Christians & Divorce

[StinaW]

Until you walk in somebody's else shoes then you have no right to judge them for their decision that they made..

Judge NOT unless YOU be judge YOURSELF..

[gdemoss]

There is only one reason for divorce and it covers both believer and non-believer alike.

Mat 19:8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.

In order to divorce another one must harden their heart against the other to the point they would rather be separated than together. It is quite simple. The blame game that ensues afterward comes out of the hearts of the participants.

I speak from experience. My wife left last month. She has hardened her heart to the point that she doesn't have any feelings for me. She betrays herself by her hardness in her actions toward anything I do. Her claim is that I am mentally ill but the hatred she shows in her actions shows her true problem lies within her own heart. I stand at the ready, commanded by Christ to forgive and receive her back unto myself. May God have mercy upon her and grant her repentance to the acknowledging of the truth.

In Jesus Name,

Gary

Each person has to do what they feel is best in the situation. Unfortunately, it's easy for people who are on the outside to look in at a situation they aren't going through and tell other people what they should or should not do. The term "marital unfaithfulness" covers a whole lot more than just sleeping with someone else who is not your spouse. In your case, your wife has left. She no longer lives with you. She has broken the covenant. She is not fulfilling the vows she took for the relationship. That is unfaithfulness. The injured party is not required to stay married in that situation. They can always choose to do so and hope for the best, but it isn't required.

Thanks for the input Cobalt. A different perspective is always welcome as food for thought. Good, better, best I suppose. The OT law teaches us that it is actually perfectly acceptable to take an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. To treat covenant breakers as covenant breakers can justly be treated. But the But I say unto you of the NT speaks of a better way. A way of love, mercy and grace that rises above the hurt of the injury and sacrifices the self for the purpose of winning the other party to God. I don't believe I have to worry about much more than the condition of my wife's heart and relationship with God. She is obviously not living in the Spirit being filled with the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, meekness, temperance, goodness, gentleness and faith but instead living in her own little world of bitterness and hurt through self deception and spiritual blindness. Jesus loved me and laid down his life for me and as a result of that act of love, I love him. Now there is no gaurentee that my wife will have the same response to my love for her but my hope is that God will use it along with his other endless resources, to win her heart unto him. I'm already his. I'm being conformed to the image of Love daily through death to self. I experience the filling of the Holy Spirit daily that is something that is unspeakable of an experience for me as the Comforter does his wondrous work and comforts me in all my tribulation. I merely hope that she can experience Him too and in the end that cause us to experience Him together and become One in Christ. If the Lord will....

Thanks again for the thoughts,

Gary

[messiahfollower]

Why are many Christian marriages ending up in divorce? It really baffles my mind. Don't know about your country but in my country it's getting worse by the day but there are many weddings going on all the time but many of them don't last.

Is it because Christians are not choosing the right partners? Is it because they married the wrong person? Is it because they were in a haste and didn't seek God's guidance? Is it because the devil is really on their cases? What do you think might be the problem?

Share your thought.

If Christian marriages are failing it can only be because we are more concerned with achieving personal happiness than with obedience to our Lord Jesus Christ.

And happiness, by its nature, is a fleeting thing, dependant on our "hap" or happenstance/circumstances. On the other hand, the "joy of the Lord" that we experience through trusting and obeying the Lord Jesus is independent of circumstances and is lasting.

So often we don't give ourselves the chance to experience this deep down joy. We jump ship, so to speak, every time our happiness is threatened and never get to experience the joy that could be ours through trust and obedience.

It is only when we accept, and come through, trials and tribulations that we can truly identify with these words in James 1.

My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;

3 Knowing [this], that the trying of your faith worketh patience.

4 But let patience have [her] perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

I agree entirely!

[messiahfollower]

Why are many Christian marriages ending up in divorce? It really baffles my mind. Don't know about your country but in my country it's getting worse by the day but there are many weddings going on all the time but many of them don't last.

Is it because Christians are not choosing the right partners? Is it because they married the wrong person? Is it because they were in a haste and didn't seek God's guidance? Is it because the devil is really on their cases? What do you think might be the problem?

Share your thought.

If Christian marriages are failing it can only be because we are more concerned with achieving personal happiness than with obedience to our Lord Jesus Christ.

And happiness, by its nature, is a fleeting thing, dependant on our "hap" or happenstance/circumstances. On the other hand, the "joy of the Lord" that we experience through trusting and obeying the Lord Jesus is independent of circumstances and is lasting.

So often we don't give ourselves the chance to experience this deep down joy. We jump ship, so to speak, every time our happiness is threatened and never get to experience the joy that could be ours through trust and obedience.

It is only when we accept, and come through, trials and tribulations that we can truly identify with these words in James 1.

My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;

3 Knowing [this], that the trying of your faith worketh patience.

4 But let patience have [her] perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

Happiness is fickle and elusive, besides happiness is often how we choose to look at something. If one gives thanks in everything they always have peace and joy which far exceed happiness.

Edited December 4, 2012 by messiahfollower

[Peace Maker Tony]

I think there are many reasons why Christian marriages are failing so much. For starters, it is quite possible that many of those who profess to be Christians really aren't. So the Christian divorce rate looks higher than it really is.

