how to love those who mistreat you

[josephine tomczuk]

hi.

i have a 'friend' a church who, when we first met, seemed so on fire for God, so strong, so wise... you get the picture.

then she started 'confiding' in me with her problems, the biggest one being lack of money. she said she had no food on the table to eat, no work, and the work that she does get isn't much because her boss isn't good; her husband, also a strong man of God, is in a far away country being persecuted.

my heart broke for her. i prayed with her for 1 week non-stop. she said the Lord had shown her she needs to pray with someone for 1 week and then breakthrough would come. during this time she was angry with everyone and said she didn't want to talk to anyone else except me, and that i shouldn't tell anyone of what we were talking/praying about. then she started talking about suicide and said her husband felt the same way. she didn't want to do anything she was asked to do in church, like tea&coffee or the sunday school. she wanted to be involved in the worship only. i reasoned that she was too depressed about what was going on to bother about much else, and just needed to receive in terms of ministry and encouragement, feeling that she didn't have anything to give from within.

then she asked me for money. i was down on cash anyway, & my husband & i have to count every penny while providing for our baby son; but my heart was so heavy for her i kind of had to beg my husband to let me give it to her - and he's a giving man. after all, she said she didn't have food to put on the table. at least we haven't got to that point. when it came time to give it to her she acted very shocked and said that i didn't have to. i just put it down to embarrassment of her situation.

the next time we prayed, again she was dejected. she felt bad because she had got angry with God and thought He had abandoned her. i counseled her again, telling her this guilt was from the enemy, that it was good that she had got convicted and repented, time to move on. by this time, we were near the end of the week. i reminded her of that fact, but she asked me why i was so focused on this time frame. had God showed me? she forgot that she was the one who told me. that day she told me that she wanted to spend her birthday with me alone. i felt a bit honoured that she valued me so much as a friend.

then another time i was having a conversation with my pastor, and her name just came up. my pastor then told me that actually she had been going around the whole church telling everyone her problems. i didn't get it. i just thought that she had become desperate for a solution, seeing that week had come and gone. it hadn't clicked in my mind yet what was going on.

then another person asked me about her. this person is the lady who welcomed her into her home and gave her a place to stay. my 'friend' had told her that i had told her to go into the worship group. not so! we ended up talking, and i found out that she's actually really rude to everyone at church, refuses to go by the schedule we're all put down for in terms of tasks and ministry, because she doesn't want to do tea&coffee, she wants to be the next Joyce Meyer - her words, not mine.

i also found out that she's lazy, doesn't want to work, so of course her boss is annoyed with her, but good enough to let her stick around. if it had been anyone else, you know she would have been outta there. she's not starving either. she's picky. doesn't eat certain foods. not like she's a vegeterian or has a strict diet because of health, she's just fussy. she had to be practically coerced to helping around the house, and then she thought she was being picked on. then i found out that with the tiny amount of rent she has to pay, she has the nerve to go around the church, ASKING everyone for money, like she's a little puppy lost in the big wide world. and her father-in-law sends her money from overseas. before she was living in this country for seven years, rent free, studying free, everything paid for.

she still smiles at me. i feel so dissapointing. she sends me texts asking me if i'm angry with her. i find it difficult to think about her now, let alone pray for her. tuesday coming is her birthday. i feel we still must meet but i have no idea how to approach this. all i can think is that she's so manipulative. & i'm a fool. i forgive her, but i don't even know how i can look at her and still feel as caring as i did before. i still care. big let down though. usually i'm good with confrontations, and letting things get out in the open, but this somehow is different.

any thoughts? much appreciated...

Edited October 9, 2010 by josephine tomczuk

[Believer1997]

Most people who have a kind heart have put themselves out for people who have sometimes treated them poorly. You must remember that people have the potential and ability to disappoint time after time ... we cannot allow their actions to affect our walk with God or our desire to help others. Pray for this woman and forgive her for being callous and rude. That is not to say to continue setting yourself up to her schemes - but forgive her, she needs prayer to get her life in order. Blessings to you!

