Does God decide who you should marry?

[Guest LadyC]

charlie, i'm not sure i can agree with you there. in the old days, and even up to fairly recent history, young people were far more responsible and prepared than today's teenagers are.

let's consider biblical times (and even much more recently than that), when boys were taught a skill, a trade, very early in life. by the time they were in their teens, they had a trade that would provide for a family. girls back then had been helping mothers with the washing and the cooking, and the raising of the other children. it was customary for them to be married off often as young as 12.

that is certainly not the case today!

[other one]

Guess I'm old fashioned, I think we should marry that "God provided mate" during those teenage years. It would provide a sexual outlet thereby eliminating the sin of fornication, which would reduce the number of out-of-wedlock births and abortions. Young marriages were the custom in Biblical times and our own not so distant past in America.

I agree, unfortunatly our society does not really give us a good way to accomplish that these days. The only way to do that is to have the kids still live with one of the parents until they were capable of taking care of themselves, and that causes a lot of other problems that are not good either.

If my son and his girlfriend wanted to get married when they were 14 or older I'd have probably had a fit. If God had picked them, maybe he would also take the time to tell me also and that would be a totally different thing........ we'd find a way.

[Guest charlie]

I think we're putting our "cultural preferences" ahead of God's preferences most of the time Lady C. Who made the human body? God of course, and he made our bodies to mature sexually during the teenage years in the past and in the present day, regardless of our customs. No wonder kids are not responsible and prepared, mommy and daddy treat em like babies when they're full grown.

I think Christians often put their children between a rock and a hard place by "demanding" that they seek out a career, and not marry until their late 20s and even the early 30s. YET, these same Christian parents expect their kids to remain sexually sinless with NO fornication or masturbation. Marriage is the institution God provides for us to fullfill these "needs" in a safe, sinless way. Humans are "messing" with His plan imo.

If God provided your child a mate at say...age 16, would you bend to God's will, or put a stop to it? I'd say most Christians prefer paying lip service to God rather than doing His will and would put a stop to it.

[Guest shiloh357]

charlie,

If God provided your child a mate at say...age 16, would you bend to God's will, or put a stop to it? I'd say most Christians prefer paying lip service to God rather than doing His will and would put a stop to it.

The problem is that it would not matter if God provided a mate for a 16 year old or not, they are considered a minor legally in most states, and most are not responsible enough in our culture to appreciate what marriage entails.

In most states they would not be able to get married anyway even if they wanted to.

Getting married at such an early age is not wise any way you slice it. I do not think that God would want a 16 year old today to get married. That would be a recipe for disaster.

[Guest LadyC]

having a 16 year old and a 17 year old, i can honestly tell you that God did not bring their boyfriends into their lives... no way would i let either of them marry who they are currently "dating".

of course, God is not foremost on my daughter's minds. my oldest has utter disdain for God. my youngest doesn't, but she's a typical teenager whose focus is anywhere but Him. such is the case for MOST teenagers.

the majority of people whom we (collectively) fall in love with, and frequently marry, are not God's choice for us, but our own stubborn will.

[Guest LadyC]

charlie,

If God provided your child a mate at say...age 16, would you bend to God's will, or put a stop to it? I'd say most Christians prefer paying lip service to God rather than doing His will and would put a stop to it.

The problem is that it would not matter if God provided a mate for a 16 year old or not, they are considered a minor legally in most states, and most are not responsible enough in our culture to appreciate what marriage entails.

In most states they would not be able to get married anyway even if they wanted to.

Getting married at such an early age is not wise any way you slice it. I do not think that God would want a 16 year old today to get married. That would be a recipe for disaster.

i have to agree.

God instructs that a man support his family. i'd like to know how a 15 or 16 year old could support a wife, much less any children?

until the age of 18, a teenager can not rent an apartment, buy a house, purchase a car, or make much more than minimum wage working part time while finishing high school.

at 16, if one drops out of high school, they can be charged with criminal truancy.

prior to 16, one can't even get a job, and is rarely eligible for a driver's license that would get him to and from a job.

even at the age of 16, in some states (NV is one), selection of jobs are very limited. one must be 18 to even be a grocery store cashier, work at blockbuster, etc. state laws are also very restrictive on the number of hours a teenager can work.

no, i don't believe God intends for teens in this culture to get married, because they are not capable of meeting the requirements of a Godly husband/wife, regardless of their level of maturity. God tells us that a man shall leave his mother and cleave unto his wife, so a teenage married couple living with mom and dad definitely does not fit into God's design.

at ANY age, if one puts God first in their lives, He gives them the ability and strength to abstain from sexual sin. people didn't marry on the first date back in biblical times! they often had lengthy betrothals.

