Worry and trusting God to provide?

[AnotherSinner]

My husband and I had a long conversation last night.....

The issue of which perhaps presents itself more often than not in our circumstance is: Pride.

I have trouble asking ANYONE for help. This while not exactly right, is for various reasons that hopefully God will open my heart and help correct:

1. Some of my family does not like to do so without holding a record of debt or has done so several times in the past to where it has become uncomfortable to request for assistance. This has also made any rare instance where assistance has been needed from me to be rather uncomfortable, for when repayment is needed or requested....well.....in short, guilt trips have been given for it.

2. Some of my husband's family just does not do it, or tends to leave us be.

3. When we do get help, we feel awful...as both my husband and I want to be what scripture calls us to be. He, the provider....me a good mother and teacher unto my children.

A key factor I know I overlook or seem to forget....God wants us to put our trust in Him....

This is something that is likely going to get a lot more reflection and meditation on. By no means, does this mean that any efforts my husband and I are making are going to cease altogether and God will be relied on to do every last thing for us. No, rather we are going to trust fully in Him that everything will be alright without pushing ourselves so hard to the point where we are literally breaking...which sadly seems to be the limit we are drawing close to reaching as my husband's health has not been too good as of late and the doctors have already advised him to keep his stress level down.

Trusting God...really should be first and foremost in our relationship with Him...should it not? Going to really work on this. Anyone have some good examples of relationships in the Bible between man and God that perhaps I could meditate on...some passages too perhaps?

Just Another Sinner Seeking The Way

Dani

[gdemoss]

My husband and I had a long conversation last night.....

The issue of which perhaps presents itself more often than not in our circumstance is: Pride.

I have trouble asking ANYONE for help. This while not exactly right, is for various reasons that hopefully God will open my heart and help correct:

1. Some of my family does not like to do so without holding a record of debt or has done so several times in the past to where it has become uncomfortable to request for assistance. This has also made any rare instance where assistance has been needed from me to be rather uncomfortable, for when repayment is needed or requested....well.....in short, guilt trips have been given for it.

2. Some of my husband's family just does not do it, or tends to leave us be.

3. When we do get help, we feel awful...as both my husband and I want to be what scripture calls us to be. He, the provider....me a good mother and teacher unto my children.

A key factor I know I overlook or seem to forget....God wants us to put our trust in Him....

This is something that is likely going to get a lot more reflection and meditation on. By no means, does this mean that any efforts my husband and I are making are going to cease altogether and God will be relied on to do every last thing for us. No, rather we are going to trust fully in Him that everything will be alright without pushing ourselves so hard to the point where we are literally breaking...which sadly seems to be the limit we are drawing close to reaching as my husband's health has not been too good as of late and the doctors have already advised him to keep his stress level down.

Trusting God...really should be first and foremost in our relationship with Him...should it not? Going to really work on this. Anyone have some good examples of relationships in the Bible between man and God that perhaps I could meditate on...some passages too perhaps?

Just Another Sinner Seeking The Way

Dani

Joseph comes to mind. His brothers sold him into slavery out of envy. He trusted God. He was elevated in his position only to be testified of falsely and sent to prison. He trusted God. He was made head over all prisoners during his stay and eventually ruler over all Egypt only under Pharaoh. He simply trusted God. He never tried to make anything happen but only walked through the proper doors as they were opened.

Moses began his ministry through the power of his flesh. He killed a man to bring about justice supposing his brethren would understand that God would deliver them by his hand. 40 years later God decided to teach him the right way to do it.

Gideon had 30,000 men prepared for battle and God decided that it was too many because the men would be tempted to think that they won the battle themselves through their own strength. God widdled it down to 300 and they had to rely upon the exact instruction of God on how to win the battle.

Jesus was admonished not to rely upon mans strength for anything and refused to give credence to Satan through Peter when he was tested to see whether he would rely upon man to bring in the kingdom through force. Jesus rebuked Peter and explained simply that it was about God and not man.

Adam and Eve relied upon themselves to cover their sin and found that only God could make a true provision for their condition.

Cain worked hard to present the Lord with the best that he had to offer and was rejected because he proudly relied upon self and rejected the truth of a proper sacrifice.

Solomon prayed for wisdom so that he could lead others properly and was given riches as well. There is no record of Solomon ever working for a dime of it.

Abraham was simply the head of his household which consisted of his blood family and souls that he won as he preached about God. Those souls were added unto his household and were part of what made him a wealthy man. He righteously look out for them all up to and including figuring that he would ultimately leave his estate to his servant who wasn't even a blood relative.

King David was a shepherd boy who kept the sheep but was elevated to status as King of Israel because he was a man after Gods own heart.

The scriptures say humble yourselves before an almighty God and he shall lift you up in due time.

For some it has been given to work and provide for themselves and their families. For others it has been given to give others their bread in due season. God has many ways of providing for those who are his. The whole world is his including every dime that is in Bill Gates checking account and if God wants it spent a certain way it will be. God is God. Nothing pleases God more than one who comes to him in faith and does things his way. Yes, God love a cheerful giver and it is better to give than to receive but it says 'better'. It does not say it is good to give and evil to receive. Jesus himself was ministered to out of the pocketbooks of some women who had resources. He also received early in life gifts that caused his family that was poor to be able to afford travel back and forth to Egypt.