[yamsryummy]

I understand your concern for this lady. My suggestion is to be fully open with her telling her you will not be able to help her financially but

will pray for her.

[josephine tomczuk]

Boy..the woman really got to you.It is good to see you truly cared for her well being.When dealing with habitual sympathy seekers(if this is what she is) it is good to remind them of their own responsibilities in helping themselves.Unfortunately some people exaggerate their troubles to gain attention or sympathy.Steer the conversations in a positive direction eg..."praise God we are able to enjoy the simple blessings we have even in bad times".Be caring and don't let disappointment stifle your attitude.

**Oh..I hope your Pastor was able to counsel her.

thanks - your scripture references are much encouragement (where deeply needed).

bless.

[josephine tomczuk]

Most people who have a kind heart have put themselves out for people who have sometimes treated them poorly. You must remember that people have the potential and ability to disappoint time after time ... we cannot allow their actions to affect our walk with God or our desire to help others. Pray for this woman and forgive her for being callous and rude. That is not to say to continue setting yourself up to her schemes - but forgive her, she needs prayer to get her life in order. Blessings to you!

i'm not so naive as to not ever expect this, but as agua has said, she really got to me. thanks for the encouragement though.

[enoob57]

hi.

i have a 'friend' a church who, when we first met, seemed so on fire for God, so strong, so wise... you get the picture.

then she started 'confiding' in me with her problems, the biggest one being lack of money. she said she had no food on the table to eat, no work, and the work that she does get isn't much because her boss isn't good; her husband, also a strong man of God, is in a far away country being persecuted.

my heart broke for her. i prayed with her for 1 week non-stop. she said the Lord had shown her she needs to pray with someone for 1 week and then breakthrough would come. during this time she was angry with everyone and said she didn't want to talk to anyone else except me, and that i shouldn't tell anyone of what we were talking/praying about. then she started talking about suicide and said her husband felt the same way. she didn't want to do anything she was asked to do in church, like tea&coffee or the sunday school. she wanted to be involved in the worship only. i reasoned that she was too depressed about what was going on to bother about much else, and just needed to receive in terms of ministry and encouragement, feeling that she didn't have anything to give from within.

then she asked me for money. i was down on cash anyway, & my husband & i have to count every penny while providing for our baby son; but my heart was so heavy for her i kind of had to beg my husband to let me give it to her - and he's a giving man. after all, she said she didn't have food to put on the table. at least we haven't got to that point. when it came time to give it to her she acted very shocked and said that i didn't have to. i just put it down to embarrassment of her situation.

the next time we prayed, again she was dejected. she felt bad because she had got angry with God and thought He had abandoned her. i counseled her again, telling her this guilt was from the enemy, that it was good that she had got convicted and repented, time to move on. by this time, we were near the end of the week. i reminded her of that fact, but she asked me why i was so focused on this time frame. had God showed me? she forgot that she was the one who told me. that day she told me that she wanted to spend her birthday with me alone. i felt a bit honored that she valued me so much as a friend.

then another time i was having a conversation with my pastor, and her name just came up. my pastor then told me that actually she had been going around the whole church telling everyone her problems. i didn't get it. i just thought that she had become desperate for a solution, seeing that week had come and gone. it hadn't clicked in my mind yet what was going on.

then another person asked me about her. this person is the lady who welcomed her into her home and gave her a place to stay. my 'friend' had told her that i had told her to go into the worship group. not so! we ended up talking, and i found out that she's actually really rude to everyone at church, refuses to go by the schedule we're all put down for in terms of tasks and ministry, because she doesn't want to do tea&coffee, she wants to be the next Joyce Meyer - her words, not mine.

