rlfanni Posted October 7, 2014 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 6 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/05/2014 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/29/1979 Author Share Posted October 7, 2014 Thank everyone for the prayer that is truly what I need and I know I have a wonderful wife especially with everything that has happened. I am truly praying for God's direction. The two children I have there is not anything I wouldn't do for them the one on the way I feel deserves the same amount of love and dedication I don't want the child to think that she was a mistake or I didn't want her. I know she wasn't a mistake because God allowed her to be conceived for whatever purpose he has. My wife has said if the child is mine she will love the child just because the baby is mine. I know the woman I had the affair with is a good person we both had a emotional need that wasn't being met. I honestly think a lot of the things she says is out of hurt she has broken off contact with me because she wants me to move on and fix my marriage. If I did leave my wife she wants to fill the position my concern is having to fight for my rights and only getting certain visitation how will my daughter be raised. I know my two children will be raised with the knowledge of God and I will have relationship with them do I think me and the other woman have a chance not really but I truly am wanting to ensure my daughter has a chance. I really appreciate the opportunity to voice this as I write it down I see kinda see how everything sounds. I guess the consensus is stay with my wife and hope for the best. I still feel guilty and that I am abandoning my child on the way. I guess my raising comes into play were I don't want to act like hey thanks for the good time but your on your own with the pregnancy and I'll be in the child's life when I can. I really feel like I'm just ranting but it seems to help so will see. I have to sacrifice someone for the other really all I want is for all my children to be taken care of even if I have to sacrifice myself for them to understand it. I really do appreciate everyone's responses how do you way how much you could effect a child's future by being there or not being there. It would truly make things easier if the baby was not mine however I'm pretty sure that it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danielle86 Posted October 7, 2014 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 24 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 6 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/29/2014 Status: Offline Birthday: 06/27/1986 Share Posted October 7, 2014 Hi rlfani I hope I can help you do not divorce your wife God does not change and His word does not either . You dont need to be inlove with your wife to know you love her ok. Being inlove does not last also if you leave your wife there is no saying that your being inlove feellings will last anyways this will get messy and you wont have peace . Gods word says what God has put together let no man asunder . God hates devorce . As a christian you know our fight is not against flesh and blood the enemy has set a trap for you to meet this women , unless you thought it was God ordained think again God is Holy he connot change and will not just to satisfy your flesh. Yes there is a baby involved but just the fact that she is already using your unborn baby a a porn to keep you is not rite you have two beatifull kids God has blessed you with and they need their father . God created marrige for a reason , He sees it as Holy parents are the protectors of thier children do not give satan acces to your kids and wife because what is happening to you rite now seems more real then the plan of God in your life. The best thing you can do is to stick to Gods word stay in your marrige and you and your wife and kids pray like never before for as long as it takes . God will restore all things to you and family if you allow Him to . Well I can almost hear you say how do you know you dont know anything . I know coz I was lonley and my husband neglected me and I met someone amazing and wonderfull and he made me feel like I was the most wonderfull thing in the world . But I knew in my heart it was wrong and I confessed to my husband and his not even a christian you are so lucky that you have a wife who is a believer. It was hard trust me but I kept holding on to Gods word and god has set me free from the soul tie that I felt and thought was love . It seems so real but you just wait and trust God and see how God can turn this around you love your wife your love is just dimmed coz you share a soul tie with a person whom you should not have allowed into your heart . 1. Put Gods word first and His teaching concerning devorce and marrige 2. Dont make any sudden moves 3. You can still love your unborn kid without leaving your wife 4. Fight with everything you have inside of you for the family God has blessed you with. The bible says resist the devil and he will flee. So resist with all you have. God bless I could go on and on but I know that devorce is not Gods will for your marrige. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneLight Posted October 7, 2014 Group: Royal Member Followers: 22 Topic Count: 1,294 Topics Per Day: 0.21 Content Count: 31,762 Content Per Day: 5.19 Reputation: 9,763 Days Won: 115 Joined: 09/14/2007 Status: Offline Share Posted October 7, 2014 I moved you thread here due to the activity it was getting. In the Seekers Lounge, the Admins have to approve every post written and we just could not keep up with the volume. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