Scripture states that one who won't work shouldn't eat. Not one who can't find adequate work to feed their family shouldn't eat. Paul admonished the Corinthian believers that 'all things' were theirs. Jesus spoke saying that whatever you gave up for his sake, save a wife, would be returned in a multiple fashion in this life and more abundantly in the next.

Getting used to Gods economy and not relying upon human understanding takes time. I sit today comfortably having been well taken care of by God. I have done the work that God has set before me to do. I have lived off of what I need for a modest living, including some extras such as eating breakfast at Denny's once a week with a couple of other Christian brothers who encourage each other to grow in the grace of God. The rest I let pile up until God shows me what he wants me to do with his money. I have the job that I do by the grace of God. I have all of my possession, which are really his, by the grace of God.

God's economy can be seen in the giving of manna, the daily bread from heaven, unto those who were in the wilderness. Paul drew on this account when he was encouraging the gentile believers to give unto the poor saints in Jerusalem. He reminded them that there were those who had gathered much that had nothing over and those who had gathered little who had no lack. The church is a body and expected to operate upon the same principle. When God tests the rich man he lays Lazarus at his gate to see if he will give him the crumbs that fall of his table. John said that any man who had this worlds goods and saw his brother have need but shut up his bowels of compassion on him, he had not the love of God in him.

Equality is closely related to equity and equity is an antonym of iniquity. To gain in godliness we need to learn to have equity. How can we learn equity if everything be balanced already? Should it be such a marvelous thing for a man to act as he sees his father in heaven acting and giving to those in need without regard for his own loss? Not if his faith is in Gods provision and not in the pile of cash in the corner. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. It is the Lords. Always remember that Paul said that he didn't mean for one to be eased while the one giving was burdened but that by an equality we would love one another by grace giving. After all we are family.

Our earthly Adamic families will fail us fastest and first. Carnal Christian brothers and sisters failing close behind. The goodness of man is as the flower of the grass. No sooner than the sun comes up with a burning heat that the flower falls away. Even Bill Gates has no problem giving away 6 billion dollars a year. How much do you think he will give away when the economy crashes? Without being driven by the love of God, men like him will be reduced to fighting over a morsel of food and killing one another to survive. We will see this in our lifetime. In times of prosperity men become generous. In times of poverty they kill and destroy so that they might survive. But not the people of God. They know that God is the one who provides seed to the sewer and bread for food.

I pray that God will send the spirits of knowledge, wisdom and understanding to rest upon you that you might be made super wise in his ways and solely dependent upon his provision whether it be by your hands that he gave you or by another who is merely putting their treasure in heaven. Christ commanded that we love one another as he loved us and he laid down his life that we might live. How can we not lay down our lives for one another?

In the Mighty Name of our Great Provider,

Gary

[carlos123]

Thanks for your encouraging words Saved! Truly. They brought joy to my heart in that I want God to use me in the lives of others. To encourage, exhort, admonish, and whatever.

To the extent that He is using whatever I post here about my experiences and whatever faith He has enabled me to have I praise Him for that!

A few more comments on what you said below.

Carlos, as I read about your story, cannot help but feel helpless and sorrowful. Helpless, because I don't know what to do, or how to help.

I appreciate your concern Saved. Truly I do. But there is no need to feel helpless or sorrowful on my behalf. I say that sincerely. I consider myself to be the apple of God's eye within my circumstances. I have a chance to talk to people in one way or another regarding God virtually every single day.

From all walks of life. Both well off and in dire need.

I am learning Paul's secret of being content in all things. Learning about the reality of God when all that one might rely on in the flesh and naturally speaking falls through. Learning how to cry out to Him in my needs as they present themselves and learning to walk with a surrendered heart. Doing the best that I can while entrusting Him with things I can do nothing about.

It is rather I who should feel helpless and sorrowful. I say that in all honesty. Helpless to seemingly influence those who profess to be Christians to give up their lives to Him. What I say so very often seems to go in one ear and out the other and have no affect whatsoever. Sorrowful that more folks do not learn of God as I have had to learn of Him in the midst of what would normally be perceived as very trying circumstances.

I feel rather blessed in that sense Saved. Where I am learning things and experiencing things of God that many would want to experience but which for various reasons they don't.

I mean I did not make a choice to be homeless per se. Yes...I suppose it could be said that I made a choice in the sense of not having done things more wisely or whatever so as to avoid ending up in this situation but I did not set out and purposely orient my life around being homeless. That would have been both silly and foolish. But I ended up being homeless.

That word has such a poor is me connotation that I hesitate to use it as it does not adequately express the feeling I have of being tremendously blessed.

I mean I sometimes walk around and observe all these folks everywhere who are well off and you know what crosses through my head sometimes when I see that? That 99% of them are likely headed for hell. That I am headed for heaven and that I have an intimate relationship with God. That what appears to be one thing in the natural...that others are greatly blessed and I am not...is the complete opposite in the spirtual. That I am blessed beyond belief in my relationship to God and that others are walking around as filthy beggars.

Such descrepencies in the natural don't even faze me or hardly come to mind anymore.

I know you are not feeling sorry for yourself, and I know that is not the reason you are posting this, but I know living on the street is not optimal.