I mean, who makes those statistics on divorce and how do they come up with the numbers? The secular pollsters/statisticians, being unaware, may use the criteria that going to church automatically means Christian; when, of course, lots of people may go to church, but are not not truly Christians. So I am sure this factors into the statistics.

The secular world, which loves to make Christians look as bad as possible, wants to deem as many marriages as possible Christian, so that when they divorce they can make them seem no different than secular marriages.

I hear all the time about how America is supposedly 70, 80 or some other ridiculously high percent Christian, and I think "no way!" Things wouldn't be the way they are if we were.

And I think the same holds true for Christian marriages. If they were truly Christian their divorce rate would be much lower, because Christians would be seeking to honor the Lord instead of and ahead of themselves. But when people divorce, they are honoring themselves as more important than their vows to their spouse, and more important than God. Sounds harsh? Well the truth hurts. Will we suffer in a less than ideal marriage in order to please God, or will we divorce and seek a more fulfilling life, God's will and commands about marriage notwithstanding?

Divorce is all about me. I deserve happiness. It is I-centered, instead of God-centered. God must have something better than this for me. I have rights. My happiness is the end-goal, and if I am not getting it, someone else will be more than happy to take someone as special as me. Not to mention an attitude of, "God will forgive me, He will understand". ETC.

On that last point, maybe hand in hand with it is a lackadaisical attitude towards sin, and a lack of proper reverence/fear of the Lord? God hates sin. God hates divorce. It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. And our attitude is, "whatever"?

If more people trembled before God, they would perhaps fear the consequences of doing things God hates, more than they might fear the consequences of having to stay in a marriage that is not up to their standards.

For me, personally, if I was unhappy in my marriage I would nonetheless stay in it as an act of obedience and love to the Lord. My happiness is secondary to His will and holiness, and His holy will is that we not divorce except in the case of fornication/adultery.

Some other reasons for high rates of divorce are :

-unequally yoking of partners

- marriage is seemingly often viewed as "something you do", rather than something you commit to.

- add to that, faulty/unrealistic expectations of married life (whether it's an expected/assumed life-long honeymoon, all good times and no bad times, an "I'm in it for a good time, not a long time" mentality)

- and unrealistic views about love

- easy divorce mechanisms in place in society = an "easy out".

- pride and self-centeredness of course greatly harms marriages.

Also, some Christians may think because they are Christians that means they automatically have a right to a great marriage, definitely one that is better than others'. They feel their marriage is in God's hands (which it is) and that means everything is all taken care of and happiness and a great outcome is assured. Then when things start going wrong one or both of them become disillusioned with, and resent God for "letting them down".

Another possible reason is :

Some Christians are very good at coming up with excuses for why they should or shouldn't do some action. They may have this mentality that "God wants better for me", and as such they think He is telling them they should move on and find "a more Godly man/woman". Or someone that treats them better, or whatever.

People get married because they love each other, he/they have good jobs, they both love kids, they get along with their in-laws, she is great-looking, he is handsome, etc.

Then the job situation takes a hit for the worse, someone's health goes bad, someone gains a lot of weight or isn't attractive to the other anymore, the intimacy lessens or disappears, one of them has a difficult period that strains the marriage, and you start wondering why God would want you to be this unhappy. You then reason that He doesn't, which then leads to the idea that maybe He wants you to divorce.

So instead of staying committed to your one flesh union, and being obedient/faithful to God in your marriage vows, and staying in the marriage regardless of how you feel, you take the easy way out, and maybe even reason that it's somehow okay, or not that big a deal, because "you're not the only one doing it".

I realize these are simplified explanations. But I want to add that I disagree with the answer some people give as to why Christians divorce as much as everyone else, because Christian or non-Christian, we're all human. Yes, we're all human, but I believe as Christians we have a higher standard to uphold than the world.

I hadn't planned on being so verbose, so I will try to wrap this up.

Last thing I want to add, one I think it very important, is that too many people don't understand that love is not just a feeling, it is a choice. Just like we can choose to forgive or not forgive. We may not feel like forgiving, but we do because we know it is the right thing to do.......We can choose to be happy despite our circumstances, or we can choose to wallow in depression, anger, bitterness, or whatever the situation may be. Feelings are often fickle and faulty, and they shouldn't cloud our choices and decisions.

Marriage commitment is A CHOICE !! Christian marriage is a vow to GOD, as such we can't dishonor our spouse without dishonoring God.

[bornagain2011]

Tony,

I think you nailed it on the head!

[Guest]

Amen~!

[enoob57]

I think there are many reasons why Christian marriages are failing so much. For starters, it is quite possible that many of those who profess to be Christians really aren't. So the Christian divorce rate looks higher than it really is.

I mean, who makes those statistics on divorce and how do they come up with the numbers? The secular pollsters/statisticians, being unaware, may use the criteria that going to church automatically means Christian; when, of course, lots of people may go to church, but are not not truly Christians. So I am sure this factors into the statistics.

The secular world, which loves to make Christians look as bad as possible, wants to deem as many marriages as possible Christian, so that when they divorce they can make them seem no different than secular marriages.

