Divorce and Re-Marriage

[freedfromsin]

The following is a plea for the church to return to God in the area of divorce and marriage. I write this as one who understands the needs of the divorced person weather they are innocent in the divorce or the guilty party. However our desires are not above the scripture on the issue and the church must return to her Lord's commands.

It is evident that today the church as a whole is no longer seeking God on the issue of divorce. God's commands on this issue are no longer relevant for most of the claimed believers. Instead most seek exclusions from what the bible teaches on this matter or simply totally ignore the commands as if God's word is secondary to personal desire. The problem is so prevalent that the church today in America has either equaled the world or surpassed it in the percentages of marriages that fail. In essence God simply does not matter in this issue. This is seen in our actions. Most who violate God's command on the re-marrying issue after divorce shrug off the command by claiming grace and that they are not under law. However let us be ever so careful since when anyone ignores God's commands with the expectation of forgiveness they enter into a deep pit of presumption and that sin is of a type that cannot be confessed biblically in most cases. David cries out to God to keep him from presumptuous sin.

Psalm 19:13 Keep back thy servant also from presumptuous [sins]; let them not have dominion over me: then shall I be upright, and I shall be innocent from the great transgression.

We would do well to take a great warning from David's plea and not venture into the area of thinking that we can sin because God will forgive. While His mercy is great and His forgiveness beyond understanding He warns us that He will not be mocked.

Gal 6:7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.

This is a self evident verse in the area of divorce and un-biblical re-marriage. It is seen in the broken lives of the children that follow and the lifestyles of the parents that rush into this trap. The command is clear for those who divorce without biblical grounds.

1 Cor 7:11But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to [her] husband: and let not the husband put away [his] wife.

There is only two reasons for a biblical divorce which allow re-marrying. One is if the spouse leaves because the other has come to Christ and the un-saved spouse no longer wants to continue in the marriage with this person who now practices the callings of God.

The other reason is where there has been some sort of sexual relations outside the marriage. These two and only these two offer the innocent person in the marriage the right to re-marry. If the divorce came about for any other reason, then the divorced person even if innocent, is to remain single or seek to re-unite in marriage with their spouse. There are no exceptions given in scripture.

However today the church for the most part has abandoned the word of God in this area and stands condemned for its practice. Let us keep in mind that sin leads to more sin and in the end judgment. Like Israel of old unless we return to the precepts of God in all humility we also will be cut off from the grace that He has so mercifully offered. God's commands are not suggestions that we can cast aside at will because we feel that our circumstances are outside their purview. God's commands are just that, commands. His mercy was never intended as a for-thought to allow the individual to sin and escape judgment. Forgiveness and mercy is always an after-thought for sin that has taken place, although willfully on our part, for those who come in true contrition and humility over what they have done.

Presumptuous sin falls outside the realm of true biblical ability to be able to confess and leaves the person in a state of non forgiveness before God unless they can reverse their understanding and heart filled sorrow over what they have done. A very dangerous path to take. However even if we can come to a place of forgiveness that forgiveness does not justify the sin and any limitations that are imposed remain on the offending party.

So may we take great care in who and why we marry the first time and if there should be a divorce that does not fall within the guidelines of biblical permitted divorce and re-marriage then let us remain un-married or return to the one who we divorced.

God bless

[Eliyahuw]

Adultery covers much more than just sex. Abuse, drunkeness, drug addiction all are forms of adultery as well as following false gods.

When teh spouse is abusive their breaking the same covenant that the adulterer breaks. Since a unbeliever leaving is not bound by that covenant then you aren't bound by it. Its all about the breaking of the covenant, not about sex.

Any breaking of the covenant will make one an adulterer.

[GloryToGod!]

I am speaking from my own personal experience here. My husband and I have been married to each other for 27 years. Many of those years have been very rocky to say the least. Domestic violence was a common practice on my husband's end. The violence extended to myself and our kids....we have 3 now grown kids. I could not understand why these things were happening. I had seriously fasted and prayed before accepting my husband's proposal of marriage. The first 2-3 years were ok but as we went along things became unbearable. I had tried calling the police...no help there. I was able to get my kids into counseling.....which wasn't too much help. Finally it became obvious that my husband had some problems and he was given the opportunity to get into counseling of his own will or go to court and be given a court order to enter counseling.

All during this time I loved my husband and knew that he loved me, but we had two mentally and emotionally ill (one was mentally retarded too) and it was taking a terrible strain on our marriage. As our kids grew older one by one they left home. One ended up in a long term mental hospital. He was in three different institutions for a total of 4 consecutive years. Our daughter opted to enter a group home at age 18...which she did. That left out youngest son. Our youngest was the one who had escaped my husbands abuse but we went through a lot together. At times we feared for our lives and turned to the authorities.

I forgot to say that my husband was a Christian when I married him. I leave the judging in God's hands as to whether or not he really was one of God's beloved. Finally I came up with an idea that I believe was from God. I asked my husband if we could sell our home, split the equity and find separate places to live....but not divorce. I didn't see any scriptural grounds for divorce....and that was a tough truth to accept. We remained living in this way for six years. We saw each other for holidays, the kids birthdays and went out for the evening one in a while. But he had not changed. I prayed my heart out as I thought that this was the man I wanted to grow old with.

