My sister hasn't spoken to me for three years...

[grace222]

I have an older sister. We have always been very close, but ever since she married her Dh, things have changed - for the worse.

He is very "controlling" and was always jealous of our close relationship.

He eventually won and moved her to a far away little country town(this was about 12 years ago).

We had an email relationship and during some school holidays, they would come and stay with us.

Their has also been tension between her DH and I. He has always struggled to like me!

I first met him when I was 10 years of age - he was 16 and he picked at me because I was very thin and scrawny-looking.

Since he became a christian, about 5 years ago, I thought things would change, but, infact, they have gotten worse.

Three years ago(Christmas day 2004) my sister and I had an argument. We always seem to argue on Christmas day(of all days!).

Well, it got quite heated and we exchanged some pretty harsh words.

Her Dh intervened and told me if I had a problem with my sister, then I had a problem with him.

He got very heated and angry and threatened to hit me. (My Dh was out of my mother's house at the time) and didn't witness anything(unfortunately).

It was a nightmare.

After Christmas I wrote a letter to my sister and her Dh and apologised for the harsh words I said to them.

They said some pretty harsh words to me- infact, they spilled out everything they could ever possibly say. It was about an hour before the argument ended and I remembered those verses in scripture that said, "Be silent - like a dumb lamb".

So, while I remained silent, they yelled and yelled.

I was reminded of that verse"Out of the heart the mouth speaks".

They told me that I wasn't a christian because my DH and I had gone through an ivf cycle and that God would never bless me with a baby -(I was being punished).

DH and I have battled Infertility for 9 years(but we have finally found a peace about it now - PTL).

Anyway, fast-forward.

I wrote my sister a letter saying that I was sorry and that I had forgiven them for the words spoken to me.

Their words were vicious and attacking (and came as a surprise).

I've struggled with depression and anxiety for a long time and they attacked me for this!

Anyway, my sister wrote a letter back. She never apologised for any of the harsh, condenming words she said to me(but I know I still had to forgive!)

She told me that she was just waiting on the Lord for what to do next with our relationship. Wow-it's been nearly 3 years and so much has happened in my life - surely, God has spoken to her since about our relationship.

How long will it take?

Since then, she has never spoken to me.

This happened in the year 2000 as well.

We had an argument christmas day and she didn't speak to me for six months. I was pregnant at the time and lost my baby - and my loss brought us back together.

But now, it's gone on for 3 years nearly. She won't communicate with me and her Dh has never written or apologised...

When she speaks to my mother, she never asks after me or enquires about me and my Dh.

It's like we have died.

I miss her very much, even if she was hurtful and abusive to me.

I am a little scared of her husband though, but I have chosen to forgive him.

I miss her children too. They are growing up so quickly.

A part of me thinks, well, the relationship will never be the same and, while her Dh chooses to be abusive and hateful towards me, things will never be the same(and it's probably a good thing) we are not in contact, but then, I miss my sister so much.

What should I do?

I've written letters in the past but they all get ignored.

Thanks for reading if you have made it this far!

We still send christmas cards and birthday cards but that's about it. When I send a letter (attached to the cards), they just get ignored.

I sent her a gift for her birthday (two bible-text plaques and stationery). The christian shop I bought them from(where I have my account) told me that she wants to return the christian plaques because she dosn't like them. My sister is a christian too and I can understand her not liking them, but she told the people in the shop NOT TO TELL me she was exchanging them.

Grace.

Edited October 29, 2007 by grace222

[Redefine_Me]

Hugs to you dear sister. I have no answers either. Family is.... well..... tough sometimes. I will pray for all involved.

[Blien]

MY DEAR SISTER!! I have so much compassion for you.. Do you know, that I did not even open this topic? But God opened it for me? I was looking at the worthy topics when I noticed some how this topic was open and waiting for me on the top right corer of my screen!!

Anyway, I went to a very similar phase with my sister for 3 years. Now, I don't want to look as if I have the answers to your situation. Only God knows the answers, but hopefully it will help you from hearing of my experiences because sometimes GOD lets us go through certain things so that we can minister to others. By the grace of GOD you are a BLESSED person. I was on your sister's side in my story. Let me tell you how I was broken in!