It is not optimal when compared to the ideal Saved. You are right about that. I mean it's great to get up and walk a few feet in one's own apartment to use the sink to wash one's hands and face or even take a shower. It's great to sit down in the living room and watch some TV over a bag of chips and some soda. But it's all matter of perspective. It really is.

What I mean is that these sorts of things that are pleasant to have and experience in the natural don't compare to the spiritual pleasures that are to be had in relationship to Him. If we have Him and are experiencing Him in real relationship these sorts of things matter little or not at all. Comparitively speaking.

I've been there and done that and have done with and without being in right relationship to God and quite frankly such wordly pleasantries don't mean a thing. They don't bring joy or contentment deep within. They don't give us purpose and meaning. They don't fill our hearts with peace. None of that.

I have the true riches that it is possible to have. Anything else is nice but entirely unecessary to find fulfillment in life or joy in the Spirit.

Even from a practical standpoint Saved I have actually missed being homeless at times when I have had the chance to live indoors in recent times house sitting for a friend at his beautiful home. I house sat this last Christmas for example and couldn't wait to get back to my life as a homeless dude. I was isolated way up on a mountain. Away from everyone and anyone. I had food and a large screen TV and could sleep anywhere in the house and could lounge around and what have you. And I was somewhat miserable. So much so that I told my friend that this was going to have to be the last time I house sit for him. I also fell into watching some porn which was not good and which I confessed to my friend - which being an unbeliever he did not quite understand why that was so bad. But it also gave me a chance to share something of God with him too!

Don't get me wrong. It would nice to be indoors somewhere but I have done that before. Even had my own apartment in Canada at one point and it's really not that big of a deal. It has it's own cons. Among other things I must work lots of hours to make the money to pay rent. Money which goes to someone else to simply be able to sleep between four walls so to speak. Seems like a real waste to me. I mean to work all those hours and pay all that money just to have four walls around me. I'd rather be homeless, not have to work all those hours and pay all that money, and focus rather on the things of God with the free time I might have as a result (though being homeless itself takes up a lot more time than one would imagine...there are tradeoffs).

I speak of myself as a single guy mind you. I would never want a wife to share in my homelessness for example.

I think to myself, how would I react if I were in the same situation. Me and my family live paycheck to paycheck and are one major calamity away from being homeless ourselves. I see your great trial, yet here you are, giving God praise, contending for the faith, keeping your composure. God is using this as a major lesson for myself. It is very humbling. I can type all manner of great swelling words on this message board, but what will I do if I have no certain dwelling place tomorrow? Or what would I do if my son did not have food to eat? This is where true faith comes in, and these things happens to believers all the time. Yet, we press on, and praise God knowing that whatever we go through is for our benefit, as he is our provider.

You may well be tested in that way in the future Saved. Perhaps many Christians will be. But if you are just remember how the Lord was faithful to me in my homelessness and stay encouraged! He can provide for us whether we are in a decent home or out homeless.

I have read about great men of the faith like H.A. Ironside, who went hungry many nights because he dedicated his life to preaching the Gospel, many times not having any money because he was full time in ministry and did not work. He spoke much like you in that he trusted God, and relied solely on his provision. He even went so far as to say, "so what if I die of starvation, I will just go home to be with my Lord". That is a faith that I cannot comprehend.

I tell you the truth Saved that I am no great man of faith. By God's grace I have been enabled to have some faith but whatever faith you see in me today and which you may read about in my posts has come about by God having to teach me the same things over and over again. I have had a very thick head! For every one time in which I do not doubt and stand strong in faith I have failed a hundred unseen times.

What you see in my posts is the culmination of things the Lord has been doing in my life and will do in the life of any Christian in whatever circumstances they may find themselves in. The Lord wants to use Christians like myself who are homeless and Christians who are relatively well off to showcase His living reality in whatever circumstances anyone may find themselves in.

He is God of both the poor and the rich. I just happen to be poor is all. Our circumstances may be different in a wordly sense but God is still the God of us both and wants to glorify Himself through both our lives.

I feel like a baby in the faith when I see how some of my brothers and sisters are really putting faith into practice. Do you have a Church home, brother? I ask because usually your local assembly will do whatever it takes to help a brother or sister in need.

Sadly it has been my experience in life and seeing what has happened in the lives of others that such is not the case within the church of North America Saved. Local assemblies will NOT do whatever it takes to help people. Oh they will give handouts but they will not involve themselves in the lives of others to help them long term.

I've never seen Christians do that to tell you the truth. Not once. With those in need I mean.

It's always the proverbial handout and then they are gone. Leaving those in need to continue to fend for themselves.

Handouts are good. Don't get me wrong. But they are downright evil when they become a substitute for loving our neighbors as we love ourselves and even worse when churches leave brothers and sisters in Christ in their need and bid them well when they fall into some need.

The last church I was in gave me $300 (I never asked for one penny...the Lord apparently moved on them to give me that) and bid me well into my homelessness. In fairness to them we had discussed some things related to how the church should be that we were in disagreement about and in that sense I was not really considered an all out member of their church and did not even see myself as that but how ANY church could allow a committed brother in the Lord to go off to be homeless into the streets of San Diego was beyond me to comprehend. I had tried. Really tried to find work. Both the Assistant Pastor and the men's group leader praised me for my effort but they still let me go off to be homeless.

