People Don't really care

[OneLight]

Let's keep our attitude in check before we hit the Post button. Debate the topic, not the person.

Colossians 4:6

Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.

Really? I don't have a right to be upset when people say Unkind things? Fine, I won't "rock the boat" anymore. I was just voicing my opinion as a hurt thrown to the curb Christian, but I will say NICE things for you. Can you recommend a site where the 1st amendment still exists, since I'm sure I will be banned soon for not being HAPPY enough for you.

Why do you think I was speaking to only you? The post you quoted is for everyone, not just one person.

Many replies to you have been in love. Did you feel that love? They had great advice and let you know that you are not alone in this at all, that others have been there. Did you hear their words?

[~candice~]

Unlocked.

[Mark2005]

Dear Taylor,

I feel your pain, mate. I really do. I feel it because I, too, have lived it for many, many years. One rejection after another: in business, in relationships, in churches, etc.

Like Walla, I lived most of my life alone, so I am well-acquainted with that and the heartache and frustrations it brings. So many of the simple things people around me take for granted are huge deals to me, because I have been denied them for so much of my life.

When I first turned to God, I believed he would provide the answers I sought. But, for whatever reasons, it didn't work out the way I had hoped and expected. I never seemed to fit in in the churches I visited and most of my Christian relationships seemed superficial at best.

I wish I could give you easy answers, three simple steps to fix these very REAL hurts and heartaches. I haven't got it all figured out. But please know you are NOT alone and I'm happy to be your friend.

[taylor30]

Dear Taylor,

I feel your pain, mate. I really do. I feel it because I, too, have lived it for many, many years. One rejection after another: in business, in relationships, in churches, etc.

Like Walla, I lived most of my life alone, so I am well-acquainted with that and the heartache and frustrations it brings. So many of the simple things people around me take for granted are huge deals to me, because I have been denied them for so much of my life.

When I first turned to God, I believed he would provide the answers I sought. But, for whatever reasons, it didn't work out the way I had hoped and expected. I never seemed to fit in in the churches I visited and most of my Christian relationships seemed superficial at best.

I wish I could give you easy answers, three simple steps to fix these very REAL hurts and heartaches. I haven't got it all figured out. But please know you are NOT alone and I'm happy to be your friend.

Thank you for those words. God Bless You

[Guest]

forgive me for being blunt, but if you have kids you are not even close to being alone. Try going to an EMPTY house with no one there to meet you.

Sorry, Taylor, but this just sounds a bit on the whiny side.

I'm 50 years old and I come home to an empty house each day from work. I've never been married. I don't even have a pet because frankly if I can't afford to care for an animal properly I would rather not have one. I'm in enough debt that unless something changes I will probably never get out from under it all. Yeah, that means I've basically got no "future," and will probably die broke as far as the world sees it. I don't like it, but I've got some peace about it because I know the Lord has a plan -- and that its not all about me.

Jesus is for eternity.

Go to Jesus . . . He's not going to be surprised when we whine, complain, rant and rave. Read through Psalms - there's lots of honest human emotion in there and God is not surprised by any of it. I doubt very much He's shocked, either, since He knows us better than we know ourselves anyway. Waiting really stinks sometimes, but we don't have the option of running ahead of the Lord. Do what you can as far as seeking a wife while praying and leave the rest to Jesus. If you go out on your own and do things your own way, you'll be headed for nothing but disaster.

What, you want a medal? Some people are able to handle being alone. Some are not. DON'T PASS JUDGMENT ON THOSE WHO MAY NOT BE ABLE TO DO THINGS AS EASILY AS YOU.

What I said was not in judgment (condemnation) of you. What I was trying to say is that I've been where you are in my life, and and I'm still there in some ways. I'm sorry if I wasn't more clear.

Thank you also for reminding me of something an older believer said to me years ago:

Our flesh always says: "I want it now . . . now . . . now . . . RIGHT STINKING NOW OR I'LL DIE!!!!!" Then he said. "The Spirit, on the other hand, is willing to wait on the Lord."

