its not getting easier

[thereaperman]

i bought a car and didnt get it checked out but it works fine, and i had to put myself on my mums insurance becuase shes never here these days, and we had a huge row about it after my grandad called up and twisted the knife about how stupid ive been. i just feel like im not worthy of being here and messing it all up. all i want to do it get so drunk i never wake up again, ive been near suicidal 2day. but i cant loose control of my mind becuase god will punish me, and it feels like thats what hes doing 2day. i broke down for a full 40mins emerced in self pity and tears. i hate feeling this way and dont know how to make it stop, i pray i read the word but it doesnt overly help. i dont believe im willfully blokcing his help, but something is stopping it getting through.... any advice?

Edited November 25, 2004 by traveller

[Anne]

Ssshhhhhhhh...........first bit of advice (no swearing).

My heart goes out to you, I will pray that our Heavenly Father guides you, please don't give into those suicidal thoughts, pray and read the Bible, and cling to Christ Jesus.

Love in Christ Jesus name

Anne

[darkest_red]

To a certain extent, everyone feels that at some point, I think. Over the past few months I have broken down soooo many times I've lost count. All I can say is there is a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how dark the tunnel is, no matter how small the light is, it IS there, I promise you. Keep praying, keep reading the Bible and let his love and strength wash over you.

You may not think that it's getting easier but in time it will and it will make you so much stronger, both mentally and spiritually. Trust in God, He will get you out of this mess.

[Guest fyre_fly]

Been there , done that , well maybe not all of it . But the suicidal tendencies and feelings of complete inadequacy , self loathing , like being in the bottom of a pit , where you can't see the sun or claw out . My problems stemmed from sin in my life , once that was gone , it has gotten better , alot better . God knows what your going through , he's just waiting for you . Sometimes we must be tried in the fire to be proven . I'll be praying for God to guide you and to lift you up . If you need someone to talk to , I'm here , I might not be as good as some but I'm willing to listen .

[Catsmeow]

Hi, Paul...Honey, it's so good to hear from you again. I've been wondering where you were and how you've been.

Why haven't you written lately? I've been here for you all the time. I do worry about you, dear one.

Paul, the journey through the "wilderness" is a painful one at times and sometimes we do feel like we're all alone and sometimes we feel like God is mad at us. I think we've all felt that way at one time or another.

Paul, God still loves you deeply...you KNOW the drinking WILL NOT solve the problem....

You must ask Him to just take over and stop the bleeding, (so to speak). You're spiritually hemoraging, Paul. You keep getting drunk and possibly high, (I don't know if you still do that or not), but you're back in the valley again.

God is your Father and loves you deeply. He knows you'll stumble. All He's waiting for is for YOU to reach out to Him and ask Him back into your heart.

Paul..do you remember the story of the "Prodigal Son"? Jesus is offering you the same thing. Come home to Him, hon. Just come home to Him and don't hide. He will NEVER reject you. Never.

[thereaperman]

this whole thing has got me thinking, what if this is a test, and i fail and he sends me to hell when i die? how will i know if im doing the right thing or not? no matter how grown up or spiritually advanced id like to think i am its been made very very clear im nothing like i thought or hoped i was. is this god humbling me again for sins which i can stop doing? maybe im not trying enough, or giving enough to him, how can i messure these things? its all so confusing, i just want to turn off the light and not get up ever again....

[Catsmeow]

Paul, whoa! Hold up there!

God wants you to turn it over to HIM! He knows you can't do it in your own strength. That's the point.

None of us can. That's why Jesus had to do it for us...and that's also why He gave us the Holy Spirit ...as our Teacher, Guide, Counselor, and Helper.

We need Him...and without Him, we cannot make it. You're not relying on Him to help you...but trying to do it all in your own flesh.

Our flesh is weak but HE IS STRONG, Paul.

[Matthitjah]

reaperman,

I'm a hearing ya bro.

Brother is at this exact moment bro of total powerlessness that God will act. Have Faith in God. Do not consider the present trouble you are in of any strange nature. Know that all your Brethren have struggled through trials.