I remember complaining to the Lord about that and the main thing He seemed to lay on my heart regarding such was that however they were treating me is how they were treating Him. That comforted me.

I mean I didn't go around making a big deal of my up and coming homelessness. I didn't go out of my way to continually ask people for help. I just don't operate that way. But people knew.

This particular church was HUGE! I mean the building. Absolutely HUGE. They had a shower and floor space like you would not believe even in the church. Rooms galore. Riches. Beautiful homes that church members lived in. Yet no one offered me so much as 3 square feet to lay me down for the night to allow me to keep looking for work.

The $300 dollars they gave me reminded me of the 30 pieces of silver that the religious leaders paid Judas to betray Jesus. That I was considered to be worthy of $300 but no more respecting anything else.

My brother is an Elder and he has two people living in his home right now. Helping them mature spiritually, and supplying their physical needs as well. My late Father has always done the same. As the Pastor of the Local assembly for years, he would house those who had nowhere to go, helping them until they got on their feet to get a place and better themselves. I thank God that I saw that kind of faith in action from a very young age.

You are blessed to have seen that growing up Saved. I tell you the truth that such is a very rare thing indeed. Most professing believer folks won't touch any such needs with a ten foot pole! They will NOT involve themselves and risk anything of any real value to help those in need. They only volunteer for a couple of hours at some soup kitchen but mention anything about opening up our lives and hearts as Jesus did where that might entail opening their precious homes and they run for the door.

That is why in many respects I think I would likely find more sold out believers in some third world country than here in North America. We think we are rich spiritually and walk around rich materially but in truth we are all but spiritually bankrupt and like beggars in the eyes of God who sees all and knows all to the core of our being. Where we can hide nothing from him or hide behind religious activity to hide the self centeredness of our lives.

Carlos

[carlos123]

How can we not lay down our lives for one another?

Outstanding post Gary!! Thank you!

Carlos

[carlos123]

This morning something stuck out to me in particular and I wanted to share what the Lord seemed to lay on my heart about it for the benefit of anyone going through difficult circumstances where they are looking to God to provide for their needs. It may help.

If I could phrase what the Lord laid on my heart into one sentence it would be...Peace through Surrender. Again I encourage each of you to pray about and consider carefully what I say in the light of what the Scriptures say as to whether or not what I saying is accurate and of God or not. I do not yet understand all this as fully as the Lord might want me to understand it and it is perhaps possible that in some particulars I may not be entirely Scriptural though I do not of course think that is the case.

The verses that spoke to me are..

Mark 14:34 NKJV (New King James Version)

Then He said to them, “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch.”

He went a little farther, and fell on the ground, and prayed that if it were possible, the hour might pass from Him. And He said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for You. Take this cup away from Me; nevertheless, not what I will, but what You will.”

These verses are describing Jesus's last prayer to His Father just before they arrested Him (leading to His crucifixion).

Jesus knew what was going to happen (other verses make this clear where he told the disciples what would happen). That He would be turned over to the Gentiles and crucified.

A couple of things to note in the above verses.

Though it does not say it in the text, at least not explicitly so, I think it is plausible to believe that Jesus had a natural desire to avoid being crucified. I don't believe for one minute that He relished the thought of going through that. He knew that great suffering awaited Him and He naturally did not desire to go through that suffering.

He also knew that all things were possible for God the Father.

That God, His Abba Father, was not only loving but all powerful. That He was loved by the Father and had done all things so as to please Him. Yet there He was facing the terrible suffering that was about to come down on His head.

But He did not question God's love. He did not question the existence of His Father. He did not bemoan his lot in life. He did not feel sorry for Himself. He was not desperate to avoid God ordained suffering that was coming on Him as a direct result of having done the Father's will in His life and in His interactions with others.

He expressed His desire to the Father. That the cup of His suffering would pass Him by. That if possible that He would not have to endure the suffering that was about to happen.

But...and this is key...His overriding prayer, above His own desire, was that God's will would be done. Not His but the Father's!

He prayed as He lived. Surrendered to the will of the Father.

His goal in life was to do the will of Him who sent Him. To seek His glory and not His own. To please the Father in all things.

It was NOT to avoid suffering! It was not to live a life of ease or comfort oriented around seeking His own natural desires as uppermost.

He did not look for suffering. He did not go out of His way to find it. But He did not shrink back from it if it lay squarely in the path of doing the will of the Father.

What happened to Jesus should teach us a thing or two about having our needs met.

For one, I think it is biblically accurate to say that not every Christian will be able to avoid the suffering of unmet need. There are times, like with Jesus, when we will suffer hunger and pain and thirst (we might even die from such things in the context of doing the will of God). When we will be in need of clothing as Jesus fell into need of such on the cross.

The greatest desire of our hearts should NOT be to get our needs met. Even for things as basic as food and clothing. Yes...God promises to meet our needs for such things as we seek His Kingdom and His righteousness first but in the seeking of such things there is the possibility that we too will suffer need.

I know that may seem contradictory but I don't believe it is.

It is not a matter of contradiction but a matter of priority. The priority in our lives should be to do the will of God. NOT to have our needs for food and clothing met. In other words we are not to orient our lives around having our needs met but rather around doing the will of the Father in our lives. Doing that which pleases Him and is the right thing to do by Him.

Even if the result of doing so is the possibility that our needs will not be met!