i also found out that she's lazy, doesn't want to work, so of course her boss is annoyed with her, but good enough to let her stick around. if it had been anyone else, you know she would have been outta there. she's not starving either. she's picky. doesn't eat certain foods. not like she's a vegeterian or has a strict diet because of health, she's just fussy. she had to be practically coerced to helping around the house, and then she thought she was being picked on. then i found out that with the tiny amount of rent she has to pay, she has the nerve to go around the church, ASKING everyone for money, like she's a little puppy lost in the big wide world. and her father-in-law sends her money from overseas. before she was living in this country for seven years, rent free, studying free, everything paid for.

she still smiles at me. i feel so disappointing. she sends me texts asking me if i'm angry with her. i find it difficult to think about her now, let alone pray for her. Tuesday coming is her birthday. i feel we still must meet but i have no idea how to approach this. all i can think is that she's so manipulative. & i'm a fool. i forgive her, but i don't even know how i can look at her and still feel as caring as i did before. i still care. big let down though. usually i'm good with confrontations, and letting things get out in the open, but this somehow is different.

any thoughts? much appreciated...

Many times we are trying to fix others, when in fact, who and what they are is something for us to see in ourselves that we may see it, confess it, deny it place any longer in our lives and grow more close to Christ... all people when come into our area of life are opportunities of allowing God's Spirit within us to minister unto them and learn more of the greatness of our Lord through such...

You have picked out her faults as you have traveled around to others in speaking about her with her not being there??? What sort of behavior does this fall under? If we truly love Christ we will do things in His way for His glory... gossip is a hated sin by God and it is defined as speaking of others with them not present to receive the exhortation in order to change. Ask God to forgive your actions of disobedience with the ones this has occurred and together go to this woman and speak of these things with her. It is the Biblical way in which we are to operate one to another. Clearly this woman needs you and the others for there is no telling what sins has her encumbered and weighed down but handle in prayer your own wrongness that your work may not be hindered!

Matt 7:3-5

3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.

KJV

I read in your post the desire to help this woman, and I know what the Lord asks is not the easiest way but it will yield what you desire to give Him, our Lord, Glory to His Name... Love Steven

[georgedrw81]

Most people who have a kind heart have put themselves out for people who have sometimes treated them poorly. You must remember that people have the potential and ability to disappoint time after time ... we cannot allow their actions to affect our walk with God or our desire to help others. Pray for this woman and forgive her for being callous and rude. That is not to say to continue setting yourself up to her schemes - but forgive her, she needs prayer to get her life in order. Blessings to you!

i'm not so naive as to not ever expect this, but as agua has said, she really got to me. thanks for the encouragement though.

You were naive though. This is part of our learning to be whole with Him.

Blessings

[Believer112]

Most people who have a kind heart have put themselves out for people who have sometimes treated them poorly. You must remember that people have the potential and ability to disappoint time after time ... we cannot allow their actions to affect our walk with God or our desire to help others. Pray for this woman and forgive her for being callous and rude. That is not to say to continue setting yourself up to her schemes - but forgive her, she needs prayer to get her life in order. Blessings to you!

i'm not so naive as to not ever expect this, but as agua has said, she really got to me. thanks for the encouragement though.

Is she even born again? Pray for her, and in a loving way rebuke her actions. I'm surprised the pastor hasn't talked with her about her conduct.

Matthew 18: ¹⁵"If your brother sins against you,^[b] go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. ¹⁶But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.'^[c]17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

God Bless You

[Littlelambseativy]

Pray for her and thank God for sending her your way and that something good will come of this lesson/relationship.

[enoob57]

Most people who have a kind heart have put themselves out for people who have sometimes treated them poorly. You must remember that people have the potential and ability to disappoint time after time ... we cannot allow their actions to affect our walk with God or our desire to help others. Pray for this woman and forgive her for being callous and rude. That is not to say to continue setting yourself up to her schemes - but forgive her, she needs prayer to get her life in order. Blessings to you!

i'm not so naive as to not ever expect this, but as agua has said, she really got to me. thanks for the encouragement though.

You were naive though. This is part of our learning to be whole with Him.

Blessings

She was also being obedient

Luke 6:29-31

30 Give to everyone who asks of you. And from him who takes away your goods do not ask them back.

NKJV

Love Steven