Why don't Christians value friendship?

[jeffnevins]

Didn't read every post in the topic, but do want to be more active on this forum...

Some Christians don't value friendship.  Some do.  A true Christian will because they're following Christ's teachings.

Same with churches.  Take care.

[shel]

On 10/27/2016 at 3:18 PM, Jaydog1976 said:

While I believe that those in Vineyard churches are saved the problem with them is that they focus on experience versus what the Bible actually teaches. Emotionalism because the standard of how God speaks to us and this is not biblical even by a long shot. Yes God created us to have emotion but we are to exercise self control. I have been in similar type churches and most will teach that you have to experience God is some outward manifestation such as tongues, healing, etc. Personally, just from my study, I don't believe these things exist anymore but if someone believes they do then more power to them. I just caution that these things do not control your life and that God's Word becomes second. 

What I would suggest is find a good church that teaches God's Word as it says. Get in there, work on making friends and if, after you have tried your hardest to make friends and no body responds to your friendship, then find another church. Just don't be lazy and expect people to befriend you if you aren't trying to be a friend. I can guarantee you that they are doing the exact same thing you are doing. 

No, they don't. 

That's fine that You are more comfortable in a different type of church, but please don't tell me where I should be more comfortable. I have been a Christian for 50 years, and grew up in a church that you would probably prefer. I would die spiritually if I tried to force myself into that box.

[Jaydog1976]

1 minute ago, shel said:

No, they don't. 

That's fine that You are more comfortable in a different type of church, but please don't tell me where I should be more comfortable. I have been a Christian for 50 years, and grew up in a church that you would probably prefer. I would die spiritually if I tried to force myself into that box.

First of Shel I never implied, stated or indicated where you should or shouldn't go to be comfortable. Second regardless of how long you have been a Christian truth is truth and what I stated in my quote still stands. If you feel that I am in error then research it for yourself and then let me know if I am wrong. I will gladly look into it again. 

Also Shel church is not a place were we are to be comfortable. We go to church so that we can surround ourselves with other believers and fellowship together in worship of a Holy and powerful God. We go to church so that we can here what God has to say and let Him work in our hearts so that we can learn and grow in the knowledge of Him. 

I don't ever tell someone how they should worship God. However if that worship of God goes against God's Word then yes there is a problem. Emotionalism, experientialism (the idea that experience is the source of knowledge), and any other means of feeling "close" to God are not biblical or sound. As a matter of fact these things put Christian's on what I call 'emotional highs'. You do it once and it feels great and you feel like you are close to God but then when things aren't going well you want to feel that same feeling as you initially did but can't. Many Christian's that fall into this trap become depressed, sad, and then eventually blame God for everything because they don't feel 'close' to him as they did that one day.

[Guest BacKaran]

Hi, I'm am saddened you went thru what I went thru. I'm the Roman Catholic Church, people didnt share anything, you basically things in and timed out at church time. The fundraisers were fun but everyone was so busy being busy. Then I went to the protestant church. They have all their people voted in to be ahead of whatever committee. I was there for as long as I was in the rcc, left when i found an expository preaching church. There are few and far between but please try another church who understands the church is your family! My hubby and I attended for not even a year, in a new church plant, non denominational, hermanuetics bible preaching church. then he died, they took care of everything for the funeral reception and service. They called to my house to help clean...for free!!! For two yrs as I was recovering from back surgery when he died. My sisters, rcc, were very distant, no hugs, no talks etc, what was important to them? At the funeral one asked what did I pay the pastor? What? I paid nothing. Well you must have paid alot for the nice music and reception... in my rcc family, money is thee most important thing.. I said listen, I know you won't understand this but in my church everyone is family and they took care of and paid for everything so I could concentrate on other stuff. None of the others churches called me when I left, so for 40 some years, all those people were just acquaintances, not a church family. I just took a fall and people are emailing and calling to check up on me. I am in Gods family, my family is not a part of God's family, they are apart of the rcc. 

Please do a Google search on exposition preaching churches in your state, I pray you find one that will be your family of brothers and sisters in Christ.

Blessings

Karan

[shel]

Jaydog1976 wrote: First of Shel I never implied, stated or indicated where you should or shouldn't go to be comfortable. Second regardless of how long you have been a Christian truth is truth and what I stated in my quote still stands. If you feel that I am in error then research it for yourself and then let me know if I am wrong. I will gladly look into it again. 

Also Shel church is not a place were we are to be comfortable. We go to church so that we can surround ourselves with other believers and fellowship together in worship of a Holy and powerful God. We go to church so that we can here what God has to say and let Him work in our hearts so that we can learn and grow in the knowledge of Him. 