John 4:31 NASB

Meanwhile the disciples were urging Him, saying, “ Rabbi, eat.” But He said to them, “I have food to eat that you do not know about.” So the disciples were saying to one another, “No one brought Him anything to eat, did he?” Jesus *said to them, “My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me and to accomplish His work.

Jesus' goal in life was NOT to have His need for food or anything else met. It was to do the will of His Father! So much so that food (or any other need) took secondary place in His life.

Countless Christians throughout history have suffered and died terrible deaths as a result of persecution or as a result of following the will of God as best they understood it (and falling to sickness, natural disasters or otherwise that they would not have had to endure had they simply followed after their own interests in life and not those of God).

For those Christians their need for food and clothing took secondary priority over the need to do the will of God in their lives. As it should be for us.

I believe the Lord would have all of us arrive at a place of surrender to His will. As seen in Jesus. Such a place cannot be realized without having to face suffering of one sort or another. Perhaps suffering directly related to unmet need in our lives.

At times like that it isn't that God cannot or wills not to provide. It is that we live in a fallen world where righteous persons, whose needs would normally be met fully by God, end up suffering need. Either through the sin in others or through the sin in creation.

Peace, real peace, in the face of potential need and suffering can ONLY be arrived at through surrender to the will of God (whatever that turns out to be and whatever consequences that has for our lives).

I am NOT saying this to discourage anyone from looking to God to provide for their basic needs. Not at all. I am saying this to better prepare us for those times when doing the will of God in our lives might cause some of us to fall into unmet need. At times like that God has not changed. He still loves us. He is still for us. The Bible is still true. None of that has changed.

Rather we suffer as a direct result of making choices that are in line with doing the right thing by God. Those choices are not rewarded by a fallen world as they should be. At times they may lead to suffering under unmet need. Need that God would provide for otherwise if we did not live in fallen world.

This is somewhat of a mystery in the same sense that it is difficult to understand how God allows righteous persons to suffer. I mean He is in control is He not? He is all powerful is He not? So why does God allow the proverbial good person (what I call a righteous person) to suffer while the proverbial wicked person does not?

Is it that God rewards the wicked while punishing the righteous person? May it never be is what Paul would have probably said.

Rather it is that we live in a fallen world that does not respect or uphold that which would be in line with what Justice would demand. That the righteous person would be protected and looked after while the wicked person would suffer the consequences of his wickedness.

As disciples of Jesus we must deny self and seek rather to do the will of the Father always. Deny self in the sense of not orienting our lives around our own desires and wants or even needs but rather around the will of God our Father. Like Jesus, we must take up our cross, and go forward in life to endure whatever suffering comes our way as a result of doing God's will and acting in line with what would please Him.

That isn't something to bemoan and cry over. That is not a bad thing. It is a chance to share in the sufferings of Jesus who was completely righteous in all that He did and thought but who ended up suffering what would have normally been the lot of a wicked man (both on the cross physically but also in the spiritual realm where He suffered separation from God the Father on our behalf as well).

To die to self and go forward into whatever cross we must bear as we follow in Jesus's footsteps is to enter into a fuller experience of and intimacy with Jesus. It is to enter more fully into the kind of life (even if it may involve our physical death) that God means for us to have. It is not something to shrink from but rather something to be embraced from the heart as God ordained for our good.

There is freedom and peace in the midst of trying circumstances but only through the door of surrender as we walk forward in life to do the will of God our Father. Just as Jesus did.

Matthew 16:24 NASB

Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.

Carlos

[carlos123]

The Lord meets my need!

Without my having to go canning!

This week has been a very, very trying week for me. Very. Probably one of the toughest trials of faith that I have ever had to endure. And I have in all truth failed miserably to trust God as I should have done. I doubted all over the place. Went off into sin a few times. And otherwise failed to be what I should have been under trial.

I did not and do not deserve God's provision. I do not deserve to be able to speak about these things. At all.

But...God is rich in mercy.

The one thing I did do right is that I kept reading the Word. And kept bringing up my concerns before the Lord.

My biggest single concern was with being able to afford a bus pass for next month. Without a bus pass my money would have quickly run out as I would not have been able to avail myself of a monthly student discount for the month and would have had to pay a premium for daily or multi-day passes to get me around. I might have been able to last a couple of weeks on the money that I had but after that I don't know what I would have done as I would have lost the ability to get around to meals or otherwise.

On top of that I have had to give up my gym membership and will no longer be able to store my stuff in lockers at the gym or take showers whenever I want. Again without a bus pass I would have not even been able to go get a shower as that would have required me to use a bus pass to get to.

Meals are not a problem but again I MUST have a bus pass to get around to them.

So without a bus pass I would have been stuck unable to get to showers, unable to get to meals at various churches, and in trouble.

That was my main concern.

The other was with being able to pay for my business website hosting. Without that I would have been unable to solicit for new business so as to earn money for in my solicitation for such I must show my portfolio of sites previously worked on.

I started wondering if God was really there at times. I fell into doubting God's very ability or willingness to provide for my needs. I went off into sin to comfort myself in the flesh. I watched movies to get away from things and escape into a make believe world.

I do not mean to say that I did that for the entire week without a break. I would repent, get up, only to fall back again when nothing was coming through for me. Only to get up again, spend time with the Lord, get my heart strengthened again...to fall back again a bit later.

