Marriage & Divorce question

[Guest Biblicist]

I don't see how it can be a union that God has joined when one of them is divorced without biblical grounds. I don't see how it can ever be right

Then...if a person gets divorced for Un-Biblical reasons and then gets remarried, they are not really married in God's eyes?

Does that mean that a second divorce is not even considered a divorce either?

It would simply be considered living in a state of constant adultry, correct?

What about the spouse who didn't want the divorce, just had to go along with it? Are they committing adultry if they get remarried as well?

If possible can you offer some verses to back it up please, Kat. Thanks.

[Richard_yaash]

Well, let me throw a monkey wrench in here. What about in the books of Ezra and Nehemiah, where the men returning from captivity in Babylon were marrying foreign wives, and were commanded to divorce those wives?

(Btw, I'm not really sure what to think about that either. But it popped to mind when I read the sentence I bolded above.)

Ezra 10:2 Then Shecaniah son of Jehiel, one of the descendants of Elam, said to Ezra, We have been unfaithful to our God by marrying foreign women from the peoples around us. But in spite of this, there is still hope for Israel. 3 Now let us make a covenant before our God to send away all these women and their children, in accordance with the counsel of my lord and of those who fear the commands of our God. Let it be done according to the Law.

Ezra 10:10 Then Ezra the priest stood up and said to them, You have been unfaithful; you have married foreign women, adding to Israel's guilt. 11 Now make confession to the LORD, the God of your fathers, and do his will. Separate yourselves from the peoples around you and from your foreign wives.

Some of these were of the Levites. For the Levites, there are regulations as to whom they may marry [cf Lev 21:7; 21:14; Eze 44:22].

There is more to this, but alas I can not recall the references currently. If I remember, I will edit and add them here.

Edit: Finally found the one I had in mind and was looking for...

Deuteronomy 7:1 When the LORD your God brings you into the land you are entering to possess and drives out before you many nations—the Hittites, Girgashites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites, seven nations larger and stronger than you—2 and when the LORD your God has delivered them over to you and you have defeated them, then you must destroy them totally. Make no treaty with them, and show them no mercy. 3 Do not intermarry with them. Do not give your daughters to their sons or take their daughters for your sons, 4 for they will turn your sons away from following me to serve other gods, and the LORD’S anger will burn against you and will quickly destroy you.

It is for this and the above reasons that they choose to put away the wives of some.

[kat8585]

I don't see how it can be a union that God has joined when one of them is divorced without biblical grounds. I don't see how it can ever be right

Then...if a person gets divorced for Un-Biblical reasons and then gets remarried, they are not really married in God's eyes? If they could be, then anything goes, wouldn't it? Does that mean that a second divorce is not even considered a divorce either? Not if they weren't married in God's eyes. Of course, according to state law, they are married and divorced.

It would simply be considered living in a state of constant adultry, correct?

What about the spouse who didn't want the divorce, just had to go along with it? Are they committing adultry if they get remarried as well? They are free to remarry.

If possible can you offer some verses to back it up please, Kat. Thanks.

[Smalcald]

The right thing to do of course is to not commit adultery in the first place.

But there are obviously times when divorcing the second union would be more harmful than not.

For example let us say someone like Pastor Hagee who I do in general like. This is a guy who has done this exact thing and is now married to the women he committed adultery with as a pastor of his first congregation, if he now says now I must divorce you he would abandon another family with kids, he already left his first family which included children. How could that be good?

The way to stop this is for Christian Churches to refuse to re-marry people who do not have biblical divorces from their fist spouse. We are all a part of this circus. But I am afraid Protestants have become so pro-divorce that it is almost impossible at this point to turn the tide.

[pamiam]

You know, the older I get the less certain of some things I am. I have a high school friend who has now been married over two years to the man she had an affair with for four years. She first divorced her husband and then he divorced his wife. My friend has never really been spiritual, but her husband had years of church involvement. So, two divorces and a remarriage of an adulterous couple has resulted in a marriage where they seem deleriously happy. They moved to a new community, found a church, met with the pastor and shared their story with professions of repentance for the harm they caused. He now teaches Sunday school, she is involved in the church and they blow my mind with their apparent devotion to this new church and to Jesus. Go figure. I'm not going to judge and I'm just busy loving and accepting my friend and her new husband. Guess what? My other high school friend is still with the jerk she married over forty years. Guess how she feels when we all get together? Go figure.