I don't ever tell someone how they should worship God. However if that worship of God goes against God's Word then yes there is a problem. Emotionalism, experientialism (the idea that experience is the source of knowledge), and any other means of feeling "close" to God are not biblical or sound. As a matter of fact these things put Christian's on what I call 'emotional highs'. You do it once and it feels great and you feel like you are close to God but then when things aren't going well you want to feel that same feeling as you initially did but can't. Many Christian's that fall into this trap become depressed, sad, and then eventually blame God for everything because they don't feel 'close' to him as they did that one day.

 

Jaydog I am not a debater, nor do I like to be bullied by those who like to argue. Although I am tempted, I don't think it would serve any good purpose for me to point out the flaws in your statements, so I will move on.

[Sailingsoul]

Oh man, I totally agree! Even with what you said about the movie... Its like people want to be a Christian but no one wants to be a real Christian.

I feel people just want a fluffy, saccharin, feel good Sunday sermon get together... When I was at church I tried hard to make friends too but... Its like they were friends with each other and I couldn't get in.

And about the movie, I didnt like that either, I dont understand why he couldn't open up his house to her... Its like people want to be Christians but don't want to go all the way.

I'm not perfect by a long shot... But I feel I'm good at loving broken people..people like me.

[Sailingsoul]

On ‎10‎/‎28‎/‎2016 at 5:48 PM, BacKaran said:

Hi, I'm am saddened you went thru what I went thru. I'm the Roman Catholic Church, people didnt share anything, you basically things in and timed out at church time. The fundraisers were fun but everyone was so busy being busy. Then I went to the protestant church. They have all their people voted in to be ahead of whatever committee. I was there for as long as I was in the rcc, left when i found an expository preaching church. There are few and far between but please try another church who understands the church is your family! My hubby and I attended for not even a year, in a new church plant, non denominational, hermanuetics bible preaching church. then he died, they took care of everything for the funeral reception and service. They called to my house to help clean...for free!!! For two yrs as I was recovering from back surgery when he died. My sisters, rcc, were very distant, no hugs, no talks etc, what was important to them? At the funeral one asked what did I pay the pastor? What? I paid nothing. Well you must have paid alot for the nice music and reception... in my rcc family, money is thee most important thing.. I said listen, I know you won't understand this but in my church everyone is family and they took care of and paid for everything so I could concentrate on other stuff. None of the others churches called me when I left, so for 40 some years, all those people were just acquaintances, not a church family. I just took a fall and people are emailing and calling to check up on me. I am in Gods family, my family is not a part of God's family, they are apart of the rcc. 

Please do a Google search on exposition preaching churches in your state, I pray you find one that will be your family of brothers and sisters in Christ.

Blessings

Karan

wow that rcc was crazy... Its crazy people can be so distant. But I'm happy you found people who accepted you with open arms... I'm gonna find a good church like you did.

[Sailingsoul]

On ‎1‎/‎25‎/‎2015 at 5:55 PM, Keith said:

 

I agree with you.  This is something that I've wept over many, many times.  Today, in fact.  It's the thing I struggle with the most because I crave true Christian fellowship so deeply that I feel it physically.  I've done everything I know to develop relationships with people in the church.  I've shown up early to enjoy coffee and fellowship.  I've stayed until I was the last person to leave after services.  I've even sat through both services.  I've joined bible studies, community involvement groups, prayer teams, and even social groups intended for fellowship and relationship building.  They're fine if you want short, superficial, non-personal, shallow chats about sports, work, entertainment and every other worldly pursuit.  Everyone wears masks.  But, talk about Jesus, the sermon, what the Holy Spirit is doing in each other, and you're met with silence or the pat, "Yeah, service was great..."  Conversation over.  After service, people spend a polite five minutes wearing their masks and feigning to be doing well and asking their "how are you's" before rushing out the door to get home for the game or go out to eat or some activity.  Went to church.  Check that off my duty list.

 

I've been the initiator of conversations and trying to get to know people.  I've also tried patience and letting others come to me.   I've spoken to pastors and elders about it.  All that happens is people's walls go up and the responsibility for that portion of "church" falls to someone else in charge of it.  I've laid aside my own desires and feelings and really reached out to others, sincerely being interested in their lives and making myself available to them and being there to help with their needs.  (Nothing pushy or intrusive.  Keep in mind, I've tried all of these things I'm listing many times over many, many years.)  I'm either met with suspicion, or people only interested in what they could get out of it and then move on.  "Busy" is the secret word to get out of everything. 

 

I've sincerely wept over this for years.  It's an epidemic in the west.  It's unscriptural.  The western church looks precious little like true churches in scripture.

