feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders

[Jude 1:24]

*gone*

[Trusting Jesus]

Jude, none of us are perfect -- not even the people in chat. You do seem to have a lot of burdens in your life and it seems as if you need to make some changes. You say you are going to a counselor at your church, and that seems like a good thing, but his advice doesn't seem very helpful. Maybe you need to take a hard look at your situation and see what needs to change and, with God's help, make those changes.

Your roommate doesn't seem like someone you need to be around. Well, your finances are what keeps you there. So, can you look for a job somewhere else? Can you look for a job that pays more? Can you take night classes and learn new trade that will be more profitable? To me, you should start there.

Do you study your Bible? Study about how the various men in the Bible handled their own persecution and troubles. Paul is a great example. He was stoned, drug out of town, and he jumped up and went right back at them. Of course, he was doing God's will. He was living for the Kingdom. That's hard to do. I wih I could follow Paul's example more.

Another thing you might consider is finding a new church. You sound very discouraged and sometimes a change is required.

Those are just my suggestions. But most of all, pray and study your Bible.

<>< ><>

Nathele

[Guest LadyC]

jude, i have no words of wisdom, but...

[Jude 1:24]

taking this chat post out.

[Dog House Bill]

Brother in Christ,

As I promised you in chat, I read your post. there are two things that came to me while reading it. 1st: you have a lot of anger issues that need to be properly dealt with, by a professional. 2nd: There is someone else who has gone through a similar situation and yet was able to forgive those that had harmed Him, even at the point of His death, He forgave them. That Person is Jesus. So, forgiveness is something you MUST be willing to do for them that have harmed you in ANYway. Through this, and only this, is when God can come through for you in the areas that you have mentioned.

Forgiveness is the hardest thing we Christians are asked to do, but Jesus said," Forgive me as I forgive those..."

Luk 11:2 And He said to them, "When you pray, say: 'Father, hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come.

Luk 11:3 'Give us each day our daily bread.

Luk 11:4 'And forgive us our sins, For we ourselves also forgive everyone who is indebted to us. And lead us not into temptation.'"

I myself, had to forgive others that had harmed me, the person that ordered me to unload a truck, when I injured my back. It took 12 years, but I finally gave him to Jesus and forgave that person. That is when I received my Healing in my back, not before. I have not had an issue related to my back since.

God cannot work through our bitterness. He requires a soft, pliable lump of clay to work with. If He finds it too hard, He will work it until its soft enough to mold it. This is getting serious about Jesus. You need to trust Jesus more than the pills and the alcohol time-bomb.

Work on your relationship with Jesus. Forget the girl friend as she seems to have her own problems that Jesus will deal with.

I leave you with this prayer, My you find the path of Jesus in the area of forgiveness and also find His love again. A love that gives strength to endure the hardships before you. Walk in the Life that Jesus gives, not the world. In Jesus Name, Amen

[Lomi]

*this note came as a result of some of the recent messages given by our pastor, and really got me into alot of soul searching*

Decisions...Decisions...Each of them have an unintended consequence or sometimes a very predictable consequence. Knowing what path you are walking down and deciding whether to be bull headed and stay on that road if you know it leads to disaster, or continue walking on that road if you can forsee nothing but good ahead of you. But what do you do when you are literally stuck in a situation that you can't get yourself out of by yourself?

I'm sick and tired. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm sick and tired of my health constantly failing, some of which is my own doing by being bull headed and refusing to go to my doctor until the situation becomes dire. I'm not one who just runs to the doctor for every little sneeze, cough, sniffle etc .. but also my health failing is largely because of my weak immune system. I've been sick for the past several days with the flu, and that's trivial and small in comparison to so many other things. But when you are constantly ill, its just a matter of time before an illness takes you down hard and I'm sick of having to endure that road.

