Why I Left

[stormy612]

I have truly studied His word. Why are you assuming I haven't? Because I'm hurt? Because I'm lonely? Because I'm angry?

if you hadn't projected an image of being so easily offended, there would have been no reason to mention those verses. Gaining knowledge isn't the primary purpose for studying the Word, it has to be manifest in the fruit of the Spirit.

Are you just having a bad day? Need to vent???

Go ahead...just don't allow yourself to hold on to a root of bitterness anymore.

Yeh. That must be it. I'm just having a bad day. You're right. I'm wrong. Typical.

That is not what he is saying, and I hate to say it, but you are overly-defensive, in the extreme. Reading through your posts, I see two common threads in all of them in this thread:

1. That you are extremely angry.

2. Everything bad that happens is someone else's fault.

People are reaching out to you here and yet, you still lash out at them. You do not seem to have the ability to accept the fact that some of the problems you experience with other people is because of your own behavior, your own reactions, and your own preconceptions about people and organizations, before you have even experienced them. If you think every person you meet is going to disappoint you, congratulations, that is exactly what will happen. If you think every church is bad and controlling before you even set foot in the door, you'll never find one that isn't, because to your way of thinking, they do not exist. They do, but you will never find it with having judged every one of them before ever having visited them. In ever instance where you talk about others, every scenario has you telling us what they did wrong, how they behaved poorly. The entire scenario seems to be that you are perfectly ok, it is the rest of the world that is messed up. Empirically, that is impossible.

Until you can let go of your bitterness and realize that you bring a great deal of these problems on yourself by your own behavior and attitudes, you are going to be a very lonely person. And I am sorry, but these problems are not everyone else's fault.

I'm more than willing to accept responsiblity when I am behaving badly-when the Holy Spirit convicts me of doing so. I don't trust my own judgement in that, let alone a bunch of people who have yet to ask me what I need, but are content to tell me what they think I need.

I've spent 40 years taking the blame. ALL the blame. I've ruined my life because of it. I believed it when people told me I was to blame. Now God is showing me all the times I took blame when I shouldn't have, and He's showing me why people blamed me. One of the reasons was to distract me from the real issue. So I'm not taking it all anymore. I'm thinking it through, not just accepting every accusation that's thrown at me.

I came here with a legitimate complaint about Christians not living up to their projected image. I was hurt by being abandoned like that. Funny how that issue vanished in the midst of blaming me for not being polite. Is anyone here willing to take blame for the poor instruction of said abandoners? Or will you say simply, "I can't take the blame for what someone else did." Aren't we all teaching each other how to behave properly in the good Christian way? How then could they have done that to me? How many others have felt abandoned and slipped off quietly wondering if God cares at all. The people who abandoned me had their reasons, but I was part of their Christian instruction. I failed them somehow. So, I'll be the first to take the blame for people abandoning me (and leaving me to wonder endlessly about what I did), and for professing such faith in God and then not living in it. So, yes. It someone else's fault. It's all our fault.

[stormy612]

Just a thought to consider:

Just as easily as you all are accusing me of being angry, resentful, bitter, etc., I could just as easily turn it around and accuse all of you of not showing patience with someone who's hurting.

[Believer1997]

I have read this thread - I think there was some sincere hope for a reunion in the original post. After reading the last several pages, I must concur that there is so much unresolved anger and resentment from the author of the thread. You are coming here with mixed intentions - you say you want acceptance and to learn more about the Holy Spirit - yet, that anger is translating into blame and willful pride. I'm praying that you can open your heart, forgive any past slights (real or imagined) and start anew with grace and gratitude.

[Fez]

I don't trust my own judgement in that, let alone a bunch of people who have yet to ask me what I need,

When I need something, I ask for help with it, and don't wait for people to guess what it is.

That being said, you have stated you need something, and need someone to ask what it is.

What is it you need? How can we help?

[stormy612]

I don't trust my own judgement in that, let alone a bunch of people who have yet to ask me what I need,

When I need something, I ask for help with it, and don't wait for people to guess what it is.

That being said, you have stated you need something, and need someone to ask what it is.

What is it you need? How can we help?

"It's been a long time since I've been here. I left because I felt rejected and misunderstood. I said some things that came from my heart and suddenly no one talked to me anymore. No one asked questions, no one tried to understand. I was judged and promptly rejected. No one bothered to look at their own level of faith to see if there was something lacking. It was easier to see me as the "whacko", which justifies (to themselves at least) writing me off. I get enough of that in my day to day life. I thought it would be different here. It should be anyways."-the first line of my first post. Ya'll missed me because it was easier to tell me I was angry and bitter and resentful and not humble. Ya'll were so focused on making sure I understood how I was making ya'll feel, you missed how I was feeling.

I needed to know if it was safe to be me here. It isn't.

[coelacanth]

Little by little I'm made to feel unwanted.

We all feel like that from time to time, at least I do. Many times it is just our own minds playing tricks on ourselves. I know that may not help you but it is the truth. I can't give you any advice because only you and God really know your situation. I can say that you are not alone and that this world is full of people just like you in similar predicament. Cling to the Lord and He will cling to you as well. There was a time in my life that I only knew Christ as a friend and no one else, or so I thought. Since that time Christ has shown me time and time again that I was mistaken and very short sighted. I can only believe your case is the same.

May the Lord open your eyes to all that is around you and all that He has for you and may you find His peace, the peace that passes all understanding.

God bless you.

[Botz]

"It's been a long time since I've been here. I left because I felt rejected and misunderstood. I said some things that came from my heart and suddenly no one talked to me anymore. No one asked questions, no one tried to understand. I was judged and promptly rejected. No one bothered to look at their own level of faith to see if there was something lacking. It was easier to see me as the "whacko", which justifies (to themselves at least) writing me off. I get enough of that in my day to day life. I thought it would be different here. It should be anyways."-the first line of my first post. Ya'll missed me because it was easier to tell me I was angry and bitter and resentful and not humble. Ya'll were so focused on making sure I understood how I was making ya'll feel, you missed how I was feeling.

I needed to know if it was safe to be me here. It isn't.

I think that when you open your heart up in a Forum like this, people can only see words on a screen, and can't look into your eyes, see your body language or hear the tone of your voice, and it is inevitable to some extent that in opening your heart you open yourself up to mis-interpretaion and run the full gamut of reponses and exchanges as concerned people seek to respond to you as best they know how...and yes, sometimes that means that we don't really understand the full extent of your history of hurt, and yes, sometimes it means some of the answers or comments can be a little glib, unthoughtful, patronising or platitudinal....but such is the diversity of Forums and the people (us and you ) that inhabit these modules of cyber-space.

Long and short of it is that we all have to take the rough with the smooth and learn how to successfully interact with a diverse family.

If you honestly feel that for whatever reasons this place is not safe for you...then you do not have to expose yourself to what goes on here...or perhaps it would be more beneficial to delay your return a little longer.

Think on it a while...perhaps the Holy Dove will feed you like the Ravens fed Elijah.

Thoughtfully. Botz

[nebula]

Just a thought to consider:

Just as easily as you all are accusing me of being angry, resentful, bitter, etc., I could just as easily turn it around and accuse all of you of not showing patience with someone who's hurting.

I thought I was.

Where did I go wrong?

[Fez]

Just a thought to consider:

Just as easily as you all are accusing me of being angry, resentful, bitter, etc., I could just as easily turn it around and accuse all of you of not showing patience with someone who's hurting.

I thought I was.

Where did I go wrong?

I went back and read.

Relax, you didn't

[nebula]

Thanks, Fez.