 

 

I quoted your post to agree with you wholeheartedly.  This is definitely a huge part of the problem.  It's become "natural" for people to seek what they can get out of something in order to assess the value of it for them.  But that's not "natural" for biblical Christians who are focused on Jesus and have an active, steady relationship with Him.  Many people who attend church are just as self-absorbed, self-entitled, and entertainment-driven as unbelievers. 

 

Going to church, in part, to have your fellowship needs with true believers is not being part of the problem.   It's scriptural, not selfish.   First and foremost, going to church is to meet with, worship, hear from, and glorify God as His body - a family of like-minded individuals.  That, in itself implies close fellowship with those worshiping around you.  The problem is that the church is full of self-professing Christians who don't know Christ at all and live lives of compromise.  Matthew 7:21-23 is proof of this.  The scriptures are chock full of warnings and reminders that, while many are called, few are chosen.  The narrow way is sparsely populated.   Few make it.  Many church attenders are indistinguishable from people in the world.  They have no desire to get involved and they're too busy to get to know others.  Most of them (yes, most) are so focused on their own lives and problems that feel justified in not getting involved with others.  This is even the case with many true believers.  I can say that confidently because, if it weren't true, the church would be effective and causing the world to sit up and take notice, wondering what Christians have that makes them so loving and powerful in the lives of others. 

 

The church is silent where it shouldn't be.  It's inactive where it should be bold.  It's powerless when it should be powerful.  It's self-absorbed when it should be reaching out.  It's become worldly when it should be set apart and holy.  It's become a business (and a duty) when it should be focused on Jesus and making disciples. 

This is tooooooo good. I totally agree with everything you said. This is such a good topic, I feel like I'm having church online this is really speaking to me

[Guest BacKaran]

Dear sailing soul,

We just welcomed a blind couple into our church. Joe was from Mn, met his wife on line, got married and lived with in Georgia for three years with her family. Then they were preparing to move back to mn. Prattina heard our pastor on sermon audio and called him up! 

She loved the expository preaching, explaining line by line what the Bible means in the context it was written, and hey main concern? They were an interracial couple, how would the church react? He laughed and said with open arms! 

I've had the blessed privilege to know them as friends and I've learned about about the blind, they are normal and can do almost anything sighted people do! 

Ok, so she mentioned the churches were chilly to them as a couple down south so they listened to the radio alot , it was their church family so to speak.

We can be your church family to of you can't find a physical church! For Fellowship I'd like to suggest what I have done, go ahead and do something for someone else expecting nothing in return.

I sold my truck for a van, why? So I can now drive people when needed. It was a pretty tight situation with Joe in the truck jump seat and Prattina in the front with me, we are large women, lol. They were so surprised that I would sell my truck to accommodate them and I said, it just made sense and was something I needed to do. To have the truck for myself was selfish when I could have better conversations with more people in a comfortable van!? 

God is good, I sold the truck for the amount I needed to get the van, a nice switcheroo!

Write a letter to those in prison here and across the world, they will be blessed knowing someone cares about them!

 

And pray pray pray for a great church, He will lead you to one! 

 

Blessings,

Karan?

[Wayne222]

1 hour ago, BacKaran said:

Dear sailing soul,

We just welcomed a blind couple into our church. Joe was from Mn, met his wife on line, got married and lived with in Georgia for three years with her family. Then they were preparing to move back to mn. Prattina heard our pastor on sermon audio and called him up! 

She loved the expository preaching, explaining line by line what the Bible means in the context it was written, and hey main concern? They were an interracial couple, how would the church react? He laughed and said with open arms! 

I've had the blessed privilege to know them as friends and I've learned about about the blind, they are normal and can do almost anything sighted people do! 

Ok, so she mentioned the churches were chilly to them as a couple down south so they listened to the radio alot , it was their church family so to speak.

We can be your church family to of you can't find a physical church! For Fellowship I'd like to suggest what I have done, go ahead and do something for someone else expecting nothing in return.

I sold my truck for a van, why? So I can now drive people when needed. It was a pretty tight situation with Joe in the truck jump seat and Prattina in the front with me, we are large women, lol. They were so surprised that I would sell my truck to accommodate them and I said, it just made sense and was something I needed to do. To have the truck for myself was selfish when I could have better conversations with more people in a comfortable van!? 

God is good, I sold the truck for the amount I needed to get the van, a nice switcheroo!

Write a letter to those in prison here and across the world, they will be blessed knowing someone cares about them!

 

And pray pray pray for a great church, He will lead you to one! 

 

Blessings,

Karan?

i used to belong to a calvery Chapel  church in nj. They taught  line by line. And the brothers were nice too.