Earlier in this thread I spoke boldly of what I believed to be the Lord speaking to me. That he had not wanted me to go canning and that He would provide for me in some other way. But the more that time went on without any provision in sight the more I began to wonder if that could have really been the Lord. I began to doubt that it was. But that also left me with a dilemna of not knowing how in the world to discern the voice of the Lord in the future.

So yesterday I had determined to go canning as I saw little else that I could do. I absolutely had to have a bus pass!

This morning when I woke up it was raining. So much for canning.

Later the sun came out and I would have gone canning if I had known that it was going to be sunny but I didn't and had already missed this day for canning purposes.

I went to a feed that was being put on by a church. Before I got there I poured my heart out before the Lord again. I just could not understand what was happening. I was confused. I was broken hearted.

I felt like I did not know how to trust God anymore. Like everything I had been believing about God, about His living reality, about His ability and willingness to provide was being called into question.

But I kept reading the Word regardless. Ironically despite my life seeming to fall apart all week the Lord kept speaking to me about faith. About the need to have faith in Him. To not be like the apostles in the little faith they had and displayed.

Jairus the synagogue ruler and his little daugher who died as he and Jesus were headed to his house. How Jesus told him that all he needed to do was believe and that his daughter would live. An impossibility in the natural. It seemed impossible for God to provide for my need. Nothing was coming through. No work anywhere in sight.

The woman who had experienced bleeding for many years thinking that if she but touched the hem of Jesus's robe that she would be healed.

The Syrian Phoenician woman and the great faith she had when she kept after Jesus to help her. How Jesus had marveled at her faith.

Of the fact that all things are possible for those who believe.

On and on I kept reading of people who had either had faith or had failed to have faith and that faith was so central to receiving from God.

I tried to have faith. But my faith kept failing me as the circumstances closed in on me. Yet God also was gracious in resurrecting what little faith I had as I read the Word. Lifting my heart to look to Him time after time even after a bout of doubting.

At the feed today I met a fellow Christian. Only this Christian was not like your typical Sunday going churchy Christian in that he was living out some things that most Christians consider a bit nutty. He was living out what Acts talks of regarding the common sharing of possessions, selling all one has, giving to the poor, and following Jesus. He and a group of Christians have gone around doing just that since 1995. There are about 45 of them though they are spread around in little groups all over. I grilled him for something like 4 hours on what he was doing. We shared back and forth.

He was right on in most if not all that we talked of. Right out of the Word.

As we were parting from each other and I had started to walk away he came up beside me in his bike and extended his hand as if to shake it one more time. Thinking that is what he wanted to do I extended my hand and as I did he left something in my hand. A $20 bill!

I had not asked for a single penny! He had come to find out of my intention to go canning as I had been explaining to him that although I would have liked to hang out with him and learn what I could from how they lived before the Lord that I was not that free to do so this week as I had to go canning to meet a need in my life to make some money to be able to get a bus pass. He had not initiated to have me hang out with them. I had initiated to do that with him.

With the $40.04 cents that I have to my name that makes $60.04. My bus pass is $56.60! I will have just enough left over to do my laundry.

Then there was the matter of my business website. When I got back to the gym (my membership continues to the end of this month) there was an email waiting for me with the promise of $10 to come to me tomorrow from a fellow homeless dude that I had given a bunch of my stuff to in preparation for clearing out my lockers. My hosting costs $9.95 per month and is due on the 28th of this month! The day after tomorrow!

The Lord met my need for both of these crucial things without my having had to go canning at all! Just as the word to me earlier in the week had said would happen.

That He would meet my needs in some other way besides canning!

The fact that these needs are now met will allow me to focus more fully on soliciting for new business in the next few days in line with my usual work.

The saddest thing for me is that I failed so miserably to trust God as I should have done. But of note in all this is that the Lord was faithful ONCE AGAIN! To meet my need. My true need.

I had run out of options. I was up against an insurmountable wall. I could not have made the money I needed to save my life. Well...at least not in a righteous manner.

To be sure I could have panhandled but that would have been a dishonor to God. And earlier this month I could have compromised in accepting work to build a website that would have violated my conscience to do. Certain money for sure from an long time friend (an unbelieving religious person who is not really trusting God as far as I know). But I had chosen and would do so all over again to do the right thing by God and had denied myself and had gone on to suffer under the cross of doing that which was pleasing to God no matter what it cost me.

God has come through for me this way so very many times. But with every new such trial I never seem to learn. I keep on falling and doubting and questioning and looking around me with great concern the closer I get to the day of my need.

I mean I am better at this than most I think but nowhere near where I should be. My faith is so puny as to be all but unmentionable. I do not say that as an expression of humility but rather as an expression of truth.

But despite my lack of faith I have nowhere to go but to go on with the Lord. He truly has the words of eternal life. There is none beside Him. He feeds me with the finest of the wheat in my spirit. He lifts my heart when all else and everyone else around me fails me. He keeps me and lifts me up to set my foot upon a rock. To stabilize my life and help me move forward.

He alone is God and His mercy knows no end for those who have come to fear Him and trust Him through the cross.

Blessed be the name of the Lord!

Carlos

[carlos123]

I wanted to add a bit more to this thread in line with how wonderfully the Lord has proved Himself to me once again. To provide for me, to comfort me, to correct me, and to otherwise be faithful to me in order to be an encouragement to anyone else struggling to trust God to provide for their needs.