Several years ago, before we moved into our new house.. this was about 7 yrs ago. I got into an argument with my sister for whatever reason it was and she dared to fight with me and pulled a kitchen knife against me and I felt very threatened and grabbed her very quickly and was in a struggle with her and she sliced a small skin off my finger and scratched me on my fore arm with the knife. I was really angry and was about to overpower here when my dad came to see the commotion and took control of the situation. And then later came to yell at me, and punish me when it was clearly her fault and she was the one who pulled the knife on me! To add to it, I was bleeding, even if it was a little! THIS WAS A BIG WRONG AGAINST ME, but you will see later that it was the beginning of a Wilderness period for me where GOD was preparing to use me for his will.

So when we moved into the new house, there was a lot of tension between us and the atmosphere was really gloomy in my family. We were all with big tensions and admittedly because I felt wronged I was provoking a little and doing much to get her to be in trouble by my parents. Anyway.. so some time passed and it wasn't long since we moved in that we were in an argument. THIS TIME in front of my dad while he was working behind me!! Now as we were arguing she turned, went into the storage room and came to me threatening to hurt me, THIS TIME with a HAMMER.. Now I was shocked beyond belief and was frozen because I didn't expect this. A knife is one thing. BUT A HAMMER???? I was SOOO ANGRY and my dad being right behind us seeing all this, just continued on the computer working whatever documents he was doing. I WAS SOO ANGRY and I didn't so anything, I just looked at her with Hate and much disbeilef. I was so sickened by it all but I didn't want to do anything because of what happened before, in the old house. So she left still with the Hammer in her hand. So I turned to my dad who was literally inches behind me and I yelled at him saying "DID YOU NOT SEE WHAT SHE JUST DID??" And he replied to me "She wasn't going to hit you, she was just talking".. but the situation was fa r from that because she actually swong it infront of me to prvoke me to do something. Now when I got this repsone from my dad I was SO MAD at all of them, I HIT THE WALL REALLY HARD and with a YELL chased her up the stairs to GET HER but My Mom saw her and hearing my ange from before (it was really loud) saw her and yelled at her saying, what she was doing with the Hammer and so on blah blah blah. Needless to say I wasn' t satisfied and I could have quite literally beaten her to the ground if my Mom did not intervene and took it away from her.

I think I stormed out of the house crying because of how betrayed I felt. First because of what happened in my old house and me being punished wrongly. And now this, feeling totally unprotected and uncared for by my dad. WOW WHAT A HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT. I was sooooo hurt and I just walked and walked crying, going over the whole thing in my mind over and over again. I dont think I prayed to GOD then because at that time I was far from God and it wasn't until recently I renewed my vows to God and Jesus.

Anyway, there were many times were I was betrayed. Included when I was a kid. I REALLY belived in the POWER of Prayer when I was a kid. I really did and when my littlest sister was born I found out that my sisters prayed against me that it would be a girl when I was going about the house always saying I wanted a Brother. Infact it was for this same reason that my parents had the littlest one, to try for a boy so I could have a brother! And my two sisters prayed in agreement AGAINST ME. I was soooo HURT. Now weither God did this for them or not I dont know.. but it certainly was one of the things that turned my relationship with God cold for many many years.

Okay now fast forward to after the hammer incident. This is the last story I promise! I told you all those stories to get to this one. One day my sister came to my parents, and told them she was going to be baptised into a pentecostal church and they fliped out. Now i'm not going to get into the details because its a cultural/family issues that is another story in its own. So my parents rebuked her, my MOM especially was against her. I didn't say anything, I was really hurt and was not speaking to her for a while now and so this whole thing was going on and I was watching it, hoping she would get punished. Evil I know. But it escalated! So much that my mom got an anxiety attack and then a stroke, she was crying and crying and crying and she fell to the ground by the door saying 'NO don't go, don't go, for my sake, dont you love me'... and my sister was saying, "I'm going to go" and pushing her out of the way even though she fell to the ground infront of the door because she was overwhelmed with tears and hurt because her daughter said she didn't get baptized (lets not talking about doctrional issue please, I'm telling this for a reason). So as my sister was pushing her away from the door. MY Anger from all previous events was PROVOKED and I couldn't take it anymore, because I Loved my Mother so much.. Sooo much more than my dad even. So when I saw this wrong I was going to jump on her, but then this thought came to me 'If you fight with her, mom is going to cry and get hurt even more'.... Id ont know if this was the Holy Spirit talking to me or something else. But I didn't do anything. Instead I told my sister she was a hypocirt over and ove again. The ambulance and police came and I rebuked her so much and told her she was a hypocrit and not a saint ebcause she didn't even appoligise for what she did to my mom.

