Longing to be with the Lord, or longing to escape?

[nebula]

In my struggle against suicide, this is a question I've had to deal with constantly. How much of my desire for death is to be with the Lord, and how much is it just wanting to escape from all the troubles in this life, in my life?

It's not that I did not have a desire to be with the Lord. That was truly genuine. The trouble was how it was being corrupted with and by the desire to escape.

And it sure was easy to justify wanting to die with, "But then I'll be with Jesus...."

But then I have to pull back and catch myself. Is that not a selfish love? Is this the longing Jesus wants me to have for Him?

What if He wants me to be more mature in faith and in my soul before I join Him? Does not the Bridegroom have the right to wait for the little girl to grow into a woman before marrying her?

But there's something else He's been teaching me. How can we really know Him there when we don't really know Him here ? OK, I know what you're probably thinking - how here we see through a glass darkly and there we will see clearly. Sure, but that cheapens the meaning of the word "know" in the Biblical concept. knowing involves intimacy, and intimacy over time.

Consider how when we come to the Lord, the Holy Spirit dwells within us. For those of you who became saved later in life, can you recall the difference between your having the Holy Spirit and when you did not?

When we get to Heaven, we won't have the Spirit dwelling within us the way we do down here. Sure, we pass on into glory, and we will be in the presence of Jesus - it's a graduation, not a downplay. But consider, you won't have the Holy Spirit with you in Heaven.

Isn't that weird?

So how does this effect things? Well, if you have been communing with the Lord, then hopefully you've come to know the Holy Spirit as a dear Friend. Right? So how does that make you feel?

Jesus said it was better for Him to leave and send the Spirit than it was for Him to stay. Have you ever fathomed that?

So how does this relate to the topic?

Well, how can I be longing to be with the Lord when the Lord is here with me?

Should I not be with Jesus her and now through the Holy Spirit?

So, if I'm longing to "be with the Lord" through death, am I not missing out on an intimacy I should be having with Him here and now?

Should I not rather focus on being with Him here and now rather than longing for death (or the rapture (!) ) to be with Him?

[MorningGlory]

Interesting subject, neb. I'm concerned about why you are saying these things though. Are you okay?

[nebula]

Thanks, MG!

I'm OK.

Actually, this is just a long-going undercurrent.

But, I've been affected by the death of one of my heroes from my younger years - Dana Key.

Maybe I should post in here, too, what I posted on Facebook?

[Fez]

So, if I'm longing to "be with the Lord" through death, am I not missing out on an intimacy I should be having with Him here and now?

Should I not rather focus on being with Him here and now rather than longing for death (or the rapture (!) ) to be with Him?

The simple answer is yes, you should focus on Him here and now.

I have been where you are now Neb, and it is not a good place if my experience was anything to go by.

What pulled me back from that black hole I was staring down into, and contemplating the jump?

His love did, nothing more, nothing less. If He had not intervened, I would not be talking to you now, I would not have the happy and contented life I have, I would not be getting married to a wonderful woman in a days time, I would not have the wonderful church that I now have, nor the friends, nor the promise of a bright and interesting future.....

And the promise of Him when He decides.

See where I am going with this?

Paul was in chains in a Roman prison when he wrote this....

Rom 5:3 More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance,

Rom 5:4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,

Rom 5:5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Rom 5:6 For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.

Rom 5:7 For one will scarcely die for a righteous person--though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die--

Rom 5:8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Rom 5:9 Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God.

I turned to it often, so often I can recite it verbatim.

What else can I say but that you are loved, by Him, and many others.

And that you are in my prayers, for this struggle is not yours alone to fight.

We love you......

[Blien]

Didn't Paul have the same questions you had? But he stayed because of his duty to the unsaved... I believe, this is not just something in his case but all of us. Hang in there buddy... food tastes better when we haven't had it in a while... so Christ will be all the sweeter the longer we stay here.

Philippians 1:21-26

[BFP]

I think the Lord gives you these feeling so that you can stay right here on earth and minister to others that have the same difficuties. I am sure He would not want you to cut your life short just as He sends an unsaved and suicidal soul your way to be ministered to Nebula. And in this day and age there are many. Look upon your life as a Blessing, given to do the Lord's work. You are right where He wants you, just as the troubles in all of our lives are put there so that we can be compassionate and minister to others like us. You are so needed on this earth, you just have to say yes to the calling to minister in the way He has chosen for you.

And you are probably much closer to Him than you think you are.

[nebula]

In no way will we miss the Holy Spirit

I guess that depends on what you mean by the word "miss".

[nebula]

I think the Lord gives you these feeling so that you can stay right here on earth

Yeah, and that's why I share this, for those who likewise struggle.

For many of you, while going to be with the Lord is a joy, it also involves sacrifice - leaving behind a spouse, children, people you are ministering to?

For some of us, what sacrifice is there?

So yeah, this is what I'm finding.

You are so needed on this earth,

Well, it's hard for me to see that.

[amor]

Should I not rather focus on being with Him here and now rather than longing for death (or the rapture (!) ) to be with Him?

You must focus on being with Him here and now.

I can say nothing more eloquent than Fez has already. He's right, however difficult life may seem things will change.

Tim

[nebula]

In no way will we miss the Holy Spirit

I guess that depends on what you mean by the word "miss".

By "miss" I mean feel loss because of absence.

I don't know. I've lived with the Holy Spirit practically my whole life. It would be weird to not have Him.

The Holy Spirit is part of Jesus.

Yes and no.

It will be different.

(If you want to talk more about suicide pm me)

Thanks, but I'm OK. I've gotten deliverance from the spirit of death. I just haven't gotten over the entirety of the depression problem yet.

But again, I share this for anyone else who may be struggling.