I want to share on this very much so and don't know where else to share it but here for now so here goes for what's it worth.

First off my faith has once again settled to where I am no longer running around like a chicken with my head cut off at times as I indicated in some of my previous posts. That has happened as the Lord has shown Himself faithful to me once again to where I have grown confident that He is with me and that He will take care of me once again.

Another thing I would like to point out is that the Lord has been faithful despite my flubby faith and my failings. He has been faithful to me as His child. We do not have to be perfect in our faith and in our walk for God to show mercy to us through Jesus. That is NOT to say that we can wallow around in unrepentant sin for then God's hand of discipline will come down on us but I guess what I want to point out is that God is not some authoritarian, harsh Master sitting on his throne in the heaven's while we suffer down on Earth.

There IS a reason and purpose behind the trials that come upon us through needs we encounter. Behind the trials there is His unfailing love and His desire that we learn to value things from His perspective and grow in contentment and peace.

More on that in a bit.

The other thing I would like to say is that some who read this may think it rather odd for me to be talking about God meeting my needs when I get a couple of dollars here (literally) and there and a loaf of bread here and some much needed insoles for my shoes there and so forth. I mean on the surface one might well wonder how it is that I claim to believe that the Lord is meeting my needs when His provision at times seems so very meager in comparison to His unfathomable riches.

That is one thing I have not entirely reconciled in my head. How God who is so rich in everything and who owns the cattle on a thousand hills does not seem predisposed to sell a cow to meet my need more fully. But at the same time I have to take into account that I have not been all I should have been in terms of looking for work or doing what I should have done at all times in that regard too.

But aside from my failures in work as being part of the reason for my seemingly meager provision I think there is also something to be said for the Lord wanting to strip out of me all sense of selfishness and self. A life long process to be sure but with respect to these trials of meager but definitely sufficient provision there is within me a tendency to complain when my Father does not provide for me in the way I think He as the kind of Father that He is should presumably provide for me. It is that I think which the Lord has tended to put His finger on within me that needs to be worked out of my life through the meager provisions I have experienced and continue to experience.

You see as a child I judged my dad in the sense of condemning him in my heart when he did not give me want I wanted provision wise. I mean in the sense that he could have given me a better Christmas present, given me more, and what have you. I was very judgmental of him as a child and have had a tendency to judge God too.

In His love He has had to strip that out of me and what better way to do that I think than by putting His finger on that within me that tends to complain when He as my Father starts looking like less of a Father than I think He should be.

A most wicked tendency within me that can only be put to death as I learn to walk content in whatever provision my Father provides for me in line with my true needs. According to His timing and His will not my own.

Anyway....some examples of His provision...

Last week...I needed $25 to be in my checking account by the 15th so that my once a month transfer of $25 from my checking to my savings would go through without my being charged $6.95 for checking. I only had $20 some odd cents on the 14th and did not look forward to giving up $6.95 of that to pay my bank fee.

So...I went canning (I had liberty to do that again before the Lord).

On the way to my favorite canning run to hopefully make $5...I met this woman who came on the bus. She has a tall broom and a cart and it looked like she had been doing some cleaning. What struck me about her carrying the broom is that the bus company does not usually let on such tall instruments. So...out of curiosity I started a conversation with her.

To make a long story short...this women was homeless and did indeed do some cleaning with her broom. I won't go into the details of what she did though it was indeed very interesting. But she was homeless. I told her about me being homeless but also shared with her something of the way the Lord was providing for me too from what I remember (I have had lots of opportunity to share with others all over the place about these things).

At one point she asked me if I needed some money. She was HOMELESS! Asking me!

I told her that yeah I could use some money but given that she was homeless herself I graciously refused her kind offer by telling her that she probably needed the money more than me.

We kept talking some and then near her stop she pulls out this huge wad of money! Her SSI money! Not wise for her to do that but she did. And she proceeds to pull out a $5 bill and hands it to me!

Well...I graciously accepted her money, we talked a bit more, she got off and I got to my stop.

As I stepped off the bus I began to cry.

At how the Lord has met my need through a HOMELESS person!!

I canned and canned that day but simply could not make it to the recycle center (it was an hour and a half walk just to get there never mind the canning itself!) and would have ended up $5 short for the next day but the LORD knew!!!

Another instance of His provision...

There are many others...I am just sharing these two to keep things short...

My shoes lost their cushioned insole a while back. My socks were getting black with soot. I mistakenly thought it was my insoles falling apart (which they were) and had bought cheap one's at the dollar store and thrown away the one's that were in my shoes. Well...the cheap one's wore out in about a week and I was left with barely any cushioning. The blackness was due to both shoes having developed micro cracks along the bottom such that fine dirt was getting in (I fixed that with shoe glue). Anyway my feet were really starting to ache. Sometimes in the morning I could barely start walking.

One day I went to a church meal for the homeless and as usual I visited the nurse's station to check my blood pressure (something I do whenever I am there). I had prayed that morning bringing my need for new shoes to the Lord.

While there I asked about the pain in my feet not knowing for sure if it was due to hardly any cushioning in them. I mean New Testament folks had no cushioning in their sandals right? So I was not sure that pain should result from lack of cushioning but still...I asked.