God has granted me the grace to deal with the situation -- and that does not come from my strength, talents, or anything else from within me. Do I "like" it? Not really. Frankly I'd rather have another human being to share my life with -- but its not about me and the Lord seems to have had other ideas for now. When Jesus told Paul "My grace is sufficient." He meant it. That same grace is available to you -- today. All you have to do is ask for it and keep your eyes on the Lord and not what you want personally. Its normal to be frustrated when things don't go the way we want them to - but please don't allow that to come between you and the Lord.

[gdemoss]

I don't blame anyone who simply wants to have a relationship with another human being that is not laden down with sin. God love you Taylor, I pray that he will work something out for you but cannot gaurentee anything. Poor Job had everything, lost it all except his wife and the scripture tells us that Satan took everything that was good away from him. Left him with a wife who just told him that he ought to curse God and die. Then we read proverbs that tell us that a man who finds a wife finds a good thing! I think the implication would be a man who finds a 'godly' wife finds a good thing. But what can we expect 2000 years after the cross, when we are so close to the end of the church age and the church itself are lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God?

I don't know if you will find any comfort in this, as I hope you will, but I take comfort in knowing that this whole thing is almost over and I will have nothing but true fellowship with those who have been sanctified by the Holy Spirit through the word of God. Until then I turn my attention to those who are spiritually sick, dead or weak and see what I can do to encourage them to walk as Christ walked and pour out undeserving love upon others around them. To be different than the hateful world we live in and continue to do good works despite the fact that it must be done in grace and mercy rather than for the cause that one actually merits the favor from you. In the end, we can choose to be like Jesus or not but it is we who choose.

The bible tells us that the love of many shall wax cold because iniquity will abound. Since 'iniquity' is lawlessness and we are in the age of Grace and not under law, then the only conclusion I can come to is that the lawlessness is speaking of people not living according to the law of Christ, loving their neighbor as themselves. I appeal to you, my brother, to dig down deep inside and enter into the holiest of holies within your tabernacle and come before the throne of Grace and ask that you be given the strength and ability to love those who are unlovable. The unlovable won't be around forever.

Gary

[taylor30]

I don't blame anyone who simply wants to have a relationship with another human being that is not laden down with sin. God love you Taylor, I pray that he will work something out for you but cannot gaurentee anything. Poor Job had everything, lost it all except his wife and the scripture tells us that Satan took everything that was good away from him. Left him with a wife who just told him that he ought to curse God and die. Then we read proverbs that tell us that a man who finds a wife finds a good thing! I think the implication would be a man who finds a 'godly' wife finds a good thing. But what can we expect 2000 years after the cross, when we are so close to the end of the church age and the church itself are lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God?

I don't know if you will find any comfort in this, as I hope you will, but I take comfort in knowing that this whole thing is almost over and I will have nothing but true fellowship with those who have been sanctified by the Holy Spirit through the word of God. Until then I turn my attention to those who are spiritually sick, dead or weak and see what I can do to encourage them to walk as Christ walked and pour out undeserving love upon others around them. To be different than the hateful world we live in and continue to do good works despite the fact that it must be done in grace and mercy rather than for the cause that one actually merits the favor from you. In the end, we can choose to be like Jesus or not but it is we who choose.

The bible tells us that the love of many shall wax cold because iniquity will abound. Since 'iniquity' is lawlessness and we are in the age of Grace and not under law, then the only conclusion I can come to is that the lawlessness is speaking of people not living according to the law of Christ, loving their neighbor as themselves. I appeal to you, my brother, to dig down deep inside and enter into the holiest of holies within your tabernacle and come before the throne of Grace and ask that you be given the strength and ability to love those who are unlovable. The unlovable won't be around forever.

Gary

Well thanks so much for what you just said. I can tell you meant it. I can't say it made me feel better, but I do certainly appreciate the time you took to write that heartfelt post. Just one comment on Job. At least he HAD everything at one time. He wasn't born into darkness and then remain there his entire life. Anyway, I understand exactly what you are getting at and I thank you for your advice. God Bless you too.

[Mark2005]

Taylor,

I find myself wanting to end it all at times, just to escape a life that has not measured up to my expectations and I have no clue how to change. I don't know why people have deemed me unworthy of love or wanting to be with, deemed me an outcast, etc.

