Arranged marriages

[Natt]

Are they biblical?

[Guest Biblicist]

Adam and Eve's marriage was arranged.

More appropraite though is the story of Isaac and Rebekah.

Genesis 24

1 Abraham was now old and well advanced in years, and the LORD had blessed him in every way.

2 He said to the chief servant in his household, the one in charge of all that he had, "Put your hand under my thigh.

3 I want you to swear by the LORD, the God of heaven and the God of earth, that you will not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living,

4 but will go to my country and my own relatives and get a wife for my son Isaac."

5 The servant asked him, "What if the woman is unwilling to come back with me to this land? Shall I then take your son back to the country you came from?"

6 "Make sure that you do not take my son back there," Abraham said.

7 "The LORD, the God of heaven, who brought me out of my father's household and my native land and who spoke to me and promised me on oath, saying, 'To your offspring I will give this land'-he will send his angel before you so that you can get a wife for my son from there.

8 If the woman is unwilling to come back with you, then you will be released from this oath of mine. Only do not take my son back there."

9 So the servant put his hand under the thigh of his master Abraham and swore an oath to him concerning this matter.

10 Then the servant took ten of his master's camels and left, taking with him all kinds of good things from his master. He set out for Aram Naharaim and made his way to the town of Nahor.

11 He had the camels kneel down near the well outside the town; it was toward evening, the time the women go out to draw water.

12 Then he prayed, "O LORD, God of my master Abraham, give me success today, and show kindness to my master Abraham.

13 See, I am standing beside this spring, and the daughters of the townspeople are coming out to draw water.

14 May it be that when I say to a girl, 'Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,' and she says, 'Drink, and I'll water your camels too'-let her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac. By this I will know that you have shown kindness to my master."

15 Before he had finished praying, Rebekah came out with her jar on her shoulder. She was the daughter of Bethuel son of Milcah, who was the wife of Abraham's brother Nahor.

16 The girl was very beautiful, a virgin; no man had ever lain with her. She went down to the spring, filled her jar and came up again.

17 The servant hurried to meet her and said, "Please give me a little water from your jar."

18 "Drink, my lord," she said, and quickly lowered the jar to her hands and gave him a drink.

19 After she had given him a drink, she said, "I'll draw water for your camels too, until they have finished drinking."

20 So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough, ran back to the well to draw more water, and drew enough for all his camels.

21 Without saying a word, the man watched her closely to learn whether or not the LORD had made his journey successful.

22 When the camels had finished drinking, the man took out a gold nose ring weighing a beka and two gold bracelets weighing ten shekels.

23 Then he asked, "Whose daughter are you? Please tell me, is there room in your father's house for us to spend the night?"

24 She answered him, "I am the daughter of Bethuel, the son that Milcah bore to Nahor."

25 And she added, "We have plenty of straw and fodder, as well as room for you to spend the night."

26 Then the man bowed down and worshiped the LORD,

27 saying, "Praise be to the LORD, the God of my master Abraham, who has not abandoned his kindness and faithfulness to my master. As for me, the LORD has led me on the journey to the house of my master's relatives."

28 The girl ran and told her mother's household about these things.

29 Now Rebekah had a brother named Laban, and he hurried out to the man at the spring.

30 As soon as he had seen the nose ring, and the bracelets on his sister's arms, and had heard Rebekah tell what the man said to her, he went out to the man and found him standing by the camels near the spring.

31 "Come, you who are blessed by the LORD," he said. "Why are you standing out here? I have prepared the house and a place for the camels."

32 So the man went to the house, and the camels were unloaded. Straw and fodder were brought for the camels, and water for him and his men to wash their feet.

33 Then food was set before him, but he said, "I will not eat until I have told you what I have to say."

"Then tell us," Laban said.

34 So he said, "I am Abraham's servant.

35 The LORD has blessed my master abundantly, and he has become wealthy. He has given him sheep and cattle, silver and gold, menservants and maidservants, and camels and donkeys.

36 My master's wife Sarah has borne him a son in her old age, and he has given him everything he owns.

37 And my master made me swear an oath, and said, 'You must not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, in whose land I live,

38 but go to my father's family and to my own clan, and get a wife for my son.'