I'm sick and tired of the hell, that I live with daily with my roomate. never in a thousand years could I have forseen what would be happening to me 7 years later. I met my roomate back after I was thrown out on the streets and forever disowned by my family and this guy agreed to let me stay with him. You want to talk about unforseen, unpredictable consequences? However, at the time; all I cared about was trying to get a roof over my head, food on a table, and clothes on my back. Somewhere that I thought I would be safe. My roomate is the definition of hell on earth. He does so many things to me that just drive me to that cliff and he just seems to enjoy waiting to see if i fall off that cliff. He's been in court so many times since I began staying with him, he's constantly getting into verbal and physical altercations and is straight up the biggest atheist I've known. I've been yelled at by him because He didn't want me going to church, he thinks Im being stupid driving and being sick at the same time and has told me I didn't need anyone's support. WTF!? ... If it werent for the fact that I have had no energy left within me from being sick, I would have ripped him apart (verbally of course) ... And finances at this point in time are keeping me here in this hell on earth and there is literally nothing that I can do. This is a no win situation for me at this moment in time. It's not that I dont want to change this road Im on, but Im literally stuck. I know it might be easy enough for you to sit there and think there's got to be a real easy way out of this. Not even close. When finances have me stuck here, im literally stuck. And my good friend and counselor from church, whom i see on a regular basis; told me that it would be just plain stupid and idiotic to just pack my bags and start walking. Mind you i literally live out in the middle of nowhere, in a farming community.

Im sick and tired of dealing with the punks around here in this community that think it's cool to constantly keep vandalizing my car. I dont know if this is some message that Im not wanted around these areas, because my roomate has made such a reputation for himself and everyone else takes it out on me too because of him and he likes to put me into the middle of the fights with the neighbors. when will this vicious cycle of disaster ever end? I'm so fed up and sick and tired of having the police over at the house, all because of my roomate, and Im sick and tired of having to call them to keep reporting my car being vandalized yet again. Im not talking about some small damage either. The last time they decided to destroy the passenger side of the car, they did 1700.00 of damage. This time I'm scared to even know how high the quote is going to be from my insurance company, but I dont even have the money to get it fixed anyways because I have a high insurance deductible... I know that your property being damaged might seem trivial but after awhile it starts to demoralize you. I live in a bad small neighborhood here in this dinky "1 horse town"

I'm sick and tired of court. Ive known nothing but ill when it comes to court. I've been in court when my birth parents were taken away from me, I was in court for the whole adoption nonsense which later wound up seeing me back in court and losing my step parents (adoptive parents) for good, I was in court for a vicious assault case in which I got jumped by my now ex-gf's former boyfriend. It was there that the beginning of the end between us started and nothing has been the same with her ever since. Ive been in court 3 times for these vandalism cases...will this ever ever ever end? .... each and every single time I've stepped foot in a court house, I get vicious flashbacks and commonly have nightmares the couple nights leading up to the court date and then usually again for a few days afterwards.

Im sick and tired of being all out on my own and having absolutly no support system at all whatsoever. Im sick and tired of the fact that all too often I cry because of the deep pain & hatred that is so deep within me because of what my parents did to me. I just wish that they would change their ways, but each and every single time I try talking to them, I get verbally ripped apart and left in a heap of tears on my knees in my room unable to move from the deep pain. Is it too much to ask for a family that loves unconditionally and actually cares and loves and accepts? Holiday's are the worst times for me, especially Christmas which Ive come to hate and loathe because it brings back too many painful flashbacks and its closeness to my birthday only a couple days afterwards...talk about your double whammy..Christmas hatred because of my step parents and my birthday hatred because of my birthparents ....

(I can post my testimony if you wish, which explains in depth what my step parents did to me. I was thrown out for getting them into trouble with the law)

I'm utterly sick and tired of seeing every single dream of mine fall and shatter all around me. As Steven Curtis Chapman says in one of his songs; "Hope, like the sun, is quickly fading" ... my college dreams have come to a screeching hault. I had been accepted to a major 4 year Christian college and I had declared my major as counseling psychology but when I got the financial aid award letter, all I could do was cry until I had nothing left to cry. There was just no way that I could even begin to come up with the remaining balance and have it paid by semester's start. My fall back plan is to finish up my Assoc Degree at a local community college; but honestly, who am I kidding? In today's society and economy, you cant get any kind of a decent respectable job without a master's degree.