Now after this event. I was totally hardened against my sister. I didn't talk to her for 3 years. Every day I avoided to look at her face, and I did it so successfully I totally forgot about her in everything. No Christmas gifts, no helping with school, no help from bullying, no help in emotional times of need. NOTHING. I WAS TOTALLY HARDENED.

She would always seek to talk to me, or seek me for advice and my mom would tell me to talk to her. And my mom would tell me 'she feels so bad and wants to talk to you and 'she misses you' but I would not talk to her. I said to my Mom, 'I'm not going to talk to her until she apologizes to you' and so we had this one time when she did apologize to her in front of my dad and me but I refused to accept it because it was not a 'heart felt apology'. I admit this was one of the most wrongest thing you can do... but it was all a part of something much greater for me that would destroy me totally in the years to come.

Now, last year I got a a extremely well paying job and started my career and was lavishly rewarding all my family members except her. I even refused to help her with her tuition.. at this time the Holy Spirit was nudging against me saying 'just when are you going to forgive her then, if you didn't accept her appolgy from before?' but I ignored it and went about whatever my life brought me.. David said in one of his psalms:

Psalms 69:22

“Let their bountiful table become a snare,

a trap that makes them think all is well."

Wow what a statement! This was a perfect example of what was happening to me! I was being fully immersed in the one of the darkest periods of my life. Where I would seek the advice of Horoscopes and visit Psychics 2 times unleashing a doorway to be tormented by the messengers of Satan. I was going into the wilderness period! And God's Furnace of Affliction would later purify me and make me let go of all negative thoughts I had about my sister totally and a complete change of heart. Eventually what happened is that I give my life to Jesus and found out all the suffering from all the years was because God was building a character in me to do some work for him which I clearly now see and I am so thankful for!! ALL THIS BECAUSE OF MY SISTER.. Keep reading I am going to tell you how!

Isaiah 48:10

"Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver;

I have tested you in the furnace of affliction."

I believe you sister is heading to, or is already in something similar. God is refining her and preparing her so that she will turn to him! Be not afraid, she will return to you! Remember GOD has seen all this before it ever came to pass but he let it happen! This is because there is a GOOD that will come out of it!! The Lord's Promise

Psalm 84:11

For the LORD God is a sun and shield;

the LORD bestows favor and honor;

no good thing does he withhold

from those whose walk is blameless.

So what was it she [my sister] do to turn around my hardened heart to one that is now full of compassion and Love? She did exactly what is said in the Bible!

Pray for your sister because you love her and wish all that is good upon her. Pray because you also Love her! And Pray also that God turns her heart around!!

1 Thessalonians 5:17

"pray without ceasing"

NEVER repay your sister Evil for Evil, remember what Paul said! It worked so much on me, I couldn't not help but give up to her and not stay mad at because she was so good to me! I eventually had to Love her! I couldn't help it! This is not a joke, THIS IS REAL! IT WORKS!!

YOU ARE ON THE RIGHT PATH, STAY ON IT!!!

Romans 12:12-19

12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. 20 On the contrary:

"If your enemy is hungry, feed him;

if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.

In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Even as I was writing the above to you, those messengers of Satan that I told you about are annoying me trying to stop what I am saying to you because they know it works. Rebuke them as I am doing right now, Rebuke ALL EVIL WORKS!! NEVER pay back Evil for Evil, In Jesus' Christ Name!!

THE ABOVE WORKS YOU ARE ON THE RIGHT PATH!!

Finally, even though I have underlined it in the above, suffer as Christ did. He did it because our Lord loved us so much!

