Forgiveness during pain

[Isaiah 6:8]

Something else that always bothered me is how when a person is hurting from what someone did to them, everyone's reaction is, "You have to forgive!" And so the person is feeling doubly punished. What people neglect to understand is that out emotions need to wind down before we can make that step. Help the person grieve and get through the anger first. It's like an illustration I heard of a young man who was in an accident, and the X-rays showed one foot and leg were fine. While in physical therapy, the PT would tell him to pivot on his good foot and walk back. But when he tried to pivot on his good foot, he felt a lot of pain. Instead of listening to him, the PT insisted there was nothing wrong with it, and barked the command to pivot on his good foot and walk back. Some time later his parents took him to another physician to re-examine him, and it was discovered that he had a hairline fracture on one of his ankle bones on the "good foot". Too often we treat people who have been hurt by others the way the PT treated this young man.

When I was in the states I was very hurt by a "brother" in Christ. His life bore no real fruit and t this day does not show any. He is a member of my home church and is very religious and puts up a good show and I did think he was a re

al brother in Christ and I trusted him and that trust was destroyed and betrayed. The last time he left a message on my phone he even left a thinly vailed threat on my physical well being and even cut me off in traffic and flipped me off. This all due to me quitting working for him as my boss. I was worried enough to contemplate a restraining order on him but my pastor wisely said that would only escalate things. So I did not. I know that I am to forgive and have been trying to but. Find it difficult as the hurt has never been dealt with. I suffered over a year of verbal abuse at his hands that got worse in the last few months I was with him as he had started to be drunk or on hard drugs all day long I also found out he ha cheated me out Hundreds if not thousands of dollars I wages. I have never been able to deal with this pain, and I realize that part of the reason is that his rage and remarks towrds me were very similar to my fathers when I was young so he wounds went deeper.

I have been struggling to forgive him but the pain Stijl is real as he still gave me dirty looks and even when I asked for a simple proof of employment letter for my CV he refused to give it to me or to talk to me. That was on my last day at home before I left to Norway. He even did not let me speak to his wife about the letter.

Now my pastor has talked with him to some degree and I respect my pastor of my whole life but on one thing I did disagree on. That it was better he stay in the church so that ts calming influence would keep him from going really crazy. This pretty much kept me out of all services he would be at basically leaving me to fellowship here fir the better part of a year.

I have been sorely tempted, even now to take steps to put him in jail, have his restaurant taken from home and his business and food licenses stripped. It would be easy as all I would have to do is alert the authorities and his own behavior would do the rest.

Th lord has told me this s not my place and before the finale blow out I tried to speak with him on a one On one basis and he did not listen. He refused to meet with two and even when we dud talk he managed to make it about my shortcomings not his.

So how do I deal? I do forgive him on my head but my heart is unwilling to follow as the hurt is great!!! Help!!!

[nebula]

Ouch!

I wish I had some words of wisdom to give you.

I disagree with how the pastor handled it. Paul kicked the offenders out of the congregation, not the other way around (I know you weren't kicked out, but the effect was the same.)

But ... yeah.

The only thing I can do is tell you how I deal with such, and if it helps great, if not, I don't know.

But I do the best I can to humble myself before the Lord and appeal to Him for the salvation of the person.

That's the best I can do towards "forgiveness."

[Littlelambseativy]

Ask God to bless him. As hard and as harsh as that may seem it will take the hurt and anger from you. How much greater was the hurt of those who praised and hailed Jesus as King and then shouted to crucify Him - yet He forgave them and us. If Jesus can forgive me my sin how can I do less for another who betrayed and hurt me? If you tell him that you forgive him you will 'heap coals of fire on his head' and the hurt and anger should be on his shoulders.

[Isaiah 6:8]

He did say that he would make sure that church would remain safe for me but it was too uncomfortable to go!

[Isaiah 6:8]

Ask God to bless him. As hard and as harsh as that may seem it will take the hurt and anger from you. How much greater was the hurt of those who praised and hailed Jesus as King and then shouted to crucify Him - yet He forgave them and us. If Jesus can forgive me my sin how can I do less for another who betrayed and hurt me? If you tell him that you forgive him you will 'heap coals of fire on his head' and the hurt and anger should be on his shoulders.

I have I think it's just added salt to much deeper wounds from my past, ones that still cause me insomnia wounds from my father who raised me.

[Littlelambseativy]

Ask God to bless him. As hard and as harsh as that may seem it will take the hurt and anger from you. How much greater was the hurt of those who praised and hailed Jesus as King and then shouted to crucify Him - yet He forgave them and us. If Jesus can forgive me my sin how can I do less for another who betrayed and hurt me? If you tell him that you forgive him you will 'heap coals of fire on his head' and the hurt and anger should be on his shoulders.

I have I think it's just added salt to much deeper wounds from my past, ones that still cause me insomnia wounds from my father who raised me.

Then I pray that God can take your pain and your wounds and turn them into something that can help someone who is suffering even more. Perhaps that is what God wants for you - to help someone who is also suffering because you will understand as no one else can.

[mead]

[Song In The Night]

Oh, Isaiah......

I am so sorry you are going through this.

What helps me is this scripture :

If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. - Romans 12:18

There have been so many family members and friends and coworker and aquaintances who have hurt me severely. If I was to tell you all, you probably would suggest I enter an institution. I don't know why, but I seem to from birth, have been born an "evil" magnet.

When I find I can't forgive the incredible evil done unto me, I just give the problem to God. For I find that worrying about my inability to forgive only worsens the situation. I go before the throne and cry as a child and tell God I am having trouble forgiving, and to please help me to forgive. It helps alot that I do not have to remain in contact with any of these people because of their ways. But I do the best I can with the forgiveness part. It's all I can do.

Tell our Father you're having problems, if you haven't done so already. And don't be too hard on yourself. You are the victim here, not the cause of this situation.

Prayers for you my dear brother. Your posts cheer me up.

Love,

Song In The Night ~

[jodetoad]

Echoing others, pray for him. Keep doing it, even if you don't really mean it.

This may sound goofy, but I have problems with a person, it has helped me to imagine that person as a baby, as a small child. With the soft innocent expression, before whatever damage happened that caused their life to produce bad fruit. I imagine the person's mother loving the innocent youngster, imagine Jesus loving them.

Somewhere inside that man the innocent still lives, maybe the potential seems buried and hidden, who knows... It doesn't make sense, but it has helped me sometimes...

[Sian12]

I'm still a newbie here Isaiah, but I'm really sorry to hear you've had all this trouble from someone you thought of as a friend. I can understand how painful it is to be betrayed.

What helps me through hard things is to remember that we live in God's hands and nothing happens to us without His permission. Of course this isn't easy but when I can I think of life here as a classroom or a rock tumbler and sometimes the lessons and the 'polishing' we get feels harsh but it's for our benefit even if we don't understand why or how. Just have to trust Him and try to praise Him in all things.

I'll pray for you..!