Problem youths

[OneLight]

Dear Thomas,

 

Anyone who has issues with authority has a problem.  It does not mean they are labeling the person, but the issue itself, as in these issues are a problem.  If a parent describes a child as a problem child, they are addressing the issues the child has displayed, and this is common language in counseling.  

 

I was a problem child when I was younger, and because someone pointed this out to me, which I thought I was normal, I would not of been able to address the problem, or issues in my life, and work to correct them.

 

May I suggest that you PM the member and take your concerns private about their choice of words instead of airing your dislike of the choice in public.  If this topic is distasteful to you, may I also suggest you find another topic that better fits your taste and personality.

 

In His Love,

Alan

[thomas t]

Dear Thomas,

 

Anyone who has issues with authority has a problem.  It does not mean they are labeling the person, but the issue itself, as in these issues are a problem.  If a parent describes a child as a problem child, they are addressing the issues the child has displayed, and this is common language in counseling.  

 

I was a problem child when I was younger, and because someone pointed this out to me, which I thought I was normal, I would not of been able to address the problem, or issues in my life, and work to correct them.

 

May I suggest that you PM the member and take your concerns private about their choice of words instead of airing your dislike of the choice in public.  If this topic is distasteful to you, may I also suggest you find another topic that better fits your taste and personality.

 

In His Love,

Alan

 

Thank you for your explanation Alan,

 

however, I can't use the PM system, anymore, since pretty long. I don't know why.

To PM the member first would certainly have been my first choice.

 

I'm glad to read that you've come to terms with your past. May this stay so for you.

 

Have a good evening,

Thomas

[shorryshaggy]

 

Having a child that is a problem I have been slow to blame the parent.

 

Dear fellow posters,

 

I gave my opinion about this part of a post which calls a child "a problem" ( - did I understand anything wrong?). However, I can't find it anymore here in the thread.

Let me ask you aquestion: if a fellow poster calls her child publicly "a problem", isn't that a problem for you? What would, in your opinion, this child feel like the moment he finds out that his mother speaks over him (anonymously) in public that way? How would you feel?

 

Thomas

 

Thomas.

I called him having problems cause that is how it is protrayed in public he is almost 18 has been in trouble with the police and calls himself a problem and is quite proud of it if you have a problem with what i have said how would you say it.

[thomas t]

 

 

Having a child that is a problem I have been slow to blame the parent.

 

Dear fellow posters,

 

I gave my opinion about this part of a post which calls a child "a problem" ( - did I understand anything wrong?). However, I can't find it anymore here in the thread.

Let me ask you aquestion: if a fellow poster calls her child publicly "a problem", isn't that a problem for you? What would, in your opinion, this child feel like the moment he finds out that his mother speaks over him (anonymously) in public that way? How would you feel?

 

Thomas

 

Thomas.

I called him having problems cause that is how it is protrayed in public he is almost 18 has been in trouble with the police and calls himself a problem and is quite proud of it if you have a problem with what i have said how would you say it.

 

Dear Shorryshaggy,

may I suggest to you to read the book "Speak peace in a world of conflict" by Marshall Rosenberg? This is a whole book full of useful advice how we can word things in a way in a good sense that nobody get hurt. Even if he is a nonbeliever (well, I don't actually know), also a nonbeliever can give valuable advice, I think.

Thomas

[shorryshaggy]

 

 

 

Having a child that is a problem I have been slow to blame the parent.

 

Dear fellow posters,

 

I gave my opinion about this part of a post which calls a child "a problem" ( - did I understand anything wrong?). However, I can't find it anymore here in the thread.

Let me ask you aquestion: if a fellow poster calls her child publicly "a problem", isn't that a problem for you? What would, in your opinion, this child feel like the moment he finds out that his mother speaks over him (anonymously) in public that way? How would you feel?

 

Thomas

 

Thomas.

I called him having problems cause that is how it is protrayed in public he is almost 18 has been in trouble with the police and calls himself a problem and is quite proud of it if you have a problem with what i have said how would you say it.

 

Dear Shorryshaggy,

may I suggest to you to read the book "Speak peace in a world of conflict" by Marshall Rosenberg? This is a whole book full of useful advice how we can word things in a way in a good sense that nobody get hurt. Even if he is a nonbeliever (well, I don't actually know), also a nonbeliever can give valuable advice, I think.

