Faith, Fumble, go back to sqare one?

[dgolvach]

There are some issues in my life that I have been trying to give to God. Its very hard to trust God with things that you have been so used to trying to control. My question; you go to God and tell him you will have faith through obedience, you do good for a while and you even sence God's presence unlike you have before but in a week moment, you fall. You try to take matters into your own hands because of the pain involved with waiting on God. You then choose an earthly means to meet your need. You blew it because you didn't wait. Do you have to start all over or can you pick right back up where you fell?

Dan

[Scarletprayers]

Dan God already knew.............you didn't surprise Him or anything! Some days I give things to God 100 times, cause I keep trying to take them back and handle them myself. But, when I fail (and we all do) I try my best not to beat myself up on things God has already forgiven me for, don't you either!

[dgolvach]

The truth is that I at a breaking point in my life and I am really trying to surrender. Surrender comes with alot of pain because along with the willfullness I am trying to give up comes death to self. Self dying is the thing thats always kept me from trusting God. It really hurts because you feel like your being nailed to the cross along with the sins that are being crucified. I'm terrified. I have so many needs and desires that are very strong. I am trying to be honest with God on these issues. I even ask him to be intimate with me because I need it so much. Lonelyness is not doable for me. I'm going to get it somewhere. Except, this time I have asked God to supply my needs rather than other things. I am not a girlyman by any description.(Straight) I am very much a man but my deepest needs are like that of a baby. I need a parent that loves me not an old ticked off gray haired clowd dweller thats all about rules. I need God to love me so hard that I don't mind if no one else does. I need to feel it in my soul and I can't wait, It hurts to much. I also don't want to be loved only if I do stuff for him. Does this make sence? How humiliating. I want God to be my mother.

Dan

[Scarletprayers]

Dan it makes perfect sense, He already is, you just have to let Him! I am still praying for you my brother, and I have no doubt, when we get to heaven, I'm gonna be giving you the biggest hug!

[Redefine_Me]

There are some issues in my life that I have been trying to give to God. Its very hard to trust God with things that you have been so used to trying to control. My question; you go to God and tell him you will have faith through obedience, you do good for a while and you even sence God's presence unlike you have before but in a week moment, you fall. You try to take matters into your own hands because of the pain involved with waiting on God. You then choose an earthly means to meet your need. You blew it because you didn't wait. Do you have to start all over or can you pick right back up where you fell?

Dan

Hugs to you brother. I understand every thing you are saying and struggle daily with letting go of my own issues of trying to "fix" the things I do wrong. You hit the nail on the head when you said taking matters back into our own hands because we don't like to wait. The best advice I have is to turn all of this over to God in prayer. Tell Him how you struggle with trying to control things that are His.

[wvpeach]

I'll pray for you too Dan . One thing is maybe your wants are the wrong ones.

When jesus was asked what are the greatest commands he responded love God and no body else above God .

God is your Father and mother Dan and like any loving parent he will let you learn lessons the hard way if you refuse to learn them easy.

What am I talking about? .... God wants you to learn that every human on the planet earth has the possibility of disappointing you Dan. doesn't matter how good their intentions are or how much they love us other humans can and usually do hurt and disappoint us some point in our relationship with them.

But God will never disappoint you Dan and you must learn to love God above all , including family, father , mother, sister, wife friend whomever. When you have learned to do this you will not have the pain of lonliness anymore . Nor will you know disappointment , when somebody leaves you by choice or death . Once you learn that God is all and all and should be your first love , your life will come together . You will understand and trust God that we never really loose anybody , God has that all under control . God gives us what is best for us , when its best for us.

This is what God is trying to teach you Dan.

Blessings to you this night

Paula

The truth is that I at a breaking point in my life and I am really trying to surrender. Surrender comes with alot of pain because along with the willfullness I am trying to give up comes death to self. Self dying is the thing thats always kept me from trusting God. It really hurts because you feel like your being nailed to the cross along with the sins that are being crucified. I'm terrified. I have so many needs and desires that are very strong. I am trying to be honest with God on these issues. I even ask him to be intimate with me because I need it so much. Lonelyness is not doable for me. I'm going to get it somewhere. Except, this time I have asked God to supply my needs rather than other things. I am not a girlyman by any description.(Straight) I am very much a man but my deepest needs are like that of a baby. I need a parent that loves me not an old ticked off gray haired clowd dweller thats all about rules. I need God to love me so hard that I don't mind if no one else does. I need to feel it in my soul and I can't wait, It hurts to much. I also don't want to be loved only if I do stuff for him. Does this make sence? How humiliating. I want God to be my mother.

Dan

[dgolvach]

The thing that is so uncomfortable is that I think what I've tried to get out of the women in my life can only come from God. God is male and I have a hard time with the concept of being intimate with a male. Its not the biological aspect of sex but its the nurturing aspect of it. Im so empty and desperate for it. I allmost feel blasphemous for asking God to meet these needs.

Dan

[Scarletprayers]

I think alot of times it is easier for a woman to "let go and let God" we are brought up with the nurture aspect, more so than most men are. But Dan, what goes on in your conversations with God is just between the two of you, He already knows the problems your having, but telling Him anyway will help you, tell him the things that are bothering you, talk to Him like you are talking to your best friend, because you are!

[Zadok Rox]

Remember, you (like all of us) are on a journey. We all would like to be instantly mature, but unfortunately it's a slow process of growth. Tell God all your concerns and remember that He's working in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure.

[wvpeach]

Truth in point men translated the bible from hebrew and greek to english.

In the Hebrew and greek God describes names for the creator many ways. Elohim meaning mighty one .

El Shaddai many bible scholars and interpreters means many breasted one . And don't forget that God said

in Matthew 23:37 how often I would have gathered thy children together even as a hen gathereth her chicks under her wings. here we see God using a female chicken as a example of how God feels rather that a rooster obviously.

Now this is not to say that God is female either . The truth is labels like this cannot describe God .

God is the creator of all and as such made them female and male.

God no doubt is the best nurturing you will ever get Dan. Not male, nor female but God who is all love and all mercy filled.

The thing that is so uncomfortable is that I think what I've tried to get out of the women in my life can only come from God. God is male and I have a hard time with the concept of being intimate with a male. Its not the biological aspect of sex but its the nurturing aspect of it. Im so empty and desperate for it. I allmost feel blasphemous for asking God to meet these needs.

Dan