The aloneness of grieving....

[~~ angelique ~~]

((((((((((((((((((((((angel)))))))))))))))))))))

come on over to my place. i'll hang witchya!!

i know what your saying about people disappearing. i had always heard this, but it wasn't until after my dad died that i found out it was true. and yes, it DOES suck! and then ya got the ones who say, "if you need anything, just hollar." so you hollar....and theyre not there! even my mom's pastor would never come around--even when i asked him to.

but i also believe its like what people have been saying: they dont know what to do, so they do nothing. they dont want to feel like a fool (or cause you any more pain), so they dont come around. its a poor "excuse" - especially since we're told to reach out to people--ESPECIALLY widows--but its true nonetheless.

maybe we ought to start praying that the person or persons God is telling to reach out to you will listen to Him and do so!

sorry i wasnt there for you last night. it was the pea thing, ya know.

hugs and hugs to you matey!

char

Girly, you soooo made me laugh.

[~~ angelique ~~]

Angelique my heart is breaking for you sister.Please don't try pills & booze it only makes things worse & I know thats easy to say & I understand your desperation. We all truely love you here! Most importantly God loves you! Although it doesn't feel like it right now your not alone. I'm praying for you sister & please know that altough we have never met I do love you & its not just empty words , I really love you & my heart is breaking for you. If you need me please don't hesitate to get in touch I'll PM you my info. I love you sister! God bless you through this devestating time. Your sister in Christ, Tammy

thanks. I sent you my im

[~~ angelique ~~]

I should really quit mixing my meds with alcohol. I was so down yesterday. So, when I got home last night, it was zanex and wine time.

I'm sooo ready to :24:

[~~ angelique ~~]

this really sucks

[Scarletprayers]

this really sucks

yes, it really does

[David of Derby]

I'm sorry I haven't written as often as I should, but I'm on MSN most days if you want to jump on there and talk. Best I can do from the other side of the Atlantic. I care for you and I'm here if you want to talk.

[redwing]

Because he lives I face tomorrow,

Because he lives all fear is gone;

Because I know He holds the future,

And life is worth the living just because He lives.

'Because He Lives'

William J. & Gloria Gaither.

[tah]

One day you are going to wake up from the depression and grief and sorrow and you will again Praise God ..

You will again find the Lord in in all and through all and above all..

that He knows all things about you and you are in His eye..

When you do you will remember but the Lord will have taken the pain of the memory ..

It is coming..Joy comes in the morning..wait for it... look for it..trust Him for it..

[~~ angelique ~~]

This aloneness I'm feeling is stronger tonight. It's been two months as I am posting this. I have the whole night flashing through my mind. Seeing him in the seizure and feeling helpless. Watching him die in our bed. Feeling his presence leave. Seeing him to id him for cremation. I know it's been two months (90 days) but it feels like yesterday.

My mom came to visit this weekend because of what I had to do friday (probate court, tax office, and dmv). I have cried so much this weekend. Then, my sister's other half is in the hospital and it's serious.

I'm having a really hard time with God right now. I don't feel like he's listening. I don't understand.

I had something happen last week that really upset me spiritually as well. When one looses all hope, is it possible to find it again???

[Trusting Jesus]

Your wounds are still raw. What you went through that night was a nightmare and there is no easy way through it. You have just faced some harsh realities of the business end of this, and what a blessing that your mother came to be with you. I'm going to say something and I don't want you to think I am being flippant -- you pray and say that you don't think God hears you. We cannot go by feelings. God hears you and He answers you, but you need to be sure you don't have your ears plugged. I don't mean this as an accusation - I oftentimes have my spiritual ears plugged. In 1 Kings chapter 19 it tells about the "still small voice" with which God spoke to Elijah with. Elijah had been through a lot and was feeling very alone. He ended up going to Mt. Horeb and he poured out his unhappiness to God. He told God all of the things the he, Elijah, had done for God and us upset that he was alone and people were trying to kill him. On Mt. Horeb God sent a strong wind, an earthquake, and fire. But even though Elijah was wanting God to speak loudly, God was not found in these big, loud signs. It was in a "still small voice" that God spoke - a whisper. If only Elijah had unplugged his ears and heard God speak softly he would not have felt so alone and unhappy. He would also have found out that there were 7,000 others who had not turned away from God. Elijah would not have had to be alone if he would have just heard God and found fellowship with those who worshipped God instead of Baal.

Now is the time to look for blessings. He was very ill, but he did not have to suffer long. I watched my mother die slowly of cancer over a number of years and that was heartbreaking. I also held my grandmother as she took her last breath, and even though I miss her to this day, I am thankful that her cancer took her quickly instead of slowly. Even though watching someone you love go into a siezure and die, thank God that he didn't linger for years.

Listen for God's whisper to you - the still small voice. You are very isolated from the love and fellowship of other Christians, just as Elijah was isolated from others who could have helped him through the bad times. But remember that God does hear and He is listening.

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Nathele