To make a long story short...they found ONE cushioned insole for me. But just one! I thanked them for that one thinking that at least one foot would be protected.

But after talking some more and them looking around for another one and not finding one the NURSE, get this, the NURSE took off her shoes, takes out the cushions from her own shoes - very nice cushion inserts if I do say so myself - and GIVES them both to me!!!!

She has her own foot problems and thus needs cushions herself!

But the Lord used her own problem to better sympathize with mine and to move her heart to give me her cushions. She insisted that she had more at home when I started to protest what she was doing telling her that she did not need to do that.

I walked away with wonderful insoles that met my need!

I didn't get the shoes I had been praying for but my need was still met!!!!!!

The pain has greatly diminished.

I could write a book on ALL the ways the Lord continues to meet my needs. I really could.

It absolutely amazes me.

One time I prayed for a loaf of bread. I felt a need to have one to tidy me over the next day for something to munch on. And I prayed for that. I forgot about my prayer and went to a feed where they NEVER, EVER have enough bread to give away much less where I am ever able to get any since I get there late. The bread they do have goes FAST as everyone in line just grabs the meager bread they put out in a heartbeat.

Anyway there I am finishing up my meal next a friend. An acquaintance comes over and tells my friend that there is a loaf of bread up on the shelf in case he is interested in it. I don't even pay attention and continue finishing off my plate. My friend turns to me and says there is a loaf of bread up on a shelf that they are giving away in case I am interested. I ask WHERE??!

He points to it. I get up almost running over to the bread (bear in mind that there are a hundred people sitting around anyone of whom would have snarfed that bread up in a heartbeat) and asked a staff member if it was indeed up for grabs. It was indeed!

I take it. Sprouted, cracked rye bread!!!!! Highest quality natural bread!! My Father gave me a present that day!!!

See what I mean????

You might well say...COINCIDENCE! I say baloney!

This happens a LOT.

Once or twice...yah...maybe. One might look on it as coincidence (though I don't believe in such a thing).

But time after time after time?

NO WAY!

That is GOD! The Living God! At work to provide for me!

There is so very much more, so very much more that I could share but I will leave it at that.

Oh...one other thing.

Today I had a most wonderful experience of God. It came to me when I put on my little iPod touch to listen to godly music to drown out yet another dude from da hood on the bus playing his rappy music outloud. I can't stand that! But the Lord knew!

I put on the worship music and a song that I listed to broke my heart and caused the Lord and me to enjoy a time of wonderful fellowship.

I would lay down my life to be close to you Lord is how the song went. As it played a girl laid her head on the shoulder of what I presume was her boyfriend directly in front of me as if to highlight how the Lord wanted me to lean on Him.

What struck me is that there is one thing above all that we as Christians have. It is the source of contentment. Or should be.

We don't need hot showers, great shoes, 3 meals a day, a nice home, an American dream life, a wife, kids, a husband, lots of money, you name it.

What we NEED is the Lord!!!!

We are to be content knowing that He will never leave us or forsake us!

That is not natural. It takes learning. Over time and through many trials where what we think we need is stripped from us until all we are left with is HIM!

We don't even need significance and to be useful in life or what have you. Some of us may never be able to as useful in life as we might wish or think we need to be.

WE MUST LEARN TO BE CONTENT WITH JUST HIM!!!!

I can't say that enough. Read it again! And again. And again.

It is ONLY in learning to walk contently before Him, in relationship to Him alone, above all else that we will ever be at a place in our lives where He can then use us IF that is His will for us to be used in whatever way we would like to be used.

We must surrender ALL to Him. Even our desires.

And we must learn to walk contently in our relationship to Him!

Where we value Him and are filled with Him more than we are by anyone and anything.

Anyway the Library where I am is getting ready to close. That's all I have time for today.

Hope that encourages some of you.

Carlos

[Nitish]

Hey Carlos, read ur post, I really don't know what to say..... :'( I'm jobless, and i tried hard to get a job, but couldn't make one... Don't know what am i going to do.... I don't wanna sit idle and ask God to provide for my needs... I'm trying for a job, hope so i would get one soon, its been months since i left my last job........

[carlos123]

Hi Nitish,

Sorry I didn't respond right away Nitish but for some reason I am not getting notice of replies to this thread anymore.

Sorry to hear of your situation (I think we may have interacted earlier on this thread) but it is also an opportunity in disguise in that you will have to continually bring your needs before the Lord with a surrendered heart to accept His will whatever that is. Like me you may come to experience the living God working on your behalf to help you in your time of need.

Do what you can of course but if you have tried and just can't get work...don't sweat it. Just focus on loving others and doing what God would have you do for others letting Him take care of you in whatever way He chooses to do so. That too is work. Loving others I mean. Work that is not work in a traditional sense but it pays better dividends in heaven.

Keep your eyes on Him.

Carlos

[Nitish]

Hey carlos, don't be sorry about that..... And thank you very much for taking time to reply....... As u said, i just put my hope and trust in the Lord..... I just wanna remain faithful and love Him, regardless of the material things.. As job says....“I came naked from my mother’s womb,and I will be naked when I leave. The Lord gave me what I had,and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord!” Job 1:21.... Let me seek the Blesser, than the blessing...... Thanks once agin bro...... I hope i'll get a job soon.....