But what I have tried to do is just to find things that interest me, hobbies, etc. No, it doesn't really take the place of a real, face-to-face loving relationship. But I can either move on with my life as best I can given my limitations, or I can sulk and complain about how unfair it is, etc. I admit I do some of the latter as well, but try to limit it. If you can find something that you enjoy, it will at the very least take your mind off of what you don't have.

[nebula]

I appreciate your loneliness, Taylor. I myself am no stranger to loneliness.

I can only encourage you with this - press into the Lord for fellowship. Yeah, I know it is not the same as physical companionship - I've cried the same thing over an over again. But if somehow through your isolation you can draw nearer to the Lord, you will find something precious that most Christians never know. But spending time with the Lord means shutting off all media (unless soft instrumental or worship music helps you focus), concentrating on Him, talking to Him and waiting for Him to respond - thoughts, images, impressions, feelings.

I hope you can try this.

And as for dating - the best thing to do is wait. Seek the Lord for a wife, and don't pursue companionship with any females without affirmation from the Lord. I'm not saying don't be friends. But as far as "dating", its' best to lay it aside. It may be that either you or her or both are not ready for each other. This is what happened to me - and I've had to wait a lot longer than you have to finally begin a relationship (and even no we are separated by distance and other issues preventing us from moving forward, but we have both learned to trust God's timing by now).

This is the best I can offer; I hope it helps somewhat.

I have tried. growing close to god doesn't make my empty house any friendlier. And as for waiting for a wife, do you know how many people are Old and alone because they just waited? Is God going to put a woman on my doorstep and introduce me?

Actually, waiting isn't vegging. The best way to find Miss Right is to work on becoming Mr. Right.

There's a great video series currently in progress on this" http://newspring.cc/series/adamandeve/ . Start with Video 1, though.

You may want to fast forward to the actual sermon part. But the pastor is very entertaining as well as instructional and informative.

~~

Series Description

What does it mean to be a man? Do you get to call the shots? Do what you want? Be the master of your own domain?

Or is there more to masculinity? What about finding and caring for your wife? Leading your family? Pointing them to God? Providing for them and being a real leader?

Are you up for the challenge?

~~

Week 1 - The One Question Every Man Must Answer

The one question that every man must answer is: will Jesus be primary or secondary in my life? A man owns his mistakes, trusts God for forgiveness, and focuses on the future instead of the past. Will you step up to the challenge and become the man that you need to be?

~~

Week 2 - Four Things Every Man Must Know About a Woman

Men must love, lead and pursue women intentionally, knowing that women are God’s daughters and that their primary relationship must be with Him.

[Rare Bird]

I don't mean this to sound luke a poor me type of thing, but I do have some things I need to say.

Why are people so unloving? I have been alone for 10 years now. I am only 30. I am supposed to be happy with a good job, loving family, and Christian Brothers around. I have NONE of it. I have tried more dates than I can count. I used to go to church, but people were more interested in mingling with friends than welcoming a stranger into fellowship. I can sit in a pew alone or stand in the back of the church the entire time without a single word being spoken to me. I obviously have stopped going to church. I am better off without that " type " of Christianity. I also have dated Christian women who ONLY cared about looks or money. The heart didn't matter. Even pastors didn't give me the time of day when I sought their help. They were always too busy to help a brother, or my problems were not important enough for their schedule.

I don't expect unbelievers to show love and compassion, but such things should never be among those who call themselves Christians. We are called to step out of our comfort zones to others. REMEMBER, Jesus didn't just sit down and wait for people to show up. He went out and sought the people wherever they might be. We need to change church. We are to be a light to the world, but I am looking and I see no lights.

The apostle Paul in his second epistle to Timothy (chapter 3) says that becoming "unloving", is one indicator of the last days--this goes for the church too, as they are the recipient of this epistle. This is why we as Christians need to examine ourselves first, to see if we are in the faith. I use 1 John chapter 1 and 2 as my "Am I the Faith" Test. (below) This way, I can see where I fall short, repent and seek God to change my heart so that I can continue steadfast "running the race." I say this because we can only be accountable for OUR OWN behavior, not the behavior of others . . . and if we find that others around you aren't passing the "sniff test" then God could be telling you it's time to move on. It's when we expect others to change based on our desires is when we get into trouble; it appears that you are frustrated at the behavior of others, which can be a stumbling block. So humor me and follow along . . .

