Believer1997 Posted September 14, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 66 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 6,363 Content Per Day: 1.12 Reputation: 119 Days Won: 9 Joined: 11/07/2008 Status: Offline Share Posted September 14, 2009 I can't give you much advice other than to say - commit your marriage and relationship with your husband to God and I would probably cut this "friend" loose without confrontation - it has been my experience that someone who enjoys and wants to spread malicious gossip will not stop doing it because they've been confronted or hurt someone's feelings. imo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Shalhevet~ Posted September 14, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 334 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 2,049 Content Per Day: 0.38 Reputation: 120 Days Won: 4 Joined: 08/13/2009 Status: Offline Author Share Posted September 14, 2009 He can't cut her out of his life because she is a customer. And if I told her he can't talk to her anymore, only fairly he should then tell me that I can't talk to my male friends (which are very few and I speak to rarely). The thing is, if the tables were turned and one of my male friends was texting me all day long and sending me messages, how would he feel? I'm sure he wouldn't feel too comfortable with it, especially if they are saying false things about him. I trust him, but why does he even want to be friends with someone that would say such a thing? If I saw a married friend getting "cozy" with another man, i would have to be 100% certain it was her before I would confront her husband. This has happened before too with another one of his female friends. She also accused me of doing things with other men. I think that is why I am hurt so much. Do I need to lock myself up at home and go no where so nobody starts any rumors? I just don't understand. I have never cheated on my husband and have done none of the things these women have said. Why do they do this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnetrueGod Posted September 14, 2009 Group: Junior Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 82 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/23/2009 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/16/1959 Share Posted September 14, 2009 Matthew 18:15 15 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Shalhevet~ Posted September 14, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 334 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 2,049 Content Per Day: 0.38 Reputation: 120 Days Won: 4 Joined: 08/13/2009 Status: Offline Author Share Posted September 14, 2009 You are assuming she had no reason to believe you were being cozy with someone (and rightly so, because you weren't) however, there may be something she saw that you are unaware of, that gave her that perception. While she was definitely wrong to email this, without your knowledge or without giving you the opportunity to explain yourself before presenting this to your husband. Two wrongs don't make a right, so give her, what she didn't give you, an opportunity to explain what she saw that caused her to think that you were being "cozy"or at least why she fabricated such a story. Thanks. I will try to calm down first before asking her. I know right now isn't the time because I am still upset. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Shalhevet~ Posted September 14, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 334 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 2,049 Content Per Day: 0.38 Reputation: 120 Days Won: 4 Joined: 08/13/2009 Status: Offline Author Share Posted September 14, 2009 Maybe someone could help me in sending her a message? What should it say? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnetrueGod Posted September 14, 2009 Group: Junior Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 82 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/23/2009 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/16/1959 Share Posted September 14, 2009 Maybe someone could help me in sending her a message? What should it say? I would not handle this by sending a message, or a phone call. Note the quote from Jesus again... Matthew 18:15 15 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Shalhevet~ Posted September 14, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 334 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 2,049 Content Per Day: 0.38 Reputation: 120 Days Won: 4 Joined: 08/13/2009 Status: Offline Author Share Posted September 14, 2009 I would not handle this by sending a message, or a phone call. Note the quote from Jesus again... Matthew 18:15 15 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smalcald Posted September 14, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 32 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 5,258 Content Per Day: 0.76 Reputation: 42 Days Won: 3 Joined: 06/16/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/22/1960 Share Posted September 14, 2009 I've never been in my husband's 'inbox' or his email. The Bible has a lot to say about gossiping - none of it good or approving of such. I would talk with my husband about the allegation and let him know that it does hurt your feelings. Just wondering - why is she sending him email? I did talk to him. At first I was upset with him (because of another message that was there I will not go into). After I calmed down we talked and decided that all of our internet passwords are shared between us both. (He changed his for some unknown reason.) I don't have any reason to believe that he is being unfaithful, but I don't know if I trust this "friend" anymore. I talked to him about her sending him texts and messages on facebook everyday and he said that she sends everybody a lot of messages. I'm hurt because I have been praying and trying to help this woman with her own marital problems. She confided in me and I helped her out. She also helped me out too by watching my son occasionally. I just want to ask her why she would send a message to my husband that she knew wasn't true. But part of me just wants to delete her from my friends, erase her phone number and just move on with my life without her. I don't know what to do. Your message was fine. In general it is a bad idea for married people to have close friends of the opposite sex. Not that we can't be friends with men or women, just not close or "best" friends. There is only one person we should be intimate with emotionally and that is our husband or wife. Most affairs I have known of among people I have known have ALL started with this whole good friends business, it is never a good idea. If this person is telling your husband things that are not true she is trying to sow discord. Some people like discord they seek to sow it all of the time, they are toxic and will not change, they are only happy when others are in turmoil or unhappy. But then again it is up to your husband to do what is right and that will be up to him, not you, so yeah do what you can and then commit the whole thing to Christ. We can never control another person we can only communicate with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fez Posted September 14, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 683 Topics Per Day: 0.12 Content Count: 11,128 Content Per Day: 1.99 Reputation: 1,352 Days Won: 54 Joined: 02/03/2009 Status: Offline Birthday: 12/07/1952 Share Posted September 14, 2009 [quote name='Believer1997' post='1430443' date='Sep I did talk to him. At first I was upset with him (because of another message that was there I will not go into). After I calmed down we talked and decided that all of our internet passwords are shared between us both. (He changed his for some unknown reason.) I don't have any reason to believe that he is being unfaithful, but I don't know if I trust this "friend" anymore. I talked to him about her sending him texts and messages on facebook everyday and he said that she sends everybody a lot of messages. I'm hurt because I have been praying and trying to help this woman with her own marital problems. She confided in me and I helped her out. She also helped me out too by watching my son occasionally. I just want to ask her why she would send a message to my husband that she knew wasn't true. But part of me just wants to delete her from my friends, erase her phone number and just move on with my life without her. I don't know what to do. The woman should be confronted and this should be talked out calmly and without yelling. Ignoring what she did will only embolden her. And, IMHO, the woman is after your husband. She should not be a part of either of your lives. I will pray for this to be resolved, sister. There is something wrong here asecretchord. If she is sowing discord, you need to confront her, and tell her that you feel it best if you part ways. Pro 6:16 These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: Pro 6:17 A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, Pro 6:18 An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, Pro 6:19 A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren. 5 out of 7 should be warning enough no? Blessings, and I hope this resolves itself in the Lord Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JCISGD Posted September 14, 2009 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 64 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,345 Content Per Day: 0.24 Reputation: 30 Days Won: 1 Joined: 03/05/2009 Status: Offline Birthday: 04/10/1961 Share Posted September 14, 2009 ASC " a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" Prov 15:1 If you continue to answer her softly she will have no cause to feel justified and you may win her to Christ. I do agree with others that you and your husband need to close ranks and see if there is an opening that may let Satan in. Is your husband close to Jesus? if not you may have watch and pray for him all the more dilligently, as it seems to me that some marital boundaries are being assulted. I too struggle to confront others face to face as in my family differences of opinion always escalated into unresolved arguements and now my emotions rise very quickly at the hint of confrontation. But a soft answer every time has proven to avert this and even help with damage control. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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