriages than just about anything else. You always have to remember that things do not make you happy. Don't put a TV in your bedroom. Remember that fighting is a habit. Make it a cooperative relationship rather than one where one or the other of you dictate the rules or make the big decisions. Be nice to each other. Never sleep apart after a fight. Do not consider divorce to be an option (never, ever, threaten it in the heat of anger). Always remember that men and women think and arrive at decisions a lot differently. Women tend to talk things out, men tend to go off, think about something, then come back with a decision. Pick your battles (don't try to get your way with everything). Find things you enjoy doing together, but always keep some hobbies that you like doing yourself too. Make sure you are both together on what you consider to be life goals (For example, if you want 2 kids and she wants 5, you need to compromise some how.) Be patient, plan things out, don't just throw caution to the wind.

Thats what I can think just off the top of my head.

Thanks, lol we both kind of failed with the TV in the room, lol we both are video game junkies, so we're always going at it with the ps2. Thanks for the advice, I believe compromise is a major part of our relationship. We both need to work on planning things though.

[Joshua-777]

I just thought of one other piece of advice. If you ever do fight, and you will..everyone does, keep it between yourselves. Don't go out and tell your friends and family about it. The reason being is that after a little while you are going to get over it, and your going to make up, and you will put it behind you. However, your friends and family over time might start holding those things against you or your spouse, and thats a bad thing. Just always remember, if you are mad at your wife, or she is mad at you, that is between the two of you, and you should never bring anyone else into it.

very very good advice.

[Joshua-777]

Hi Josh,

Love her no matter what. I know that sounds contrite and stupid, but just do your part and remember that God is part of this and you. You and your wife are now one. The venting is true; I wish someone had told me about that 20 years ago. My wife vents and I always think she wants me to solve these things, when all she wants is someone to listen to her vent.

I read your testimony I don't think God would have brought you to where you are now to lead you to a bad marriage, so have faith in your marriage as well as in God.

Amen, and thanks

[Joshua-777]

Hello, those of you that know me, I Just got married on 7/7/07, I was wondering if anyone had advice on how to have a strong Christian marriage, And a successful marriage.

Thanks and God bless.

here's my advice. never quit praying together, number one.

secondly, i would suggest you each study the Bible individually regarding how to be a godly mate, and don't just study it once... you'll need a refresher course at least annually, and it wouldn't hurt to study the subject more often than that. in fact, the longer you're married, the more often you should study it.

never, never focus on how your mate could be more godly. ALWAYS focus on doing YOUR part in keeping God's command. how your mate behaves is totally irrelevant to your own behaviour. or should be, anyway. if (for instance) your wife turns into the biggest shrew in the world, it does not give you license to act just as cruddy. you're responsible for your own behaviour and attitude.

and the best part about that is that when you're being a godly husband, even if your wife is not being a godly wife, YOU still have peace. and besides, when both of you are putting 100% of your effort into being the kind of mate God calls you to be, she'll never turn into a shrew and you'll never turn into a pig. it will be totally impossible, IF you are both following God's commands.

Thanks, awesome advice!