7thseal Posted October 16, 2014 Group: Senior Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 14 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 825 Content Per Day: 0.13 Reputation: 186 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/13/2007 Status: Offline Share Posted October 16, 2014 Both women know about each other now and has completely turned my world inside out the woman I had affair with knew I was married from beginning. And so did you. No blaming others here. Love is the willing to sacrifice.... you were provided with a choice by satan to sacrifice your disires for your family or your family for your desires.You chose. Your wife is offering to sacrifice for the family. You choose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Butero Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 It is not hard to know what is the right thing to do in this instance. It is not going to be easy, but this isn't even difficult to discern, looking at things from the outside. You made a commitment to the woman you are married to, and that is who you need to be with. Since the other woman said that if you aren't going to divorce your wife to be with her, she doesn't want you to have anything to do with her or the baby, so you are free to work things out with your wife without interference. It wouldn't surprise me if the other woman didn't get pregnant on purpose to trap you. This sort of thing happens a lot. I believe you would be in sin to leave your wife for the other woman, and will wind up regretting it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 Praying~! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwikphilly Posted October 18, 2014 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 96 Topic Count: 308 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 18,152 Content Per Day: 4.58 Reputation: 27,851 Days Won: 327 Joined: 08/03/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted October 18, 2014 . I know the woman I had the affair with is a good person we both had a emotional need that wasn't being met. So a good person is a person who makes a willful decision to have an affair with a married man?I'm sorry,it sounds to be that you are still trying to justify your actions?Emotional needs?...........this is exactly what i was talking about in post#10,,,,,,,,,,,,,the all about "me" stuff,carnal minded...........I do hope you repent,I am truly praying for your wife & children that you are...............Love,kwik Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GodwithacapitalG Posted October 26, 2014 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 0 Topics Per Day: 0 Content Count: 5 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/26/2014 Status: Offline Share Posted October 26, 2014 First of all I want to acknowledge your story and your pain. It takes a lot to come on here and admit these things bu I am sure at the same time it is quite a relief. My friend God has already forgiven you! He knew you would do this before it even crossed your mind. The question is do you forgive yourself? See God doesn't need us to repent for his satisfaction. He needs you to repent so that you come to him and realize that through all things he is what gives you strength that he is all you ever needed. Not your wife, not even your kids, nor that feeling of being desired from the female who temporarily satisfied you. Let me ask you a question friend after the affair how did you feel? How do you feel? Did that woman really satisfy that hole in your heart that makes you feel unworthy or undesired by your wife? Probably not because their just as human as you. Do you know what that means? they are just as messed up as you think you are! We all are! No matter how well we look like we have it together the nature of our species is messed up! The point of this life which means every point and moment in your life shows your relationship with God. Even though I think you said you have had a pretty good thing going with Christianity and God I think I can safely assume at some point your relationship with God was not as strong. There are two types of fleshly acts in my opinion that are more on the negative side and that is spur of the moment act and the rebellious act. You see everyone in a relationship with a God can have a spur of the moment fleshly act. This is when you were not expecting something to happen but it kind of does. For example, you use to be an alcoholic and you got to a friends house who you may not have known drinks alcohol and when you arrive you notice a lot of alcohol in the house. You may genuinely think you can handle being around the alcohol because you have not had an urge in forever but then a spur of the moment thing happens and you begin drinking. Many times this happens to people and their relationship with God is pretty strong. They genuinely did not think they would give in but they did and they repent and it is revealed how much more they really need to grow in God. Then you have the rebellious fleshly act. This is where someone consciously knows what they are doing is wrong and knows the danger of their actions might lead them to but they pursue it anyway. I mean every voice is yelling no and so is God but we consciously everyday make the decision to ignore it and do what it is that pleases us. None of these acts are harder for God to forgive but I think the second one is harder for the sinner