Im entirely sick and tired of my ex. We constantly fight, almost every single day. We fight over the most dumbest of things and she has no problems in emotionally destroying me. In her own little world, the world must revolve around her and her alone..ha!.. every single time she goes off on me, which sometimes can get downright ugly, she takes a piece of my heart each and every single time. The whole entire situation is a very messy, complicated one and I'm quickly getting tired of her antics. And Im getting sick and tired of crying myself off to sleep because of something she said or did. I want to cut it off but she has me in a position where if I do, it'll look like I'm an ungrateful bastard for what good she has done for me. All I know is what God has taught me, that love keeps no record of wrongs and that love just doesnt stop in a heartbeat. Her and I have been together for a little over 4 years now, even after we broke up, we still have decided to try and keep going. She has done right by me many times, but for so many other times, she has been nothing but cold, heartless, mean, vicious, and cold-hearted and hateful. But all the good vs. all the bad. ugh. I cant even begin to express the pain inside about this one. I was with her just over the past week and we went to see 2 concerts (MWS/SCC United Tour) and the entire time all we did was fight like mad like 2 pit bulls. Yet shes the one who totally surprised me with these concert tickets, travel plans & hotel reservations. Before I left last week to go meet up with her, I was advised to try and brake this up between her and i by many of my church friends and my counselor. But yet, after all she did for me over the past week, how? How can i possibly begin to do this? I was almost in tears several times and had to hide the tears from her so she couldn't see the hurt i was in, which knowing her she would have pounded me for it. Shes not one for being too careing towards me when im hurting. I just was feeling totally guilty for the entire week, because if I dont do what my church brothers and counselor want me to do, im going to look weak in their eyes and not a man of my word when i told them that I would try my hardest to bring about change with this situation. I don't know how to explain this, but there is still a part of me that still loves her, alot of that being because she's my first real love. For all the bad in her, she does have some good in her and I love that part of her and despise the other part. I honest to God dont know how I am going to be able to bring myself to do that which will kill me inside the most.

I know that this one might seem trivial and small as well, but the 1 year anniversary of the passing of my close friend John, who passed last july after a year and a half battle with terminal brain cancer. Im having an extremely hard time dealing with it. There have been way too many tear filled nights filled with anger, anger to God for having had to take him home and leaving us here behind to suffer and grieve his passing. He was way too young to leave this earth and he left behind his wife and 2 children (both grown) His funeral was the very first funeral Ive ever been too and it was the most painful thing i had been through in some time. When John first passed away, my ex told me and i quote "grow up and get over it, people die every die" those were her exact words. They have been enshrined into my mind ever having been told them. We got into another fight this past week while i was with her because of this. I broke down when Steven talked about one day getting to dance in front of Jesus, with those loved ones who weve lost in our lives. And when we got back to the hotel, she told me and i quote "ive lost family members and you dont see me crying about it do you? so just grow up" en quote. So needless to say, these months leading up to the anniversary of his passing are going to be extremely painful. How wonderful, heap more pain upon my shoulders. Like i didnt already have enough. Thanks God!

Pastor put out a question and he asked what are you looking forward to in your life? My answer then was and still remains to be this. I look forward to one day walk the crystal shores of heaven, and fall into the embrace of my one father who ever cared a darn about me and not wanting to ever let go of Him; and just hopeing that I pleased Him in every way in my life. I long for that precious day and to feel that one hug Ive never had from a father here on earth.

Lastly, Im sick and tired of falling and falling hard. As some of you might know, Ive been battling with major depression in my life and my battle with depression still rages on, and as of late, it's been getting worse. I'm not proud of admitting this, but because of everything going on in my life and i literally feel like Im carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders; ive fallen back into some of my former ways which I see the red flags waving and I want to get off this road, but I really dont know how too right now. I hate having to try and put on this happy go lucky disguise and quietly suffering and dying inside a little more each day. Right now, I'm just going to say that Im sick and tired, Im weak, weary, exhausted in every meaning of those words, and Im sick and tired of hateing myself in every way possible. I've fallen back into being addicted to sleeping pills as my way of escape from the situations around me that drive me into a deep depression. I hate it and I hate myself for it.