Thomas

 

and this is why i have issues with people judging without knowing I am leaving this convo and I won't be reading again nor do i want a pm if you ever get that fixed thanks

[thomas t]

 

and this is why i have issues with people judging without knowing I am leaving this convo and I won't be reading again nor do i want a pm if you ever get that fixed thanks

 

 

 

Hello Shorryshaggy - in case you'd read again,

I answered your question in my last post (I discerned one, even if there was no question mark..).

I hope you didn't want to count me among people judging without knowing, 'cause this would be getting personal, in my opinion. Thanks.

Thomas

[alphaparticle]

I suspect-- if I may-- that this may be a translation issue, as english is not thomas' first language. The term 'problem youth' in the US has a clinical/psychological sense and doesn't have to have derogatory implications. In this case it's a mere statement of fact that the 'youth' in question has certain types of struggles.

[Kali_Ko_Kat]

There are parents who do everything right but still have 'youths' who get into trouble. I think before people go casting around blame blindly that should be acknowledged. Some parents who are very strict have kids who act out, some who are more relaxed have kids who get into trouble, many in the middle have kids who.. get into trouble. It's easy to think 'that kid must have terrible parents' because I am sure that makes everyone else feel better and safe, as if you just follow all the rules everything will work out great. The downside of course is that the parents in question could be above average, have to deal with a problem kid, and the judgements of others.

 

Thank you for saying that. If you had not, I would have.

 

I know parents who did everything right. They brought their children up in a Christian home. The taught them morals and values. They did not over-indulge their children. They were not super-strict but did set limits.

 

Somewhere along the way the kids went astray. The parents did everything they could to get the child back on the right path. Sometimes they suceeded, sometimes they did not. In all cases the parents blamed themselves, wondering what they did wrong, what they could have done differently to prevent it. The truth is they did nothing wrong and could not have prevented it.

 

Some of the children got caught up in life of crime. Others turned to drugs and/or alcohol. Still others made a stupid decision to drink, even though they were not of legal age, and then drive and got caught.

 

On the other hand, I know parents who did everything wrong yet their children turned out to be adults who are caring, kind, moral, fine upstanding citizens.

 

Others may affected by a chemical imbalance in their brains, or may have suffered a head injury which causes their personality to change.

 

Sure there are times when a parent is to blame for what a child does. There are parents who teach their kids how to steal or introduce them to drugs and alcohol. Just last night I watched a true crime story on tv about a dysfunctional family. The 2 kids wanted to kill their abusive father. When approached the mother was all for it. She helped plan how they would kill him.

 

Should a parent be blamed? Not always.

[thomas t]

I suspect-- if I may-- that this may be a translation issue, as english is not thomas' first language. The term 'problem youth' in the US has a clinical/psychological sense and doesn't have to have derogatory implications. In this case it's a mere statement of fact that the 'youth' in question has certain types of struggles.

 

Good day Alpha,

 

well, I commented on a fellow poster's post saying "having a child that is a problem [...]". Moreover, all she had to tell about her child was, as I understood it, negative about him.

The poster also added "If you were around him 5 minutes you would know something was off.".

 

Please explain, what is it that I didn't understand in your opinion?

 

Have a good day,

Thomas

[alphaparticle]

 

I suspect-- if I may-- that this may be a translation issue, as english is not thomas' first language. The term 'problem youth' in the US has a clinical/psychological sense and doesn't have to have derogatory implications. In this case it's a mere statement of fact that the 'youth' in question has certain types of struggles.

 

Good day Alpha,

 

well, I commented on a fellow poster's post saying "having a child that is a problem [...]". Moreover, all she had to tell about her child was, as I understood it, negative about him.

The poster also added "If you were around him 5 minutes you would know something was off.".

 

Please explain, what is it that I didn't understand in your opinion?

 

Have a good day,

Thomas

 

thomas, I think she's described it pretty well. She has a boy who likes to get into trouble and literally has mental problems. If you meet someone with say, a brain injury, you might realize that shortly after meeting them. I don't think that would go away just because she brushed it off or pretended like he was perfect. Given the context of the thread I don't think it's necessary for her to add in a bunch of positive descriptors of her son as well, after all, the thread is about youths who get into trouble and have other issues, explicitly.

 

I see nothing inappropriate in the way she described the situation and I really do not think you should be accusing her of impropriety.