Christian Retreat-everyone is going, I don't want to

[MAYBEBREE]

I'm a mom to 4 kids, I have a husband who has mental illness and I'm not really into "retreats" but our church is involved in these new convert retreats that everyone is expected to go to.

I signed up to go because it's expected of me. Everyone else is doing it, it won't hurt me...and so forth.

Now to complicate things my grandma is in town from across the country and she'll be passing back through on Friday, the day I'm supposed to go.

My husband also doesn't want me to go but won't refuse to let me...he just prefers me to stay with him.

I would be gone 3 days...and also,

everyone keeps telling me it's so important to go to THIS event and the goings on are secret, no one is supposed to talk about it with no one who hasn't gone and it's just so important that I go they say. It will change my life.

This is making me mad I don't know why.

I am utterly depressed because I don't want to go, never really wanted to even if I can't be in a "leadership" position if I did and it feels like I'm being a bad Christian for not going.

Am I just being silly about this whole thing?

I feel like if I say, No thank you that everyone will just be muttering, oh she's let Satan rob her of this blessing.

Edited May 7, 2008 by MAYBEBREE

[MorningGlory]

The Bible doesn't mention going on retreat as a condition for salvation. You don't want to go so...don't go. Churches shouldn't be about making you feel guilty or like you don't belong just because you don't choose to participate in something like this. Truthfully it sounds 'Christian Lite' to me; more feel good doctrine that isn't doctrine at all. Most married women with 4 kids don't have time for such things anyway. Remember, the only one whose disapproval can cost you your soul is the Lord. If they persist, and try to shame you into going, I would find another church.

[Wingwalker]

I am with glory2000 on this one.

We all have priorities and for each and everyone of us, they are different. Also timing is different for everyone too. For a church to expect everyone to go, it is being very unrealistic. I would love to go on retreats, but my work schedule doesnt support it. I have weekend off when everyone wants to be with their own family and I work when there is a retreat. Sometimes I think its planned that way. And many of these retreats are not planned far enough out so that I can request time off for one. I respect you for your decision, and I am disappointed that the church you attend is not.

[Trusting Jesus]

My advice....don't go. Not because there is anything wrong with retreats (although I would be nervous about the "secret" business), but because you don't feel the need to go. Some people get a lot out of this type of thing. For myself, I wouldn't. My thoughts would be at home. I am happy being with my husband and daughter and do not enjoy going anywhere without them.

Your grandmother is important, too. What a wonderful thing to do.....visit with someone you love!

Don't feel pressured into doing something like this to please others.

<>< ><>

Nathele

[MAYBEBREE]

I think that is the main problem, I would not be going to a retreat to get away and seek after God, I would be going to because it's expected of me...and it's not that I'll be outed if I don't go, I'm just worried that I'm being stubborn and rebellious because either way, it wouldn't kill me.

However I feel really stressed out about the entire thing and I'm starting to resent the whole idea.

Also, I am not the type that gets alot out events like this.

I don't know why but I feel like I want to just take my grandma and my family and run and when I get back just say I'm NEVER going to everyone who asks me.

I do know if I went it'd all be fine...

maybe I'm just being ridiculous.

[Wingwalker]

Just say no.

If this is stressing you out, put your foot down and say no. Be glad that you did, enjoy your family and give thanks to God for your family and time with your family. Because I think you would probably feel more guilty about missing your grandmother than missing a retreat that you are not interested in attending. There is no shame in saying "NO" and you do not owe anyone an explanation why.

[Guest LadyC]

I think that is the main problem, I would not be going to a retreat to get away and seek after God, I would be going to because it's expected of me...

then your attendance would not glorify God, and you'd probably miss out on the blessing. God gave you a family to care for and honour. despite the fact that your husband won't force you to skip it, he's expressed his desire for you to stay home, so going anyway would dishonour your husband.

part of leadership qualities is the commitment to one's marriage and one's family. your pastor should recognize that. you have responsibilities on the home front... a visiting grandmother, an ill husband, and four children. if God expected you to attend this retreat, He would be giving you a desire to go...

i have a friend in a leadership position at church. she was quite terrified of trying to tell our pastor that she could not attend family camp this year. not because she "can't", but because she doesn't want to go. the leaders are really kinda expected to attend, but it's emotionally devastating for my friend because she is twice widowed, she has no children, and every year she goes all by herself to family camp. when she was struggling with this decision, i actually saw her break down in tears. i've never seen her cry before.

finally she gathered up the courage and told the pastor. she didn't ask his permission to stay behind, she just told him she was not going. when he asked why, she told him. he pondered this for a moment, and i think God flipped the light switch in his head and illuminated the fact that expecting every leader to attend an event is not always appropriate. he not only gave her his blessing on staying behind, he asked her to prepare a sermon that sunday morning for the few members who would also not be attending.

the moral of the story is... pray first, and then just say no.

[Guest man]

I don't want to go,

You don't want to go so...don't go.

I am with glory2000 on this one.

My advice....don't go.

it's not that I'll be outed if I don't go,

Just say no.

pray first, and then just say no.

if you don't wanna go, then DON'T GO!!!

Stay home.....visit grandma

[Guest LadyC]

that sums it up nicely!

[lakefrontgirlmi]

Im with everyone on this topic. It sounds like you arent going to go, you just needed some insite from others.

Retreats dont change lives unless you bring an unsaved friend and they accept Christ there, then its changed their life, not yours.

You truly dont want to go, then just say no. Dont allow anyone, even a pastor, to force you to do anything you dont want to do. Look at it this way, youre a grown adult, you dont need anyone telling you what to do. If they cant accept you just dont want to go, its not your problem, its theirs! You are strong enough to say no, I think you just needed some friendly input to remind you its only up to YOU, not them!

Enjoy yourself at home with your husband and your gramma visiting!