About 2 years ago my husband and I started going to Christian counseling at the church I attended. This was my only hope to ever having our marriage be healed. We went for six months and I watched myself and my husband and myself be transformed by the renewing of our minds according to the Word of God. This coming November we will have lived together as husband and wife for one year. God has blessed our desire for a Christian marriage.

I have to say that I wishI had separated from my husband earlier than I did...just for my and my kids sake. I never believed that it was God's will for us to divorce. We did not meed scriptural criteria for that.....but God did not intend me to take all the abuse that I did.

Zoe, my heart goes out to you. Life can be so painful and lonely. I would say for you to protect yourself but remain in the Lord. He can do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask and think.

In His Love,

Kathy

[Axxman]

I don't disagree that churches have dropped the ball when it comes to divorce. Obviously, when the divorce rate is so high...something has gone wrong. Personally, I think that the church has wandered away from too many other things and that has caused problems in the family, which leads to higher divorce rates.

I think if the church started focusing on teaching men how to be Godly leaders...and teaching women how to be submissive to Godly leaders, then the divorce rate would plummet. Many churches today have blurred the scriptural gender lines at the expensive of Godly marriages.

[freedfromsin]

You are VERY incorrect! Adulteryy does not cover Abuse, drunkeness, drug addiction as well as following false gods.

Adultery covers much more than just sex. Abuse, drunkeness, drug addiction all are forms of adultery as well as following false gods.

When teh spouse is abusive their breaking the same covenant that the adulterer breaks. Since a unbeliever leaving is not bound by that covenant then you aren't bound by it. Its all about the breaking of the covenant, not about sex.

Any breaking of the covenant will make one an adulterer.

[hr.jr.]

From what I have seen, the ones harping on this issue should get the plank out of their own eye. Then they could see properly to remove the speck from the eye of their brother. I get so tired of hearing about this issue. I am personal friends with many pastors who are divorced. Most of them, the divorce was their fault. God forgave them, the Church should also. If God only used perfect people, He would not be able to use anyone. None of us are perfect in the flesh. I have been in the midst of bitter fighting among association leaders who wanted to "rescend the ordination" of pastors going through divorce. They have been successful a few times. Many who harp on divorce, are bitter people who enjoy bringing others down more than they enjoy Lifting Christ up.

[OneLight]

From what I have seen, the ones harping on this issue should get the plank out of their own eye. Then they could see properly to remove the speck from the eye of their brother. I get so tired of hearing about this issue. I am personal friends with many pastors who are divorced. Most of them, the divorce was their fault. God forgave them, the Church should also. If God only used perfect people, He would not be able to use anyone. None of us are perfect in the flesh. I have been in the midst of bitter fighting among association leaders who wanted to "rescend the ordination" of pastors going through divorce. They have been successful a few times. Many who harp on divorce, are bitter people who enjoy bringing others down more than they enjoy Lifting Christ up.

You are in err. Even an elder has to be the husband of one wife, let alone a pastor. What you are describing is the "new age " type of church where sin is basically left up for interpretation, not by the Bible, as it should be.

[ColleenLovesMischief]

From what I have seen, the ones harping on this issue should get the plank out of their own eye. Then they could see properly to remove the speck from the eye of their brother. I get so tired of hearing about this issue. I am personal friends with many pastors who are divorced. Most of them, the divorce was their fault. God forgave them, the Church should also. If God only used perfect people, He would not be able to use anyone. None of us are perfect in the flesh. I have been in the midst of bitter fighting among association leaders who wanted to "rescend the ordination" of pastors going through divorce. They have been successful a few times. Many who harp on divorce, are bitter people who enjoy bringing others down more than they enjoy Lifting Christ up.

Sooooo should we just throw biblical law out the window or what???

[hr.jr.]

From what I have seen, the ones harping on this issue should get the plank out of their own eye. Then they could see properly to remove the speck from the eye of their brother. I get so tired of hearing about this issue. I am personal friends with many pastors who are divorced. Most of them, the divorce was their fault. God forgave them, the Church should also. If God only used perfect people, He would not be able to use anyone. None of us are perfect in the flesh. I have been in the midst of bitter fighting among association leaders who wanted to "rescend the ordination" of pastors going through divorce. They have been successful a few times. Many who harp on divorce, are bitter people who enjoy bringing others down more than they enjoy Lifting Christ up.

Sooooo should we just throw biblical law out the window or what???

What Biblical law are you referring to? Be verse specific, and I will specifically address it.

[hr.jr.]

Sooooo should we just throw biblical law out the window or what???

He's saying your not supposed to hold a person's mistakes over their heads for the rest of their lives. Why is it people want a scarlet "D" branded on someone's head forever when they've been divorced? Looks like another divorced person-bashing thread in it's beginning stages. . .

Amen!