2 Peter 3:15

15 Bear in mind that our Lord's patience means salvation, just as our dear brother Paul also wrote you with the wisdom that God gave him.

Amplified

2 Peter 3:15

15And consider that the long-suffering of our Lord [[a]His slowness in avenging wrongs and judging the world] is salvation (that which is conducive to the soul's safety), even as our beloved brother Paul also wrote to you according to the spiritual insight given him,

The only reason why Christ hasn't returned yet is because he is waiting for more people to get saved! Be like Christ, suffer as he did out of Love, be patient as He is and I guarantee you that It will be well worth it! Because even though you will get your sister back, you will also be storing up rewards for yourself in Heaven!

Luke 6:32

"If you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that? Even sinners love those who love them!"

Take heart! Since you love Christ and Love your Sister and you do what is right in the eyes of the Lord by repaying evil with Good see what he has for you here..

John 14:21

"Those who accept my commandments and obey them are the ones who love me. And because they love me, my Father will love them. And I will love them and reveal myself to each of them.”

Some of the things my sisters did that made me love her. Even though I treated her badly and tried to stay mad at her:

1. She Loved me

2. She tried to Be-friend me

3. She didn't give up

4. She drove me other cities when I needed a drive (about 4 times in a couple of months)

5. She prayed for me (The Holy Spirit told me).. and she prayed for me EVEN MORE When Satan was attacking me!!

6. She lend me money when I asked for it, even though I was wealthy and refused to pay for her tution even as a loan!!

7. SHE LOVED ME!!

So I hope you got it now. There is more I wanted to say but this is where I beilve the Lord is letting me stop because this message is too long.

MAY GOD BLESS YOU And give you His Patience and Love to help you and your sister! I will be praying for you!

GOD BLESS YOU

Dont forget GOD LOVES YOU :o

Jeremiah 31:3

The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying:

"I have loved you [Grace222] with an everlasting love;

I have drawn you with loving-kindness.

Edited October 29, 2007 by Blien

[Blien]

Sorry one final piece of information. I too am the Older sibling.. so you see our stories are even more similar. Stay strong, God is with you!

[Guest]

[damo1]

damo1

al i can say to this and what you shared hear is i can relate but it does not worry me as its braking you apart i have not talked to my half sister when we last saw each other in 1985

my father had a lot to do with this my half sister Will not even talk to her own mother but Will talk with my mothers brother and his wife and keep in cont ac with my uncles daughters as my grand parents took her in

when my half sister was living in brisbane she lived right across the road from my mother and would snob her own mother as my mother also stood up for her when my dad took his anger our for no reason on my sister but she does not see it the way i do

yet i had to move around a lot i have been on my own since i was 15yrs old and i am nearly 40 and this can drag on for a long time no matter what you try to do to mend things or how bad you feel i have talked to my uncle on number of times telling him to tel my half sister to talk or ring as i only found out she was my half sister and not my real sister mum had an affair with another guy hear in Australia and made it look like the child she was carrying was my fathers yet my father was doing the same thing to my mother sleeping behind her back

i have told my uncle to tel my half sister that i did my best to protect her while we wear living under our fathers roof he was constantly abusing us i am not going to go into ful detail hear

it does hurt as this use to also happen around Christmas with my mothers side as they wear more better than we wear and my uncles kids wear split compared to us and they let us know around Christmas soon as dad had downed one bottle of spirits than got stuck into the big bottles of wine he had collected and cleaned as he made his own wine

it was on for young and old then my mothers side stopped talking to us even my mothers own parents even did this yet my grand father would some how get in cont ac with me and we would spend the weekend with him and my mothers brother and his wife and kids as mum gave the OK and dad had no say yet he would have to pick us up at the park or near the news agent store wear we lived and that got me mad and from that time i decided enough was enough i hated my old man to the point wear i even said out loud in front of his new partner after mum left him i Will kill him if he pushes me to far as soon as i said that he got rid of my half sister and she was dropped at my grandfathers and grandmothers place they took her in and i did not last long as my dad was watching his back and did not hit me like he use to take his anger out on me

so i sort of under stand with what you are saying hear al you can do is give your hurt over too god you have done your best to make amends and you know what you said was wrong