39 "Then I asked my master, 'What if the woman will not come back with me?'

40 "He replied, 'The LORD, before whom I have walked, will send his angel with you and make your journey a success, so that you can get a wife for my son from my own clan and from my father's family.

41 Then, when you go to my clan, you will be released from my oath even if they refuse to give her to you

[Marnie]

Good one Bib.

I'd say the Lord Himself also arranged your marriage and my marriage.

[Guest Biblicist]

I have no doubt about that Marnie.

Although, He took a lot looooonger with my "arrangement" than He did with you.

[Agape_CTL]

Biblicist good call. So Yes they are biblical. They also bring up the point that love is more than a feeling when we see a person. Love is a choice. Feelings come and go. The bible tells us love is not this way. (1Cor 13)

If we choose to love the feeling will follow. Arranged marriages have a higher success rate than marriages were the people "fell in love". I think that is because in arranged marriages the people know love is a choice they make.

[Marnie]

I have no doubt about that Marnie.

Although, He took a lot looooonger with my "arrangement" than He did with you.

Thankfully, the Lord works with our different temperaments. lol

[EricH]

They are not commanded or forbidden

[damo1]

Are they biblical?

damo1

well other cultures do this i know off sevral people that have had Arranged marriages and its also done in my culture and the arabs and indians and the chinese and the jappanese and in my partners country in the phillippines the parents do this

kristina was introduced to many single christian men and then she got to a point in her life were she sat down with her parents and said i am a grown women stop introducing me to men from my culture i want to do this my way and meet a man from abroad they had to respect her as she rebuked them due to the whole family being involved in the main church in bacolod and her being associate pastor

in italy its done as the italian men trust this into their mothers care as most off them never leave home and in my step mother country which is Malta i have seen young women hooked up with older men and the ones i have talked to said they were told from the day they were 5yrs old that they belong to another man and hate being with the person

these girls have not had the chance to grow enjoy them selves or even take a career most have not had the chance to even fall in love some of these girls told me they never new much about their partner

i also belive that my wife to be kristina is off god and god has had his hands on both of us so yes i belive this can happen

god bless from your brother in the lord damien stipic

[Phil.2:12]

If you will study the mores or life of the individuals (such as the Partriarchs in the Old Testament) who had arrainged marriages, you will discover that the arraigned marraige was the norm for that society, whether it had a biblical base to it or not. Today, in many societies in which marriages are continued to be arraigned, to go against the tradition of the tribe or country often results in severe penalties to the rebels who dare defy the traditions of their society. So, are arraigned marrigages wrong? Well, you might want to look at the family life that results from the free choice in marriage crowd. The families are often non-existent or are so weak and riddled with bad choices that they are actually a hindrances to the social fabric of the tribe or nation. There are times that man (including women) does not possess the wisdom or maturity needed to properly pick a mate. The divorce rate is a solid indicator of this as well as the vast amount of single-parent families now in our society. In arrainged marriages, this evidence is never as pronounced as in those societies where choice is allowed without the final input by the parents. An individual man or woman may be unhappy in an arrainged marriage, but the family unit is held intact (for the most part) and that provides stability for the family unit and the social fabric it belongs to.

This is not to say that the free choice of a mate (as we have here in America) is a bad idea. If we have the wisdom to allow God to pick our partner for life, we will never be sorry. We may be sad at times, even mad at our "arraigned" marriage that God produces, but we will never be sorry we got stuck with the mate we have. Unfortunately, most of the "free choice" marriages in America were not a result of God having anything to do with our choice of a mate, rather lust kicked in and we were in the position of falling head over heels in lust over an individual, rather than falling in love with them. God showed me 48 years ago whom He wanted me to marry and I have never been sorry in His choice all these 48 years. Mad at my mate? Of course! Disappointed at times? Certainly! But never sorry that I married God's recommendation some 48 years ago.

[sheya joie]

My marriage was also arranged by the LORD, and a more perfectly-matched couple than we were, I would have a hard time imagining.