Suicide squirrel in opera-hating kamikaze bike spoke

[buckthesystem]

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/09/05/sq...l_opera_singer/

By Chris Williams

A Helsinki squirrel dived into the bicycle wheel of passing opera singer Esa Ruuttunen, hospitalising him and killing itself.

The squirrel - apparently not an opera fan - ran headlong at Ruuttunen's spokes. Alarmed, the bicycling bass baritone hit the deck.

Instead of attending rehearsals for new Finnish opus Kaarmeen hetki (Hour of the Serpent), Ruuttunen attended casualty with concussion and a broken nose.

Fans of Scandinavian-language* "passion-laden thriller" looking forward to the aforementioned "wild drama delving into the soul of a woman" needn't begin a candlelit prayer vigil for Ruuttunen's recovery though. A Finnish National Opera spokeswoman told Reuters: "He is not yet singing in rehearsals, but thinks he will be able to perform at the world premiere."

Yesterday's tragically notable exception aside, things have been fairly quiet on the animal attack front this summer. We look forward to a resumption of full hostilities forthwith

[Fraught]

having frantically read thru all these crazed squirrel reports, i am soooooo relieved to see that american squirrels were NOT involved.

i will be on gaurd, tho, as my mother resides under several large trees that house a couple of squirrely families. all seems peaceful so far!

[buckthesystem]

having frantically read thru all these crazed squirrel reports, i am soooooo relieved to see that american squirrels were NOT involved.

i will be on gaurd, tho, as my mother resides under several large trees that house a couple of squirrely families. all seems peaceful so far!

Be afraid, be very afraid! And Beware!

There just might be a world-wide conspiracy by squirrels to take over the world as we know it! And it is only a matter of time before they communicate with American squirrels!

If/when this happens, most of the world will be at their mercy, you can run, but you cannot hide!

[damo1]

damo1

i love these little guys wish i could have one as a pet yet our laws wil not allow it go squirrel power give them hell and do what you do good natures animals are the best when it comes to getting attention i think this guy did not like his singing oh now as my friend use to bring his dog to worship practise nights at our church on thursday nights and his dog would start to howl if some one went of tune as my mate bought him up from a pup and played nothing but christian music and the dog new all our songs we sing in church on sunday night and even amazing grace was one of the dogs best songs but he loved the up beat stuff as you could see him go into hypo drive and the tail will go from one side to the other so me and another guitar play tied a ballon on the dogs tail to see if he still had it in him and the pup was right wear we thought he would be

we just sat back and cracked up watching him trying to attac the ballon that would not seem to want to let go of him that is by us getting back at him for howling when we are out of tune or out of line very smart dog though

for an of bread

thanks from damo

[nebula]

Well when I was a lad, I'd take a trip

Every summer down to the Mississip

To visit my granny and her anti-bellum world

I'd run bare-footed all day long

Climbing trees as free as a song, and one day

I chanced to catch myself a squirrel

I stuffed him down in an old shoe box and

Punched a couple of holes in the top

And when Sunday come, I snuck him into church

I was sitting way back in the very last pew

Showing him off to my good buddy Hugh

When that squirrel got loose and went totally berzerk

(chorus)

The day the squirrel went berzerk

In the First Self-Righteous Church

In that sleepy little town of Pasquagula

It was a fight for survival

That broke out in revival

We were jumping pews and shouting

"Hallelujah!"

What happened next was hard to tell

Some thought it was Heaven, others thought it was Hell

But the fact that SOMETHING was among us was plain to see!

As the choir sang "I Surrender All"

That squirrel ran up Harve Newman's coverall

Harve leapt to his feet and said,

"Something's got a hold on me!"

(chorus)

Harve hit the aisle a-dancing and a-screaming

Some thought he had religion, others thought he had a demon

And Harve

Thought he had a weed-eater loose in his Fruit-of-the-Looms

As he hit his knees to plead and beg

That squirrel ran out of his briches leg

Unobserved to the other side of the room

He ran all the way down to the amen pew

Where sat Sister Bertha, better than you

Who was watching the whole comotion with sadistic glee

You should have seen the look in her eye

When that squirrel jumped her garter and crossed her thigh

She leapt to her feet and said, "Lord, have mercy on me!"

As that squirrel made laps inside her dress,

She began to cry and commence to confess

To sins that would make a sailor blush with shame

She talked of gossip and church dissention

But the thing that got the most attention

Was when she talked about her love-life - and then she started naming names!

(chorus)

7 deacons and the pastor got saved

And $2500 got raised

And 50 vollunteered for missions in the Congo on the spot

Without even having an invitation

There must have been 500 rededications

And we all got rebaptized whether we needed it or not

You've heard the Bible stories, I guess

How he parted the waters for Moses to pass

All the miracles God hath wrought in this ol' world

But the one I'll recall 'till my dying day

Is how He put that church back on the narrow way

With a half-crazed Mississippi squirrel!

(chorus x2)

(song by Ray Stevens)

[ladypeartree]

I LOVE that song ..never heard it before but it is great ....think you need to send it to Giaour since she loves squirrels so much

[sheya joie]

Oh, Nebula! I love that song too!

As for American squirrels not getting involved - why, they are isolationists, of course. It will take an attack against American squirreldom itself to get the American squirrels off their furry little haunches and into the thick of things.

I shudder to think what might happen to humanity then!

[Giaour]

I TOLD YOU THEY WERE EVIL!

But NOOOO you wouldnt believe me.

They are the devils spawn!

Squirrels must die.

Get a priest and some holy water, I'm a going squirrel hunting!

[damo1]

damo1

uh oh watch out little guys you are going to be dinner for some one tonight some one is going to hunt you down and are going to cast the devil out of you weight a min holy water ? in the movies i have seen on the exorcest the devil ends up spewing on the priest should not it be silver bullets ? this wil kill the squirrels have you got a good cat that can climb trees best tease the cat for 4months with the sent of a squirrel bash its fur on the cage bash it so hard until you have the cat begging to get out and i am sure you wil win a buffy like squirrel slayer in no time who will be able to train up other cats

just a thought as holy water never works i have not seen it work in this century we use 4x 4x to get the evil spirits out of them nice red box or iron bark or yellow box does the job

we also have a snake under our church building one day i am weighting for the brown to come in and then see peoples reactions it has been living under our church building for a long time and stil have not found its hidding place or hidy hole

take care from damo