Well, I've made this long enough. Thank you for the oppourtunity to open up and share my heart and soul with you. I am eternally grateful and eternally appreciative of each and every single one of you. Thank you friends.

God keep you, guide you and bless you always:

scott

In God's love:

scott

((((((((Scott))))))))))))))

I will be praying for you.

I can relate to all what your going through. I may not understand it completely, but one thing I know is, I know how it feels to cry yourself to sleep, to feel tired of feeling tired. I know how is feels to be so depressed, angry & hurting. Trust me, i know, and I messed up a lot of times. People don't understand, But GOD does.

People will dissapoint you, but you know what GOD (i call HIM DADDY), will never fail you. HE knows your heart, HE knows your pain, HE sees your tears, HE calls you is own.

HE will never leave you, nor forsake you. Please don't leave worthy, there are people that go through the same what you going through. There is people that cares.

And Scott, try and search for a job, i will be praying for that as well for you. DADDY will provide, then you need to leave that place, concerning your girlfriend, she may have done a lot, but you are a person with feeling and I think you need to let her go.

Too loose someone to death is hard, and it will take time to get over it. I lost my mother 9 years ago, and it still hurts a lot, But GOD is with me, just like HE is with you. HE loves you. You are prescious in HIS sight. You are fearfully & Wonderfully made.

Read Isaiah 43:1-5

Just hold on to DADDY, keep praying & studying HIS Word. HE is with you. HE will never leave you, nor forsake you.

1Thessalonians 2:8 "We care so deeply for you, that we were determined to share not only the Gospel of GOD but our lives. That is how dear you were to us."

Can you go on You-Tube and listen to the song of Paul Baloch

[Believer1997]

Scott ,

I am praying for you. I don't think that striking out on your own to a different place, different people, different place to live or go to school would be any worse than what you describe as your life now. I'm holding you in my heart and I will pray for you - YOU are a child of a King and HE does Love you. I think you need to work on healing your heart with a Christian counselor and God. There are ways to get grants, etc. to go back to school. I'd like to see you get away from the Unbelieving room-mate and all the negative people devouring your spirit. Be strong. God Bless and look forward. I ask blessings from God in Jesus' name for you.

[Matthitjah]

Grace to you,

I'm wondering what the conclussion of your Pastors Sermon was, care to share it?

What got you thinking?

Secondly, the weight of the world is on Christ's shoulders and He is well able to carry it. Give it to Him. Then let Him begin to make the decisions about where you will live and with whom, soon you will find that if He directs you, He provides for you. Matter of fact it could be said that it's all on His account and that He is accountable for the Covenant you have decided to join in by nothing more than your free will. You brought nothing in and you couldn't even Save yourself. God provides it all, all He wants in return is your Love.

Don't be so hard on yourself, start with Loving God, Loving God means trusting God, and following God as not just God but the Lord of your life.

Peace,

Dave

[MorningGlory]

posted this in chat ... and im seriously starting to contemplate all this...this is the kind of stuff that chased me away to begin with .. and its starting to give me reason to leave yet again ...

*k well im out ... im seriously considering as to whether or not i will be coming back .... if ur wondering where im coming from in regards to all this, go to the upper room and look under 'fellowship hall' and 'have a problem, need advice?' .. i have posts up in both those ... if anyone cares enough to understand the heaviness of my heart right now ...*

God be with you all:

scott

No offense, Scott, but this is the same thing you did when you posted here before...you ask advice, get and don't like it, and proceed to gripe and pout at the board. You come back a year or so later and post EXACTLY the same set of problems. No one can help you unless you first help yourself, my friend. You are the only one who can walk away from the unbelievable mess you're living in; the mess that is making you miserable. Until you do that....no one can do a thing for you. I pray that you do get out of there and move on to a new and better life.

[Jude 1:24]

*gone*