[Guest Biblicist]

I don't see how it can be a union that God has joined when one of them is divorced without biblical grounds. I don't see how it can ever be right

Then...if a person gets divorced for Un-Biblical reasons and then gets remarried, they are not really married in God's eyes? If they could be, then anything goes, wouldn't it?

Does that mean that a second divorce is not even considered a divorce either? Not if they weren't married in God's eyes. Of course, according to state law, they are married and divorced.

It would simply be considered living in a state of constant adultry, correct?

What about the spouse who didn't want the divorce, just had to go along with it? Are they committing adultry if they get remarried as well? They are free to remarry.

If possible can you offer some verses to back it up please, Kat. Thanks.

And, Biblically, if a person commits adultry, causing a marriage to break up, or two marriages... Would a remarriage for that person be wrong as well?

What if they get divorced for Un-Biblical reasons, are they free to reconcile? Is that the best rout for the person who divorced for Un-Biblical reasons?

[kat8585]

And, Biblically, if a person commits adultry, causing a marriage to break up, or two marriages... Would a remarriage for that person be wrong as well? Yes.

What if they get divorced for Un-Biblical reasons, are they free to reconcile? Why wouldn't they be? Is that the best rout for the person who divorced for Un-Biblical reasons? I wouldn't know. It depends on the situation. I think the Bible says they should reconcile or remain single, but I could be wrong.

[Guest Greg Davies]

Questions...

There are numerous places in the Bible where it gives man permission to divorce his wife, but only one time does it mention woman divorcing her husband and it says, she commits adultry if she divorces her husband. Why is that? Does it carry over to today's culture?

How do you know when it is a union that "God has joined together" and when it is not?

Thanks!

Interesting questions. In Matthew and Luke, where the reference is just about men divorcing their wives, their audience was primarily Jewish, especially Matthew. According to Jewish law, only a man could initiate a divorce, although this was about to change during the first century. Mark was writing to primarily a Roman audience from what I've read, and in the Greco-Roman world any spouse could initiate a divorce.

In fact, one of the problems Paul was addressing in I Cor 7 was the "divorce-by-separation" that was common in the Greco-Roman world; what we would call a "no-fault" divorce. There wasn't even any legal proceding; you just left and you were divorced according to the law. This is why Paul counciled the Corinthians in I Cor. 7:10,11 to remain unmarried or reconcile because he didn't want any believer to be the cause of divorce, i.e. be the one who broke the marraige vows which is the sin that leads to divorce.

"what God has joined together" is a reference by Jesus I think relates to the original ideal of marraige that started in the garden of Eden. The bottom line is that we make marriage vows and God expects us to keep them.

I've noticed alot of references in this topic to "in the eyes of God" which I think is nothing more that a religious platitude. If someone remarries after divorcing for grounds that are not scriptual, i.e. adultery, neglect, or abuse, they commit adultery. But they are also still divorced and remarried according to civil law. We have to ask ouselves the question, "To whom did the Lord give the authority to marry and grant divorce". If you research this in the Bible you may find that the religious authorities were always subject the the civil authorities in this matter. Even today when the minister marries a couple, they say "by the authority of the State I now pronounce you man and wife". And we all know that a divorce is only legal if the courts issue divorce papers or documents. So I think we can just forget about this "in the eyes of God" business. It is something that just keeps people in fear and bondage that the Lord never intended. He calls us all to repent from our sins and adultery is not unforgivable and that's not to say it doesn't have consequences, but we don't need to pile on guilt with religous mind sets.

Edited March 10, 2008 by Greg Davies

[Richard_yaash]

You know, the older I get the less certain of some things I am.

Well spoken Pamiam. Well spoken.

[Richard_yaash]

According to Jewish law, only a man could initiate a divorce

There was provision in which a woman could leave [cf Exo 21:11].

It is something that just keeps people in fear and bondage that the Lord never intended. He calls us all to repent from our sins and adultery is not unforgivable and that's not to say it doesn't have consequences, but we don't need to pile on guilt with religous mind sets.

Well spoken Greg.