yet human as we are people will carry grudges and not forgive one day she might talk to you and keep that door open but you get on with your life the best you can and when ever you feel like this give it over to god

this is all i can share on this to what i have had to deal with i get no Christmas cards from my mums side my half sister is still to this day avoiding me i am praying that i get a chance to talk with her before i move to the Philippines and live their with my new wife

i have forgiven my father and i am know talking with my step mother as she is going to church she goes on long walks with a lady from church my father had wanted to say sorry he was calling out for me but he died in 2003 at the age of 51 so i never had the chance to say i forgive you dad face to face as i did with my step mother and we talkopenly on things we never could so this is god working in this situation on my behalf after just giving it over in prayer and trusting him to do the rest

i Will keep you and your sister in my prayer

take care from your brother in the lord Damien

[Carol R]

Hi

keep praying for your sister.

A very short story, I have a half brother whom I haven't seen since our parents died 16 years ago, I have tried contacting him etc but he wants nothing to do with me,

why well I asked him one time,

he said "It is all your fault you ruined my life you were born"

I have forgiven him and continue to pray for him, whether we will ever be reconciled, I don't know, But God does and whether we are or not I tust God in it all, and will follow Him no matter what. At the end of the day all I need is God I dont need my brother but I would like a relationship with him.

I hope this helps you.

God Bless you.

[Blien]

Hi

keep praying for your sister.

A very short story, I have a half brother whom I haven't seen since our parents died 16 years ago, I have tried contacting him etc but he wants nothing to do with me,

why well I asked him one time,

he said "It is all your fault you ruined my life you were born"

I have forgiven him and continue to pray for him, whether we will ever be reconciled, I don't know, But God does and whether we are or not I tust God in it all, and will follow Him no matter what. At the end of the day all I need is God I dont need my brother but I would like a relationship with him.

I hope this helps you.

God Bless you.

Carol, please dont say that we all need each other. It breaks my heart to hear this.. Didn't God put off the End Days for so long now because he wanted more people to be saved? We need to be like him! It just sounds like your brother is struggling with jealousy.. just pray that he will be released from it!

[AndrewA]

In these end days Satan has become devious and cunning. It is simply just one of the many signs that Christ is about to return that there is so much conflict between people who call themselves Christians and so many bad teachings and theology coming from the pulpit with countless people being misled and deceived by wolves in sheep clothing.

The evidence is plain to see within the Worthy Forums, Satan is hard at it to destroy and corrupt the Body of Christ and to turn Christian upon Christian, and this is exactly what is happening in just about every church over the world.

Grace, I notice how you mention how your Sister takes the moral high ground and uses the IV treatment against you, this is Satan at work, This is no different behaviour from those dare I say bigoted people who claim all people who read a version other than King James Bible are going to Hell, or all those people who divorce are going to Hell etc. Its all wrong and disgusting.

It is wrong to use these comments and God as a personal weapon to gain the advantage in dealing with family and personal problems. We see this all time and it is so wrong, especially in forum when someone decides they can not win an argument or debate, so decided to end with

[Carol R]

Hi

keep praying for your sister.

A very short story, I have a half brother whom I haven't seen since our parents died 16 years ago, I have tried contacting him etc but he wants nothing to do with me,

why well I asked him one time,

he said "It is all your fault you ruined my life you were born"

I have forgiven him and continue to pray for him, whether we will ever be reconciled, I don't know, But God does and whether we are or not I tust God in it all, and will follow Him no matter what. At the end of the day all I need is God I dont need my brother but I would like a relationship with him.

I hope this helps you.

God Bless you.

Carol, please dont say that we all need each other. It breaks my heart to hear this.. Didn't God put off the End Days for so long now because he wanted more people to be saved? We need to be like him! It just sounds like your brother is struggling with jealousy.. just pray that he will be released from it!

Hi In answer I did say that I would like a relationship with my brother, I have had to learn to live without him in my life, there is a lot I didn't go into just now but some relationships are destructful. I keep praying for my brothers salvation. I would never reject him if he got in touch. I have tried many times over the years and have always ended up hurt I have walked away now because the Lord told me to leave it alone.

Thank you for your concern.