[Guest charlie]

God instructs that a man support his family. i'd like to know how a 15 or 16 year old could support a wife, much less any children?until the age of 18, a teenager can not rent an apartment, buy a house, purchase a car, or make much more than minimum wage working part time while finishing high school.at 16, if one drops out of high school, they can be charged with criminal truancy.prior to 16, one can't even get a job, and is rarely eligible for a driver's license that would get him to and from a job.even at the age of 16, in some states (NV is one), selection of jobs are very limited. one must be 18 to even be a grocery store cashier, work at blockbuster, etc. state laws are also very restrictive on the number of hours a teenager can work.

[nebula]

A lot of it had to do with the public school system - they kept young people in schools longer Child labor laws kept children out of factories. Schools had to be made mandatory as a place to keep children and train them. For whatever reason, the years got extended. But no one thought to start treating teenagers as young adults in the process.

Where before at sixteen, they were learning to support themselves, now at sixteen they were made to still be dependent and kept under the same restrictions as when they were 10.

I don't know about marriage, but I do believe we wouldn't have a "teen problem" if our teens were given more adult responsibilities.

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Of course - this is going wa-a-a-a-a-ay of topic from the OP.

[Nicks Girl]

I have to agree with Charlie. I truly believe people were MEANT to be married at young ages. Obviously, physically people are ready in their teens. However, like Charlie said, it's often social unacceptable. The common age for first marriages is early to late 20's for alot of people.

I agree that alot of teenagers in today's society are NOT ready to handle marriage, however I believe that is our own societies fault. Kids are taught and expected to be kids. Even alot of college students are still "kids" and are under their parents care, as though they were incapable of taking care of themselves.

I know it's hard in this day and age for young people to start families young, and to get decent jobs, but it can be done. It definitely would stop alot of problems.

My FH and I have been together for almost 3 years. Well, we're not 18 yet so we can't really get great jobs(even though we both have been working, and saving) we can't legally get married, we can't do much, and we've had to suffer through these years, and sexually it has been frustrating(sorry if that's TMI) but these are trials we're having to face because of strict laws, and society's views. God has been good though, and we trust he'll open doors for us to be together, and serve Him together.

like I said, we've been working, and studying like crazy, because we KNOW we belong together, as a married couple, and we are mature enough to handle the responsibility, and are going into it committed, and ready. We've been praying about this since we met.

Back to the subject at hand...I do believe God should decide who a person marries. If you are seeking God's will in your life, He will guide you to the right person. I don't think there is just ONE person for everyone, but there is a best choice.

[Guest LadyC]

despite the fact that our society is responsible for creating a culture of ill-prepared teens, the bottom line is, they are still ill prepared. i can not believe that God's will would be for teens with no means of supporting themselves to be married, given that fact.

charlie, i'm curious as to your age... just as a reference point. how old or young you are is irrelevent, but i am curious, if you don't mind sharing.

now, as for birth defect risks being lower among teens, i do have a good deal of knowledge about genetics. it is true that a 17 or 18 year old is at less risk than a 35 or 40 year old woman. puberty occurs on average at the age of 12, and during biblical times, a girl's first menstrual cycle launched her into the marriage-market. i'm sure the evolution of our culture may be responsible for this current fact, which is that 12 year olds are at a substantial risk for having a handicapped child, a risk which declines each year until their reproductive organs have fully matured, usually around the age of 18.

regarding the government being responsible for a lack of good paying jobs, i have to strongly disagree with you on this one. i know many individuals who never went to college who earn incomes starting at about 70K right out of high school, and upwards of 120K or more over time, in blue collar industries, largely thanks to unions. my husband works in such an industry. he is not a union member at this time, and makes only about 50K per year (despite being in the industry for almost two decades), but his income alone has been enough to comfortably support a family of four since we married.