Use this time to cry out to God. In your weakness He will be Glorified. Cry out for help. He is a God that delights in showing forth His Glory and answering your prayers. He has not condemned you but lifted the condemnation you were under. If He Loved you then and accepted you in your previous condition? What makes you think He has abandoned you now? Now He is closer than He was before. Press thru. Reach out to Jesus. Call to Him bro. He will answer.

Look to Peter walking on the water. He doubts and fear overtakes him. Peter cry's out to Jesus,"Save me!" The Lord quickly grabs him up and then take note. They both walk back to the boat.(Not written but implied) That is so often missed. They both walk back to the boat. Christ has enabled Peter to stand up in his trial.

Do not fear, do not fear. The Lord is Good. Reach out to Him.

God is not punishing you bro. Ask Him to pull you back into His Word. Into His very Will. Ask Him to clear out anything that is causing you seperation from Him. You know He is Faithful to His Word. If you ask in Jesus name ? He will hear. Then you can go from there.

Father I pray for my dear brother here. Father I pray a hedge of Your Holy protection around him in this time. I rebuke all doubt and fear Father in Jesus Most Holy name. I ask Father that You Lord help him in his time of need. Lord surround Him with Your Mercy and unending Love. Lord you have Loved Him from the dawn of Creation. Help him to seek Your Mighty Will. Bless him Father uphold him in this time of struggle, of trouble. Wrap Your arms around him and tell him of how you have even the hairs on his head numbered. That You Lord are not a forgetful God, but a Faithful One A Loving, Living God. The God of all Creation. The God who keeps His promises. In the name above all names, Jesus Christ I pray. Amen!

Peace,

Dave

[seraph]

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you! He is close to the brokenhearted! I will certainly be praying for you. To some extent I can understand how you feel... I've had trials, tribulations and tragedies lately and there are moments a part of me wishes I could just give up. BUT... there is always always always hope in Christ. God is with us through these difficult times... He will N E V E R leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5) and nothing can separate us from His love!!! (Romans 8:37-39).

My humble advice...

Be sure to pray (Psalm 66:17-20; Jeremiah 29:12-13), confess (Proverbs 28:13), praise (Psalm 22:3), seek godly counsel (Psalm 37:30), and thank Him (1 Thessalonians 5:17-18).

Read the Word (2 Timothy 3:16-17)... follow the guidance of the Holy Spirit (John 14:25-26) and trust in God's promises (Proverbs 3:4-5)... His promises never fail!

(...if you don't have a Bible... you can view verses on an online bible )

1. 
   Isaiah
   
   41:10- Do not fear, for I am with you;
   do not be afraid, for I am your God.
   I will strengthen you; I will help you;
   I will hold on to you with My righteous right hand.
   
   41:13- For I, the Lord your God,
   hold your right hand
   and say to you: Do not fear,
   I will help you.
   
   43:1b- "Do not fear , for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine!
   
   43:2- When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you.
   
   43:3a- "For I am the LORD your God, The Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
   
   ~*~
   
   Psalm 139:9-10
   
   If I take the wings of the dawn, If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
   
   Even there Your hand will lead me, And Your right hand will lay hold of me.
   
   ~*~
   
   Joshua 23:14
   
   "I am now going the way of all the earth, and you know with all your heart and all your soul that none of the good promises the Lord your God made to you has failed. Everything was fulfilled for you; not one promise has failed.
   

[Botz]

Step One. Get a small knapsack and place in it a sandwich,some drink and a Bible then go for a long solitary walk...

Step Two. Find Somewhere that you can shout at the top of your voice and let out all the anger and frustration and tell G-d just how you feel...don't hold anything back ..be real and spontaneous.

Step Three. Dip into the Scriptures when you stop for rests along the way and read passages of truth and reality...that speak to your inner man at this time...perhaps Psalms...Romans...Ephesians etc.

Step Four. Allow the Holy Ghost to summarise your day for you...and your interaction with the L-rd...and to highlight certain truths pertaining to your walk with the L-rd. Faith...faith...faith...hope...hope...hope...LOVE.

He who is forgiven much...loves much.