The "Am I in the Faith" Test:

1 John 1:7: Do I have fellowship with other believers?

vv.9-10: Do I admit/confess my sins?

1 John 2: 3-4: Do I keep His commandments?

vv. 5-6: Does my lifestyle reflect Jesus' lifestyle (i.e., walk)?

vv. 8-9: Do I reflect the LIGHT of Christ and His teachings?

vv. 10-11: Do I love my brother and do I seek/wish the best for him/her?

v. 15: Do I love (i.e. spend time with and desire) the things of this world more than I love Jesus? (Oooo. That's a zinger!)

Once we focus on our walk and seek God, it is then that we are comforted and can more readily deal with circumstances that can cause us to stumble.

Taylor, I asked the same questions you are asking now when I was 30 years old. I too expected God to bless me with the desires of my heart. I was REALLY lonely and could not figure out why for the life of me God withheld what I so desperately desired. After all, I was His child and he promised to fulfill those things, and it pierced my heart to see other people my age in love, with families and what appeared to be the perfect life. Unfortunately, I allowed a bitter root to grow up in me which turned my heart away from His love for more than 10 years. (And in retrospect, I was not holding up my end of the covenant like I should have been doing!) But God, through His love and divine providence led me back to Him--BUT I first had to go through a world of hurt before I began to seek Him DILIGENTLY and lay ALL my desires at the foot of the cross--something I had never really done up til that point. It's is then that God can mold us and bless us, and not sooner.

I once had a pastor ask me, "Are you holding the desires of your heart with a clenched fist or an open hand?" It is when we are willing to surrender our desires and goals to Him, that he can then begin to let the blessings rain down.

But whatever you do, DON'T stop going to church. This is a tactic of the enemy to draw you away from God and in the end will only lead to more hurt. Just make up your mind to seek God--only God--and ask for wisdom and that He reveals what you need to do. Find a Bible-based church that can love and help you in your walk. Additionally, a Bible Study will also provide fellowship with other believers, and help you grow in grace with the truths of His word.

Also, in all love and honesty, God doesn't OWE us anything, and when we begin to think that He does, we fall into a snare that can lead us away from His love--just like I experienced. So when you mentioned that "...you are supposed to be happy with a good job, loving family, etc. etc..." it took me back to eleven years to where I was, and I am praying that I can intercede right now so you don't take the path I took. However, God is good and He will bless us according to HIS plan for us. It's never the other way around. We serve Him, he doesn't serve us. The sooner you can accept that truth, the easier it will be--it is then that God can really work in and through us to fulfill His perfect will for our lives. And who knows...maybe He's simply protecting you from some hideously plastic Barbie doll of a "believer" who would make Joan Rivers blush, and who would only drag you down? Chew on that one. ;-)

I don't know the exact root or history behind your wilderness experience, but it appears that you are seeking God. PLEASE...don't become bitter because of what you expect from other people and/or from God. We must first do our part to seek after Him with our whole heart and obey His Word. And you do this by staying in communication with Him and in His Word. And that might just mean for you to find another Bible-based church that can love and help you in your walk. And pray hard. Even when all you can do is cry or don't know what to pray for. He know our heart. And even when we do these things, sometimes he blesses us with what we are praying for, and other times he remains silent, keeping us in trials to refine us, but giving us the peace that surpasses all understanding. But He loves us no matter how He chooses to deal with us in our very personal faith journey.

I know you are hurting and I wish I could reach out to you personally, have a cup of coffee and have a no-holds-barred Q&A in person. There are many truths you need to remember to help you in your faith walk and I can't go into too much detail because I've already written a novel, but #1--God is sovereign. He makes the rules. We don't. #2--God loves us and wants what is best for us. #3--WE must seek, obey and praise Him first. Only then will he fulfill our lives. He will remain true to His word. If you ever want to chat, drop me a message, eh? Otherwise, know that I am praying for you.