to forgive themselves for. Also, usually the nature of the second sin causes a breakdown with God in our relationship and also reveals that we are not listening to God the way we should. The first one shows a breakdown as well but I think the spirit of rebellion lets us clearly know that our relationship with God is really almost broken. We have neglected him and in order to neglect something we really do not care for it as much as we would like to admit. Spending time with God not have prepares us for hard situations. It would of prepared you for that hard conversation you would of needed to have with your wife that you are not feeling valued and etc. My friend we have all fallen short and n one is better than you. This is the perfect time to understand the grace, patience, and Love of God even more so you can then begin to spread it and live! Good luck an God bless! Keep praying, fasting, and reading your bible! RUN TOWARDS GOD NOT AWAY FROM HIM! DO NT WORRY ABOUT THE PEOPLE WH WILL RUN AWAY FROM YOU GOD WILL NOT LEAVE YOU! Message for anything! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rlfanni Posted November 30, 2014 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 6 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/05/2014 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/29/1979 Author Share Posted November 30, 2014 Everyone is correct about my trying to justify my actions that is very true I was not justifying what I did but rather the reason that I did. I have found through this ordeal that there is no answer that will help heal me from the guilt of what I have done to both women. Someone asked about me repenting which I have numerous times the only issue is me forgiving myself. That still has not come I know that God has forgiven me but I can not forgive myself for the pain and destruction I have caused through my decisions. It is very easy for forgiveness when it is only your world your destroying but completely different when you have negatively affected the life's of so many. I have only made things worse throughout this time by not fulfilling what I feat was my responsibility as a man. I have chosen my wife our marage has been a continuous struggle she deserves a man far better than me. On her encouragement I stayed away from the other woman she has struggled financial and has been treated for clinical depression for the last 4 months. My daughter has been born and I was not there my name is not on the birth certificate and Ihad no input on her first middle or last name. She has contacted me to let me know this information I still have not seen my daughter and it has been two weeks since her birth. My wife is has not been as supportive as I thought I was told I could see my daughter but my wife said she would leave me if I did. I am torn between wanting to see my daughter and the woman that stood beside me during this. I offered to buy my daughter the things she needed and was refused by the other woman. She feels that I choose my wife over seeing my own daughter which I did so now I have gotten an attorney to get my rights as the father of this child. To yet again cause pain and hurt to everyone. I have been praying for this to be resolved quickly so that I can try to move on with what life I can. This has really caused me to revaluate who I was as a person and how I think about things. I used to believe I was a person who worked hard to provide for his children to ensure they had what I didn't I used to believe I was a person that would do what he could to help a woman in need. Even if I had nothing to do with why they were in trouble my mother being a single parent made me think highly of women. I used to think the world was black and white right and a wrong. I used to always feel like God was leading me in my decision as I felt he was whispering in my ear. Now I do not know what I stand for I constantly swim in gray to appease someone else and I don't hear the heart pull as I once did from God. I ask for everyone to continue to pray for me and I appreciate the outside input it was very difficult for me to take advice from people that were close to me. So I ask that God gives one of the you the words to help lift me back up or the reassurance everything is not as lost as I feel. Thank you again for your prayer and being gods voice on this forum Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thomasabishek Posted January 5, 2015 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 16 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/04/2015 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/09/1987 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Hey rlfanni, Sorry to know about what you're going through man. It must be horrible. Nonetheless, it is the consequence of your own sin and you have to deal with it. As far as your decision to stay married or to divorce is concerned, the bible is very clear on that. Divorce is against God's will. You should just stick to the wife and kids. I'm not too sure on this, but, I would suggest some sort of monetary support to the other woman, since you did father a child with her. It sort of becomes your duty. But then again, I'm really not too sure. You should pray about it. And a wife who forgives her husband's adultery is an angel. I would give my right arm and maybe a leg to have a wife like that. I hope God provides me with one just like yours. Will keep praying for you man! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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