I hear all the time about how America is supposedly 70, 80 or some other ridiculously high percent Christian, and I think "no way!" Things wouldn't be the way they are if we were.

And I think the same holds true for Christian marriages. If they were truly Christian their divorce rate would be much lower, because Christians would be seeking to honor the Lord instead of and ahead of themselves. But when people divorce, they are honoring themselves as more important than their vows to their spouse, and more important than God. Sounds harsh? Well the truth hurts. Will we suffer in a less than ideal marriage in order to please God, or will we divorce and seek a more fulfilling life, God's will and commands about marriage notwithstanding?

Divorce is all about me. I deserve happiness. It is I-centered, instead of God-centered. God must have something better than this for me. I have rights. My happiness is the end-goal, and if I am not getting it, someone else will be more than happy to take someone as special as me. Not to mention an attitude of, "God will forgive me, He will understand". ETC.

On that last point, maybe hand in hand with it is a lackadaisical attitude towards sin, and a lack of proper reverence/fear of the Lord? God hates sin. God hates divorce. It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. And our attitude is, "whatever"?

If more people trembled before God, they would perhaps fear the consequences of doing things God hates, more than they might fear the consequences of having to stay in a marriage that is not up to their standards.

For me, personally, if I was unhappy in my marriage I would nonetheless stay in it as an act of obedience and love to the Lord. My happiness is secondary to His will and holiness, and His holy will is that we not divorce except in the case of fornication/adultery.

Some other reasons for high rates of divorce are :

-unequally yoking of partners

- marriage is seemingly often viewed as "something you do", rather than something you commit to.

- add to that, faulty/unrealistic expectations of married life (whether it's an expected/assumed life-long honeymoon, all good times and no bad times, an "I'm in it for a good time, not a long time" mentality)

- and unrealistic views about love

- easy divorce mechanisms in place in society = an "easy out".

- pride and self-centeredness of course greatly harms marriages.

Also, some Christians may think because they are Christians that means they automatically have a right to a great marriage, definitely one that is better than others'. They feel their marriage is in God's hands (which it is) and that means everything is all taken care of and happiness and a great outcome is assured. Then when things start going wrong one or both of them become disillusioned with, and resent God for "letting them down".

Another possible reason is :

Some Christians are very good at coming up with excuses for why they should or shouldn't do some action. They may have this mentality that "God wants better for me", and as such they think He is telling them they should move on and find "a more Godly man/woman". Or someone that treats them better, or whatever.

People get married because they love each other, he/they have good jobs, they both love kids, they get along with their in-laws, she is great-looking, he is handsome, etc.

Then the job situation takes a hit for the worse, someone's health goes bad, someone gains a lot of weight or isn't attractive to the other anymore, the intimacy lessens or disappears, one of them has a difficult period that strains the marriage, and you start wondering why God would want you to be this unhappy. You then reason that He doesn't, which then leads to the idea that maybe He wants you to divorce.

So instead of staying committed to your one flesh union, and being obedient/faithful to God in your marriage vows, and staying in the marriage regardless of how you feel, you take the easy way out, and maybe even reason that it's somehow okay, or not that big a deal, because "you're not the only one doing it".

I realize these are simplified explanations. But I want to add that I disagree with the answer some people give as to why Christians divorce as much as everyone else, because Christian or non-Christian, we're all human. Yes, we're all human, but I believe as Christians we have a higher standard to uphold than the world.

I hadn't planned on being so verbose, so I will try to wrap this up.

Last thing I want to add, one I think it very important, is that too many people don't understand that love is not just a feeling, it is a choice. Just like we can choose to forgive or not forgive. We may not feel like forgiving, but we do because we know it is the right thing to do.......We can choose to be happy despite our circumstances, or we can choose to wallow in depression, anger, bitterness, or whatever the situation may be. Feelings are often fickle and faulty, and they shouldn't cloud our choices and decisions.

Marriage commitment is A CHOICE !! Christian marriage is a vow to GOD, as such we can't dishonor our spouse without dishonoring God.

Ditto...

[Peace Maker Tony]

Well thank you. Seeing how it was so long a post I can't believe anyone actually read it!

[Peace Maker Tony]

I think there are many reasons why Christian marriages are failing so much. For starters, it is quite possible that many of those who profess to be Christians really aren't.

Yep, and it's quite possible that a cherry tree that produces plumbs isn't a cherry tree.

If more people trembled before God, they would perhaps fear the consequences of doing things God hates, more than they might fear the consequences of having to stay in a marriage that is not up to their standards.

I absolutely agree. Many Christians have no fear of God, and so they don't obey God. Their response to any verse that teaches the virtue of the fear of God is to mutter 1 John 4:18, fear is the absence of love. Fair enough, but if they loved God, they would obey God. Those who say they love God but divorces their spouse is a liar.

I think the biggest reasons Christians divorce is because they run their marriage by worldly standards, which doesn't work for non-Christians, either. But, non-Christians tend to avoid the divorce by not getting married in the first place.

You hit the nail on the head on all points. Marriages being run by worldly standards, claims to love God but divorcing their spouse, etc.